South African Scammers...and Wheaties

Doesn't really matter what one does to spread the word:  some folks never learn.

Take this purported-to-be-from South Africa scammer for example:


We introduce South African Fraud Prevention Services (SAFPS) to you, with sole objective of stopping cyber-crime, Internet fraud, scams and money laundering in Africa, America and London (United Kingdom).

Since 2004 that the commission was founded we have succeeded in prosecuting and jailing over 7,500 in Africa, China, Malaysia, United States and UK and while over 6000 fraudsters are at various stage of prosecution. We have been able to stop the loss of millions of dollars by foreigners via deception with a promise of certain percentages in their letters requesting help to move certain funds and demanding money from their victims.

However the African and International Crime Fighters Commission-UN (AICFC) recently recovered over $422 Billion Dollars (Four Hundred and Twenty two Billion Dollars) from those apprehended and successfully prosecuted.

 We write you at this time as our investigations shows you are once a victim of this crime and In line with our objective to help recover and restore stolen or lost fund through cyber-fraud, this is to inform you that the government have approved the sum of Five Million Five Hundred Thousand United States Dollars (US $5,500,000.00), as fund to be return to you.

Kindly note, you may need to know that your payment of Five Million Five Hundred Thousand United states Dollars (US$5,500,000.00) will be paid within 72hours through the International ATM CARD which will be issued in your favor.   Please find below other recent beneficiaries who got their international ATM Card successfully: Name: Donna L. Vargas: UPS Tracking Number: EO 989 255 511 US (www.usps.com), Name: Rovenda Elaine Clayton: UPS Tracking Number: 873944886796 (www.fedex.com/us).

How to Claim Refund: Fill in details of the following and send to the bank below,
Your Name:
Your Mailing address (Not P.O Box Please)
Your Direct Mobile Number:
Occupation:
Age:

BANK: ABSA BANK PLY.
OFFICE ADDRESS: 7th Floor Absa Towers West 15 Troye Street Johannesburg 2001.
CONTACT PERSON: Mr.James Nwangi (Payment Director)
EMAIL: mrjamesnwangi@mail2consultant.com

Regards
Mr.Clifford Mohlaloga
Executive Chairman
South African Fraud Prevention Services (SAFPS)  


I flipped a coin on who'd get this edit:  Seymour called it and was pissed when it didn't come to him.  So Element, my other "editing pet rock gone wild" drew this edit that went back to SAFPS and assordid friends:



From: support@edutaintment.com.my <support@edutaintment.com.my>
Sent: Wednesday, October 30, 2019 10:21 PM
To: Recipients <support@edutaintment.com.my>
Subject: Re: URGENT:  STOP EATING WHEATIES...LOOK WHAT HAPPENED TO BRUCE JENNER  

We introduce South African Fraud Propagation Services (SAFPS) to you, with sole objective of spreading cyber-crime, Internet fraud, scams and money laundering in Africa, America and London (United Kingdom).  It's what we do.  It's all we're about.  Spread it like a cheap whore's legs!

Since 2004 that the commission was founded we have succeeded in propagating and profiting from over 7,500 in Africa, China, Malaysia, United States and UK and while over 6000 fraudsters are at various stage of income re-distribution. We have been able to spread the loss of millions of dollars by foreigners via deception with an empty promise of certain percentages in their letters requesting help to move certain funds and demanding money from their victims.

However the African and International Crime Supporting Commission-UN (AICSC) recently recorded over $422 Billion Dollars (Four Hundred and Twenty two Billion Dollars) being spread from those that need scamming to those doing the scamming.  Yay for us!

 We write you at this time as our investigations shows you are not yet a victim of this crime and In line with our objective to help make you a victim through cyber-fraud, this is to inform you that the "government" (*snicker laugh titter ROAR*) have approved the sum of Five Million Five Hundred Thousand United States Dollars (US $5,500,000.00) that you need to be stupid enough to believe will be paid to you for a reasonable fee....

Kindly note, you may need to know that your payment of Five Million Five Hundred Thousand United states Dollars (US$5,500,000.00) will be paid when unicorns outnumber domestic cattle in the USA by way of an ATM CARD which only works in zero gravity at two ATMs located on Uranus.   Please find below other recent beneficiaries who got their international ATM Card successfully: *listen to the Jeopardy Theme while you search in vain for those names*

How to Claim a Refund you'll never get: Fill in details of the following and send to the "bank" *insert rolled eyes emoji here* below,

Your Name:
Your Mailing address (Not P.O Box Please)
Your Direct Mobile Number:
Occupation:
Age:

BANK: ABSCONDS WID EVER'THANG BANK PLY.
OFFICE ADDRESS: 7th Floor ABSCONDS WID EVER'THANG Towers West 15 Troye Street Johannesburg 2001.
CONTACT PERSON: Mr.James Booga Wooga Nwangi ("Director"...*insert more rolling eye emojis*)
EMAIL: mrjamesnwangi@mail2consultant.com

Regards
Mr.Clifford Mohlaloga
Executive Chairtwot
South African Fraud Propagation Services (SAFPS)  

 

 

The scammer(s) figured out in short order that this template wasn't going to reap any harvest here.

 

The DNC still hasn't.

ATM Cards Can Do So Much

Well...this MIGHT be happening in Canada.  But with more liberalized pot laws in Colorado, I think it more likely in Nederland.

And I digress.

'Tis the time of year for scammers to ramp up their ATM card scams.  Oh yes.  They need our gullibility this time of year.

Their hootchy mamas need new shoes.

So I get me one of these:

Attention: ATM Card Beneficiary,

I wish to use this medium to inform you that your CONTRACT/INHERITANCE Payment of (US$4.5) Four Million Five hundred thousand US  dollars only from ASIA have been RELEASED and APPROVED for onward Transfer to you through an ATM CARD after our meeting with United Nations and International monetary fund (IMF)which you will use to withdraw all the US$3.5Million United States Dollars in any ATM SERVICE MACHINE in any part of the world,But the maximum amount you can withdraw daily is the sum of USD$5,000.00 only.

We the board of trustees of United Nations/IMF have also mandated the British Government designated bank to send your ATM CARD and PIN NUMBER to you which you will use to withdraw all your USD$3.5Million in any ATM SERVICE MACHINE in any part of the world. You are therefore advised to contact the DIRECTOR OF ATM CARD  OPERATIONS in U.K with the information stated below:  ppsmith1221@sify.com

CONTACT PERSON: Dr Peter Smith, THE DIRECTOR OF ATM CARD OPERATIONS, EMAIL address : ppsmith1221@sify.com  


Small wonder that the moose is smiling.  Or just high.

At any rate, I didn't really have a lot of time for this particular scammer's being full of it.  Then again, after the *TOING* that last reaction generated, I figured I could make use of it accordingly.  Thus:

Attention: ATM Card Beneficiary,

I wish to use this extra large to inform you that all of our new ATM cards were issued CONSTIPATED.  We are most mortified by this.  How may you ask can an ATM card be CONSTIPATED?

 

Exactly what we're asking our ATM card supplier.

 

We won't rest until this is answered.  Or by siesta time, whichever comes first.

We the board of trustees of United Nations/IMF have also mandated that the British Government answer the question HOW CAN AN ATM CARD BE CONSTIPATED?  We were going to ask the US Government this same thing, but one look at Hillary Clinton explains how ATM cards in the USA can become CONSTIPATED.

 

When you are ready to inquire as to why and how an ATM card could be issued CONSTIPATED for any reason, please to CONTACT PERSON: Dr Peter Smith, THE DIRECTOR OF CONSTIPATED ATM CARD OPERATIONS, EMAIL address : ppsmith1221@sify.com

We wish to use this opportunity to express our sincere apology over your plight in the past years with our CONSTIPATED ATM CARDS, and we wish to assure you of prompt efforts on our part to remedy this situation as soonest as it is our ability to figure out how to UNCONSTIPATE your ATM card.

We tried squeezing it....doesn't work.  But we're still working on it.

 

Thanking you in advance for your anticipated patience.


ATM CONSTIPATION DEPARTMENT
UNITED NATIONS
UNITED KINGDOM

DNC HQ

No response from the scammer so far, and the only response from the DNC is to have the IRS see if I'm a Tea Party member...