Friday, September 23, 2016

#1200 Meets Nigerian DHL

Let's "celebrate" post # 1200 on this blog with the hash tag hag of the State Department, Marie Barf.

Ok, let's do it without her.

1200 posts on this blog since June 2005.  *Head scratcher*  Yeah, I didn't expect it to go this long, either.

But scammers are alive and well.  Thus I carry on.

Like with a Nigerian DHL knock off and their pithy effort to give my character the business:


DHL International Express Courier
Company 107, Isolo Express Road Lagos Nigeria
Tel: +234-708-683-8601

Working Hours....Monday: 8.00am -6.00pm.....
Tuesday: 8.00am - 6.00pm....Wednesday: 8.00am -
6.00pm Thursday: 8.00am - 6.00pm....Friday: 8.00am -
6.00pm.....Saturday: 10.00am- 4.00pm....Sunday: Closed.
Dear Customer,
This is DHL International Delivery Company of Nigeria,we wishes to officially inform you that, we received an International Certified Bank Draft parcel valued $5 million USD to be
delivered to you,to your residential address in your country.
This parcel was brought to our notice this morning,From International monetary fund(CBN),kindly reconfirm the below information's properly,to avoid us not making any mistake during delivery of your International Certified Bank Draft parcel to a wrong hand.
1. YOUR FULL NAMES:
2. Delivery Address:
3. CELL NUMBERS:
4. AGE:
8. OCCUPATION:
9. COUNTRY:
10.NEAREST AIRPORT:
11. COPY OF UR PASSPORT OR ID.
Therefore you are warned to stop any further communication with anybody concerning your inheritance fund.
We will register your package and send you the tracking number for safety delivery of your package as soon as you reconfirm the required information’s needed for safety delivery to your residential address in your Country.

DHL is one of the world's great success stories, the start-up that revolutionized the delivery of packages and information. In the past 30 years, we've grown up and grown into a diverse family of companies as DHL that's bigger, stronger,better than ever.
Yours affectionately.
Mr.Jackson Mund
Dispatch Manager DHL Company  
 
 
"Yours affectionately"?  Obviously the Nigerian DHL outfit hasn't had sensitivity training.  Or then again, they've had the hellary version of it.
 
Either way, my character found time for an edit that he felt was worthy of #1200.  My pet rock, Seymour, didn't agree ("PHFFFFFFFFFFFT!"), but it went out anyway:
 
 
From: Desmond William <desmond1190@outlook.com>
Sent: Friday, September 2, 2016 11:43 AM
Subject: DHL International X
 
 

DHL International X
Fly Infested Internet Cafe 107, Isolo Express Road Lagos Nigeria
Tel: +234-708-683-8601
Hours....Monday: 8 I think....
Tuesday: the same....Wednesday: dildo...
Thursday: yeppers...Friday:  only 7.5....
Saturday: shit, that would spoil the scam..no one WORKS
on Saturday...Sunday: Closed (we're out sacrificing virgin goats).
Custoadmer,
This is DHL International X Delivery Company of Nigeria.  Our motto is
where and when it absolutely positively has to be f**ked up overnight.
We wishes to offishally inform you that we received a Certified check
mark parcel valued at $.99 cents in West African francs.  It is supposed
to have its liver removed and sended  to your residential address in what
we thanks is the same country as you.
This check marked parcel was brought to our notice this morning. 
From the size, shape and clarity of the check mark, we thinks it is
from a nearby clan of minkeys that regularly trash our fly infested
internet café, looking for bananas and whatever else they can steal.
DNC operatives are here now trying to teach the minkeys how to vote
for hellary broom stick one.  So far, it's not going well:  Marie Barf's
hash tag crimepaign is being treated as obscene tic-tac-toe by the
minkeys.
Before this gets outta hand, send us this stuff:
1. YOUR FULL NAMES:
2. Delivery Address:
3. CELL NUMBERS:
4. AGE:
8. OCCUPATION:
9. COUNTRY:
10.NEAREST AIRPORT:
11. COPY OF UR PASSPORT OR ID.
Therefore you are warned to stop any further communication with anybody voting for Trump.
Or Marie Barf will come up with a nasty hash tag for you.  We will register you as a bigoted, mean
spirited racehorse hormone phoned conservator and pick at your nose.  We are assured by the former
hindquarter of the DNC, Debbil Wasserwench Snitz that this threats will get you complatelet.
Nigerian DHL is one of the world's great suck stories, the huge step backward that devolutionized the
removing of livers of packages and information in the Third World. In the past 30 years, we've fouled
about everything we've touched, which is why the DNC and hellary want our illegal votes in November.
Don't vote for hellary and we'll riot and burn down our own neighborhoods.
Mr.Jackson Mund
Displotch Manure DHL X Company
Nigeria  
 
 
Nigeria's version of DHL didn't know what to do with this.  Neither did the hundred or so scammers and lowlifes that were copied in this edit.
 
When it absolutely positively has to confuse the scammers overnight...it do.

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1 Comments:

Blogger Sandee said...

Congratulations on your 1200 posts since 2005. That's a long haul dealing with these idiots.

Two huge red flags... the first is Nigeria and the second is... therefore you are warned to stop any further communication with anybody concerning your inheritance fund.

Have a fabulous day. My best to ♥Seymour♥ and Element. ☺

23 September, 2016 10:09  

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