It's December, the year is on the wane, and I am confronted by writer's block of mondo proportions. Even my online scammers have slowed to a trickle, and that trickle is lame beyond belief.
So as the picture suggests, I'm just gonna go with what comes to mind, and watch it totally derail. The comments to follow will most certainly bear witness thus ;-)
1. Weather sucks in the Midwest right now. Glad I ain't there.
2. It's 60 degrees here today. Good thing it's hard for a Minnesotan or Kentuckian to throw snowballs uphill at me.
3. I get it that some in society are unhappy that Congress may extend tax rate cuts for a couple years. For those unhappy widdit, what's stopping YOU from paying more taxes to feel better about yourself? You want to pay more? Just do it and stay out of what's left of my wallet.
4. The Denver Broncos have found a level beneath suck this season.
4a. Now, if only the Carolina Panthers could win their last three games, Denver could suck themselves into a number 1 draft pick. But they suck too bad to be that lucky.
5. I'm no fan of the NCAA's South Eastern Conference, but dang, they shore do win a lot of national championships outta there. Including this season, it looks like.
6. Ergonomic snow shovels are kick-ass. Even moreso, when there's no need of 'em. Like around here right now *ducking more of those uphill-throwd Minnesotan/Kentuckian snowballs*
7. Elizabeth Edwards, RIP. John Edwards, rot in heathen obscurity Hell.
7a. Westboro Baptist Church, feel more than free to join John.
8. Keith Olbermann remains a moron. No Christmas gift nor 'miracle on 34th Street' will change it.
9. Dear Santa: yes, I was bad this year. No, I don't care. So deliver the lump of coal to some incapable-of-throwing-snowballs-uphill Minnesotan/Kentuckian. They need it more right now.
10. My pet rock, Seymour, is getting all sorts of cultured in Virginia: reading, painting, edu-ma-cating. Before long, I'm gonna be the door stop around here...
11. I got a quote on my auto insurance from Geico to save me money. The gecko lied; they didn't save me sh**.
11a. I need more coffee to go with my gecko sandwich.
12. I tried to invent a 'smokeless stove top' device, akin to the one Hoyt Axton was hawking in the movie Gremlins. Mine didn't work, either.
13. Painful ear canal rectal itch sucks. Glad I don't have it.
14. Okay, so I'll admit it: that YouTube of the fourth grader whose soldier father surprised her with an in-class visit, made me tear up, too.
15. I'm still not renewing my Comcast cable after football season's over.
16. I remembered Pearl Harbor, as I do every year.
17. I attended my 35th high school class reunion in July. I was depressed, in that some have worn better.
17a. I was re-assured, in that not all of them have.
18. My sister-in-law (younger brother's wife) makes awesome pecan-caramel brownies.
18a. I am carrying five extra pounds thanks to those brownies.
19. I have assessed the goals I set for 2010. I didn't meet a one of them.
19a. I have set the same goals for 2011, with the intention of doing at least as well.
20. My watch died. I tried CPR on it.
20a. I broke it. Now it's really dead.
20b. So I am now officially a time-killer. My boss has known that about me for some time.
21. I can wiggle my ears. I can't find evidence of one work-place pay raise that resulted from that inane talent.
21a. I will not be using that inane talent to audition for American Idol.
22. I was asked to apologize to door knobs for comparing their intellect to Joy Behar's.
22a. I've pencilled it in for consideration in November, 2033.
23. I found a song online that is 100% composed of audible flatulence.
23a. I'm sure the rest of you consider that TMI.
24. My chiropractor adjusted me today. None of you will see any improvement.
24a. It wasn't that kind of adjustment.
25. Gecko sandwiches suck, with and without coffee. Just sayin'...
26. To one and all who appreciate it, Merry Christmas.
26a. To those this message offends, Merry Nothing.
Labels: humor, more random thoughtlessness, why it shouldn't be resolved this way, writer's block