Code This

I'm sure that the group that did the '60s song "Western Union" never expected to continue to get brought up in 2015.  But when a scammer puts a pitch square over the plate in the strike zone, I am obliged to swing for the fences at it.

My pet rock just says it was "a swing and a MISS", but he's just jealous because he didn't get to do this edit.

"Am NOT!!!!  PHFFFFT!"

And that proves that you are, Seymour.  The "phffft" is always a giveaway.


Here's how it started:

Contact Western union Benin with Your full name,full Address and direct phone number for your fund $2.5usd, Contact name: Mr. Frank Onyechi, 

via (uwestern330@yahoo.fr) ; Phone: +229- 998-087-33 Sincerely,

Mrs. Jenneth Copeland  

 

 

So I -- or rather my character -- did:

 

 

Just where am I being transferred, and why wasn't I told before now?  

 

 

Like with so many other stupid scammers, it isn't WHAT you reply; it's that you replied, period:

 

 

Welcome to Western Union Money  Transfer

Send Money Worldwide

FROM DESK OF WESTERN UNION MONEY TRANSFER OFFICE.

FINANCIAL MINISTER OF FREDERAL REPUBLIC

OF BENIN FOREIGN CONTRACTOR PAYMENT OFFICE.

FAX NUMBER +229 99 808 733

Adresse :Rue du Gouverneur Bayol;Boxe postale :BP 1280 - Cotonou.

ATTENTION: Frank Unsteen,

We acknowledge the receipt of your mail, This fund was deposited under this western union department as a result of your over due contract payment according to the finance minister Mrs Jenneth Copeland. She further instructed that the sum of  $2.5M, should be transfer to you in the amount of  $5,000.00 daily basis until the transfer is completed. 

However, after going through your file and address , i was even trying to know if we can send you the first $5000 today, but unfortunately , i discovered that this your payment Transfer Permit File Code:-KGU9875/  is not yet activate of which you have to activate it before I can  proceed to access the file and transfer your first payment $5000 today, that is the little  problem i'm having with your transaction right now.... 

Therefore, i will like you to kindly send the activation fee of $175. usd if possible today so that first thing tomorrow Morning here i will rush to the DIRECTOR GENERAL WESTERN UNION office to activate your  Transfer Permit File Code:-KGU9875/ , so that your payment transfer will be effective and you start receiving your funds $5000 your transaction ok.. 

Finally, The fee could not be deduct from the fund $2.5M USD due to the engagement agreement of Insurance Company with the various Ministries which I have the certificate with me right here, and we were clearly warned not to tamper with your fund and no cent will be deduct from the payments for whatever reason, stating that it is a measure to safeguard the fund of the beneficiaries from embezzlement..

My promised to you is that we shall transfer your first payment of $5000 as soon i finished activate your payment (Transfer Permit File Code:-KGU9875/ ) from the Federal Ministry Of Finance today....The only thing you should do now is to go and send me the ($175.) so that i can meet up with Federal Ministry Of Finance today ok........

                                                                                                    

Just copy below information and go to western union with $175 to send it through western  union to the name of our protocol officer stated below:  

 

Here is the information on how you will send the $175.00 and the money will be send via Western Union Money Transfer Or Money Gram.

 

Receiver name /  Ikam Anthony

Country / Benin Republic Cotonou  

City/Address / Porto-Novo

Country/ Code/ 00229

Text Question / Bless?

Answer / Yes  

Amount / $175.00 usd

 

Remember to send the payment information such as MTCN# and the sender name as soon as you send the $175usd or you can call me with this number +229 99 808 733 so that i will have the information of the payment.

 

Your urgent respond is highly needed;

Once Again; You are welcome to western union worldwide payment department Benin Of West Africa.

Thanks For Your Understanding. 

Mr. Frank Onyechi

EMAIL (uwestern330@yahoo.fr)

TELEPHONE +229 99 808 733  

 

 

So "Frank" decided to subject "Frank" to an edit that perhaps might get his attention this time:

 

 

Welcome to Western Union

Dah Dit Dah Dit Dah, Dah Dit Dah Dit Dah

Dah Dit Dah Dit Dah, Dah Dit Dah Dit Dah...

Send Sh** Worldwide

FROM DESK OF FINANCIAL MINISTER OF FREDERAL REPUBLIC

Yes, we too have talking desks in our Ministry of Frederal Republic

OF BENIN FOREIGN CONTRACTOR PAYMENT OFFICE.

FAX NUMBER +229 99 808 733

Adresse :Rue du Gouverneur Bayol;Boxe postale :BP 1280 - Cotonou.

ATTENTION: 

On behalf of our talking desk, we wish to advice you that the Ministry of Frederal Republic of Benin is not a ministry dedicated solely to Freds; our desks represent Franks 'n Beans, too.  We acknowledge the receipt of mail from the finance minister Mrs Jenneth Copeland.  She has a desk that speaks for her too. 

As I walked out on the stre-ets of Benin...

as I walked out on the streets there one day,

I spied a lone desk there, all talking to itself

all talking to itself as bored as could be...

I see by your outline, that you're a talking desk..

it sees by my outline, I'm a talking desk too...

We see by our outlines, that we're talking desks..

if you get an outline you can be a talking desk too...

*Hint to readers:  if you sing those lyrics to the Streets of Laredo, Smothers Brothers style, it'll make some sense*

However, after going through your file and address , i was even trying to know if you have a talking desk there that we can communicate with?  Our talking desks would probably have better speaks with your talking desks, perhaps even conference calling each other in a manure sure we are thinking to expedite and ease the communicationals that only talking desks having speaks can.  but unfortunately , i discovered that it is reported that you don't not has a speaking desk, and this is most depressing to our talking desks, because in the international arena of talking desks, an ever-widening circle of talking desks is key to internationality and the brotherhood of drawers.  that is the little  problem i'm having with your transaction right now.... 

Therefore, i will like you to kindly locate if you will or can, a talking desk in your offices that is conversant in bochi, Azerbajani and Liechtensteinian-sprechen, so that our desks can laugh their asses off hearing languages they are not accustomed to.  A laughing talking desk is a happy furniture, to be sure.

Finally, once the talking deskage issue is arranged to the satisfaction of all ministries, names and desks, there is the little thing about the fee that is integral to this whole email that got lost in the drawers of the streets of Laredo and trying to make talking desks work in those lyrics.  The fee could not be deduct from a duck, so don't ask us to put the fee on its bill.  We know that one already.  Just so you know and appreciate this little factoid, the Ministry of Abners directed us to avoid any duck billage in the fee procedure, so that we'd have no abnermalities. 

I don't suppose you see what we just did there.  If you had a talking desk, it would have.

My promised to you is that I shall get a better spell check program for my talking desk, because some of my grampar here is not up to syntax error.  I will have to look into having this addressed by the Federal Ministry Of Floranance today....and no, it is not a combination of Flora and finance...but the talking desk over there is named Flora, in case you know a single male talking desk that wants her number.  She is rumored to give great hinge jobs.

                                                                                                    

Just copy below information and go to western union with the special morse code we put at the top of this email and when you repeat it back to them -- if they are under the age of 30 -- they will have no idea what that noise is you're making, and will probably have security throw you out.  So make sure your clerk is over 30 before you start dah-ditting.  And when you finish the song thing to their extreme thanks, give them this informations:  

 

Here is the information on how you will send whatever amount you feel is generous enough to keep our talking desks on speaking terms with other talking desks in other geogiraffical regions.

 

Receiver name /  The desk of Ikam Anthony

Country / the talking desk in the Ministry of Frederal Benin Republic Cotonou  

City/Address / Porto-Novo

Country/ Code/ 00229

Text Question / Does Your Chewing Gum Lose Its Flavor On The Desk drawer overnight?

Answer / F**king A Right it does, you ill-mannered asshat.    

Amount / whatever you feel like sending...we rely heavily on the generosity of talking desks

 

Remember to send the payment information such as MTCN# and the sender name as soon as you send whatever your generosity dictates or you can call me at  +229 99 808 733 so that my desk and your talking desk, if you come up with one, can shoot the sh** about the best oils for sliding drawers and hinge jobs.

 

Your urgent respond is highly needed;

Once Again; You are welcome to western union

dah dit dah dit dah, dah dit dah dit dah

dah dit dah dit dah, dah dit dah dit dah,

dit dah dit dah dit dah dit dah dit dah dit dah....*whew that's a lot of dit dah*

Thanks For Your Understanding on the talking desks, streets of Laredo, morse code and duck bills. 

Mr. Frank Onyechi

EMAIL (uwestern330@yahoo.fr)

TELEPHONE +229 99 808 733  

 

 

Mr. Frank Onyechi musta finally sat down and actually read the reply; his lack of one tells me he knows he isn't getting his money.  Or can't figure out the music to the Streets of Laredo...

Benin and Western Union *OOPS* Again

It appears that scammers in the Republic of Benin think that offereing a Christmas discount on a Western Union scam is a sure fire way to get money sent to them.  Here's how they planned to do it:








THIS IS OUR CONDUCT CODE ( 204)
Welcome to  Western Union Bonus Center
Benin Republic Send Money Worldwide
FROM OFFICE OF THE WESTERN UNION MONEY
TRANSFER. COTONOU BENIN REPUBLIC/ADDRESS,
23 BOMBAY WAY,WHITE HOUSE,RUE,85745, COTONOU.
E MAIL ADDRESS = (office.transfer@workmail.com) or (  western_union.federal@yahoo.fr  )
CUSTOMER CARE LINE;+229 99935539
And Receive Money Via Any Western Union Store Near You!

Hello  Dear Customer!

This is to notify all of you about the latest development concerning all the payment that are left in our custody,which yours are inclusive Besides,  where you are given a bill  of $100,  in order to receive your payment which we didn’t hear from you for sometime now. Hence, our Western Union  is now offering a Special BONUS to help all our customers that are having their payment  in our custody due to of high prices. In order words we are now requesting that those involve should pay only the sum of $43. 00 to receive all their payment abandoned in our custody.

Besides, my dear, this is the opportunity for you and have to comply and your funds  shall be transfer to your designated address. But remember that after (5 DAYS) you did not make the payment then we will divert your funds to Government Fund, to avoid problem or we will cancel the payment for this year until next year  because this year is not like last year.

Again after (FIVE DAYS ) We will enter A new project  for the year and that is the reason why we decided to help  all our customers before we enter into the new project. So be  advise to send the $43.00 immediately so that we will register your payment and  you start receiving your transfer as from tomorrow in amount $4,500.00 in two payment daily. Be advise that there is no time again for we to call any person on phone unless you will call +229 999--355--39. After the payment of $43.00 you will start receiving your money every day $4,500.00 through Western Union until the full payment of $1.2m is completed. Amount to be receiving per day is $9,000.00.

Therefore you are requested to send the fee via western union money transfer with below information.

RECEIVER NAME ; EMMANUEL OBAGHA
COUNTRY -----;BENIN REPUBLIC
CITY--------;COTONOU
TEST QUESTION;HOW  LONG
ANSWER -------;NOW
AMOUNT ----;$43.00.
SENDER NAME;............
MTCN;...................

The moment i receive the payment of $43 i will release the first payment information's of $4,500 to you after 45minutes of the fee confirmation from you and you will pick up the money for another to be sending. Hoping to hear from you.   




My pet rock, Seymour, was anxious to take a crack at this and show off his new command of the English language, scammer style.  I don't think the scammers or the DNC were quite ready for it:






  

On Friday, December 5, 2014 1:51 AM, SAM JOE <kimberlydunn66@gmail.com> had this edited by a pet rock of geologic antecedence and few scruples, so that it now reads thus: 

THIS IS OUR MISCONDUCT CODE (2-oh-screw-you-4-munnies)
Welcome to  Western Union Bogus Center
Benin Repugnant Trying To Steal Money Worldwide
FROM OFFICE OF A FLY INFESTED INTERNET SCAM CAFE

TRYING LIKE HELL TO IMITATE WESTERN UNION MONEY
TRANSFER. COTONOU BENIN REPUGNANT/ADDRESS,
23 BOMBSAWAY WAY,OBOLA WHITE HOUSE,RUE,85745, COTONOU.
E MAIL ADDRESS = (office.transfer@workmail.com) or (  western_union.federal@yahoo.fr  )
CUSTOMER LACK OF CARE LINE;+229 99935539

When it comes from Benin, you know you get screwed  ;-)

Hello  Intended Dupe!
 
This is to notify all of you -- even your parts that don't hear or see, which I learn about recently in geography class, genitals and earwax and stuff -- about the latest development concerning all the latest bullsh** we try pull here in Benin Repugnant!  Oh sh**, I not 'sposed to say that.  Ogun, where my talking ports?  Okay, here I goes...we gotz a payment that are left in our custody,which yours are inclusive.  You saby?   Besides, where you are given a bill  of $100, a duck is somewhere without a bill and they don't fly good widdout a bill.  In odor to receive your payment which we didn’t hear from you for sometime now -- you gots to contract us here in Benin Repugnant if you wants our moneyzgrams -- so our our Westin Onjons  is now offering a Special BOGUS to help all our customers help us rape their wallets. Was I sposed to tells that?  Dammit Ogun!

In order worlds we are now redacting that those involve with no-billed ducks should get a bill of $43.00 which we think will affect less ducks since many of thems don't gotz cheep bills.  
 
Besides, my dear, this is the opporscrewnity for me to have to comply and get your funds so I can buy my wife -- I marry to a baboon named Hillary -- a face lift and the crane what might can do it.  Hillary pretty big, y'see.  But remember that after (5 DAYS) you did not make the payment, we might be run different deal and all the stuff with ducks, bills, weighs and curds may be replace by different templant than what we are use nowser.  

In case you ax, I am prod of my comingle of the Anglash lumbagospeaks.   Rits it Purdy goodz, to.  Why?  because this year is not like last year.  It gotz diffrunt nombores in it.
 
Again after (FIVE DAYS ) it will be five days later.  This signifcornt, yes?  We start a gnu A new project  for the year and it will have us all being refugees from Dearborn MI living in non-existant refugee camps in Senegalese, performing pap smears on piranha Virginias.  That is the reason why we decided to help ourselves to  all our customers before we start something gnu and mebbe not all of you standunder a proctologyized rhino bung hole or piranha virginia getting it's pap smeared.  We plan to put vigeo of it on YouBoob soonest.  So be  advise to send the $43.00 immediately so that we will register you as a succor in our registree of succors so that ours like me can contract you and do you like obola and nancy Pelosi are do you.  Be advise that there is no time again for we to call any person on phone because meerkats pee on all our phone c'ept one, and it in Ogun's pocket.  He gotz in on vertebrate, so you will call +229 999--355--39 and give Ogun cheep spill. After the payment of $43.00 you will start receiving text msgs from online loan scammers like Dangote Alico and other dubious antecedents.  They wait and see how we do firstest.
 
Therefore you are requested to send the fee via westin onjon monkey transport with below information.
 
RECEIVER NAME ; EMMANUEL OBAGHAHEEHAHAHAHAHA
COUNTRY -----;BENIN REPUGNANT
CITY--------;COTONOU
TEST QUESTION;  IF SHEEP IS RAM AND DONKEY IS ASS
ANSWER -------; WHY RAM IN ASS A GOOSE?
AMOUNT ----;$43.00.
SENDER NAME;............
IN 500 SYNTAX OR LESS, 'SPLAIN THE GENITAL HISTORY OF PLANET URANUS AND HOW IT RELATED TO HARRY REID;...................
 
The moment i receive the payment of $43 i will most likely wet myselves most profusely...never had one of this works bethree.  Hoping to hear from you.

FOR THE MANAGEMENT
FROM DR. SAME JOE......
FOREIGN OPERATION MANAGER
WESTIN UNJON OFFICE BENIN REPUGNANT
THIS IS OUR MISCONDUCT CODE (2-oh-screw-you-4-munnies )  

Seymour's right proud of hisself, and is on the enemies list of everyone at the DNC...

"Am NOT!!!"

 

NAPA Know How In Benin

No, that's not your kid's teddy...but it's kinda sorta on the mark for the latest edit of a Western Union email scam out of the African country of Benin.

Actually, the *TOING* that led to this photo to go with this edit came because of the original title of the email:  A NEW WESTERN UNION.

After reading it, I realized the only thing 'new' about it was the latest names involved.  Otherwise, the basic email and the ploy therein sucked.

Thus, the *TOING*

The original email itself is boring and poorly written.  I'll give you about one paragraph to discern that:

We are very sorry for all the problem that you have passed through because of this your belong payment of which you failed till now, First of all, I want to introduce my self to you, My Name is Dr Nick Maxx, I am the new elected Director General of Western Union Office Benin Republic i have been choose last week.  I am writing this mail with deep sorrow i saw your name on our file through my searching as the one of the most beneficiary which did not receive his fund valued $1,500,000 usd which suppose to be transferring at the rate of $3,500.00 per day during the time of formal Director. 

 

 

And yes, I made note of the failings of the 'formal Director' in the edit, as you'll note:

 

 

WELCOME TO WESTERN UNION SEND STUFF* WORLDWIDE:

COTONOU BENIN REPUBLIC/ADDRESS 455 WILLIAMS,

ANAL ROAD OPPOSITE COLON MOTORS COTONOU.

A NEW WESTERN UNION

ATTENTION

We are very sorry for all the problem that you have passed through because of this your belong payment of which you failed till now.  I hope you can read that, because I am, after trying to, in a most disconcertive "WTF?" and am giving up.  So I'll just want to introduce my self to you, My Name is Dr P. Nile Dysfunction, I am the new erected Dilector General of Western Union Orifice Benin Republic i have been choosed last week by a jury of my pee-ers.

I am writing this mail with deep sorrow on accounta cuz I seed your name on our file through my searching as the one of the most beneficerary which we ain't not yet managed a scam out of, and this cause me great sphincter spasms and death stares from my supervisor, a dubious antecedent with dilapidated bowels.  

The reason i am emailing you today is to inform you that  my predecessor has been sacked out since last two weeks due to his inept work, and he is currently behind the tent, having his nuts attached to a car battery.  I am here to inform you that if you don't let me accomplish what that incompetent douche nozzle failed to, I will be surgically converted into a yak.  This can only be avoid by you trusting me and follow my directums.

I find out you haven't not yet sent a lot of money in order to get on our list of "from intendees to accomplished mugus", and this is not acceptworthyable.  WTF, dude.  Therefore i am to tell you that the reason you did not yet fall for our ingenital ploy is because  the former person appointed to lead you to the direct way to get you to send us money is as inept as Nancy Pelosi in a broom-riding competition with Hillary Rodehard Clinton.  Due to  his ineptitude he is now having the unique experience of having his nuts jumpstarted by NAPA knowhow.

We have arranged to try you again because our investigation confirmed that you ain't been doned by us yet, and every arrange on how to start getting you doned was made normal for so much as it is in our power to have doned you, thy will be doned.  Boneakkeneezer.

Also there is one CERTIFICATE called (FUNGUS AMONGUS) which you suppose to obtain from Federal High Court Benin which will -- despite their being high on Kaliforlornia meth -- noticed that you are not a Benin Citizen, which we are tell them is no matter because you are resident of Deadtroit, which look about the same.  So I thinks it makes no difference, to quote your former secretary of stank.  According to the instruction passed to this Department from the office of the (Federal High Court), a rebushed piranha vagina and $15 dollars in Taco Bell food will make this okay. 

So i want you to know that you're still owing us money to change your status in our files.

According to our messenger who went to the Federal High Court Office for the Release Order to disconnect the car battery from my predecessor's testicles, Engineer Paul Ede, he was informed that it will cost you $95.00 only for our changing of your file status, and for disconnecting my predecessor from the car battery.

 

He's down to one nearly-exploded testy, so you might want to avoid being guilted here by sending us money soonest.

Unless you think you can sleep at night knowing that you could have saved at least one of my predecessor's nuts and didn't, pleased to make with haste to follow the next:

 

SEND THE $95.00 VIA WESTERN UNION OR MONEY GRAM WITH BELOW ADDRESS:

RECEIVER-Obiorah Anekwe

CITY-COTONOU

CONUTRY-BENIN REPUBLIC

QUESTION- But my lord I have been in your family since 1532

ANSWER- so has syphilis, now get out

AMOUNT-$95.00 

I am here giving you guarantee and also 100 % Percent assurance that if you do this soonest, my predecessor can keep one salvageable testicle.  And I won't be turned into a yak.

I will be waiting right here, listening to to my predecessor's one remaining nut sizzle.

Regards,

Dr P. Nile Dysfunction

WELCOME TO WESTERN UNION SEND STUFF* WORLDWIDE:

COTONOU BENIN REPUBLIC/ADDRESS 455 WILLIAMS,

ANAL ROAD OPPOSITE COLON MOTORS COTONOU.

A NEW WESTERN UNION

ATTENTION

We are very sorry for all the problem that you have passed through because of this your belong payment of which you failed till now.  I hope you can read that, because I am, after trying to, in a most disconcertive "WTF?" and am giving up.  So I'll just want to introduce my self to you, My Name is Dr P. Nile Dysfunction, I am the new erected Dilector General of Western Union Orifice Benin Republic i have been choosed last week by a jury of my pee-ers.

I am writing this mail with deep sorrow on accounta cuz I seed your name on our file through my searching as the one of the most beneficerary which we ain't not yet managed a scam out of, and this cause me great sphincter spasms and death stares from my supervisor, a dubious antecedent with dilapidated bowels.  

The reason i am emailing you today is to inform you that  my predecessor has been sacked out since last two weeks due to his inept work, and he is currently behind the tent, having his nuts attached to a car battery.  I am here to inform you that if you don't let me accomplish what that incompetent douche nozzle failed to, I will be surgically converted into a yak.  This can only be avoid by you trusting me and follow my directums.

I find out you haven't not yet sent a lot of money in order to get on our list of "from intendees to accomplished mugus", and this is not acceptworthyable.  WTF, dude.  Therefore i am to tell you that the reason you did not yet fall for our ingenital ploy is because  the former person appointed to lead you to the direct way to get you to send us money is as inept as Nancy Pelosi in a broom-riding competition with Hillary Rodehard Clinton.  Due to  his ineptitude he is now having the unique experience of having his nuts jumpstarted by NAPA knowhow.

We have arranged to try you again because our investigation confirmed that you ain't been doned by us yet, and every arrange on how to start getting you doned was made normal for so much as it is in our power to have doned you, thy will be doned.  Boneakkeneezer.

Also there is one CERTIFICATE called (FUNGUS AMONGUS) which you suppose to obtain from Federal High Court Benin which will -- despite their being high on Kaliforlornia meth -- noticed that you are not a Benin Citizen, which we are tell them is no matter because you are resident of Deadtroit, which look about the same.  So I thinks it makes no difference, to quote your former secretary of stank.  According to the instruction passed to this Department from the office of the (Federal High Court), a rebushed piranha vagina and $15 dollars in Taco Bell food will make this okay. 

So i want you to know that you're still owing us money to change your status in our files.

According to our messenger who went to the Federal High Court Office for the Release Order to disconnect the car battery from my predecessor's testicles, Engineer Paul Ede, he was informed that it will cost you $95.00 only for our changing of your file status, and for disconnecting my predecessor from the car battery.

 

He's down to one nearly-exploded testy, so you might want to avoid being guilted here by sending us money soonest.

Unless you think you can sleep at night knowing that you could have saved at least one of my predecessor's nuts and didn't, pleased to make with haste to follow the next:

 

SEND THE $95.00 VIA WESTERN UNION OR MONEY GRAM WITH BELOW ADDRESS:

RECEIVER-Obiorah Anekwe

CITY-COTONOU

CONUTRY-BENIN REPUBLIC

QUESTION- But my lord I have been in your family since 1532

ANSWER- so has syphilis, now get out

AMOUNT-$95.00 

I am here giving you guarantee and also 100 % Percent assurance that if you do this soonest, my predecessor can keep one salvageable testicle.  And I won't be turned into a yak.

I will be waiting right here, listening to to my predecessor's one remaining nut sizzle.

Regards,

Dr P. Nile Dysfunction

* I was told I couldn't say 'sh*t', so I had to substitute.  But believe me...'stuff' around here is 'sh*t' anywhere else. 

So far as I can tell, no reply or inquiry is forthcoming from the 'new Western Union' in Benin, and I reckon the predecessor's sizzling testicle is long since blowd up.

And no, Benin can't sue NAPA no how....