Friday, October 9, 2015

Getting It Wright...Not

Another day another half dozen scammers.

But this one caught my attention for a nanosecond; his name was Stephen Wright.


Then I realized that the real one is spelled Steven Wright.


Still, that made for an ideer in the edited reply.


The faux Wright was running the old "overbilling" scam as part of the Nigerian National Petroleum Corporation.

The edit added to and took off therefrom:

Corporate Hindquarters
NNPC Outhouse Central Business District
General Sani Abacha Curds 'n Wey
P.M.B 190 Garki Abuja

Eh Day

My Name is Mr. Stephen Wright I am a forgotten comic from HBO and other televisionals and now I kinda make due fronting with the Nigerian National Petroleum Jelly Corporation (NNPJC).  I have the privilege to request you to buy our jelly.  Please.  No one is buying our jelly.  We can't give the sh** away.  We tried.  We set ten pallot loads of it down in front of looters in Burntimore during their riots, and would you believe that the stupid sons 'n broads of bitches took everything not nailed down EXCEPT our jelly?

So what if it don't taste like Schmuckers?  I's 100% petroleum JELLY.  Okay, so it's darker than grape.  Yeah, it doesn't taste like apple butter, but dammit all, it LOOKS like apple butter.  We even had signs on the sides of the crates that said "Free Obola phone for every crate looted".

Guess we should have picked a somewhat less dumbed down loot-worthy town, like where the National Democrapic Committee dump sits.

Since this was the only gig I could get after HBO cancelled my *Yawn 2014* tour, I really need y'all to buy this sh** by the case.  If I don't make good at this, they may transfer me to writing emails from a fly infested internet cafe, trying to convince you that I'm a rich dying widow or a rich refugee or something stupid like that.

It's either that, or I take a job in Siberia shoveling yak sh**.

I am not ready to transfer to Siberia so that is where you come in. It is important to inform you that as uncivil servants in a Third World dump, we are forbidden to acknowledge to Trey Gowdy how many times we donated to the Clinton Crimepaign Foundation, in return for Bill showing up to help inseminate our goat herds; that is why I am requiring for your assistance to erase the emails that might show that.  I think they might be stored on Hellary's third email server that's hidden in the bathroom, cleverly disguised as a second water tank on the toilet.  It was my idea.

If you are interested, please write back to me and I will provide further details and instructions on how legality really doesn't matter if you're a lying, sack of sh** democrap of dubious antecedence; all you got to do is yell "*pick your grievance* ISM!!!" and msnbc will spend a month of 24/7 coverage explaining why it's part of the war on vaginal implants manufactured in Toledo.  

The transfer is risk free for Iran, because neither Obola or that horse faced boob Kerry will enforce anything on them.  I have video of Kerry swiftbloating a camel to prove his insincerity so that the Iranians would laugh at him behind his back and stop yelling "Death to Heinz products!" which caused his wife to make him sleep on a porcupine a block away from the house.

If you find any part of this proposal acceptable, I shall know that you violate small animals and cans of Spam.

Your Full Name
Your Home Address
Your Cell Phone Number
Your Fax Number
A Copy Of Your Inflatable Hellary XXXXXXL Pants Suit with Gravity Restraints

Please reply urgently on

Bland, vacuous regards, which used to be my schtick,

Mr. Stephen Wright   
The scammer didn't apparently know how to take the edit.  That was that.
But I received a humidifier and dehumidifier in the mail from a 'SW'.  Now they're dueling in the living room and my coffee maker is too busy taking bets from the other appliances to make my coffee...          

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Blogger Sandee said...

Oh the appliance wars. Bwahahahahahaha.

Love the edit and I understood it perfectly.

Have a fabulous day. My best to Seymour. ☺

09 October, 2015 08:37  

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