Cat Take It No Mores

And it all started with a cat hating broccoli meme.

As for the Karen gig...eh..I never dated a 'Karen', so I guess I've been lucky on that score.

But in Scamland, I've heard from an occasional 'Karen'.  In this case, a Julie Karen.  And she's using a very tired template that I've seen almost as many times as Dr. Fauxci has lied.

Here's how it goes:

DEAR Beloved,

I'm Julie Karen

PLEASE ENDEAVOR TO USE IT FOR THE CHILDREN OF GOD. I am the above named person. I am married to Dr. Donald Karen A LIBERIAN but I'm now in General HOSPITAL taking treatment for my sickness, my husband worked with U.S embassy in LIBERIAN for nine years and also has an Engineering Company in Nigeria before he died in the year 2003, before his died in the year 2003 We were married for twenty years without a child, and i was brought up in motherless babies home in Australia before i married to him, am From Australia before i married to My husband who is from Liberia. He died after a brief illness that lasted for only four days. Before his death we were both born again Christians. Since his death I decided not to re-marry or get a child outside my matrimonial home because of the love both of us share.

When my late husband was alive he deposited the sum of$8.5 Million (Eight Million five hundred thousand U.S.Dollars) with A Bank Presently, this money is still under the safe keeping of the Reserve SECURITY COMPANY Recently, my Doctor told me that I would not last for the next five months due to my cancer problems.

Though what disturbs me most is my stroke .Having known my condition, I decided to donate this fund to church or better still a Christian or Muslim individual That will utilize this money the way I am going to instruct here in. I want a church or individual that will use this fund on orphanages and widows propagating the word of God and to ensure that the house of God is maintained. The Bible made us understand that blessed is the hand that giveth. I took this decision because I don't have any child that will inherit this money and my husband relatives are not Christians and I don't want my husband's hard earned money to be misused by unbelievers. I don't want a situation where this money will be used in an ungodly manner. Hence the reason for taking this bold decision.

I am not afraid of death hence I know where I am going. I know that I am going to be in the bosom of the Lord. Exodus 14 VS 14 says that the lord will fight my case and I shall hold my peace. I don't need any telephone communication in this regard because of my health and because of the presence of my husband's relatives around me always. I don't want them to know about this development. With God all things are possible. As soon as I receive your reply I forward your personal information, such as your full name, your full address, with telephone and fax number to my lawyer so that he will contact you as the legal owner of my fund before the bank will be transferring the fund into your nominated Bank Account in your country.

I will also issue you a letter of an authority that will back you up as the real next of kin and the original- beneficiary of my fund. I want you and the church to always pray for me because the lord is my shepherd,you will also promise me that you will not sit on the fund when it gets into your bank account. My happiness is that I lived a life of a worthy Christian. Whoever that wants to serve the Lord must serve him in spirit and truth. Please always be prayerful all through your life, any delay in your reply will give me room in searching for a church or Christian individual for this same purpose. Please assure me that you will act accordingly as I stated herein. Hoping to hear from you as soon as possible.

Remain blessed.

Yours in Christ,

Mrs Julie Karen

Yeah...

Still, tired as it is, I just felt an edit was needed to complete the ruin of this already ruined template:

From: Julie Karen <juliekaren81@gmail.com>
Sent: Wednesday, November 17, 2021 8:48 AM
To: jacknjillshetookthepill@hotmail.com 
Subject: Genital Horsepital Where You Can't Lead A House To WTF

 

DEAR Plunger Lips,

I'm Julie Karen...yes, the same one that's been losing arguments with that f**king broccoli 

cat in memes for over a year now.  I am trying something new, at least to me.  

Don't be that cat.

PLEASE ENDEAVOR TO USE MODEL GLUE FOR A TEMPORARY DEPARTURE FROM 

REALITY. 

I am the above named person. I am married to a badly-abused department store mannequin 

formerly used to sport elite spandex jock straps at Saks Fifth Avenue.  Why you ask?  

Because like a Ken doll, it had no genitals, but at least it was life-sized.

I'm now on General HOSPITAL doing periodic roles as a gender fluid non-binary 'they-them' 

multi-sexual anthropoidal.  The doctors there can't figure me out either.

My mannequin husband worked with U.S embassy in LIBERIAN for nine years and also has 

an Engineering Company in Nigeria before he died in the year 2022 of COVID after being hit 

by a bus full of nuns in Liechtenstein.  Yes, I see what I just did there.  We were married for 

twenty years without a child, and i was brought up by militant feminincompoops at Wellesley 

College, always trying to live down to the substandards Hellary Clinton set and continues to 

lower every day of her toxic existence.

Now try to follow this:  in Australia before I married to him, am From Australia before i married 

to My husband who is from Liberia before he left Newark to become department store 

mannequin and from that he went onto fact checking for fecesbook and modeling for Mark 

Suckerborg. He died as aforementioned which took only four days after the bus backed up 

and repeated the run down several times, with the nuns laughing hysterically all the while.  

Before his death we were both born again Scientologists with severe thetin levels. Since his 

death I decided not to go to Liechtenstein and avoid nuns.

When my late husband was alive he wasn't worth a sh*t.  Dead, he ain't worth anything either, 

having had no insurance and having spent everything he had on strippers at a strip club in 

Denver.  

Sick as I am -- my doctors tell me that I have COVID, cancer, painful rectal itch and oral 

genital warts -- what disturbs me most is my winter vagina syndrome.  Having known my 

condition, I decided to donate myself to any individual that will utilize me in the most 

peculiar ways imaginable.  Hopefully this will include me getting cameos at staged Antifa 

and Bad Lies Matter riots aired on cnn.

The pocket novel I've always used in place of a Bible made us understand that blessed is 

the hand that rubbeth the groin. I took this decision because I don't believe Epstein killed 

himself, and in my certainty that #fjb doesn't know where he is most of the time.  

I am not afraid of a street car named Desire unless I'm directly in front of it when the brakes fail.

I know that I am going to be in the bosom of some grossly obese Bubba from Arkansas, and 

that has me throwing up in my sleep a lot.  The book of Leaving Las Vegas says that the liquor 

store will fight my case and I shall hold my peace.  I don't know what it was meant to mean, but

then again as I re-read this entire email, I have no idea what the f**k I'm talking about.  As long 

as you don't either, maybe something good comes this way.

Or not.

I don't need any telephone communication in this regard because Dr. Fauxci has convinced 

everyone here that COVID is transmitted through telephone lines. I don't want them to know 

about what #fjb did to my hair and other parts during a campaign stop in 1988. With 

hallucinogens and plenty of alcohol all things are possible. Not necessarily good, but possible.

As soon as I receive your reply I will probably foul myself like #fjb.

Please assure me that however you will act, it isn't like that f**king cat always has. Hoping to 

hear from you as soon as possible.

Romaine and Roman are not necessarily Caesar.

Yours in the throes of a raging yeast infection.

So far, Julie Karen has not bothered to respond to this edit.  She might be taking it out on the

cat.

Anti-Em Gets A Twister In Her Knickers

In the Wizard of Oz, Auntie Em know'd when to head for the shelter.

In Scamland....eh...not so much.

The oft-used and wildly-lame scam template invoking something distantly akin to Dorothy's aunt continues to be a favorite of scammers laboring from fly-infested internet cafes in and around Lagos, Nigeria.  They refer to it as an anti-fraud unit in a fraudulent bank, even today:

ANTI-FRAUD DEPARTMENT

Tue 11/16/2021 2:15 PM

UNITED BANK FOR AFRICA

Anti-Fraud Unit
Marina, Lagos Island, Lagos, Nigeria
Tel: +234-905-898-8093.

Dear Beneficiary,
                            YOUR SWIFT CREDIT CARD

As a result of the multi-lateral agreement which we recently entered
into with the Federal Government of Nigeria and the United Nations
(Global Intervention Fund Unit), we are therefore contacting you with
details of the Memorandum of Understanding (MOU).

Your unpaid inheritance, contract/Lottery money which has stood in the
balance for so many years, and which is in the tune of Ten Million,
Five Hundred Thousand United States Dollars (US$10.5m), has been
directed to be released to you through, Bank of Africa Republic of
Benin via ATM CARD payment or bank to bank wire as you may deem fit.
We were mandated to carry out this duty, due to various
complains/petitions received by the above mentioned government and
agencies from beneficiaries concerning delays in receiving their
payment from banks/ministries in Benin Republic, Ghana, South Africa,
Togo etc and Asia countries. Note that you where contacted because
your name was shortlisted among those yet to be paid off.

Before we proceed, you are advised to respond to this email, stating
your full details, and other necessary information that will
ultimately aid us in the speedy processing of your payment

Thanks for your prompt attention and response .

Regards,

Mr. Jerry Otuh
Group Head, Global Payments.
U.B.A Bank FOR Africa
Tel: +234-905-898-8093.

My 'editing gone wild' pet rocks, Seymour and Element, just finished watching the original movie from 1939, and apart from some snide comments about how the Wicked Witch resembled democrap pols, they weren't in a mood to take the time to edit this email.

Thus, it fell to me to respond to this lamest-of-lame email scam templates.  Thus:

From: ANTI-UNCLE DEPARTMENT <zenithbapacenter@gmail.com>
Sent: Tuesday, November 16, 2021 2:15 PM
Subject: YOUR NOT SO SWIFT CREDIT CARD HAS PAINFUL RECTAL ITCH

 

DISASSOCIATED BANK FOR AFRICAN MIDGETS
Marina, Lagos Island, Lagos, Nigeria
Tel: +234-905-898-8093.

Frappachinko,
                            YOUR NOT SO SWIFT CREDIT CARD HAS PAINFUL RECTAL ITCH

As a result of the multi-nippleheaded agreement which we recently entered
into with the F**ked Up Government of Nigeria and the Eunuched Nations
(Global Intervention Fungus Unit), we are therefore contacting you with
details of the Memorandum of Undressed Kumquats (MOUK).

Your unhinged inherent tendency toward relieving constipation with

a pencil which has stood in the balance for so many years, has been

noticed by Have You Got Talent, and you are scheduled for a remote

audition with the show's directum of talent soich for two weeks from

never.  There is a fee but I digress.

This eunuch offer is limited to mental midgets from places as diverse

as Benin Republic, Ghana, South Africa, Togo, Asia countries, Uranus 

and zip codes in Newark. Note that you were contacted because

your name was short sheeted on a tree next to where most folks

at this fly-infested internet cafe go to take sh*ts and giggle at

perverse videos on their phones.

Before we proceed, you are advised to respond to this email, stating
your willingness to be Simon Cowell demeaned on world wide TV, 

and other necessary information that will aid us in the speedy 

looting of your bank account.

Thanks for your hoped-for lack of attention and response.

Regards,

Mr. Jerry Otuh
Group Twat, Global Clustering F**ks
DISASSOCIATED BANK FOR AFRICAN MIDGETS
Tel: +234-905-898-8093.
EMAIL: ubitedbnforafricabodirector@hotmail.com

The reply was not well-received on the other side:

f**k u

That's as likely as your previous template actually working.  Check your template and try again.

And so as the pet rocks celebrated Dorothy finding that there was no place like home, they equally celebrated that there was no place like this for scammers...