A Pet Rock's View of Stupor Tuesday

My Louisiana-visiting pet rock, Seymour, apparently stays in touch with current events.

And he just couldn't wait to weigh in on what he refers to as Stupor Tuesday.

Especially for the dems.

The pet rock first noticed that since Joe Gropey Bidumb scored well on Stupor Tuesday -- for the first time in the primaries -- idiots like cnn and ms13nbc are claiming that the stock market is up 1200 points "because" Bidumb "won".

cnn and ms13nbc will stick to their fake news lines to the bottom of the outhouse pit.  That much is clear.  Even the Babylon Bee knows it.

Seymour was also quick to note that the DNC was not at all pleased with Weak End of Bernie Sanders, the commie affiliated with dems no matter what they do or say.  Just like in 2016 when he was messing up the coronavirusnation of their crooked queen, Hellary I.  They just can't stand that Sanders is drawing too much support from their dumbed-down and illegal voter base to give them any chance in November. 

So they're seeking ways to derail 'the Bern' in 2020, too.

And they think that Stupor Tuesday did just that.



It doesn't matter that Joe can't remember what orifice he's running for...or from.

It simply matters to the DNC that Gropey Joe is back on what they consider top in the dem field of loons.

Granted, he didn't beat coronavirus in Kaliforlornia, but eh.

That said, my pet rock just wants to remind all who the dems are putting their hopes on come November:

..yawp...

...uh huh...

...and this h'yar...

...not to mention, so we will...

...annnnnd, there's this...

...along widdis...

Granted, lurking out on the fringes of reality, there's the deposed queen of 'what happened', ready to step in it if Bidumb or the others falter...

...meantime, the billionaire trying to buy the democrap nom is out after spending at or just over a half billion bucks...

...leaving next to nothing running, save for Bidumb, the commie, the coronavirus and perhaps one or more unmemorable names out there, since it was just learned that Lieawatha has dropped out as well, after finishing third in her own state of Confusion...

 So as Seymour sees it, the trick now for the DNC, cnn and the Russians that defect from supporting Bernie, is to somehow protect Bidumb from hisself between now and November.

That won't be as easy as they'll delude themselves into thinking. 

Yes, even from a kitchen remodel in Louisiana, my 'editing gone wild' and politically astute pet rock, Seymour, knows the dems better than they know themselves.

 

Seymour Helps Potus 'Splain Wisconsin

My pet rock, Seymour, had so much 'fun' with my last political column 'edit', that he went out and found me another 'un.

My pet rock needs a life.

"Do NOT!!!"

At any rate...Seymour saw an interview that potus granted to a Wisconsin radio station, to explain why he -- potus -- hadn't lent more support to the recent fiasco (for unions) of a recall election of Governor Scott Walker (R).

In essence:  "potus was too busy" to help.

I can see the validity in that.  Really.  So much so, that I took that into account with this 'edited version' of Interview With A Fundraiser:

Nobama: Too busy fundraising and golfing to help Wisconsin Democrat erections
By Olivier De Havilland-Will-Travel
The Pick It

Potus Barry H. Soetero Nobama bloviated in a radio interview why he didn't do more to help Wisconsin Democrats in their battle to recall what it’s like to have erections: He was too busy.

"The truth of the matter – which would be a change for me to tell – is that, as potus, I've got a lot of responsibilities for visiting golf courses, Hollywood fundraisers, TV talk shows, and whipping up divisive racial nonsense at occupy something-er-other sites," the potus carefully read from his omnipresent teleprompter.

He said he was "supportive" of Democrats having more erections, and felt that his support of Sandra Fluke was not jeopardizing that outcome, despite polling numbers that indicated 9.99 in 10 dead voters in Wisconsin cemeteries couldn’t "get it up" for the state Dems.

"Obviously, I would have loved a different question from you," Obama told his hand.

And potus said he would be working to ensure more Viagra to state Dem organizations throughout "our tightly focused 57 states", so as to have a different result in November.

"We're going to be spinning sh** very hard in each and every state of the 57, just like we have in the past," said potus.

Asked whether the recall of erections by state Democrats would have a ripple effect beyond Wisconsin's border, potus replied: "I sure hope so. Democrat erections make it easier for us to screw the public at large, don’t you think?"

"Keep in mind, it is a bit unusual when a party’s sexual dysfunction gets this much attention in the middle of a presidential election," potus whined. "It’s supposed to be all about me".

When this response caused this columnist to inquire if the potus had a sexual dysfunction, he quickly threw water on his teleprompter, and began to bloviate extemporaneously.

"My suspicion is all across this country, George Bush is continuing to make my job harder by not complaining about how I blame all my inadequacies on him, so my lapdogs in the media can divert attention from my inadequacies to Dubya. But one of the lessons learned is that next time, I won’t let Ayers put anything in my books about eating dogs. That asshole really screwed me with that one," the potus said.

Soetero has repeatedly called for a "platter of dachsund" that combines legs and thighs. Being drug into a state-wide argument about Democrats and their erections "diverts attention from what really matters to the American people: when I get my Oscar for my poortrayal of potus the past 3 and a half years", potus noted.
　
The White House played down the ramifications of Nobama getting an Oscar to go with his Nobel, Tony, Grammy, Pull-My-Finger and other unearned awards that George Soros has been buying for him. And the White House also shrugged off the claim that posted pictures of DNC chair Debbie Wasserman-Schultz in state party offices directly led to a severe depletion among Democrat males’ erections last week.

The White House is also trying to deny that Nobama did little to help Wisconsin Democrats when he had his campaign staff send out pictures of Helen Thomas wearing a Sandra Fluke mask while adorned in a thong, which he was sure would buck up the troops.  Instead, the potus campaign staff did spend hours immediately afterward at a local trauma center, having eye and brain scrubs.

"My campaign is as fine as the private sector", Soetero initially said in a press briefing, which he later had to retract after all of his campaign staff was spotted at the local trauma center, suffering from PTPD (Post Traumatic Poster Disorder).

"Che Guevera would have been a better choice", potus muttered more audibly than he intended as he stalked from the interview.

Seymour was so impressed, he got another 'thumbs up' hernia.

"Did NOT!!!"