Anti-Em Gets A Twister In Her Knickers

In the Wizard of Oz, Auntie Em know'd when to head for the shelter.

In Scamland....eh...not so much.

The oft-used and wildly-lame scam template invoking something distantly akin to Dorothy's aunt continues to be a favorite of scammers laboring from fly-infested internet cafes in and around Lagos, Nigeria.  They refer to it as an anti-fraud unit in a fraudulent bank, even today:

ANTI-FRAUD DEPARTMENT

Tue 11/16/2021 2:15 PM

UNITED BANK FOR AFRICA

Anti-Fraud Unit
Marina, Lagos Island, Lagos, Nigeria
Tel: +234-905-898-8093.

Dear Beneficiary,
                            YOUR SWIFT CREDIT CARD

As a result of the multi-lateral agreement which we recently entered
into with the Federal Government of Nigeria and the United Nations
(Global Intervention Fund Unit), we are therefore contacting you with
details of the Memorandum of Understanding (MOU).

Your unpaid inheritance, contract/Lottery money which has stood in the
balance for so many years, and which is in the tune of Ten Million,
Five Hundred Thousand United States Dollars (US$10.5m), has been
directed to be released to you through, Bank of Africa Republic of
Benin via ATM CARD payment or bank to bank wire as you may deem fit.
We were mandated to carry out this duty, due to various
complains/petitions received by the above mentioned government and
agencies from beneficiaries concerning delays in receiving their
payment from banks/ministries in Benin Republic, Ghana, South Africa,
Togo etc and Asia countries. Note that you where contacted because
your name was shortlisted among those yet to be paid off.

Before we proceed, you are advised to respond to this email, stating
your full details, and other necessary information that will
ultimately aid us in the speedy processing of your payment

Thanks for your prompt attention and response .

Regards,

Mr. Jerry Otuh
Group Head, Global Payments.
U.B.A Bank FOR Africa
Tel: +234-905-898-8093.

My 'editing gone wild' pet rocks, Seymour and Element, just finished watching the original movie from 1939, and apart from some snide comments about how the Wicked Witch resembled democrap pols, they weren't in a mood to take the time to edit this email.

Thus, it fell to me to respond to this lamest-of-lame email scam templates.  Thus:

From: ANTI-UNCLE DEPARTMENT <zenithbapacenter@gmail.com>
Sent: Tuesday, November 16, 2021 2:15 PM
Subject: YOUR NOT SO SWIFT CREDIT CARD HAS PAINFUL RECTAL ITCH

 

DISASSOCIATED BANK FOR AFRICAN MIDGETS
Marina, Lagos Island, Lagos, Nigeria
Tel: +234-905-898-8093.

Frappachinko,
                            YOUR NOT SO SWIFT CREDIT CARD HAS PAINFUL RECTAL ITCH

As a result of the multi-nippleheaded agreement which we recently entered
into with the F**ked Up Government of Nigeria and the Eunuched Nations
(Global Intervention Fungus Unit), we are therefore contacting you with
details of the Memorandum of Undressed Kumquats (MOUK).

Your unhinged inherent tendency toward relieving constipation with

a pencil which has stood in the balance for so many years, has been

noticed by Have You Got Talent, and you are scheduled for a remote

audition with the show's directum of talent soich for two weeks from

never.  There is a fee but I digress.

This eunuch offer is limited to mental midgets from places as diverse

as Benin Republic, Ghana, South Africa, Togo, Asia countries, Uranus 

and zip codes in Newark. Note that you were contacted because

your name was short sheeted on a tree next to where most folks

at this fly-infested internet cafe go to take sh*ts and giggle at

perverse videos on their phones.

Before we proceed, you are advised to respond to this email, stating
your willingness to be Simon Cowell demeaned on world wide TV, 

and other necessary information that will aid us in the speedy 

looting of your bank account.

Thanks for your hoped-for lack of attention and response.

Regards,

Mr. Jerry Otuh
Group Twat, Global Clustering F**ks
DISASSOCIATED BANK FOR AFRICAN MIDGETS
Tel: +234-905-898-8093.
EMAIL: ubitedbnforafricabodirector@hotmail.com

The reply was not well-received on the other side:

f**k u

That's as likely as your previous template actually working.  Check your template and try again.

And so as the pet rocks celebrated Dorothy finding that there was no place like home, they equally celebrated that there was no place like this for scammers...