Skunkfeathers: Scam White House Chief of Staph And Her Scam Revs

Not that I could ever doubt that democraps were involved in scams, but here's one that claims to originate with the current White House Chief of Staph.

Spelling intended.

Yes, I received an email from Monica Howard, who claims to be the current Chief of Staph of the White House under the illegitimate and completely nincompoop Joe Bidumb.

It is titled "Plots Against You".

I figured it was going to warn me about all the plots by the DNC, CNN, Fauxci, Big Pharma, Bill Gates, Hollywad, et al....*BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZER*

Nawp...just another sleazy Scamland ploy:

Greeting,

In accordance to my religious persuasion, I felt expedient to write
and inform you on the wicked conspiracy hatched by Mr. John" to divert
your money to their designated account in Europe. From my position as
a lowly clerk in this office, I discovered that they moved the fund
from the United Kingdom to China and then moved it last week to Banco
Italiano in ITALY. Today I found out through the Central computer
database that they are about to reroute your fund to a security
company at Benin republic where they will be able to maneuver the
strict IMF money laundering regulatory orders.

With this, I felt that it is important for me to alert you on this new
development. They are still using your name and contract/inheritance
identification number as the beneficiary but they have changed the
account co-ordinate and this is the reason they are frustrating you by
asking for endless fees in order to buy time pending on when they will
transfer your funds to their designated account in Cayman Islands. I
have the reference number of the transaction and also I have the
number of the official who is directly in charge at the SECURITY
COMPANY. Your payment is supposed to go through the BCEAO Credit
Control Financial Clearing House before final Lodging into the
security company. All the data about your claim profile are within my
reach. I do not need gratification from you either in cash or kind.

I can never be a part of evil because the bible said YE SHALL KNOW THE
TRUTH AND THE TRUTH SHALL SET YOU FREE. Please respect my discretion
in this matter, you can send an email to me so that I can give you the
reference number and the name and contact information of the officials
of the security company. I repeat, please do not expose my person, it
is not easy to get jobs around here and I cannot contend with these
powerful individuals because they can eliminate me just like that. You
can also reach me on my new e-mail address:
(monica00howard@hotmail.com). I access this more often.

God bless you.

And to 'authenticate', she included this:

Naturally, I was left with unanswered questions...so I asked a few:

That Mr. John always was a f**king rascal.

That said, I am curious: how many times has Joe Bidumb groped you and sniffed your hair? Asking for a friend.

It came as no surprise that ol' Monica wasn't much of a comprehender:

I am glad you replied immediately because the fund has been received in the Security Vault Company, The routing was changed so that it will be convenient for them to move the money to Benin republic Africa. we all know is a safe heaven for lots like this one they are doing against you. The only thing you will do for me is don’t mention my name while contacting the Security company but I know that if you write them and quote the Consignment registration No and present your Identity prove, he will listen to you. The director of Turvateenistus Alfastar Sarl Special Security Firm, Rev.Fr. Pieter Benter is a Roman Catholic Priest and a lawyer as well. He will help you so far he is convinced that you are the rightful owner of this money.

Below is the information you quote to Turvateenistus Alfastar Sarl Security Vault Company-

Transaction Reference No: BJ4587ZRY

Registration No: QZR4545/BN-DIP/09

Track No: 8579568710

Registered as 'Special diplomatic class delivery' SDCD.?

Content: $4 million (2012 Series Bearer Bonds Issued by BCEE, Luxembourg).

CONTACT INFORMATION-

Company- Turvateenistus Alfastar Sarl Vault Company.

A subsidiary of Turvateenistus Alfastar SA, Estonia

Managing Director- Rev.Fr Pieter Benter

E-mail- pieterJbenter@priest.com

Address- Keesverweijstraat 22

City en postcode . 1328 BP Almere

NB: This is a non-commercialized Diplomatic delivery/Vault servicing Company used mainly by top government officials.

I will advise you to contact the director right away because once the bonds are taken to the BCEAO clearing house, it will be liquidated and transferred to this criminal’s bank account in Cayman Island. The consignment is still on your name but the account details they provided are their own with a false authorization letter supposedly from you presenting them as your representatives. This is a criminal act and I will not continue condoning such acts. I am a Christian and I believe what I have done today is in the glory of my God.

Forgive me for not exposing this before now but for my conscience to be at peace hence my writing you in the first place. If you need any information from me please feel free to email me and as I have told you in my previous mail, do not mention my name any were concerning how you got to know of the diversion.

Naturally I did as I was instructed not to do:

So let me read some of this back, Monica Howard, White House Chief of Staph, just to make sure I have it all:

1. You are the White House Chief of Staph to Gropey-Dopey Joe Bidumb.

2. You wish I not use your name in any correspondence for diversion porpoises.

3. You are consorting with a South African reverend of dubious antecedence to bring me money.

4. You care about my well-being.

Okayyyyyyyyyyy.

My pet rocks, Seymour and Element, have some questions:

You have a South African reverend in charge of this sh*t?

Whoa....what in the flying fish f**k are you thinking? A South African reverend? They're more crooked than Mr. John, that f**king rascal.

Why don't you throw Tammy Faye Bakker into the mix as long as you're at it?

Better still, let's invoke the witches and vampires of Salem, just so's your South African rev has something somewhat sorta connected to his profession to do?

Rethink the stratagem here and get back to me with a new but simpler path

to give me the business.

Naturally, when I replied to this one I also included the Democrap National Committee and two or three democrap activist email addresses in the reply...just so's Monica could see how well I comply with instructions.

Monica's reply was rather satisfying:

what are you meaning here?

Whaddaya mean, "what are you meaning here?" Whaddaya think that I am meaning here? Whaddaya think my two pet rocks are meaning here? The recap of your instructions were simple. The questions my pet rocks asked were simple. You have only to confirm to me that my recap of your information was correct, and to answer the simple questions my pet tocks put to you. Kapish? Now answer up like a good little White House Chief of Staph that you aren't, so we can get on with this nonsense.