Pharmacy Hell

Yeah, I know:  it's skirting the very fine line of the language I generally eschew here...*gesundheit*...but it fits the subject material perfectly.

Of late, I have been making email life a bit sucky for email scammer Andrew Green.  He was fool enough to respond to me, and to go one further, to try to silence me with insults.

*Game on*

So of late, every email edit I've done has had a recurring theme of using and abusing scammer Andrew Green for purposes of....annoying him.

It's working.

Here's the latest annoyance from the scam email editing department; an online pharmacy spam, rewritten with "Dr. Andrew Green" in mind:



Subject: Valentines Special Save
　So f**king WHAT if it's almost St. Patrick's Day? We're running a Valentine's Day special, and by f**king lizard lips, if we have to wait for the NEXT f**king Valentine's Day, get the f**k over it!

　
But I'm sure we have sh*t for horny leprechauns, too. Or horny pranksters on April 1. Just as we'll have sh*t for horny rabbits on Easter, and horny picnic baskets for the beginning of summer, horny fireworks on the 4th, horny low information voters on Labor Day, horny witches and goblins on Halloween, horny giblets at Thanksgiving, and horny elves and reindeer on Christmas! Brother, we gotz sh*t for EVERY OCCASION!


　
SAVE A FULL 80% ON HUNDREDS OF DIFFERENT MEDS* INCLUDING NIAGRA**AND OTHER NAME BRAND SH*T!



NO PRRESCRIPTION REQUIRED, NO DOCTOR'S NOTE, NO FINGER UP THE ASS, NO PISS IN A BEAKER, NOT EVEN A F**KING BANDAID ON A WINKEE SORE! IF YOU THINK YOU NEEDZ IT, WE ARE SURE THAT WE THINKS*** WE GOTZ IT!


　
EMAIL US YOUR ORDER NOW: andrewgreen1759@yahoo.co.uk

Dr. Andrew Green, pHd, md, dds, wtf et al, guarantees you'll get results**** no matter what!

　
* Or med substitutes..we have two chimpanzees we turned loose in a chemist lab, and we have no idea what kind of shit they've made up...but we're packaging and selling it!
** It works in reverse of Viagra...see what we just did there?
*** if we ain't gotz it, we'll get our 'roid raging chimps to mix it up, or something probably not remotely akin...
**** Andrew Green is a dickless dumbass, but he is sure you'll notice something when you take the sh*t his chimps have whipped up...
DISCLAIMER: we're required to have one, but we ain't sayin' what our alcoholic attorney wrote for us to say, because he was drunk and we can't read Latin written in Azerbijani calligraphy script. It sure is weird looking sh*t...I think it might say that I wuz elected Pope, but I is pretty sure it doesn’t say that, I think.


Up until that email, ol' Andrew had remained true to his claim that he'd never reply to me again.  Up until that one, anyway:


would u stop!!!!!!!!!!


I had a ready answer for that:


No!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Do you think Andrew Green believes me?

Pills 'n Frills

In my spam folder I get a lot of discounted drug advertisements.

All with links...most of which end in .ru....Russia.

Whether or not they actually ARE in Russia, who knows?

I just know they end in .ru.

My latest one made me laugh, because the drug spammer made three attempts to spell Viagra.  And went 0 for 3.

Here's the email:


From:  Try Vigraa
Sales Sales Sales

Winter is over. Melt the ice with our best Vaigra pils !

** Propecia - 0.10$
-- Leivtra - 1.89$
-> Cailis - 1.74$
** Vagra - 0.65$

 

He didn't do any better with the other drugs, save, I think, for Propecia.  And at the bottom was a link to some gawd-knows-where site.

Well, despite the fact that the email address this was listing as sent from was probably borscht, I decided to have some funski with the email, just on accounta cuz.  Besides, it would allow me to annoy Andrew Green some more  (see previous post).

It came out like dis heah:


Subject: Inane discomps

Helloski good capitalist!

Sales Sales Sales...we gotz sales, yes we do, we gotz sales that suck, they do!  We gotz drugs that blow the goat, we gotz drugs that make you bloat!

Now you know why we make online pharmacy and not contestant on American Idol, but I digress-ski...

Winter is over. Melt her ice with our best Vaigra pils !  Worry not if we can't spell worth a sh*t; hell, we're Russian and this English crap is not our borscht!

 

From the finest counterfeit pills that we could grind up, mix with baking soda, powdered sugar, and earth from around Chernobyl, we have make for you, the capitalist pig, our goodest brand of black market proscripted drugs, absolut-ly (see what we just did there, Comrade?) none of which we can spell, because we're Russians and if it ain't Cyrillic, we stupidski:

** Prospecia - 0.10$

** Conniva - 0.11$

** Lady Madonna - 0.12$

** Wethimself of Chris Matthews - 0.01$ (Depends not included)
** Leivtra - 1.89$
** Cailis - 1.74$

** Oscar Madison Anthony Weiners (endorsed by Sandra Fluke) - 0.19$
** Vagra - 0.65$

** Invitrovegemin - 0.64$

** Insomnia - 0.25$

** Ingrowd - 0.24$

** Inplant - 0.19$

** Outpatient - 0.018 and a third$

** Stain of Clinton - 0.01$ (not in big demand so much now)

** Zooloft - 1.18$

** Hayloft - 0.18$

** Earwax - 0.15$

** Eye of genital wart - 0.09$

** Tail of Nancy Pelosi - (we can't GIVE this sh*t away)

** Brain cell of AlGore - (ditto)

** Earl of Cloves - 0.07$

** Milk of Amnausea - 0.06$

** Bicarbonate of Sordid - 0.05$

** Bile of Zugspitz - 0.04$

** Root of Nose Hair - 0.03$

** Essence of Uranus - (see Tail of Nancy Pelosi, above)

And we gotz a lot more sh*t like that for our capitalist friends!  Find us athttp://doctorfrankenRevolga.ru/  or look us up under NKVD in the outdated Red Pages (making comeback under RasPutin).

I didn't get any feedback from anyone, so it's obvious that Andrew Green still ain't talkin' to me...