A Little Research Heps

Online scammers have online access.  Makes sense, right?

So when they're given a template to use in trying to scam someone, you might think that they'd do at least a tad bit of online research to make sure that their scam makes some degree of sense.

*BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZER*

This one didn't:

GOOD DAY TO YOU

i hope this mail finds you in good spirit and in good health? because i am quite aware of your losses in the past years now, it may surprise you that i am also aware of your consignment boxes pursuit in Benin Ghana Togo Nigeria Spain France Malaysia Indonesia china and Korea .my name is Mrs. Janet Napolitano, the secretary of u.s department of homeland security of America, am in charge to monitored all foreign transactions in Africa Europe and Asia.

i have been in the U.S department of homeland security now since the government of president Donald trump, monitoring the various transactions going on in Africa, Europe and Asia, most especially consignments cases and bank transfer. i do not intend to spoil your
Day or to put you under duress.

but you cannot receive any of your consignments boxes pursuit, without a clearance from the U.S department of homeland security. However, upon my arrival in Benin republic after series of meetings with our president Donald trump and united nations secretary general ban Ki-moon, due to numerous complaints from other security agencies from Africa Asia, Europe, Oceania, Antarctica, south America and the united states of America respectively, against the Benin government and Nigeria over the rate of scam/fraudulent activities going on in this country and Africa.

i want you to please stop communicating, and dealing with them until we complete our investigation. i wish to notify you about the latest development concerning your box of consignment that was handle over to me after the meeting held between me and some of the top parliament members of Benin and the foreign affair minster in the Benin capital headquarters cotonou, due to the delay for you not have received your consignment box for long time now.

Accordingly, we have waived away all your consignment box clearance fees and authorized the government of Benin republic to allow me fly with this your approved consignment box to you without any delay which they have agreed. The only fee you will pay to confirm your consignment box received in your possession is the weight fee of your consignment box which is sum of $75.00 only. So i want you to re-confirm to me the below information for proper understanding by filling the attach homeland security registration form okay.  

Oh, Napolitano WAS the Suckretary of Homeland Suckurity for Barack Obola...from 2009-2013.  The designer of the scam template had one job...and face-planted.

This be the REAL and current Homeland Security secretary, Kristjen Nielsen.

The designer of the scam template had one job...and face-planted.  Even my pet rock gave two thumbs down to editing one this dumb from the outset.

I wonder if AOC is running an email scam on the side?



 

When A Homeland Genital Speaks...

Here's a general staff that could be swept up with one industrial magnet.

But I sorta digress.

How often do YOU get an email from the general in charge of the US Department of Homeland Security?

If you're like me, all the friggin' time.

Of course, it ain't really from a general in charge of the US Department of Homeland Security, and the way it's writ doesn't help authenticate it.  But eh...I dwell too much on details:

U.s. Department of homeland security,
Mg timothy j. Lowenberg,adjutant general and director state military
Department washington military dept., bldg1 camp murry ,wash
93430-880 usa

Good day

I hope this mail finds you in good spirit and in good health? Because i am quite aware of your losses in the past years now, it may surprise you that i am also aware of your consignment boxes pursuit in Benin Ghana Togo Nigeria Spain France Malaysia Indonesia china and Korea .my name is gen.john Kelly, the secretary of u.s department of homeland security of America, am in charge to monitored all foreign transactions in Africa Europe and Asia. I have been in the u.s department of homeland security now since the government of president barrack Obama, monitoring the various transactions going on in Africa, Europe and Asia, most especially consignments cases and bank transfer. I do not intend to spoil your
Day or to put you under duress

But you can not receive any of your consignments boxes pursuit, without a clearance from the u.s department of homeland security. however, upon my arrival in Benin republic after series of meetings with our president denial trump and united nations secretary general ban ki-moon, due to numerous complains from other security agencies from Africa Asia, Europe, Oceania, Antarctica, south America and the united states of America respectively, against the Benin government and Nigeria over the rate of scam/fraudulent activities going on in this country and Africa.

 

When i arrive in the Benin parliament in cotonou, i found your consignment box clearance file lying on the foreign affair office desk without any attention on a thorough scrutiny i discovered that your consignment have been abandoned by your delivery agent. Meanwhile, i was made to understand that they have try to reach you, but no way and they have made several attempts to contact your delivery agent but to no avail.

 

To my greatest surprise, during my recent routine re-checking, i personally discovered that your consignment content declaration documents stated that your consignment contains personal effects meanwhile, it contains united states dollar bills worth over us$40 million dollars, which made it impossible for the consignment to be delivered to you earlier before now.

Based on this personal discovery, i am contacting you now to let you know that with my position and power as the secretary of us department of homeland security, i can assist you to legally clear your consignment fund, but you must agree with the following conditions. Because i have called our office in washington,dc from benin, who has been intercepting all your telephone calls, with the help of mtn, tigo Vodafone and airtel network Benin. 

 

 

It goes on with additional drivel before getting to the rat killing, which is I send $385 to some nincompoop in Benin via WU or MonkeyGram, and life is wunnerful.

 

For the yutz in Benin.

 

Well, *BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZER*, as my response works as something of a buzz kill, if I understand what one of them things is:

 

 

Dear Homeland Security Genital:

1.  Considering your exalted position, your typing sucks.
2. Along with your spell checker.
3. Along with your grammar checker.
4. Along with your grasp of English in genital.
5. See what I just did with #4?
6. Probably not.
7. You have utter failed to spoil my day or put me under duress or any other garment.
8. See #5.
9. See #6 for same answer.
10. Some nincompoop in Benin will get $385 from me on the day that the dreaded Phoo Bird flies over and shits on you...and you wipe it off.
11. Google it for details.
12. See #6 for likelihood of getting answer.

If there's anything else I can help you with, feel free to write it down, print it, and shove it up your ass sideways.  I'm sure you at least see what I just did there.  


I'm sure that y'all are surprised that this did not elicit a response from the email originator.

He probably didn't see what I just did there.