NAPA Know How In Benin

No, that's not your kid's teddy...but it's kinda sorta on the mark for the latest edit of a Western Union email scam out of the African country of Benin.

Actually, the *TOING* that led to this photo to go with this edit came because of the original title of the email:  A NEW WESTERN UNION.

After reading it, I realized the only thing 'new' about it was the latest names involved.  Otherwise, the basic email and the ploy therein sucked.

Thus, the *TOING*

The original email itself is boring and poorly written.  I'll give you about one paragraph to discern that:

We are very sorry for all the problem that you have passed through because of this your belong payment of which you failed till now, First of all, I want to introduce my self to you, My Name is Dr Nick Maxx, I am the new elected Director General of Western Union Office Benin Republic i have been choose last week.  I am writing this mail with deep sorrow i saw your name on our file through my searching as the one of the most beneficiary which did not receive his fund valued $1,500,000 usd which suppose to be transferring at the rate of $3,500.00 per day during the time of formal Director. 

 

 

And yes, I made note of the failings of the 'formal Director' in the edit, as you'll note:

 

 

WELCOME TO WESTERN UNION SEND STUFF* WORLDWIDE:

COTONOU BENIN REPUBLIC/ADDRESS 455 WILLIAMS,

ANAL ROAD OPPOSITE COLON MOTORS COTONOU.

A NEW WESTERN UNION

ATTENTION

We are very sorry for all the problem that you have passed through because of this your belong payment of which you failed till now.  I hope you can read that, because I am, after trying to, in a most disconcertive "WTF?" and am giving up.  So I'll just want to introduce my self to you, My Name is Dr P. Nile Dysfunction, I am the new erected Dilector General of Western Union Orifice Benin Republic i have been choosed last week by a jury of my pee-ers.

I am writing this mail with deep sorrow on accounta cuz I seed your name on our file through my searching as the one of the most beneficerary which we ain't not yet managed a scam out of, and this cause me great sphincter spasms and death stares from my supervisor, a dubious antecedent with dilapidated bowels.  

The reason i am emailing you today is to inform you that  my predecessor has been sacked out since last two weeks due to his inept work, and he is currently behind the tent, having his nuts attached to a car battery.  I am here to inform you that if you don't let me accomplish what that incompetent douche nozzle failed to, I will be surgically converted into a yak.  This can only be avoid by you trusting me and follow my directums.

I find out you haven't not yet sent a lot of money in order to get on our list of "from intendees to accomplished mugus", and this is not acceptworthyable.  WTF, dude.  Therefore i am to tell you that the reason you did not yet fall for our ingenital ploy is because  the former person appointed to lead you to the direct way to get you to send us money is as inept as Nancy Pelosi in a broom-riding competition with Hillary Rodehard Clinton.  Due to  his ineptitude he is now having the unique experience of having his nuts jumpstarted by NAPA knowhow.

We have arranged to try you again because our investigation confirmed that you ain't been doned by us yet, and every arrange on how to start getting you doned was made normal for so much as it is in our power to have doned you, thy will be doned.  Boneakkeneezer.

Also there is one CERTIFICATE called (FUNGUS AMONGUS) which you suppose to obtain from Federal High Court Benin which will -- despite their being high on Kaliforlornia meth -- noticed that you are not a Benin Citizen, which we are tell them is no matter because you are resident of Deadtroit, which look about the same.  So I thinks it makes no difference, to quote your former secretary of stank.  According to the instruction passed to this Department from the office of the (Federal High Court), a rebushed piranha vagina and $15 dollars in Taco Bell food will make this okay. 

So i want you to know that you're still owing us money to change your status in our files.

According to our messenger who went to the Federal High Court Office for the Release Order to disconnect the car battery from my predecessor's testicles, Engineer Paul Ede, he was informed that it will cost you $95.00 only for our changing of your file status, and for disconnecting my predecessor from the car battery.

 

He's down to one nearly-exploded testy, so you might want to avoid being guilted here by sending us money soonest.

Unless you think you can sleep at night knowing that you could have saved at least one of my predecessor's nuts and didn't, pleased to make with haste to follow the next:

 

SEND THE $95.00 VIA WESTERN UNION OR MONEY GRAM WITH BELOW ADDRESS:

RECEIVER-Obiorah Anekwe

CITY-COTONOU

CONUTRY-BENIN REPUBLIC

QUESTION- But my lord I have been in your family since 1532

ANSWER- so has syphilis, now get out

AMOUNT-$95.00 

I am here giving you guarantee and also 100 % Percent assurance that if you do this soonest, my predecessor can keep one salvageable testicle.  And I won't be turned into a yak.

I will be waiting right here, listening to to my predecessor's one remaining nut sizzle.

Regards,

Dr P. Nile Dysfunction

WELCOME TO WESTERN UNION SEND STUFF* WORLDWIDE:

COTONOU BENIN REPUBLIC/ADDRESS 455 WILLIAMS,

ANAL ROAD OPPOSITE COLON MOTORS COTONOU.

A NEW WESTERN UNION

ATTENTION

We are very sorry for all the problem that you have passed through because of this your belong payment of which you failed till now.  I hope you can read that, because I am, after trying to, in a most disconcertive "WTF?" and am giving up.  So I'll just want to introduce my self to you, My Name is Dr P. Nile Dysfunction, I am the new erected Dilector General of Western Union Orifice Benin Republic i have been choosed last week by a jury of my pee-ers.

I am writing this mail with deep sorrow on accounta cuz I seed your name on our file through my searching as the one of the most beneficerary which we ain't not yet managed a scam out of, and this cause me great sphincter spasms and death stares from my supervisor, a dubious antecedent with dilapidated bowels.  

The reason i am emailing you today is to inform you that  my predecessor has been sacked out since last two weeks due to his inept work, and he is currently behind the tent, having his nuts attached to a car battery.  I am here to inform you that if you don't let me accomplish what that incompetent douche nozzle failed to, I will be surgically converted into a yak.  This can only be avoid by you trusting me and follow my directums.

I find out you haven't not yet sent a lot of money in order to get on our list of "from intendees to accomplished mugus", and this is not acceptworthyable.  WTF, dude.  Therefore i am to tell you that the reason you did not yet fall for our ingenital ploy is because  the former person appointed to lead you to the direct way to get you to send us money is as inept as Nancy Pelosi in a broom-riding competition with Hillary Rodehard Clinton.  Due to  his ineptitude he is now having the unique experience of having his nuts jumpstarted by NAPA knowhow.

We have arranged to try you again because our investigation confirmed that you ain't been doned by us yet, and every arrange on how to start getting you doned was made normal for so much as it is in our power to have doned you, thy will be doned.  Boneakkeneezer.

Also there is one CERTIFICATE called (FUNGUS AMONGUS) which you suppose to obtain from Federal High Court Benin which will -- despite their being high on Kaliforlornia meth -- noticed that you are not a Benin Citizen, which we are tell them is no matter because you are resident of Deadtroit, which look about the same.  So I thinks it makes no difference, to quote your former secretary of stank.  According to the instruction passed to this Department from the office of the (Federal High Court), a rebushed piranha vagina and $15 dollars in Taco Bell food will make this okay. 

So i want you to know that you're still owing us money to change your status in our files.

According to our messenger who went to the Federal High Court Office for the Release Order to disconnect the car battery from my predecessor's testicles, Engineer Paul Ede, he was informed that it will cost you $95.00 only for our changing of your file status, and for disconnecting my predecessor from the car battery.

 

He's down to one nearly-exploded testy, so you might want to avoid being guilted here by sending us money soonest.

Unless you think you can sleep at night knowing that you could have saved at least one of my predecessor's nuts and didn't, pleased to make with haste to follow the next:

 

SEND THE $95.00 VIA WESTERN UNION OR MONEY GRAM WITH BELOW ADDRESS:

RECEIVER-Obiorah Anekwe

CITY-COTONOU

CONUTRY-BENIN REPUBLIC

QUESTION- But my lord I have been in your family since 1532

ANSWER- so has syphilis, now get out

AMOUNT-$95.00 

I am here giving you guarantee and also 100 % Percent assurance that if you do this soonest, my predecessor can keep one salvageable testicle.  And I won't be turned into a yak.

I will be waiting right here, listening to to my predecessor's one remaining nut sizzle.

Regards,

Dr P. Nile Dysfunction

* I was told I couldn't say 'sh*t', so I had to substitute.  But believe me...'stuff' around here is 'sh*t' anywhere else. 

So far as I can tell, no reply or inquiry is forthcoming from the 'new Western Union' in Benin, and I reckon the predecessor's sizzling testicle is long since blowd up.

And no, Benin can't sue NAPA no how....