A Trans Soldier Invades Uranus...in Scamland

 My pet rocks, Seymour and Element, have a sense of the greater universe around them.

They feel as if they are a part of it.

Then I show them a scam email, and it's a universe that they want stopped, so they can get off.

Until, that is, one of them gets a mental *TOING* that sends them into 'editing pet rock gone wild' mode.

This time it's Seymour.

And the subject of Seymour's edit?  An email from an alleged captain in the US Army in Syria, needing help moving two found trunks of money from th'yah to h'yah.

Even my deactivated Amazon Alexa facepalmed this one.

Here's how the alleged captain begins:

For your kind attention.

I apologize if the content of my email is contrary to your moral
ethics but I find it advantageous to offer you my partnership in
business. I am Capt.Benson Mumo, an officer in the US ARMY presently
serving in the Military with the 82nd Airborne Division Peacekeeping
Force here in the US Military Base in Syria. I need your help in
assisting me with the safekeeping of Two Military Trunk Boxes.

I hope you can be trusted? If you can be trusted, I will explain
further when I get a response from you for further clarification.
Nevertheless, please ensure to reply via my private email:
(bensonmumo01@gmail.com).

Thanks for your understanding and cooperation, God bless you and America!!!

Best Regards,
Capt.Benson Mumo
US ARMY. (PRESENTLY IN SYRIA).   

The 'best regards' always amuses me.

But not Seymour, as can be told in the following edit that disrupts the space-time continuum...or at least seeks to:

 From: Capt.Bensonmum <kenethbuggie45@gmail.com>

Sent: Wednesday, August 18, 2021 1:27 PM

Subject: From Capt.Bensonmum

 

For your kind of attention, whatever that kind is.

I apologize if the content of my email is contrary to what you
normally get but I find it advantageous to disturb you because

I have been officially branded as not getting along with others

so I am a bit of a petty prick.  

That said, I am Capt. Bensonmum, an ociffer in the US ARMY.  I am related

to a former professional butler, Bensonmum, who died during the making

of a peculiar movie.

I am presently undergoing training to change my designated gender 

and involved in the planning and executing of an official invasion of the planet

Uranus by our trans-gendered farces the dems are forcing us to 

become.  And I really liked being a guy, but I digress and gradually

degrade.

I need your help in assisting me with getting out of this invasion

expedition to Uranus.

I hope you can be trusted? If you can be trusted, I will explain
further when I get a response from you for further clarification.
Nevertheless, please ensure to reply via my private email:
(bensonmumo01@gmail.com).

Thanks for not ratting me out and all your help in getting me off

of this invasion expedition before we launch.  It'll take us 8 years to

hit what passes for a beach on Uranus and like in the words of the 

song Mr. Custer, I don' wanna go.

Best Regards,

Capt.Bensonmum
US ARMY. (PRESENTLY IN SPACE...oh F**K, I'm already on my

way!!!!!!!!  Hate when that happens.

Expedite your respond 

before our ship passes the Moon...that's as far as our escape

pods will work. 

 Sh*t...and my hair was still in curlers...).

The "captain" didn't bother following up after getting that...seems the question of trust had been effectively answered....

Scamland and Vax Fax Schmlax

I'm sure Scamland will get around to scams involving the assordid 'vaxxes' touted by Fauxci, Bill Gates, cnn and the dems.

And it'll look a lot like the rest of their scams.

Until then, the scam version of the United Nations -- little different from the real one -- takes yet another run at my scambaiting character:

You have been compensated with the sum of 3.9 million dollars in this
united nation the payment will be issue into atm visa card and send to
you from the santander bank we need your address and your whatsapp
number

Fill the followings with your details;

1. Your Name:
2. Country :
3. Age and Sex:
4. Occupation :
5. Mobile Telephone:
6. Delivery Address:
7. Id Card Identification

Thanks
Mrs. Bill Chantal  

Uh huh.

My pet rock, Element, decided that she hasn't pissed off enough pro-vaxxers out there yet, and took a a pet rock 'hand' in fixing that with an edit:

From: Gender Neutral-Non-binary Genitalless Mrs. Bill Chantal Lawrence <ramlatmuhammed7@gmail.com>
Sent: Sunday, August 22, 2021 12:28 AM
Subject: WELCOME TO EUNUCHED NATIONS WHERE ALL THINGS ARE HORNSWOGGLE

 

You have been constipated with a dose of COVID vaccine produced by

Pziffle & Johnson, the moderna equivalent of Exlax of the brain by the

Eunuched Nations in conflagration with the World Hellth Organs and

Dr. Fauxci's Phenonmenal Phuckups (Bill Gates, flounder).  

You poor bastard/beeyotch.

Once you've been vaxxed, we'll send you an inauthentic passport that

says nothing relevant; it's just pretty (we worked hard on making it

pretty).  

Fill the followings with your details;

1. Your Name:
2. Country:

2a. Your Next of Kin:
3. Age and Last Time You Had Sex:
4. What the Sex was had with:

5. Mobile Telephone:

5a. Immobile Telephone:

6. Delivery Address:

6a. If you prefer pants to a dress:

7. Id Card Identification:

(please use your own)

Thanks
Gender Neutral-Non-binary Genitalless Mrs. Bill Chantal Lawrence

"Ken dolls are no longer alone in being gender-embarrassed"

The originating scammer didn't see any reason to follow up Element's edit, but one of the recipients of the edit did:

r u for real????   

As real as these bear feet.  Why do you ask?

That appears to have answered their question...
 

Scam White House Chief of Staph And Her Scam Revs

Not that I could ever doubt that democraps were involved in scams, but here's one that claims to originate with the current White House Chief of Staph.

Spelling intended.

Yes, I received an email from Monica Howard, who claims to be the current Chief of Staph of the White House under the illegitimate and completely nincompoop Joe Bidumb.

It is titled "Plots Against You".

I figured it was going to warn me about all the plots by the DNC, CNN, Fauxci, Big Pharma, Bill Gates, Hollywad, et al....*BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZER*

Nawp...just another sleazy Scamland ploy:

Greeting,

In accordance to my religious persuasion, I felt expedient to write
and inform you on the wicked conspiracy hatched by Mr. John" to divert
your money to their designated account in Europe. From my position as
a lowly clerk in this office, I discovered that they moved the fund
from the United Kingdom to China and then moved it last week to Banco
Italiano in ITALY. Today I found out through the Central computer
database that they are about to reroute your fund to a security
company at Benin republic where they will be able to maneuver the
strict IMF money laundering regulatory orders.

With this, I felt that it is important for me to alert you on this new
development. They are still using your name and contract/inheritance
identification number as the beneficiary but they have changed the
account co-ordinate and this is the reason they are frustrating you by
asking for endless fees in order to buy time pending on when they will
transfer your funds to their designated account in Cayman Islands.  I
have the reference number of the transaction and also I have the
number of the official who is directly in charge at the SECURITY
COMPANY. Your payment is supposed to go through the BCEAO Credit
Control Financial Clearing House before final Lodging into the
security company. All the data about your claim profile are within my
reach. I do not need gratification from you either in cash or kind.

I can never be a part of evil because the bible said YE SHALL KNOW THE
TRUTH AND THE TRUTH SHALL SET YOU FREE. Please respect my discretion
in this matter, you can send an email to me so that I can give you the
reference number and the name and contact information of the officials
of the security company.  I repeat, please do not expose my person, it
is not easy to get jobs around here and I cannot contend with these
powerful individuals because they can eliminate me just like that. You
can also reach me on my new e-mail address:
(monica00howard@hotmail.com).  I access this more often.

God bless you.

And to 'authenticate', she included this:

Naturally, I was left with unanswered questions...so I asked a few:

That Mr. John always was a f**king rascal.

That said, I am curious:  how many times has Joe Bidumb groped you and sniffed your hair?  Asking for a friend.   

It came as no surprise that ol' Monica wasn't much of a comprehender:

I am glad you replied immediately because the fund has been received in the Security Vault Company, The routing was changed so that it will be convenient for them to move the money to Benin republic Africa. we all know is a safe heaven for lots like this one they are doing against you. The only thing you will do for me is don’t mention my name while contacting the Security company but I know that if you write them and quote the Consignment registration No and present your Identity prove, he will listen to you. The director of Turvateenistus Alfastar Sarl Special Security Firm, Rev.Fr. Pieter Benter is a Roman Catholic Priest and a lawyer as well. He will help you so far he is convinced that you are the rightful owner of this money.

Below is the information you quote to Turvateenistus Alfastar Sarl Security Vault Company-

Transaction Reference No: BJ4587ZRY

Registration No: QZR4545/BN-DIP/09

Track No: 8579568710

Registered as 'Special diplomatic class delivery' SDCD.?

Content: $4 million (2012 Series Bearer Bonds Issued by BCEE, Luxembourg).

CONTACT INFORMATION-

Company- Turvateenistus Alfastar Sarl Vault Company.

A subsidiary of Turvateenistus Alfastar SA, Estonia

Managing Director- Rev.Fr Pieter Benter

E-mail-  pieterJbenter@priest.com

Address-  Keesverweijstraat 22

City en postcode . 1328 BP Almere

NB: This is a non-commercialized Diplomatic delivery/Vault servicing Company used mainly by top government officials.

I will advise you to contact the director right away because once the bonds are taken to the BCEAO clearing house, it will be liquidated and transferred to this criminal’s bank account in Cayman Island. The consignment is still on your name but the account details they provided are their own with a false authorization letter supposedly from you presenting them as your representatives. This is a criminal act and I will not continue condoning such acts. I am a Christian and I believe what I have done today is in the glory of my God.

Forgive me for not exposing this before now but for my conscience to be at peace hence my writing you in the first place. If you need any information from me please feel free to email me and as I have told you in my previous mail, do not mention my name any were concerning how you got to know of the diversion.

Naturally I did as I was instructed not to do:

So let me read some of this back, Monica Howard, White House Chief of Staph, just to make sure I have it all:

1. You are the White House Chief of Staph to Gropey-Dopey Joe Bidumb.

2. You wish I not use your name in any correspondence for diversion porpoises.

3. You are consorting with a South African reverend of dubious antecedence to bring me money.

4. You care about my well-being.

Okayyyyyyyyyyy.

My pet rocks, Seymour and Element, have some questions:

You have a South African reverend in charge of this sh*t?

Whoa....what in the flying fish f**k are you thinking?  A South African reverend?  They're more crooked than Mr. John, that f**king rascal.

Why don't you throw Tammy Faye Bakker into the mix as long as you're at it?

Better still, let's invoke the witches and vampires of Salem, just so's your South African rev has something somewhat sorta connected to his profession to do?

Rethink the stratagem here and get back to me with a new but simpler path

to give me the business.

 Naturally, when I replied to this one I also included the Democrap National Committee and two or three democrap activist email addresses in the reply...just so's Monica could see how well I comply with instructions.

Monica's reply was rather satisfying:

what are you meaning here?

Whaddaya mean, "what are you meaning here?"  Whaddaya think that I am meaning here?  Whaddaya think my two pet rocks are meaning here?  The recap of your instructions were simple.  The questions my pet rocks asked were simple.  You have only to confirm to me that my recap of your information was correct, and to answer the simple questions my pet tocks put to you.  Kapish?  Now answer up like a good little White House Chief of Staph that you aren't, so we can get on with this nonsense.

That was clearly not the response Monica Howard was counting on, as her silence ever since suggests...