Fartcalypse

Worry not, Missy...here's more for you to snowflake over.

I rather doubt that most overseas scammers know or care much about Alexandria Obtuse-Clownez or her idiotic Green New Deal. 

But scammers visiting my character's email address are certainly getting something of an education.

Here's the latest that was probably clueless:


Dear Sir/Madam, I am Barrister Lucien Le Priol, a British/American attorney currently in the UK on work purpose. I want to discuss business opportunity with you. I will proceed further with more information when I receive your reply. Yours Sincerely, Barrister Lucien Le Priol Attorney Richter Law Office, LLC Address: 984 4th Ave S, Park Falls, WI 54552 Website: www.richterlawoffice.com Email: lucienlepriol@richartors.com   


Enter, stage right, that indomitable "editing gone wild" pet rock, Seymour, and his latest edit-to-educate-on-AO Cortez:


From: Richter-Scale Law Office, LLC <admin@besanyoo.cf>
Sent: Thursday, March 14, 2019 3:21 PM
To: info@richartors.com
Subject: BUSINESS PROPOSAL ISSUED WITH DISCLAIMERS DISABLED

 

Dear Gender Neutral so as to not assume gender and offend those easily offended thereby:

I am Bannister Lucien Le Priol, a British/American/Armenian/Rastafarian/Uranusian/Octosexual Orthopodian atturkey currently in the UK on work purpose...or perhaps I'm here to work on porpoise, I dunno.  WhatEVER....I want to discuss business opportunity with you.  What that means in Clouseauian is that I wish have speaks with you on matters inconsequential to the bowel emanations of cows but are perhaps germane or French to those of more obtuse interests.  I think.  Until I hear if AO Cortez is pissed by what I just wrote, I won't know for sure what I just said contextually.  I just know that she's not bright enough to know herself.

In an age where cow farts are the harbinger of a world-ending aphartcalypse in ten-twelve years, it seems incumbent upon the sjw of Hollywad to get started NOW on a movie trilogy that addresses how Luke Fartstopper takes out the evil galactic Death Fart before it immolates us all through the insidious introduction of climatologically incendairy sturmpharten cows that moo under the banner of a clenched hoof and the phrase "Milk THIS!", as they strike back against eons of Mr. Steaks and Milk Duds.

 

Not to mention against all the people who have "moo'd" at them from passing cars.  Depending on which failed network or nightly squawk show you choose to place your single-digit IQ in trust of, dictates just how in a wad your panties currently are that we have not yet destroyed all of society with the Green New Deal.  However, worry not lovers-of-all-things socialist:  you too can move to Venezuela anytime you want. 

Cognizant of the severe constraints on common sense in leftist society, I will proceed further with more information when I receive your reply. Those of you as dumbed down as AO Cortez, you may respond with words of more than one syllable if you know any.

Yours Sincerely,

Bannister Milk of Magnesia,

Lucien Le Priol, Atturkey outlawed

Richter-Scale Law Office, LLC

Address: 9 Constipation Road,

               Lagos Nigeria

               Website: www.you'ref**kingkiddingmeright.com

               Email: lucienlepriol@richartors.com   

 

 

The atturkey hasn't bothered to respond to this edit.  Neither have sjws with wadded panties anytime AO Cortez is made light of.  Which is probably just as well, since AO Cortez makes light of herself with every comment she udders...

The FBI sez Wha....???

The FBI has apparently fallen on hard times.

They keep sending me scams.

Told 'em that Obola would dumb them down.

Here's their latest effort to give me and my character(s) the business:


This is to officially acknowledged an order from the FBI.
Your compensation of 5,000,000.00 (five Million united state dollars)  has been approved for a long time now but we have no contact with you. 

 Please call our +1 641-715-3800, You will be asked to put in
your Access Code which is :89498 followed by the # Key,
then Listen to the voice prompt and press 1 to verify
your account name with our Bank.

When asked for your Verification PIN, Put in 507 and then press 2 to enter
your account number which is : 6500760021, Listen and then press 3 to
put in your transfer code which is 7007 and press 9 to confirm your Bank
information for the transfer to be done.

We look forward to here from you once you have completed delivery into your
account

regards

Mr. Anthony Brown
Bank Of New York Mellon
Wealth Management Office1250 H Street NW
Suite 1100
Washington, Dc 20005 Tell: (646) 349-9123  


While my pet rock, Seymour, wanted to be all over that ("did NOT!!!  PHFFFFFFFFFT!!!"), my scam baiting character decided to channel hisself a bit of Seymour in edit mode:


From: Mr. Anthony Brown <cfcinfo@bankofnewyork.com>
Sent: Saturday, February 9, 2019 12:52 PM
Subject: Hear Ye O' Custoadmer

 

Hear Ye O' Custoadmer

Warts happening?  If you can see what ah dun thar, read on.

This is to officially acknowledged an odor from the FBI...a giant

burrito fart, to be exact.

 
And this your constipation of 5 cubic foot-yards of as-yet unrealized compost,
has not been approved for a long time now; and now that we have the Green New

Deal in regress, but we have no choices but to seize all your farting cows --

even your stuffed ones with internal whoopie cushions -- because we are the

FB of I -- FaceBroke of Idjits -- and we have been commanded by an oracle

from the orifice of Bela Pelosi to scan all your emails for any contact with

Russians, Liechtensteinians, Uranus-ans, or other 'uns what have led you to

believe that Hellary doth fly around on brooms while chanting "devil bunnies,

devil bunnies, I snort the banana, and it's everyone else's fault!". 

She do, but that be aside the point.

She'll be releasing this in a two part set in 2020 entitled "What Happened

This Time, 'Prolly Cuz You're All Bastards". 

To reserve your copy, please call our +1 641-715-3800; you will be asked to cite

vaginally the Gender Neutrality Chronicles, without uttering one improperly-uttered

sexually referencing pronoun not approved by a transgendered manatee in Sarasota.

If you get past that, you'll be asked to put in your Access Code which is something

a mix of Polish, Azerbaijani, Vulcan, Wookie and Bassett Hound.  This you will follow

by barking like a seal for us at the voice prompt and press 1 to verify that you're not

a Russian bot of dubious vodkacedence.

When asked for your last sexual encounter with a marmot, put in 507 and then press 2

to make the noise that pressing 2 makes; it won't do anything, but our receptionist gets

wet when she hears it.

Finally in holding you to account, that account will be 6500760021; listen carelessly

then press 1; then press 2; then press 3; then press 4; then press 5; then in order follow

with 6 thru 9.  It won't do anything other than play Mary Had A Little Lamb on older

touch tone phones.  That excites our receptionist too.

And if you're not thoroughly bored by now, please enter this rather useless

 transfer code which is 7007 and press 9 to confirm you have working bowels

and you're not afraid to use them if cornered in a taco bar.

We look forward to here from you until we realize that some schmuck has

fornicated with our email template.

Farging bastage.

regards
​
Mr. Anthony Brown
Bank Of New York MelonCollieWoofWoof...that's our other dog imitation.  Uh ummmm.
Wealth MisandMrMarginalized Office
1250 Heckydarnpoo Street NW
Suite 9999
Washington, Dc 20005
Tell: (646) 349-9123

We are DNC dumbed down, FDC Distained and WTF approved

and all before Happy Hour  

 

 

Seymour is convinced that I'll be getting a subpoena from the House Select Committee of Democrap Dumbasses.

 

I'll be happy to send Seymour in my place.

 

"PHFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

 

Memes of the Times

Who knew that an old, worn out template about a dying-inheritance scam could lead to making fun of AOC?

If you've visited here much, you would.

Meet Mrs. Sandra Bricks, dying to give my character the business:

Beloved in Christ.

 

Greetings my dear, I am writing this mail to you with heavy tears in my eyes and great sorrow in my heart. As I informed you earlier, I am (Mrs.)Sandra Sharon Bricks from American and a widow to late Mr.Bricks, I am 63 years old, suffering from long time Cancer of the breast. From all indications my condition is really deteriorating and it's quite obvious that I won't live more than 2 months according to my doctors.

 

I have some funds I inherited from my late loving husband Mr.Bricks a huge sum , deposited in a Finance Company . I need a very honest,reliable and God fearing person that can use these funds for Charity work, helping the Less Privileges, and 20% of this money will be for your time and expenses, while 80% goes to charities.

Please let me know if I can TRUST YOU ON THIS to carry out this favor for me. I look forward to your prompt reply for more details .

 

Yours sincerely

Mrs.Sandra Bricks  

 

 

Please note that when she writ this, she had "heavy" tears in her eyes.

 

The look on George's face works for that line, too.

 

Well...what with AOC on a path of ever-declining stupid of late, it seemed only right that a way be found to work her into the edit to follow.  My character did:

 

 

From: Ms Alexandra Ocasio-Vortex aka US House Reptile (NY) <mrsbrick@barid.com>
Sent: Saturday, February 30, 2019 2:28 AM
Subject: Greeetings and Harpy New Ears!  Two for One at Target While Supplies during Looting Last!

 

Beloved on stilts.

 

Greetings to all the deer, elk and beasts of the Master of Ceremonkeys, with whom all things are done sodomizily weird.  I am writing this mail to you with heavy doses of hallucinogens in my blood stream and great hallucinations in my YouTube viral upload. As I informed you or someone I mistook for a whole flock of you earlier, I am Ms Alexandra Ocasio-Vortex aka US House Reptile (NY) from somewhere between American and Zimbabwean alphabet soupically, as viewed through a window to the world of globular clam aid change.  Read that slowly enough and it might make some senses in Azerbaijani or Yoruba, I think.  As a bonafried widow to late Mr. Vortex -- I kilt and ate him after sex with a Salad Shooter -- I am 29 years old, suffering from long time cucumber of the genital. From all indications my condition is really not much different from the gender fluid non-binaries at Berkeley who have yet to find a pronoun that describes them or a bathroom designed to gives them true feeling of relief from parody, parsnippity or pissing a name legibly in snow.  All things are possible unless you're a democrap, then nothing is possumbull without intervention, hand outs, censorship and an overwhelming urge to sit in a forest and scream for all the tree stumps lost to the ages from termites and termightnots. 

I don't know about you but it's quite obvious that I won't maintain an off-prime-time show on cnn for more than 2 months if I don't get something that proves Russians colluded with Saints fans to cost the Rams their chance to refuse to go to the White House because of cow-farting globular warning.  That, according to my doctors, is what nine out of every five democraps experienced the night that Hellary lost and cnn tried to analyze it with Common Core meth.

 

I have some unicorns I inherited from my late loving wombat of a husband -- just before I ate him -- deposited in an appliance store in what's left of Detroit.  Before it gets looted and the unicorns are exposed to plus zero temperatures -- at which point their rainbow ice cream that they crap will all melt and get all runny -- I am told that I need a very honest psychological assessment to see what condition my condition is in. 

At this point I am directed by a Bela Pelosi baphomet oracle with Maxine Waters features to post a disclaimer about how Charity work, or she won't have to if she don't want to, with my new #GreenJeansHorkForTheFutureOfUranus that is, as I type, not helping the Less Privileges of Pluto, and 20% of this resolution will be for your watch and other valuables that you'll leave as reparations at the door, while 80% goes to Antifans who has been impacted by globular warning, THC brownies and LSD. 

Please to note that along with airplanes and farting cows, my plans will also ban Northern toilet paper, and you'll revert to using tree bark, just like the ones we used to know by how they howled in agony from behind the outhouse at 3am in a blizzard in Newark.

So shall it be again.

Please let me know if I can TRUST YOU ON THIS to not make fun of me, or I'll use my subpoena power to bring you before my crimeittee and make you sorry you ever meme'd me like you did, like you did yes you did...and I spank you.

I look forward to your prompt reaction to what someone done to my song, Ma.  Look what they done to my song, Ma...why for they do this to my song, Ma?

 

Ms Alexandra Ocasio-Vortex aka US House Reptile (NY)   

 

 

So far, only crickets from the scammer...no subpoena yet from Her Psycho-ness, which I'll give to the pet rock, Seymour, if it comes.

 

"Will NOT!!!   PHFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!!!!"