The FBI sez Wha....???

The FBI has apparently fallen on hard times.

They keep sending me scams.

Told 'em that Obola would dumb them down.

Here's their latest effort to give me and my character(s) the business:


This is to officially acknowledged an order from the FBI.
Your compensation of 5,000,000.00 (five Million united state dollars)  has been approved for a long time now but we have no contact with you. 

 Please call our +1 641-715-3800, You will be asked to put in
your Access Code which is :89498 followed by the # Key,
then Listen to the voice prompt and press 1 to verify
your account name with our Bank.

When asked for your Verification PIN, Put in 507 and then press 2 to enter
your account number which is : 6500760021, Listen and then press 3 to
put in your transfer code which is 7007 and press 9 to confirm your Bank
information for the transfer to be done.

We look forward to here from you once you have completed delivery into your
account

regards

Mr. Anthony Brown
Bank Of New York Mellon
Wealth Management Office1250 H Street NW
Suite 1100
Washington, Dc 20005 Tell: (646) 349-9123  


While my pet rock, Seymour, wanted to be all over that ("did NOT!!!  PHFFFFFFFFFT!!!"), my scam baiting character decided to channel hisself a bit of Seymour in edit mode:


From: Mr. Anthony Brown <cfcinfo@bankofnewyork.com>
Sent: Saturday, February 9, 2019 12:52 PM
Subject: Hear Ye O' Custoadmer

 

Hear Ye O' Custoadmer

Warts happening?  If you can see what ah dun thar, read on.

This is to officially acknowledged an odor from the FBI...a giant

burrito fart, to be exact.

 
And this your constipation of 5 cubic foot-yards of as-yet unrealized compost,
has not been approved for a long time now; and now that we have the Green New

Deal in regress, but we have no choices but to seize all your farting cows --

even your stuffed ones with internal whoopie cushions -- because we are the

FB of I -- FaceBroke of Idjits -- and we have been commanded by an oracle

from the orifice of Bela Pelosi to scan all your emails for any contact with

Russians, Liechtensteinians, Uranus-ans, or other 'uns what have led you to

believe that Hellary doth fly around on brooms while chanting "devil bunnies,

devil bunnies, I snort the banana, and it's everyone else's fault!". 

She do, but that be aside the point.

She'll be releasing this in a two part set in 2020 entitled "What Happened

This Time, 'Prolly Cuz You're All Bastards". 

To reserve your copy, please call our +1 641-715-3800; you will be asked to cite

vaginally the Gender Neutrality Chronicles, without uttering one improperly-uttered

sexually referencing pronoun not approved by a transgendered manatee in Sarasota.

If you get past that, you'll be asked to put in your Access Code which is something

a mix of Polish, Azerbaijani, Vulcan, Wookie and Bassett Hound.  This you will follow

by barking like a seal for us at the voice prompt and press 1 to verify that you're not

a Russian bot of dubious vodkacedence.

When asked for your last sexual encounter with a marmot, put in 507 and then press 2

to make the noise that pressing 2 makes; it won't do anything, but our receptionist gets

wet when she hears it.

Finally in holding you to account, that account will be 6500760021; listen carelessly

then press 1; then press 2; then press 3; then press 4; then press 5; then in order follow

with 6 thru 9.  It won't do anything other than play Mary Had A Little Lamb on older

touch tone phones.  That excites our receptionist too.

And if you're not thoroughly bored by now, please enter this rather useless

 transfer code which is 7007 and press 9 to confirm you have working bowels

and you're not afraid to use them if cornered in a taco bar.

We look forward to here from you until we realize that some schmuck has

fornicated with our email template.

Farging bastage.

regards
​
Mr. Anthony Brown
Bank Of New York MelonCollieWoofWoof...that's our other dog imitation.  Uh ummmm.
Wealth MisandMrMarginalized Office
1250 Heckydarnpoo Street NW
Suite 9999
Washington, Dc 20005
Tell: (646) 349-9123

We are DNC dumbed down, FDC Distained and WTF approved

and all before Happy Hour  

 

 

Seymour is convinced that I'll be getting a subpoena from the House Select Committee of Democrap Dumbasses.

 

I'll be happy to send Seymour in my place.

 

"PHFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"