Pet Rocks On Scammer Investment Inquiries

My "editing gone wild" pet rock, Seymour, loves it when scammers write to him seeking investment ideers.

He likes the ideer that a pet rock is not taken for granite in areas of international finance.

*pet rock face palm*

Okay, so it's a lode to think a pet rock knows anything about international finance...but this particular pet rock knows a thing or two about international finance scams.

Like this one:

From: Mr.Albert F.Meyer & Partners

EMAIL: (albert.gf.meyer@gmail.com)

Good day.

 

I have decided to contact you through this medium after reviewing your honorable and reputable profile. I have been briefed by a reputable consultant friend of mine that you, your partners and clients have very credible and attractive investment projects/ opportunities and you, your clients and partners may also be interested and in need of a private investment loan OR Joint Venture Partnership financing to establish a new projects or to expand/ improve and accomplish your desired project (s). It is my belief that with your position as a professional, that you will be in position to present us with solid investment opportunities.

Presently I represent a private group of reputable Investor, H.E. Ali Shareefn Emadi, Minister Of Finance, Qatar Petroleum (www.qp.com.qa) and his partners who are ready, willing and able to provide you, your clients and partners assistance with International Private Loans and Joint Venture Partnership Project Finance to establish new projects or to improve your present Investment capacity and productivity. Kindly endeavor to specify in your return mail if you need a PRIVATE INVESTMENT LOAN OR IF YOU NEED JOINT INVESTMENT PARTNER and I will provide you with the proceedings, terms and conditions accordingly.

If you have a solid business project or plan of making good profit in any viable business sectors in your COUNTRY and beyond, kindly write me for possible business co-operation. The principal investors are ready to facilitate and fund any credible business venture provide you, your clients and partners will nominate capable of generating good annual return on investment (AROI) on their investment through their contacts with Prime Banks, Finance Houses and Fund Portfolio Managers in EUROPE, ASIA, MIDDLE EAST, AMERICA and AFRICA within 3 to 5 days as long as you are ready to comply with the legal requirements,proceedings, terms and conditions of our Contract Agreement/ Transaction.

AT THE SAME TIME THEY WILL PAY YOU A 2% BROKER'S COMMISSION IF YOU INTRODUCE A CREDIBLE PROJECT OWNER WHO IS INTERESTED AND IN NEED OF CREDIBLE FINANCING FOR HIS OR HER PROJECT.

For Further details, Contact us only via our email as  follows: (albert.gf.meyer@gmail.com)

Regards,

Mr.Albert F.Meyer & Partners  

 

 

After Seymour consulted with his fellow pet rock Element -- and they agreed that they were out of their 'element' with this scam -- "are NOT!!!  PHFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!!!"...they decided to give it their best editing shot and respond in a manure the scammer couldn't help but be confounded by:

 

 

From: Mr.Albert F.Meyer & Partners <message@insightbb.com>
Sent: Friday, November 8, 2019 8:31 AM
Subject: From: Mr.Albert F.Meyer & Partners LSD  

From: Mr.Albert F.Meyer & Partners LSD

EMAIL: (albert.gf.meyer@gmail.com)

Good day.

I have decided to contact you through this extra-large after reviewing your ad hork and reptilian profile. I have been debriefed by a disreputable gang of baboon underwear thieves that you, your partners and clients have been warned about if you travel to this Third World Democrap Hole (aka, dung heap).  It is my belief -- my unshakeable belief -- that with your position as an octosexual orthopod in a 57-tiered gender lowerarchy advocated by LGBQs, BLTs, OMGs and WTFs, that you will be in position to present us with solid incorporeal obstreptics of the impeachable kind.  And we all know that we DNCers are all over impeaching, impearing, and/or just imphucking up whatever we can.  

Presently I represent a primate group of wide-ranging simians under the banner of H.E. Oooo Ahah Ali Shareefn Emadi, Monkester Of Vinenance, Qatar Petroleum and his oblivious partners who are ready, willing and able to be as stupid with you as they were with them. Kindly endeavor to specify in your return mail if you need a frontal lobotomy or bottle in front o me OR IF YOU NEED JOINT PAIN RELIEF from having stuck your joint in too many unfamiliar and uncooperative niches in your COUNTRY and beyond, kindly write me for how possible it is to give you the business as I've endeavored to do across all the continents of this orb.

The principal primates engaged in incestuous activities are ready to facilitate anything remotely Arkansas-like, long as it doesn't run them afoul of Hellary Clinton and her ongoing Who's-To-Blame-For-Her-Losing-in-2016 carpfest. 

We'll even think about something remotely akin to any incredible business venture provided you, your clients and partners will nominate capable of generating good anal expellants that send AOC into sphincter spasms of world-ending agony.

Operators in EUROPE, ASIA, MIDDLE EAST, AMERICA and AFRICA are standing by with bated breath -- likely tuna -- for your contact as long as you are ready to comply with what we claim are the legal requirements, proceedings, terms and conditions of our Contract Agreement/ Transaction.  All of which is dung we make up like Schiff makes up for impeachment rules that suit his pencil neck dildoism.

AT THE SAME TIME THEY WILL CHARGE YOU A 2% BROKER'S COMMISSION, intended to make you broker than at the start of this email.

For Further details, Contact us only via our email as  follows: (albert.gf.meyer@gmail.com)

Regards,

Mr.Albert F.Meyer & Partners LSD

..we tried crack and it phucked with our heads too much

While it came as no surprise to me that the pet rock dual edit went unresponded to by the scammers, I quickly assured them that it got them added to Hellary's list of reasons she lost in 2016.

I never saw two happier pet rocks...until I reminded them that Jeffrey Epstein didn't kill himself...

 

Moon Over Miasma

This is apparently how this scammer views my character.

As Carl Spackler.

Read the following and see if you don't agree:


Mr Wilford Moon <rev.sisitergraceazzem@gmail.com>

 

 Greetings.

I write to you based on a request by an investor and his need for
investment/funding in your country. My name is Mr Wilford Moon , a
financial  consultant with a reputable financial services firm here in United
State of America USA

My company most times represents the interests of very wealthy investors.
Due to the Sensitivity of the position they hold in their society and the
unstable investment environment of their country, they evacuate majority of
their funds into more stable economies and developed nations where they can
get good yield for their money.

A reserved Client, whom I had personally worked with few years ago came
with a proposal recently . What he request is an individual such as
yourself, who will be willing to receive money on his behalf abroad, and
put it to good standard use for a period not exceeding Six [6] years
for a start.

The client has offered these terms:

1. 5% commission paid to me and my foreign partner of the total funds
successfully evacuated. The funds in question is  $60 Million US
Dollars.

2. The funds will be used by the foreign partner for six years as a loan
without any interest. That is, you do not pay any interest on the money but
you give the client 50% of all profits after tax that was accrued from the
use of the funds.

If these terms are agreeable to you, kindly let me know and I will provide
you with all necessary information and procedures involved. All reply
should be sent to this Email: [willfordmoon@gmail.com] for urgent
attention.

Sincerely yours,

Mr Wilford Moon.
Consultant Officer 

 

 

If he doesn't believe my character to be the intellectual equivalent of Carl Spackler, he's certainly hoping for something akin.

 

So let's see how his expectations can be met with a reply like this h'yar: 

 

I have had time to read well and understand the contents of your email.

Now I want you to read well and understand the contents of your email and see if you understand well what I am seeing.

1.  You are Wilford Moon.
2. Using email of rev.sistergraceazzem@gmail.com
3. With response to willfordmoon@gmail.com
4. *pause to see that you follow me so far*
5. You have a client.
6. A client with money.
7. Money to invest.
8. He needs to invest in my country.
9. You are a financial consultant.
10. One, you say, with a reputable financial services firm in the United States.
11. He needs to invest in my country.
12. You are his financial consultant.
13. You are in the United States.
14. His is an unstable society.
15. He is a wealthy person in an unstable society.
16. He wants someone like me to scheme with him for a term up to 6 years.
17. His fund is $60 million.
18. He'll give me 50% of the profits.
19. After tax.
20. If I'm interested, respond to you.
21. Wilford Moon.
22. US based financial consultant.
23. Writing from rev.sistergraceazzem@gmail.com
24. Receiving email at willfordmoon@gmail.com
    

Would that seem to sum up the gist of it?  And do you read and understand well what I read and understand well herein?  

 

Apparently, the scammer's hopes that my character was, in fact, the intellectual equivalent of Carl Spackler were not realized after he perused my character's response.

 

Calling all Carl Spacklers out there...put down the gopher, back slowly away, and respond to this email....