There are times when even my 'editing gone wild' pet rocks, Seymour and Element, aren't able to believe (what passes for) their eyes.

Leave it to a federal agency in the abjectly stupid Bidumb regime, to provide that disbelief.

FEMA -- updating their COVID protocols on February 25, 2022 -- decided that in the event of a nuclear attack, folks simply couldn't be allowed to forget about how to protect themselves from the spread of COVID.

Unf**king believable. Except that in the Bidumb regime, that kind of stupid is not just SOP, it's required.

This was one that Seymour simply couldn't take a pass on:

FEMA: If There’s a Nuclear Attack, Remember Your COVID Protocols In Case Someone In Your Shelter Is Left To Catch It

SUNDAY, MARCH 20, 2022

(Seymour PetRock) The Federal Emergency Mismanagement Agency (FEMA) has issued a new guidance about what Americans should do in the event of a “media-incited” unexpected nuclear attack – *wink* – and the really critical line item therein is to social distance and wear a mask in order to avoid catching and spreading the Wuhan coronavirus (Covid-19) once you've turned into a cinder.

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by Seymour PetRock/WTFNS, March 20th, 2022

As the bright flash appears, one of the first things FEMA wants you to do is “[t]ry to maintain a distance of at least six feet between yourself and people who are not part of your household.”

“If possible,” the FEMA guidance adds, “wear a mask if you’re sheltering with people who are not a part of your household. Surely melting with others in a nuclear blast will contribute to creating a new variant of COVID” says FEMA with as straight a face as morons can manage.

Children under two years old, people with breathing problems and anyone else who get caught in a nuclear blast probably won't have time to don a Covid mask, but should show consideration to those as incinerated as they are, the federal agency maintains.

“Nuclear explosions cause significant damage and casualties from blast, heat, and radiation but you can keep your family safe by maintaining good Covid protocols and be incinerated together without contributing to the spreading of Covid if it occurs,” FEMA says.

FEMA: Hands sanitizer and disinfectant wipes will not “cure” becoming fireball fried or the post-explosion radiation poisoning, but will make liberals feel better, albeit extremely briefly.

Mind you, FEMA has no radiation-blocking masks in their infinite guidance. In fact, there does not even appear to be any recommendation at all about actual survival, though there is a footnote about cow flatulence and global warming.

FEMA actually claims that slapping a Chinese during a radioactive fallout type of situation will somehow provide a form of grim satisfaction before you're both crispy-ducked, anyway. While FEMA doesn't address the heartwarming pleasure of hitting Bill Gates with a pie, most of the rest of us would definitely opt that way.

There is a paragraph in the FEMA guidance that even addresses not pissing off Greta Thunberg during a nuclear attack. The federal agency does admit that no amount of apologies to Greta as she's instantly melting will stop her last “how dare you”s from echoing in the sound bytes, so just roll your eyes and take it.

“At least you won't have to listen to any more of cnn's Brian Stelter, as he'll flare up like a greased pig,” FEMA maintains. “In the immediate aftermath of the fireball, you'll find it surprisingly easy to avoid touching your eyes, nose, and mouth. And warnings to not use disinfectant wipes on your skin will likely be superfluous.”

Silly as all this sounds, FEMA is even more dead serious than AlGore was about man-bear-pig. They were even prompted to update their nuclear preparation website on February 25, just before the media-inspired Russian invasion of Ukraine. FEMA wanted to be on the record to be as completely ridiculous as Jen Psuki, in other words.

It does not stop there, though. FEMA goes on to explain that in the event of a nuclear disaster, the first thing a person who is impacted should do upon calling 9-1-1 for help is not to expect that if anyone finally answers that “they'll really give a sh*t to know if you have, or think you might have, COVID-19.”

“If you can, throw a blanket over what's left of you before what's left of help arrives,” it further explains.

Should you need to warn your neighbors about a nuclear blast, it is best to let them figure it out in the same nanosecond you did, the guidance further suggests. That will minimize the potential spread of post-nuclear Covid 19.

“Then comes the absolute corker in this FEMA guideline that was surely drawn up by SNL writers: “Many people may already feel fear and anxiety about the coronavirus 2019 (COVID-19). The threat of a nuclear explosion can add additional stress a fraction of a second before it takes it all away.”

On more rational social media sites, many commenters had a field day mocking FEMA and the moron Fauxtus who built that, #FJB.

On Twitter, Hollywood Lefties took it seriously and urged people to pay attention to these warnings because “that great social conscience Fauxci wouldn't lie about sh*t like this”.

“Ah yes, in case your city gets nuked, worrying about Covid should be front and center in your scorched state of affairs,” responded a growing number of Hollywood skeptics.

Another person joked that the minute a nuke goes off, the first thing CNN will report is “During relatively peaceful nuclear exchange, 900 million people died of Covid today.”

Finally, one obviously Trump detractor claimed that “in times of absolute crisis, social distancing and not misgendering pronoun-sensitive incinerants are the most important things.”