#1200 Meets Nigerian DHL

Let's "celebrate" post # 1200 on this blog with the hash tag hag of the State Department, Marie Barf.

Ok, let's do it without her.

1200 posts on this blog since June 2005.  *Head scratcher*  Yeah, I didn't expect it to go this long, either.

But scammers are alive and well.  Thus I carry on.

Like with a Nigerian DHL knock off and their pithy effort to give my character the business:

DHL International Express Courier

Company 107, Isolo Express Road Lagos Nigeria

Tel: +234-708-683-8601

Working Hours....Monday: 8.00am -6.00pm.....

Tuesday: 8.00am - 6.00pm....Wednesday: 8.00am -

6.00pm Thursday: 8.00am - 6.00pm....Friday: 8.00am -

6.00pm.....Saturday: 10.00am- 4.00pm....Sunday: Closed.

Dear Customer,

This is DHL International Delivery Company of Nigeria,we wishes to officially inform you that, we received an International Certified Bank Draft parcel valued $5 million USD to be

delivered to you,to your residential address in your country.

This parcel was brought to our notice this morning,From International monetary fund(CBN),kindly reconfirm the below information's properly,to avoid us not making any mistake during delivery of your International Certified Bank Draft parcel to a wrong hand.

1. YOUR FULL NAMES:

2. Delivery Address:

3. CELL NUMBERS:

4. AGE:

8. OCCUPATION:

9. COUNTRY:

10.NEAREST AIRPORT:

11. COPY OF UR PASSPORT OR ID.

Therefore you are warned to stop any further communication with anybody concerning your inheritance fund.

We will register your package and send you the tracking number for safety delivery of your package as soon as you reconfirm the required information’s needed for safety delivery to your residential address in your Country.

DHL is one of the world's great success stories, the start-up that revolutionized the delivery of packages and information. In the past 30 years, we've grown up and grown into a diverse family of companies as DHL that's bigger, stronger,better than ever.

Yours affectionately.

Mr.Jackson Mund

Dispatch Manager DHL Company  

 

 

"Yours affectionately"?  Obviously the Nigerian DHL outfit hasn't had sensitivity training.  Or then again, they've had the hellary version of it.

 

Either way, my character found time for an edit that he felt was worthy of #1200.  My pet rock, Seymour, didn't agree ("PHFFFFFFFFFFFT!"), but it went out anyway:

 

 

From: Desmond William <desmond1190@outlook.com>
Sent: Friday, September 2, 2016 11:43 AM
Subject: DHL International X  

DHL International X

Fly Infested Internet Cafe 107, Isolo Express Road Lagos Nigeria

Tel: +234-708-683-8601

Hours....Monday: 8 I think....

Tuesday: the same....Wednesday: dildo...

Thursday: yeppers...Friday:  only 7.5....

Saturday: shit, that would spoil the scam..no one WORKS

on Saturday...Sunday: Closed (we're out sacrificing virgin goats).

Custoadmer,

This is DHL International X Delivery Company of Nigeria.  Our motto is

where and when it absolutely positively has to be f**ked up overnight.

We wishes to offishally inform you that we received a Certified check

mark parcel valued at $.99 cents in West African francs.  It is supposed

to have its liver removed and sended  to your residential address in what

we thanks is the same country as you.

This check marked parcel was brought to our notice this morning. 

From the size, shape and clarity of the check mark, we thinks it is

from a nearby clan of minkeys that regularly trash our fly infested

internet café, looking for bananas and whatever else they can steal.

DNC operatives are here now trying to teach the minkeys how to vote

for hellary broom stick one.  So far, it's not going well:  Marie Barf's

hash tag crimepaign is being treated as obscene tic-tac-toe by the

minkeys.

Before this gets outta hand, send us this stuff:

1. YOUR FULL NAMES:

2. Delivery Address:

3. CELL NUMBERS:

4. AGE:

8. OCCUPATION:

9. COUNTRY:

10.NEAREST AIRPORT:

11. COPY OF UR PASSPORT OR ID.

Therefore you are warned to stop any further communication with anybody voting for Trump.

Or Marie Barf will come up with a nasty hash tag for you.  We will register you as a bigoted, mean

spirited racehorse hormone phoned conservator and pick at your nose.  We are assured by the former

hindquarter of the DNC, Debbil Wasserwench Snitz that this threats will get you complatelet.

Nigerian DHL is one of the world's great suck stories, the huge step backward that devolutionized the

removing of livers of packages and information in the Third World. In the past 30 years, we've fouled

about everything we've touched, which is why the DNC and hellary want our illegal votes in November.

Don't vote for hellary and we'll riot and burn down our own neighborhoods.

Mr.Jackson Mund

Displotch Manure DHL X Company

Nigeria  

 

 

Nigeria's version of DHL didn't know what to do with this.  Neither did the hundred or so scammers and lowlifes that were copied in this edit.

 

When it absolutely positively has to confuse the scammers overnight...it do.

An IRS Edit Gone Hellary

That's about how she'd look, iffen she did read it.

Scammers regularly love to represent themselves as governmental agencies....the bigger and more intimidating, the better.

Who or what can be more intimidating to anyone (other than Snoopy) than the IRS?

So reasoned one email scammer, who came up with this:

 

  

Sir/Madam,

 

Our records indicate that you are a Non-resident, and that you are exempted from the United States of America Tax reporting and withholdings on interest paid to you on your account and other financial benefits. To protect your exemption from tax on your account and other financial benefits, you need to re-certify your exempt status to enable us confirm your records with us.

 

1. We need you to provide your permanent address and US address if any. if different from the current mailing address. You must indicate as a Non-US resident, the country you are residing, to support your non-resident status and if your bank or other financial institutions you are dealing with has a US address for mailing purposes.

 

2. Please complete 1 through 11 and have all account holder(s) (if more than one account holder) sign and date the form separately and send to us through the fax number or email at the bottom of the W-8BEN form. Note that if your W-8BEN FORM together with a copy of your International passport is not received from you after 7days from the day of the receipt of this letter you will lose your Non-resident status and be listed as undocumented,resulting in the standard rate of 30% being applied on any dividend or interest income received on your investments/accounts.*

 

List of required documents:

1.A copy of filled W-8BEN FORM.

2.A photocopy of the photo page of your international passport.

 

*If you should receive multiple notifications,it means previous filled out forms was not properly filled and as such,we need you to refill needed columns and re-fax oremail to us using the details at the bottom of W-8BEN.

.

 

We appreciate your co-operation in helping us protect your exempt status and also confirm our records.

Sincerely,

Angela M. Barrett.

IRS Public Relation  

 

 

While most reasoned, rational people out there with more than a DNC education would recognize this ploy for the scam it is, a lot of DNC adherents would be intimidated into following the instructions of this email.  As the scammers believe, "if only one idiot falls for this, won't it be worth it?".

 

So it came time for me to don my 'edit hat', even though I don't wear hats, and have a little fun with this version of the IRS:

 

 

From: Angela M. Barrett <irs.gov@globalgroups.us.org>
Sent: Thursday, August 25, 2016 12:46 AM
Subject: Tax Enema Mortification

 

 

  

 

Sir/Madam/Combinations Of Either and/or Neither,

 

Our records -- when played at 78 rpm backward -- indicate that you are a a devil bunny that snorts the banana, and that you are exempted from the Uranus Name Recovery Fund tax reporting and withholdings on interest paid to you on your account and other financial thingamabobs.  This is clearly not in keeping with IRS statue 1.1.1 -- a life size one of Hellary with her hand out and engraved with "If you got it, We want it!" -- as it costs large ass sums of money to keep that extra large ass in pant suits, along with the ransom money barry obola has to send to Iran regularly.  To prevent you from being classified a white male conservative stormtrumper racing gate hormone phone, you need to re-certify your exempt status to enable us confirm your records at 78 rpm with us so we can be assured that you're not a devil bunny snorting the banana.

 

1. We need you to provide your first born butt polyp, if any. If different from the current butt polyp our spy camera in your toilet has detected. You must indicate as a Non-Earth resident, the planet from which you are off or from, to support your non-resident status and if your bank or other financial institutions you are dealing with has donated to the Clinton Crimedation for favor purposes.

 

2. Please compete with 1 through 11 and write a 500 word essay in Azerbaijani that explains the reasons that you keep telling people to "just throw a bucket of water" on Hellary.  Note that if your W-8BEN FORM together with a copy of your International passport is not received from you after 7days from the day of the receipt of this letter you will lose your virginity to an Iranian swift boat named Achmed and be listed as a white male conservative stormtrumper racing gate hormone phone, which we are assured by pmsnbc will make you alienated in bingo clubs and get you banned from appearing on syndicated reruns of The Gong Show.*

 

List of required documents (which may be hacked from Hellary's primate email server that's concealed in the cleft of her massive ass):

1.A copy of filled W-8BEN FORM in Azerbaijani.

2.A photocopy of the photo page of your international passport without the editorial comments of your fifth grade class from Podunk Elementary, wherever and whenever that was.

 

* If you should receive multiple notifications, it means our nippleheaded DNC volunteers were too busy auditioning as genital humidors for Bill, and your previous filled out forms was not properly vetted and got fed to a shredder along with Hellary's missing emails and efemailsfilled -- which were blamed on Colin Powell, Richard Nixon and a republican duck named Howard -- and as such, we need you to refill needed columns with donated meth for our afternoon coffee breaks using the details at the bottom of W-8BEN. .

 

We don't give a sh** about your appreciation for our efforts, since it required us to listen to your records backward at 78 rpm to learn that you are devil bunnies snorting the banana. We thought Bill had that role.

 

Angela M. Barrett.

IRS Pubic Relation For Bill Clinton (aka The Arkansas Clit Licker)  

 

 

This version of the IRS didn't bother to reply as soon as they got to the devil bunnies and snorting the banana; they've probably tried it and found it doesn't achieve succor.  I doubt we'll hear from Hellary's stupor volunteers either, though they promised to be all over media that didn't say the politically correct things about the Wicked Witch of Chappaqua...