Stumped

Meet Koffi Emmanue, a claimed-to-be resident of Togo.

This, he claims, is him.

He sends a request for assistance, along with this and two other photos, to impress upon the recipient just how much help he needs.

After a careful examination of his photos and email, it's clear that Koffi does, in fact, need help.

Just not the kind he claims.

Here's Koffi's ploy to give me the business:

Dearest,

Happy New Year.

I am Mr. KOFFI EMMANUE from Sokode State Togo, please help me and my kids we are facing pains and hungry everyday here we don't have anything at home to eat I lost my legs and arms In motor accident on my way going to work, I lost my job because of this and since my kids mother left us I have no way to afford my kids needs.

Please help us and have mercy on us nothing is to small please pity my condition any amount is enough  thank you and God bless you and your family

Please if you make a donation  of any amount i will appreciate it very much.

Please i am totally broke and i really need money to feed my children, any help from you would be appreciated.

May God bless you as you contact me for any little help you have for me.

Attached are pictures of me and my children to enable you to see me.

GOD BLESS EVERY HAND THAT HELP ME AND MY CHILDREN, YOUR PRAYERS WILL NOT BE IN VAIN

GOD BLESS YOU AS YOU HELP ME

Thank you in anticipation.
Mr. KOFFI EMMANUE
from Sokode State Togo.   

Here are the other two photos Koffi included to sell his ploy:

...and...

Hmmmm.  He "lost his legs and arms in motor accident".  At least he got 50% of that right in the photos.

I can forget that the bandaging looks a bit different in each photoshop; no two wraps are usually the same.

I can further excuse the fact that in the third picture, he appears to be a different, portlier person than in the first and second photos.

I just can't get past what appears to be rather bad photoshopping that I am pretty sure was meant to be overlooked in the two "awww" photos.

The pet rocks -- Seymour and Element -- suggested I send him some of the Monopoly money from the game I never use (and they are pissed that they can't play).

Instead, I sent him this to chew on:

It's clear you need prayers, alright.

Those prayers need to start with wishing you a far better photoshop program than the one you're using.

And some better proofreading of your chosen template is clearly in order, too.  If you are stumped trying to figure out what I'm telling you, someone in your fly-infested internet cafe will figure it out for you.

They might even be able to tell you what I just did there.

If you're looking for handouts, try GoFundMe.  Lots of gullible nincompoops there.

"Koffi" wasn't willing to let it go at that...but should have been:

What do you mean with this?

I mean that I don't buy your template or your photoshops.  You said you lost your arms AND legs.

I did!!!!  Can you need see the pictures?   

Yeah I can see them.  Are you writing these emails?

Yes why?

*TOING*

Using what to type them...your dick?

After that, Koffi had no more interest in trying to stump me...