Pet Rocks On Scammer Investment Inquiries

My "editing gone wild" pet rock, Seymour, loves it when scammers write to him seeking investment ideers.

He likes the ideer that a pet rock is not taken for granite in areas of international finance.

*pet rock face palm*

Okay, so it's a lode to think a pet rock knows anything about international finance...but this particular pet rock knows a thing or two about international finance scams.

Like this one:

From: Mr.Albert F.Meyer & Partners

EMAIL: (albert.gf.meyer@gmail.com)

Good day.

 

I have decided to contact you through this medium after reviewing your honorable and reputable profile. I have been briefed by a reputable consultant friend of mine that you, your partners and clients have very credible and attractive investment projects/ opportunities and you, your clients and partners may also be interested and in need of a private investment loan OR Joint Venture Partnership financing to establish a new projects or to expand/ improve and accomplish your desired project (s). It is my belief that with your position as a professional, that you will be in position to present us with solid investment opportunities.

Presently I represent a private group of reputable Investor, H.E. Ali Shareefn Emadi, Minister Of Finance, Qatar Petroleum (www.qp.com.qa) and his partners who are ready, willing and able to provide you, your clients and partners assistance with International Private Loans and Joint Venture Partnership Project Finance to establish new projects or to improve your present Investment capacity and productivity. Kindly endeavor to specify in your return mail if you need a PRIVATE INVESTMENT LOAN OR IF YOU NEED JOINT INVESTMENT PARTNER and I will provide you with the proceedings, terms and conditions accordingly.

If you have a solid business project or plan of making good profit in any viable business sectors in your COUNTRY and beyond, kindly write me for possible business co-operation. The principal investors are ready to facilitate and fund any credible business venture provide you, your clients and partners will nominate capable of generating good annual return on investment (AROI) on their investment through their contacts with Prime Banks, Finance Houses and Fund Portfolio Managers in EUROPE, ASIA, MIDDLE EAST, AMERICA and AFRICA within 3 to 5 days as long as you are ready to comply with the legal requirements,proceedings, terms and conditions of our Contract Agreement/ Transaction.

AT THE SAME TIME THEY WILL PAY YOU A 2% BROKER'S COMMISSION IF YOU INTRODUCE A CREDIBLE PROJECT OWNER WHO IS INTERESTED AND IN NEED OF CREDIBLE FINANCING FOR HIS OR HER PROJECT.

For Further details, Contact us only via our email as  follows: (albert.gf.meyer@gmail.com)

Regards,

Mr.Albert F.Meyer & Partners  

 

 

After Seymour consulted with his fellow pet rock Element -- and they agreed that they were out of their 'element' with this scam -- "are NOT!!!  PHFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!!!"...they decided to give it their best editing shot and respond in a manure the scammer couldn't help but be confounded by:

 

 

From: Mr.Albert F.Meyer & Partners <message@insightbb.com>
Sent: Friday, November 8, 2019 8:31 AM
Subject: From: Mr.Albert F.Meyer & Partners LSD  

From: Mr.Albert F.Meyer & Partners LSD

EMAIL: (albert.gf.meyer@gmail.com)

Good day.

I have decided to contact you through this extra-large after reviewing your ad hork and reptilian profile. I have been debriefed by a disreputable gang of baboon underwear thieves that you, your partners and clients have been warned about if you travel to this Third World Democrap Hole (aka, dung heap).  It is my belief -- my unshakeable belief -- that with your position as an octosexual orthopod in a 57-tiered gender lowerarchy advocated by LGBQs, BLTs, OMGs and WTFs, that you will be in position to present us with solid incorporeal obstreptics of the impeachable kind.  And we all know that we DNCers are all over impeaching, impearing, and/or just imphucking up whatever we can.  

Presently I represent a primate group of wide-ranging simians under the banner of H.E. Oooo Ahah Ali Shareefn Emadi, Monkester Of Vinenance, Qatar Petroleum and his oblivious partners who are ready, willing and able to be as stupid with you as they were with them. Kindly endeavor to specify in your return mail if you need a frontal lobotomy or bottle in front o me OR IF YOU NEED JOINT PAIN RELIEF from having stuck your joint in too many unfamiliar and uncooperative niches in your COUNTRY and beyond, kindly write me for how possible it is to give you the business as I've endeavored to do across all the continents of this orb.

The principal primates engaged in incestuous activities are ready to facilitate anything remotely Arkansas-like, long as it doesn't run them afoul of Hellary Clinton and her ongoing Who's-To-Blame-For-Her-Losing-in-2016 carpfest. 

We'll even think about something remotely akin to any incredible business venture provided you, your clients and partners will nominate capable of generating good anal expellants that send AOC into sphincter spasms of world-ending agony.

Operators in EUROPE, ASIA, MIDDLE EAST, AMERICA and AFRICA are standing by with bated breath -- likely tuna -- for your contact as long as you are ready to comply with what we claim are the legal requirements, proceedings, terms and conditions of our Contract Agreement/ Transaction.  All of which is dung we make up like Schiff makes up for impeachment rules that suit his pencil neck dildoism.

AT THE SAME TIME THEY WILL CHARGE YOU A 2% BROKER'S COMMISSION, intended to make you broker than at the start of this email.

For Further details, Contact us only via our email as  follows: (albert.gf.meyer@gmail.com)

Regards,

Mr.Albert F.Meyer & Partners LSD

..we tried crack and it phucked with our heads too much

While it came as no surprise to me that the pet rock dual edit went unresponded to by the scammers, I quickly assured them that it got them added to Hellary's list of reasons she lost in 2016.

I never saw two happier pet rocks...until I reminded them that Jeffrey Epstein didn't kill himself...