It's All In The Execution

The best laid plans are fine.  What separates them from success is the execution.  Something my character made the focal point of this latest scambait.

A friend received this, and rather than poopcan it like any reasoned, rational person, she did one better:  she thought of me.

I'm not sure how I should take that.

But I did take this.  And here's how it went.  We'll start by meeting Jim McCullar, or a Third World piss poor facsimile of same.  And meet his opening scambit:


Dear Friend, 

I am Mr Jim McCullar I am a native of Idaho, United State Of America, Carolyn my wife and I have decided to make sure this is put on the internet for the world to see as you could see from the web page sent to you in our first mail, I may not know you, but I believe if you receive my first email and respond back meaning you were chosen by God to receive my donation of [$2,000,000.00 USD] you must be a God fearing individual, I am a Christian and I believe that Good things happens to good people like you who had the mind to respond back to my mail.
 
 I am Mr Jim McCullar the mega winner of $190 Million Dollars Jackpot in Washington, WATCH US NOW:http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=tVQaQJGv9lE
 
You see after taken care of the needs of our immediate family members, we decided to donate the remaining of the fund to other individuals around the world in need, the local fire department, the Red Cross, Haiti, hospitals and some other organizations in Asia and Europe that fight cancer, I would love to introduce my self more and also show you picture of me and my family but firstly I want to hear from you if my gift of [$2,000,000.00 USD] is accepted by you before I proceed. Send me the below details to show that you accept my gift.
 
NAMES:.....                        
PHONE NUMBER:....         
COUNTRY:.......                   
 
Thank you for accepting our offer, we are indeed grateful We anticipate your earliest response.   


 I select my alter-Igor -- Jack N. Ewehoff -- to be the lucky respondent and he does so.  To Jim McCullar's almost glee.

It must be pretty slow around that particular fly-infested internet café.

Anyway, from Jim I move on to being contacted by Jim's bank, the Hsbc Bank in the UK.  And here's how that began:






 

HSBC HOLDINGS BANK

24HOURS ONLINE-BANKING SERVICE

Registered in England.

Registered No: 1026167Q

Registered Office:

Canada Square LONDON, ENG E14 5HQ United Kingdom

 

Dear Esteemed Customer: Jack N. Ewehoff,

 

 

Compliment of the day to you from HSBC Holdings Plc, United Kingdom. Britain finest and concise online banking institution with a global perspective. Our unique service trend in the European and world market speaks volume of how we hold our greatest assets (customers) in high regards.Our affiliation with the Santander group makes us a leading financial stronghold. There are a whole lot of services and products that we offer which in the long run is a far higher edge than our contemporaries in the financial market, this is why even in the face of the current financial distress pervading world market we are way ahead and still waxing stronger in financial circles.

 

 

We have confirm the instructions from the Mr Jim McCullar, instructing us to immediately open an online temporal debit account in your name; and transfer your approved grant funds of $2,000,000USD = £1,289,158.18 GBP from their personal foundation account to you via permission within the next Three (3) working days from the Cheque that was submitted to us, Our on-line temporal account opening will enable us to immediately make any further transfer of your payment funds to your designated personal bank account in your country.

As a Non-Resident of the UNITED KINGDOM, you are required to set up a Non-Resident Online/Offshore account with our Bank. This online/offshore account will be set up in your name by our Bank HSBC Holdings Plc.) As soon as you meet up to our corporate policy, you will have your account setup.

 

New Customer applying for Online Account & Transfer Fill and Return the below Manual Account Opening Form.

 

Manual Account Opening Form

 

Reference: International Application ID no:

Do you want an account with HSBC BANK:

First Name:

Last Name:

Date of Birth:

City/State:

Country:

Occupation:

Nationality:

Sex:

E-mail:

Tel:

Office Tel:

Account type:

Initial Deposit of Account:

Date of payment:

 

NEW CUSTOMER COMPLETE REG: ****************************************************************************

IMPORTANT NOTICE: Read the below carefully before attempting to fill out the Account you would want us to open for you

*****************************************************************************

All account types requires an initial deposit by customers before account can be setup, Note this deposit is the cash needed to setup your account and will be deposited into your newly setup account after it has been opened by the HSBC HOLDINGS PLC.

 

 

Please kindly read the below account and select your affordable account choice with initial deposit.

 

 

1. PERSONAL ACCOUNT: This type of account requires a minimum initial deposit of £448.00 GBP equivalent to $670.00 USD (Six Hundred And Seventy USD), this amount is required to set-up your new account to a fully operational account. The maximum transfer possible within a month with this Account is £7,000,000.00 (Seven million pounds) within one month or the equivalent amount in another currency; and with this account you can apply for a gold membership credit card after a good business relationship of one year minimum.
 

2. CORPORATE ACCOUNT: This is a daily business account and the initial opening deposit is £501.00 GBP equivalent to $750.00 USD (Seven Hundred and Fifty USD) this amount is required to set-up your new account to a fully operational account. The maximum transfer possible within a month with this Account is £15,000,000.00 (Fifteen million pounds) or the equivalent amount in another currency; and with this account you can apply for a gold membership credit card after a good business relationship of five months minimum.
 

3. PLATINUM ACCOUNT: This is a daily personal and business account and the initial opening deposit is £568.739 GBP equivalent to $850.00 USD (Eight Hundred And Fifty USD) this amount is required is to set-up your new account to a fully operational account. The maximum transfer possible within a month is unlimited; and with this account you can apply for a gold membership credit card after a good business relationship of three months minimum.

 

Please Note: That your funds is protected by a hardcover insurance policy, which makes it impossible to deduct any amount from the funds in bank draft before its been remitted to you. This means that the above charges for opening an account cannot be deducted from the funds and hence must be provided by you before your funds can take effect for transfer. You are strictly advice to choose an account type listed above and we shall instruct you to make the payment upon the opening balance kindly fill and return the online account form below. This amount is refundable upon request if you decide to close your account. As soon as your account is set up, you will have an account number and an access code with which you can access your account through our online facilities from your home which will also enable you check your account balance and also make transfer to any account in the world.

 

On receipt of the information, you shall be educated on the process mastered to facilitate this transaction in the earliest. For more info please call +(44) 702-4071-228

 

Thank you for your patronage.

 

 

FOREIGN EXCHANGE SUPERVISOR
MR. ANTONIO SIMOES

 

+(44) 702-4071-228

+(44) 741-8378-178
Hsbc Bank Plc 
Registered in England.
Registered No: 1026167Q
Registered Office:Canada Square LONDON, ENG E14 5HQ United Kingdom.  

 

 

Naturally, Jack is quick to comply with the information requested, knowing that eventually, what it's going to cost Jack to open the account to (not) get the money promised, will be communicated.   And that comes shortly thereafter, with Jack -- of course -- choosing the Platinum Account option, which requires that Jack send to the upcoming designee $850 USD:

 

 

Dear Valued Customer: Jack N. Ewehoff,
Thanks for getting back to us, without much ado, you are to be notified on brief that the services we are to render to you are in accordance with the WORLD BANK. You must be fully aware that you are to read carefully to your understanding.

The PLATINUM  ACCOUNT OPENING (P.A.O) is to be paid before we can activate an account for you, before you will be able to transfer your sum funds into your domestic bank account in Central City  CO, USA. Because your $2,000.000.00 USD is covered with an insurance cover separately BONDED, NON- DIVISIBLE, NON -NEGOTIABLE, that is why we cannot be allowed to make any deductions from it. It is also separately authenticated and cannot be deducted until it is fully transferred to you to avoid terrorism.

Be assured that in line with our principles of efficiency, transparency and customer satisfaction, we will handle all transfer operations with the highest level of professionalism and discretion to ensure you receive your $2,000.000.00 USD within the shortest possible time. You will only have to follow instructions as stated above and accordingly as all procedures are meant to protect clients and to avoid cases of misappropriation and mishandling of your fund.

ACCOUNT OPENNING FEE PAYMENT PROCEDURE

After reading this message, and know how much you are to pay to enable us activate an account with your details you have provided, you are to go straight to any 'WESTERN UNION OR MONEY GRAM' close to you and effect the payment of $850.00 USD to enable us activate the account in the next 2 hours.

Here is the information you are to go with to Western Union or Money Gram and effect the payment.

 

RECEIVER'S NAME : Mrs Teresa Peralez

RECEIVER'S ADDRESS : Clovis, NM

RECEIVER'S COUNTRY: United States of America.

After you have made the payment for the PLATINUM ACCOUNT ACTIVATION, Western Union/Money Gram will issue you the payment slip and you are required to send us the below information from the payment slip to this office for confirmation.

 

SENDER NAME: 

SENDER ADDRESS:

MTCN/REF NUMBER:

AMOUNT SENT:

 

As soon as your PLATINUM ACCOUNT ACTIVATION FEE is been confirmed by our account officer there in USA, we shall Commence with the opening of the account to enable you transfer your funds without any form of delay. Have it in mind that your $2,000.000.00 USD will get to you without any delay, we the HSBC BANK have faith and confident, so we shall abide to the rules of our services. 

 

Thank you for your patronage. 

 

FOREIGN EXCHANGE SUPERVISOR
MR. ANTONIO SIMOES  

 

 

Isn't it nice of them to be worried about things like terrorism and such?  Scammers worried about terrorism.  Ya gotta love it.

 

Jack also likes the touch of having the money look like it's being sent to someone in the US.  I'm sure that a bank in the UK requires fees be paid to someone in New Mexico every day.

 

In Scamland.

 

Well, while casting about for how to spring the *SPROING* that Jack and his compatriots find a way to spring, I was listening to the news....and thereon it spoke of Missouri having executed another scumbag of society.

 

*TOING*  Jack found his *SPROING*, and began to work it into all of his responses.  For instance to Antonio Simoes -- who I call "Schmoe" without him apparently noticing -- goes this:

 

 

I thank you for this very detailed instruction.  Let me assure you that I have read well the contents therein, and am prepared to execute them to the last letter, and as soon as possible.  

 

 

This gets Jim/Hsbc/Schmoe all atwitter with anticipation:

 

 

Hello my beloved Jack, please see below is the email i have received from the bank as they await you to respond to them on time to enable them proceed with the platinum account opening.
 
God Bless,  

 

 

I expect that blessing to go south very soonest.

 

 

Now we get down to what Rooster Cogburn referred to as "the rat killing", and here's how it played:

 

 

Thanks for getting back to us, without much ado, you are to inform us on the exact time you are to effect the payment for the PLATINUM ACCOUNT  opening, to enable us get set on activating the account soon as we have confirmed your payment by tomorrow Thursday as you have stated in your previous email.  

 

 

Not to worry sir.  The transfer will be executed by me on Thursday.  I shall advise you upon completion of that execution.  

 

 

And on that appointed Thursday morning, Jack dispatches this:

 

 

The transfer has been executed as I promised.  

 

 

Hello Mr Jack, please you are to revert back to us with the payment details to enable us confirm your payment before we can be able to proceed with your account activation.

PLEASE FILL THE INFORMATIONS BELOW.

SENDER'S NAME:
ADDRESS:
AMOUNT YOU SENT:
MTCN/REF NUMBER:

RECEIVER'S NAME:
ADDRESS:
AMOUNT TO RECEIVE:

Immediately we have receive this informations from you will quickly confirm it and start the processing of your Platinum Account for you to complete your transfer.

Sincerely,
Antonio Simoes.  

 

 Revert what?  Revert this:  I have executed your instructions to the last letter.  Let's now get this show on the road. 

 

 

My beloved Jack, to my understanding, it is very necessary that you provide the payment confirmations to the bank for their own observations. This is what Mr Simoes is requesting from you before they can complete their service to you with immediate effect.  Quickly attend to them so that they will proceed on time, and also do send me the payment details for my own witness.

God Bless,
Jim.  

 

 

Rest assured Jim that I have executed their instructions to the letter.  

 

 

  Hello Mr Jack, please you are to revert back to us with the payment details to enable us confirm your payment before we can be able to proceed with your account activation.  We are not understand the delay.   

 

 

 As I told you, I have executed your instructions to the last letter.  I would think this would be clear.  The execution was in no way delayed.  It is done.   

 

 

 

Dear Esteemed Customer: Jack, 

 

I am not sure I understand your meaning sir, please explain what you mean?  

 

 

I realize that I'm not being clear here:  I have executed Antonio's instructions to the last letter.  I had them shot at dawn.  Now, shooting instructions to the last letter might sound a bit crass...but there are so many forms of execution of instructions that I simply had to make a reasoned, rational choice soonest.  Hanging your instructions was so 19th Century.  Beheading your instructions has been made unpopular by those isis douche nozzles.  Electrocuting your instructions adds to my utility bill...not an option.  There were some medieval methods I could have used, but I don't have any of those devices at my disposal.  So I felt that a firing squad for your instructions was truly the least expensive, most humane way to go.  Lethal injection, as you might know, has not worked so well lately...I didn't want your instructions left flopping around like a carp on a hot sidewalk. 

Now that we're clear here, when do I get my money?  Mr. Jim seems really adamant about me getting it.  Probably moreso now than heretofore.  My friend still wants her nails done.  

 

 

This draws nothing further from Schmoe; from Jimbo Jack got a reply with no text.  Jack suspects that someone's pretty butt hurt here:

 

 

Gee, you guys sure went silent in a hurry.  Jimmah, what good is an empty email?  It's like S. Z. Sakall saying "der goes an empty horse hmpf!".  Did I hurt your feewings?  

 

 

Sadly, that was the last I would hear from Jimbo, Schmoe and Hsbc bank.  My friend will apparently have to pay for her own nails....

 

 

Seymour Strikes Again

My pet rock, Seymour, has been a bit put out that I wasn't giving him enough opportunities to edit any scam emails.

Rather than suffer a pouting pet rock, I found the perfect email that'd been routed to the spam file, and unleashed Seymour on it.

The format's been around for years..a dying widow with money to donate...uh huh.

Here's the email from herself:


Dearest One in Christ,

With Due Respect And Humanity,Let me first of all inform you, I got your email address from a mail Directory and decided to mail you for a permission to go ahead.

I am Mrs.Shukria Bajalan from Switzerland. I am married to Mr.Tom Bajalan who worked with a construction company in Asia for twenty Years before he died in the tsunami disasters, we were married but without Any children.

Since his death I decided not to re-marry. I deposited the sum of four million five hundred thousand united states dollars($4.5million) with the Bicici bank Abidjan Cote D' Ivoire. And now i am willing to donate this sum of $4.5million to the less privilegeds and to contribute to development of church in Africa, America, Asia, and Europoe.

My late husband was a very wealthy and after his death, I inherited all his business and wealth, Presently this money is still with the bank and the management just Wrote me as the beneficiary to co me f orward to receive the money or rather Issue a letter of authorization to somebody to receive it on my behalf If I cannot come over.

I am presently in a hospital where I have been undergoing treatment Cancer of the lungs in a hospital , I have since lost my ability To talk and my doctors have told me that I have only a few months to Live. Please i want you to note that this money is lying in the Bank in Abidjan Cote D' Ivoire

I want a person that is trustworthy that will utilize 90% of this money to fund churches, orphanages and widows around the world but in my name Shukria Bajalan "As soon as I receive your reply I shall give you the contact of the bank.I will als o issue you a letter of authority that will prove you as The new beneficiary of this fund.

Please assure me that you will act accordingly as I stated herein and Keep this contact confidential till such a time this funds get to your Custody,this is to ensure that nothing jeopardizes my l ast wish on Earth.   


I will say that I think Seymour was on his game with this edit:

Dearest One With Crusty, Unclean Genitals,

With No Respect And all of the grace of a cocklebur vaginal insert, let me first of all inform you I got your email address from a Nigerian water fowl sodomizer named Ogun, and decided to mail you because the Coke bottle oracle we also use for a dildo told me to.

I am Mrs.Shukria Bajalan from Switzerland.  Don't let the name fool you; I am Swiss and was born in Newark, New Jersey.  You can ignore that because it doesn't make any more sense than what follows.  I am married to Mr.Tom Bajalan, from Dubai,  who worked with a construction company in the Sahara Desert for twenty Years before he died in the tsunami disasters when the world's biggest camel herd all farted at once, and the sand tsunami wiped out everything from south of Benghazi to the Qattara Depression. 

I think there might be a YouTube of it, and George Lucas and Steven Spielberg are planning to make a movie out of it.  I think they might call it Indiana Jones V and The Great 'Oh Sh*t' Desecration of the Great Temple of Sand Tsunami. 

Getting back to the template I strayed from...uh...um....oh, here it is...we were married but without any children.  That's what happens when the man you marry sodomizes goats.

Since his death I decided not to have my genitals rebushed after serving as a comfort wench to the 1st Independent ISIS Brigade's camel herd.  I deposited the sum of four million five hundred thousand West African francs -- worth about anywhere else in the world a roll of toilet paper --  with the Bicici bank Abidjan Cote D' Ivoire. And now i am willing to donate this roll of toilet paper to the less privilegeds, because they'll have no idea what to do with it and will probably have local primates stringing it through the trees in the nearby jungle.  Primates are like that.

My late husband was a very perverted sot and after his death, I inherited all of his equally perverted goats.  Do you know what it's like to go out to the pen to feed them, and they back toward you bleating "yahhhhh..yahhhhhh"?   Presently the goats remain in their pen, though they're getting pretty restive 'cuz no one's been butt boinking them lately and they're getting rather surly.

I am presently in a hospital where I have been undergoing treatment for crotch crickets of the cervix.  Don't ask me, I'm just writing what the template here says to.  I have since lost my ability To queef and my doctors have told me that I have only a few months before all of my genital hardware is hanging around my ankles. Please i want you to note that this condition should not prevent you from thinking of me as a weekend quickee, iffen you're ever over here.

I want a person that is incapable of spelling widgetarygastrointestinalpurpitude without a spell checker, and will be blasphemous with churches, orphanages, widows, Yugos, motorcycle exhaust pipes and The Clapper, both at home and around the world while using my name Shukria Bajalan.  I want my fifteen minutes to be weirder than that of the Kardashians.

Please assure me that you will act sexually with accordians and Keep this confidential till such a time that the accordion owners have found you out, so that nothing jeopardizes my last wish on Earth, which is to have a guest shot on South Park.   

 

 

Sadly, Seymour's scammer wasn't near as responsive as the ones I've drawn more recently.  He really wanted a grade on his edit.

 

"Did NOT!!!"

 

Where The Search For Intelligent Life Ends

While the rest of us just plug along in life, trying to make ends meet, the folks at NASA are keeping up the celestial exploration, at least until ISIS requires them to dial back technology to the 6th Century AD.

That era of catapults won't be of much use.

Until then, NASA reckons that they've discovered about 700 planets as of 2014, and that more than a few of them are in solar systems not terribly dissimilar to ours.

This of course boosts the postulations and speculations about there being other life forms out there, somewhere.

Believers in UFOs have been convinced of that from the first reported sightings.  Some conspiracy theorists go so far as to suggest that a space ship with alien corpses crashed in New Mexico in '47, and the last Indiana Jones movie exposed their existence. 

But NASA wants to tamp down the speculation that when/if aliens make first contact with us, they'll be like what Hollyweird has portrayed them as:  little green men, or big headed ETs.

Some among the NASA "What If" staff believe that it is possible that today, among us, there are aliens who are spying on us as we live and breathe.   South Park went so far as to suggest that Earth is a reality show for the cosmos, and lots of intelligent life out there looks in amusedly at the lack of intelligent life here.

If you've ever listened to recent public statements by Russell Brand, you'd have to agree with the cosmos on that point.

I had my pet rock, Seymour -- a 4.5 billion year old resident of this h'yar orb -- speculate hisself on that possibility, and it made him wish I hadn't disassembled the VCR remote that he'd converted into a home defense device, after watching a marathon of the The Outer Limits (TOS) a few years ago.

After a vaporized refrigerator, I reckoned we'd all be better off with it disabled.

But Seymour's acute eye for oddities did come up with some very distinct possibilities for alien infiltration within the human race.  These are his suspicious characters that prove that while alien life is present, the intelligence of it is dubious at best:

I find this very believable about DWS...truly.

Alien, perhaps; intelligent life form, certainly not as a well established track record of public statements proves beyond all dispute.

Alien...more believable by the day.  Intelligent?  A tree stump trumps her.

Alien playing with his ray gun?  Mayhaps.  Intelligent?  A door knob beats this, loaded-finger-or-not down.

Alien?  Perhaps...might even have been expelled from Uranus.  Any attempt to measure intelligence is usually defeated whenever it speaks in public.

 

Alien?  A distinct possibility.  As for intelligence, well....since no intelligent life exists at msnbc, that settles that.

Alien?  Seymour thinks so.  Intelligent?  Only if a flaming doper has any brain cells left that work.  If an alien, obviously he took drug experimentation to low information levels.

So many questions remain about life on other worlds.  Questions that might be answered in our lifetime, perhaps.  But if NASA and my pet rock are correct, the examples of "ETs" we have among us thus far suggest that the universe is no better off than we are.




 

When Scammers Don't Read

When scammers send out solicitations to scam others, I am sure that they do have a large percentage of emails that go unresponded to.

It could be perhaps as lonely a task as that experienced by the old Maytag repairman.

And I'm sure that, when they DO get a response, they practically wet themselves in joy, thinking "kaCHING, we gots us a mugu!".

Perhaps maybe they should take a moment to read the reply.

Online loan scams are plentiful.  About a dime a dozen, not that a dime is worth much these days.  I got one that at first glance looked somewhat professionally put together.  Then -- unlike my scammers -- I bothered to read it.

*Face palm*

Here it is, verbatim:

Every since the economy has hit an all time low, with unemployment rates skyrocketing and the average pay rate not being increased, many American families have fallen on hard times. It is becoming harder and harder for good, honest, and hard working people to make a living and more often than not are living paycheck to paycheck. Because of this ongoing trend, many families have reached out for help in the form of an urgent loan.What is an urgent loan?An urgent loan is a basic type of loan that is typically used only in cases of emergences when it became a necessity to reach out for additional funds to help you make it to your next paycheck. Most families take out an urgent loan in certain strenuous situations for  necessary items needed to keep a good quality of life. Situations such as nut not limited to: rent, grocery shopping, paying car insurance, or a child’s private school, etc are valid reasons for American families to purse this type of loan.Apply now for an Urgent LoanHow do I get an Urgent Loan?Urgent loans are granted by various specialized lenders. These lenders base your urgent loan approval on the type of personal situation you have founded yourself in through no fault of your own, as well as the severity of the circumstances that have befallen on you and your loved ones. Many people who reach out for this type of help are more often than not to be good hardworking people that have just fallen on bad times and due to the state of the United States economy. An urgent loan is the perfect type of loan for people who have unfortunately been let go from their jobs and need extra money to make up the loss of their initial income until they get back on their feet.Unfortunately, it is especially hard for many people to find a lender that specializes in this specific category of loans. But here at Loans for Emergiences, we can find you an urgent loan and get you the money you need to help you in your financial situation. Helping you get back where you feel financially secure is our goal!If you have fallen on hard financial times and need money now APPLY today and get the urgent loan you need!Our Contact Email dansagrouploanfirm@yahoo.co.uk  


If you read it, you see what I mean.

So naturally, I edited it and sent it back to the sender, and about 50 of his peers and colleagues.  It went back looking like this:

Every since Time Immortal, people like me have existed.  We have existed for moments like now, when the economy has hit an all time low, with unemployment rates skyrocketing and the average pay rate not being increased, many American families have fallen on hard times. It is becoming harder and harder for good, honest, and hard working people to make a living and more often than not are living paycheck to paycheck. Because of this ongoing trend, people like me have found therein an opportunity to scam those very people who can be lured into reaching out for help in the form of an urgent loan.What is an urgent loan?  Quite simply, it's a scam technique that allows low life scumbag douche nozzles like me to steal money from folks who can ill afford it.  People like me who sit in fly-infested internet cafes, seeking out poor stupid people that we can fleece.  Or better off stupid people who are gullible as sh**.An urgent loan is a basic type of loan scam that is typically used whenever and wherever we find that it works.  Any situation can be ripe for us to use an urgent loan scam on someone.  Situations such as but not limited to: rent, grocery shopping, paying car insurance, or a child’s private school, raping a bank account, or a goat herd, etc are valid reasons for us to try to sucker American families to fall for this type of loan.Apply now for an Urgent Loan so we can get Mamma some meerkat fur tampons or some other kind of sh** she wants.How do I get f**ked over by an Urgent Loan?Urgent loans are granted by various "lenders" who lurk in fly-infested internet cafes in Nigeria, Ghana, Benin, or any other ebola-ridden location in West Africa. These pricks will seek you out and suck you dry when you're usually stupid enough and desperate enough to fall for them.  Many people who reach out for this type of help are more often than not to be good hardworking people that have just fallen for one of the stupidest scams on the planet, and deserve the title 'mugu' -- Nigerian for 'big fool' -- that we bestow on them when they send us fee payments that will get them nothing but laughed at here.  An urgent loan is the perfect type of loan for us scammers to try to use to bilk people who have unfortunately been shorted in the common sense department and can be led to believe that Third World "loan institutions" actually have money to lend.  Even our local gorilla population is laughing at you over that.Unfortunately, it is especially hard for us to find enough scammable people to help us live in a manner that we want to, without having to resort to getting real jobs and working for a living.  How totally last century it is to work for a living, when scamming is more fun and far less strenuous!  Here at Loans for Emergiences, we can let you think we'll find you an urgent loan and get you the money you need to help you in your financial situation; when in actuality, all we're going to do is rape your bank account of whatever we can.  And if you happen to have a herd of goats we can sodomize, better still.  That is our one and only goal!If you have fallen on hard financial times and need money now APPLY today and we'll guarantee that your hard times get even harder!Our Contact Email          dansagrouploanfirm@yahoo.co.uk  

 

 

Our originating scammer proved to be one of those who probably wet himself with joy that he got a response, without bothering to read it.  Thus and a day after they got the edit, I received an application to fill out for the loan.

 

Which then got edited and sent back, looking not a whole lot like it did upon arrival:

 

 

DANGED GOAT CAN'T TRUST INCESTMENTS CO.

Dear InValid Applican't

Compliments and financial butt polyps to you.  Thanks for not reading closely our previously edited email scam solicitation, and despite it choosing Danged Goat Can't Trust Incestment Company to aid and put a stop to your financial status, making whatever it was, worse. We Offer all kinds of scam loan packages (Personal Loan, Commercial Loans, Sex change loans...hell, we'll over anything since we're not going to actually send you anything) made to provide you with nothing tangible, and meant to give us your money, such as you have available.  To commence the scam process, you can find some useless and totally made-up information about the scam loan we offer below. In getting screwed over by our company, there is some information we need you to overlook before we can proceed to the sodomize your bank account process.

INTEREST RATE:

In the scam we offer, we do charge 300%, compounded quarterly, for the loan. Note that once you've paid our initial fees, the 300% compounded quarterly won't hurt so much.

INFORMATION NEEDED:

As for the information needed, you will need to fill an application which contains your personal information and also the loan information, this will help us give you and your bank account a full sodomized experience.

HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE TO HAVE YOUR GETTING BUTTBOINKED BY US APPROVED?

After receiving your application form, and as soon as we receive your fee payment, the fiscal butt boinking of you and your bank account starts as fast as we can drain it.

HOW DO I GET SCREWED?
Please fill this application Form below:

SCAM LOAN APPLICATION FORM
Full Name (no fake names, please; that's our rice bowl)*

Email*
Telephone No*
Mobile No*
Home Address*
City*
State/Province*
Country*
Fax Number*
Occupation*
Monthly Income (we want to know what we can pillage)*

Show message history

(Not that we care but) Age*
(This do matter) Do You Have An Account? *

Will You Have One After We Rape This One? *

If Yes, What Is That Account Number? *
Scam Loan Amount Needed *
(Not that it matters but) Scam Loan Duration *
(Not that it matters but) Purpose of Loan *

Applicant(s) Statement I/We have completed this request for credit in consideration of Danged Goat Can't Trust Incestment Co. lending to me and/or others upon my guarantee, and without having closely read this sh** beforehand. I/We certify that all information contained herein is accurate and complete to the best of my knowledge, equal to the certification from Danged Goat Can't Trust Incestment Co that they actually haven't got a plug nickel to lend a door knob.

Thanks for your time and lack of understanding, CUSTOMER'S SATISFACTION IS IMMATERIAL TO US ONCE WE HAVE YOUR FEE PAYMENT.

Most InSincerely,
Dagote Alico, a goat sodomizing immigrant of dubious antecedence and facial butt polyps   

 

 

The edit must have been noticed this time; while I didn't get any name calling sent back my way, I also got no confirmation that any kind of loan request was approved.  What I got, instead -- suggestive of the drawing at the top -- was this:

what is meaned by this?  

"what is meaned by this?"...here's another one that should never stray from his template:

What do you mean, "what is meaned by this"?  I merely returned to you what you sended to me.  You wrote it, right?  What did you meaned by this?  

His next response is funny:


Are you a scam?  


A fair question that begets a comparable response:


Are you?  


What follows now is absolutely hilarious:

Yes can we partner together by pretnding that my company is from usa or your country.

can we really partner alot of money come from it sincerely  

 

 

I am seriously laughing my ass off.  My pet rock, Seymour, is pissed off because I didn't let him have this scammer.  So let's see how "Dangoat" plans to work this:

 

 

So, you're offering me a partnership?  You say that a lot of money can come from it...just how much and what's my percentage as your partner?  

 
depend  


Do tell.  What it depends on will determine if we can partner or not.  

 

 It appears that my newly-proposed "partner" isn't a totally trusting soul:


But will you work with me? i mean when i pretend to be in USA my victim client will believe to send upfront payment to there because they did no longer trust Nigeria fake lender so you will be receiving the western union money through the mean you will be given me my share,  and again you will be directing more client to me through the use of USA IP REMOTE.   I don't depend on any thing but where did you live i mean your country.  


I decide to let him stew a tad with tis parting shot:


I must think on your proposal.  Of course the money would make sense that it flow through me, since I am in the USA and you are not.  You would have to trust me to make an agreement on dividing up the proceeds, and then count on me keeping that agreement to send you your cut of the acquired proceeds.  I must leave for now, but I will be back on here at this time Monday.  You think about this and let me know if you agree that the money must flow to me, with me then sending you your percentage.  If you agree, we'll talk more tomorrow. 


PLEASE KINDLY REPLY BACK TO FINISH THE DISCUSSION.   WELL THERE IS NO WAY THE MONEY CAN FLOW THROUGH ME BEFORE BACAUSE I HAVE TOLD YOU EARLIER THAT YOU WILL BE THE ONE RECEIVING THE MONEY ONLY WHAT I WILL BE DOING IS JUST TO BE PRETENDING IF THEY WANT TO CONFIRM WITH A PHONE CALL YOU WILL BE THE ONE RECEIVING THE CALL IF THEY WANT TO SEND UPFRONT FEE TO ME YOU KNOW I HAVE ALREADY TOLD THEM THAT I AM IN USA THE MONEY WILL BE FLOWING TO YOU WITH YOU DIVIDING THE MONEY AND TRANSFER MINE TO ME IN NIGERIA.  BEFORE WE MOVE ON WITH THIS SCAMMING BUSINESS I WANT TO KNOW IF YOU ARE CONFIDENCE ENOUGH.  
The Fake Loan / Investment Scam (a 419 Advance Fee Fraud). 
Be warned, they promise millions but first you have to pay. I HOPE YOU UNDERSTAND THE LINE OF BUSINESS.  

Before we start i need to show you all the key fact of the scamming business.

The type of scam on board are:

The fake loan offer fraud,  Lottery winner fraud , Primer on Internet fraud , Fraudsters haunting dating/matchmaking websites , The fake job offer fraud,   However are are after fake loan offer fraud.   

 Get a load of this...a scammer lecturing me on the art of scamming.  My pet rock likes this guy.


"Do NOT!!!!"


I am fully aware of how all this works.  All that matters to me is that you agree to the money funneling through me, and that you trust you'll get your percentage.  Let me know about that on Monday.    


It's Monday, and I have not one, but two emails from DangedGoat:

NOT ONLY JUST AGREE I WANT YOU TO HAVE IT IN MIND THAT THE UPFRONT MONEY MUST BE NEEDED TO BE RECEIVE IN USA YOUR COUNTRY FOR THE VICTIMS TO BELIEVE THAT I AM FROM USA BECAUSE IT WILL BE YOUR WESTERN UNION MONEY TRANSFER DETAILS I WILL BE SENDING TO THEM EG

RECEIVER COUNTRY USA

RECEIVER NAME IRRELEVANT

RECEIVER ADDRESS: IRRELEVANT HOUSE USA OPPOSITE DANGOTE AVENUE

RECEIVER STATE: COLORADO

ONCE THE DETAILS ARE FILL LIKE THE ABOVE INFORMATION, IS ONLY USA THAT THE MONEY CAN BE CASH THROUGH WESTERN UNION AND I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT IF THE DETAILS ARE FILL WITH NIGERIA DETAILS CLIENT DID NOT NORMALLY BELIEVE US AGAIN BECAUSE THEY HAVE NOTICE THAT NIGERIA ARE FRAUDULENT COUNTRY SO THE ONLY WAY I CAN BE DECEIVING THEM NOW IS TO PRETEND THAT I AM IN USA AND TIDY THE WORK VERY WELL BECAUSE I AM AN EXPERT ON IT.  

 

 

And he followed up with this:

 

 

YOUR WORK IN THIS CONTRACT IS TO BE PROVIDING TOOLS LIKE,

1 FRESH EMAIL ADDRESSES TO BE PUBLISHING THE FAKE BUSINESS,

2 CASHING THE MONEY IN USA THROUGH WESTERN UNION MEANS OR MONEYGRAMM

3 POSTING MY CONTACT ON INTERNET TELLING PEOPLE TO CONTACT IT FOR AN URGENT LOAN

4 CREATE A SOLID EMAIL FOR THE BUSINESS WHEN I SAID EMAIL CONTACT, NOT gmail.com, not yahoo.com, not hotmail.com I BELLEVUE YOU KNOW THE KIND OF EMAIL CONTACT I NEED.  

 

 

My short term response..whilst I ponder my longer one LOL:

 

 

I have a general idea of the kind of email you need.  I will review all of your points you've listed in your two emails and let you know my decision.

 

I think I've stumbled on the motherlode of douche nozzled, goat-poking egg-sucking scammers here.  Though I give him credit:  he's admitting what Nigeria is.

I'll have to find a way to send him a gold star for that  ;-)

Without hesitation, Dangoat declares us partners, and he immediately advises my character that we have a 'client' in Peru, and that "Jack" is in the game as follows:

Jack, we must move fast now with a client in Peru.

BELOW WORDS IS WHAT I SENT TO HIM.

Hello Alberto Falla MoscolI am confident that the financial advisory which made up My brilliant business partner, Jack N. Ewehoff, and I are ready to help in delivery of your loan to your bank account successfully. However, all of the supporters of My great company, our employees and contractors, the independent financial advisors that provided objective and affordable advice through our platform and the mainstream can contribute to your incredible experience and worthwhile journey. I am proud to have created and pursued My financial advice with you and for you.

I  have provide a nascent mass market financial advisor to provide an idea of assurance that you want, to have much confidence that your loan must be transfer to you if any payment is made by you under the contract so my Advisor Agent  in USA will Contact you through email and phone call with the below information.

Name: Jack N. Ewehoff,
Country: USA,
Phone Number: 303-***-****
Email: ************@yahoo.com

I want you to have the faith that My brilliant business partner, Jack N. Ewehoff, and I is ready to help. We are now providing our vast knowledge, contacts and experience building and deploying solutions within this exciting space to help you navigate the minefields and get your Loan Ready to be transfer quickly.

However regarding the transfer fee of $1,500.00 for the purpose of your registration in accordance with the law, you are going to make the fee completely to our head office in USA to have a proper monitor and give you much evidence to prove that you achieved the required scores so we look forward to helping this wonderful industry succeed as it embraces the new digital age.

Sincerely,
Dangote Alico
CEO  

 

 

I love the trust this scammer puts in ol' Jack...and Jack won't disappoint...me.  Meantime, Dangoat forwards me an email from his intended victim:

 

 

WHEN HE READ THE MAIL I SENT TO HIM THAT I ALSO SENT TO YOU BELOW WORDS WAS HIS COMMENT HE MAKE PLEASE TRY AND CONVINCE HIM.

Greetings Dear Dr. Alico Dangote,

Thank you for your comments and only requires that you know me further explanation about what I write.

Is knowing that your Financial Advisor Dr. Jack N. Ewehoff, would contact me to see everything that concerns the payments of money required for the loan to be made to my destination for the Project ?.

Is the transfer rate on the $ 1,500, will be made only when funds and have in my bank account and verified

These clarifications are required on your part.

Rest assured that if you make my project a reality, you will always be very Thankful in my daily prayers and your name will be present.

I hope your comments to my questions.

ALBERTO FAILURE MOSCOL  

 

 

I'm not entirely sure if Dangoat has found a potential victim, or perhaps another scambaiter.  It'd be a hoot if it's the latter case...meantime, Jack makes contact with Alberto.....inconveniently forgetting to BCC Dangoat:

 

 

 Dear Sir:

Did you contact Dangote Alico regarding getting a loan?  Please advise soonest. 

Jack N. Ewehoff  

BELOW IS WHAT I SENT TO HIM

Being a thorn in your company side could undermine your house hunt. If you really want a strong friendly relationship to promote your company with USA financial advisor agents, here's what you shouldn't do. Your advisor may stand to make a nice commission off you, but that's no reason to take him for granted. After all, the advisor agent is working for you ­— as in, on your behalf. If inspired, he can think creatively and act quickly — for you. He can negotiate wisely and fiercely — for you. Or not. Your choice. Yes, Advisor agents are professionals. Yes, they should do the best job, regardless. But remember: We're all human. For best results, treat kindly. So what you should avoid doing to keep your Advisor agents from clenching their clipboards in frustration? We asked a few, and put together a list of "don't." 1. Please don't turn into an instant over- all-knowing expert just because you have an Internet connection chatting and confusing by fake lenders. 2. Please don't accuse the advisor agent of sabotage. 3. Please don't eat up your agent's time with unresolved personal arguments. On one level, it's natural to be suspicious of someone who will profit off your purchase but be aware that A little understanding about the advisor agent's job can help. First, know that USA advisor agents are not clairvoyant. They have most costumer disclosures, but have no way of knowing what's hiding behind the walls or underground so if our advisor in USA Demand or ask from you don't be suspicious as they are ready to help you in delivery of your loan directly to your bank account successfully. It will be glad to hear back from you concerning the transfer of your loan if all the necessary details are made available so however be also inform on the fact that your loan will be forward to your bank from our head office in USA to our Agent in your bank who will finally confirm it into your bank account to make sure that the loan is fully secure. Thanks for your understanding Costumer satisfaction is our pride looking forward to hear from you. Regard Dangote Alico

 

And he apparently had it translooted via the Gooble thing.

Thus and it was that later that same day, Jack gets an email from the intended victim:


Saludos Estimado Dr.  Jack N. Ewehoff,

Si Estimado recibí correo del Dr. Dangote Alico, donde se me dijo de que Usted daría su ayuda para poder conseguir el Proyecto de financiamiento para los Buses a GNC.

Se adjunta el correo.

Favor deme detalles de que pasos a seguir.

Estaré a la espera de sus gratas respuestas

Su Amigo

ALBERTO FALLA MOSCOL  

 

 

Translated it say:

 

Greetings Dear Dr. Jack N. Ewehoff,
If received Dear Dr. Alico Dangote, where it was said that you would give me your help to get the project financing for CNG Buses mail.

Mail is attached.

Please give me details on what steps to take.

I'll be waiting for your pleasing answers

your Friend  


Jack was ever so happy to reply to Alberto, without BCCing Dangoat:


Dear Sir:

Dangote Alicio is NOT the CEO of a legitimate online loan firm. He is a Nigerian 419 email scammer, and is attempting to rip you off of $1500. He stupidly believes me to be his partner in this endeavor...because he is a dishonest moron who doesn't read very well.

If you would like to have some fun with him, I will be happy to tell him that you have agreed to his loan requirements and are going to pay the $1500 to me by the early part of next week. Then we'll screw with him over the money...instead of him screwing you out of $1500.

Or, if you would prefer to believe that he is genuine and isn't trying to cheat you, you may expose me to him and let him know that I am not working with him in his scam as he has fooled himself into believing.

But my advice to you, sir, is NOT to be taken in by ANY online loan companies that contact you via unsolicited email...99.9% of them are scams, and if they originate in Nigeria, make that 100%.

Sincerely,
Jack N. Ewehoff (not my real name, but Dangote doesn't know that)  


Of course, sent to him Gooblized in espanol.  Meantime, a quick note to Dangoat:


I have been contacted by Senor Alberto Moscol, and I believe that I have been thoroughly convincing in leading him to believe that your loan company is the answer to his fiscal prayers, not unlike a locust epidemic.  I confidently anticipate a positive response from him soonest.  When I have it, I will let you have it.

Dangoat is, of course, annoyed with me not forwarding him the emails:

 

where is what you and Alberto have emailed?  why do you not let me know what is going on?  

 

 

Getting his panties in a wad...I like it.  At any rate, what follows here is what Alberto Moscol had to say in reply to Jack's giving him a heads up about the scam he's being treated to:

 

 

Greetings Dear Dr. Jack N. Ewehoff,

Thank you for your comments and if I am attentive to any mails from people who say they want to give financial and project loans.

It is not the first, I always get and what they want is that they sent money in advance, which I do not accept at all those who always tell me that the loan was to send me within 24 hours, which is a lie because when money comes from another country always delayed more than 3 days.

From what I can I communicate and I attach the mail sent to me by Dr. Dangote, has said that you have already dealt with above and treat him like a big brother.

Well these things have always and unfortunately you do not know who you are dealing, as I always write them and tell them that if they are true, I would have to prove and only will that are 100% real Cunado loan funds are already in my bank account PERU, if not that's impossible I request advance money, which will not accept.

Dear anyway am very Thankful for his statement.

I'm looking for any financier who wants to be present in my project to realize, but always with the warning that if I requested advance money is not accepted.

your Friend 

 

 

Here is Jack's real reply to Alberto:

Esteemed Mr. Alberto Falla Moscol,

I take in that in reading your reply, you understand how the online loan scam out of Nigeria works, and that you will not fall for it. This is very good and I am glad to be able to prevent you from becoming a scam victim of a nefarious Nigerian.

To keep up appearances, I have written back to Dangote and led him to believe that you are fully on board with his loan and the fee payment, and that he can expect that you'll wire me the fee payment next week. I intend to let him continue to believe that you have been fooled until that point.

I wish the very best to you and your family, and I wish you to live happy and prosper. And should you ever receive future online loan email offers, don't hesitate to forward them to me to examine, if you have concerns. I will be happy to let you know if they are a scam. But I do tell you in all honesty, if the email comes from Nigeria, or any of the countries of West Africa, you can count on it being a scam.


Meanwhile, that waskily hombre Jack edited Alberto's reply to him, and forwarded it to Dangoat, in Spanish, basically saying this:


Dangoat, I have great news!  Read your client's reply to our communications.  Sounds like we're on for next week with a fee payment!

Greetings Dear Dr. Jack N. Ewehoff,

I am very grateful for your prompt response and am very happy to read your words. It gives me great comfort to know that I found you and your delegate a loan company where I can put my trust and count on you to give me a good level of business advisor.

I'm happy with the costs you quoted me in exchange for the generous loan conditions, and I will be able to meet their requirements fees by Wednesday, September 11, one week from now.

I, when I send the confirmation email transfer fee via Western Union also will send you details of how your business is to connect the loan funds to my bank.

Thank you for your excellent professionalism and punctuality, and thank your CEO by his grace gives me the business too.

Your Friend "     


I...er, Jack...is such a sh**.


Now as it would turn out, Alberto Moscol is apparently not as smart as my character thought; he actually forwarded to Dangoat a copy of my warning email to Alberto.  Which drew the funniest response yet from Dangoat.  First he sent me a copy of what Alberto forwarded to him (my first warning letter to Alberto); then Dangoat added this:


YOU F**K ME OFF!  I AM SO CONFUSES PLEASE COMPOSE A MAIL FOR ME?   


I think I am dealing with a psycho-ceramic Nigerian:


What kind of mail would you wish me to decompose for you?  


What comes next is about as good:

WHY DID YOU TELL HIM THAT I AM A SCAM JUST TELL DID YOU KNOW HOW LONG IT TAKE ME FIND THAT COMPANY CLIENT JUST TELL IF YOU DONT WANT ME TO B DOING THIS KIND OF BUSINESS {SCAM} SEND ME MONEY AND I WILL QUIT.  

 

 

Are you telling me that if I send you money, you will quit?  Why would you do that if I sent you money?  Of course I can send you money..but first explain to me why you'd quit if I send you money.  This is unexpected.  

 

 

I can't wait for the answer to that...and yes, do I ever have money aplenty to send him:

 

 

BELOW IS WHAT YOU SEND TO HIM AM SO DISAPPOINTED IN YOU DID YOU THINK AM RICH I DON'T JUST SIT DOWN AND START DOING SCAM BUSINESS IS BECAUSE OF POVERTY NOW TELL ME WHERE WILL I HAVE $500 TO PAY MY SCHOOL FEES???   (Note, so this whole scam is so Dangoat can pay his school fees?  Me thinks I'm in touch with a kid from a Democrat National Committee family).

You mean to tell me that you're doing all of this simply to pay for school?  That's all?

Granted, I reckon you put a lot of time and effort into this scam...and I'm sure it took you a long time to line up Alberto as a potential pigeon.  I'm sure that took a lot of time.   By the way...what are you majoring in at school?  Just curious.  Before we negotiate the money I send you.  

 

 

MY FATHER TOOK ILL AND DIE IN 2008 SINCE THEN I WAS STRONGLY LOOK FOR FINANCIAL SUPPORT BUT NOBODY HELP I INTRODUCE MY SELF TO A FRIEND WHO TEACH ME THIS BUSINESS SINCE THEN I WAS ABLE TO MEET UP WITH MY MATE BUT NOW MY EXAM IS ALREADY CLOSE WHERE WILL I SEE MONEY TO PAY MY SCHOOL FEES NOW THAT YOU HAVE SPOILED MY HOPE????   

 

 

I reckon that I should feel guilty here.  *Checking my calendar*....okay, I've penciled in the first February 29th in the third full decade of the 21st Century to feel guilty.  That's almost as good as confession.  Now, back to Dangoat:

 

 

First of all, hope springs eternal.  Hope can only spoil if improperly stored.  Next...you introduced yourself to a friend who taught you this business....tell me, did your friend teach you how to read carefully the emails you receive?  If he didn't, then your friend owes you $500 for a most incomplete lesson in how to do this.   As for how to see money, I have told you that I will send you money to see if you tell me why you'll quit.  I am awaiting that explanation from you.  

 

 

I WILL QUITE BECAUSE IF I DON'T GOD WILL PUT ME IN HELL FIRE SO I WANT TO BEFORE I DIE SO THAT I WILL NOT BURN IN HELL FIRE  

 

 

You're quite right there, Dangote.  Granted, you didn't consider the impact on someone you might successfully scam...and that could have put you in hell fire too.  What if your victim sent you $1500 expecting a loan, and his children were left starving and destitute because you scammed three times what you needed for school?  Yes, that's a front row ticket to hell fire alright.

But you can say that I saved you and Alberto's kids from hell fire.  You are saved.  No thanks are necessary.  

 

 

NOW WHO WILL I RUN TO JUST SO CONFUSES I WAS EXPECTING THAT YOU WILL HELP ME TO MAKE HIM PAID.   

 

 

No reason for confusion here, Dangoat.  The Zen philosopher Basho once opined that a donut with no hole was a Danish.  In keeping with the geography lesson, the French refer to this as pastry resistance.  Now from the non sequitur to that which is something Rocky and Bullwinkle really like, let's get back to the scam for a minute.  If you only needed $500, why were you going for $1500?  Is there some kind of scam business shrinkage in the lesson your friend taught you?

 

YOU SAY YOU SEND ME MONEY IF I QUITES.  I AM QUITES SO WILL YOU SEND ME MONEY.  

 

 

I believe that like I believe obozo never lies.  So Jack falls back on a story from not-really antiquity, but a recent movie:

 

 

This brings to mind a story of a little boy in a village who was given a horse.  Everyone in the village said, "oh how wonderful"...except the village zen master, who said "we'll see"...soon the boy fell off the horse and broke his leg.  Everyone in the village said "how terrible!"...except the zen master, who said "we'll see"....soon war came to the region and all the other boys were drafted to fight, except for the one with the broken leg.  Everyone in the village said "how wonderful"...except the zen master, who said "we'll see"...and while the other boys were fighting the war, the boy took up scamming online, cheating money from others.  Everyone in the village said "how terrible!"...except the zen master who said, "we'll see"...and then one day the dreaded foo bird flew over the boy -- on his way to Western Union to collect ill-gotten scam money -- and crapped all over him.  When the boy wiped off the sh** of the dreaded foo bird, he died instantly.  Everyone in the village said "how tragic!"...except the zen master, who said "karma's a bitch and when the foo sh**s, wear it".  So do you get it?  

 

 

NO  WHAT THIS DO FOR MY MONEY?   

 

 

"We'll see", said the zen master.  Now do you get it?   

 

 

NO   

 

 

Okay, then perhaps this will help you to get it.  You asked to see money.  Here it is.   

 

 

And I sent him five different examples of large amounts of cash that scammers have sent me in their scams.  Like:

 

 

 

 

At that point, he decides that I owe him something:

I WORK LONG ON THIS AND YOU MAKE THE CLIENT NOT TO TRUST ME.  I TRUST YOU AND YOU MAKE ME THE FOOL.  YOU OWE ME FOR THIS.  PLEASE SEND ME $500 AND I PROMISE I NEVER TRY DO THIS AGAIN.  


You're not heeding the wisdom of the zen master, laddie.  Do you know what credibility is?  It's something you ain't got.  I no more owe you anything than did your client and intended victim did.  Let's be clear:  the zen philosopher Butthook postulated that "if it quacks like a duck, walks like a duck, swims like a duck and flies like a duck, you can rest assured it isn't a Yugo".  Your intended ducks are not going to put it on their bill, or get you a Yugo.  Get it?  


WHAT THIS ALL MEAN?  


It means that that loud *BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZER* at the end of a basketball game signifies that it's all over.  That same *BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZER* has sounded for your game. 


Now comes what passes for a bit of worldly wisdom from a butt hurt scammer:


YOU WILL KNOW HELL FIRE FOR WHAT YOU DO.  YOU ARE NOT A GOOD MAN.  GOD WILL GET YOU.  


From your point of view, you're right.  From mine, God is both face palming and laughing at you at the same time.  He sees that you don't get it, either.  Which in the end is how this should have ended...you not getting it...either the ill-gotten gains OR the lesson.  Do you have anything else to pout about before we wrap this up?  I'm due for a healthy bowel movement.
 

 

The silence of the past couple days suggests that he was done pouting to ol' Jack about anything.  Though maybe he did ultimately learn two things here:  one, he looked up what a bowel movement is.  And two, maybe next time he'll read a respondent's reply a tad closer, eh?  

 

"We'll see...." said you know who...