Saturday, April 28, 2018

Decisions, Decisions..

Post 1400.  Wowser.  Who'd a thunk it?

Referring to the picture, no, this has nothing to do with triggering a lefty by typing "TRUMP".

It may well be worse.

Some time last year, I got an email from a person claiming to be with the US Military.  'She' wasn't, and that was shortly dealt with.

Her email remained in my address book, and as is my practice, I copied her on numerous other scammer email edits.

Like this one:


From: ACOWSASS High Court< andrewbolton01@gmail.com>
Sent: Wednesday, March 7, 2018 2:28 PM
Subject: Re: ACOWSASS High Court, Reply Urgently
 
FROM FEDERAL ACOWSASS HIGH COURT OF NIGERIA BRANCH:OB/OP/1234/NG
OUR REF.CODE:BSEL/773/FEHCN/021/18

Attention:

This is an official message coming to you by the Chief Justice Legbo
Idris Kutigi, i am writing to inform you because after the meeting
held yesterday by the board of directors, I meant to understand that
you have not yet paid your outstanding parking tickets you incurred
in this of this country.

WTF is the matter with you?

However, I want to inform you that Mr. Ben, MR.JOHN EZE,PROF CHARLES
SOLUDO OF (C.B.N),CHIEF JOSEPH SANUSI, Adamu Ciroma, FRED EZE, MR.KEME
BELLO, DR ABSALOM ABRAHAM,  BARRISTER AWELE, Sr Francisco De manuel,
Mr. Ernest Chukwudi Ebi,Deputy Governor- Policy/Board Member, Terence
Us ambassador , FedEX deliverAgents,Sebastian Adigwe , Barrister John
Douglas Esq, Robert Mark Sanusi Lamido Sanusi CBN Former Governor,Mr
Nweke Peter and Dr .Jerry Leo ,Tunde Lemo including Henry Obiora,Mr.
Patrick Uba, Edward Smith, Barrister Fabian Maurice, Barrister  Mr.
George F. Moore, Professor Wole Soyinka, Dr. Phillip Homus James,
Christopher,Mr.David Lewis, Mr.Ferid Belhaj, Mr. Crownfit John,Mr.
Ramond Lewis,Mr Mathew Gbolagade, MRS.NGOZI OKONJI IWEALA, Mrs
Bamidele CBN Treasury Dept Chairman,Mrs.Natasha Felicia, Mrs Monica
Bless,Mr. Shodolamu E. Oluwagbenga,Mrs. Patricia Jacob Demilade,Mrs
Faith Okeke, Mr.Robert Gerritsen, Mr.Patrick Uba and Dr.Idras Musa,
haven't paid their parking tickets either.
Those we caught hereabouts are now staked out on army ant migration
routes.

You can avoid this fate by simply sending us the $90 you owe and you will
have your record amended, name cleared, and probably get about 4,000
more of these emails in the next week.
That or the army ant stake out.

Finally, don't ever delay on making the payment because i don't want
to issue a warrant that we all know will never be executed.  We in
this Third World sh*thole recognize that.  We just hope you don't.
So send us $90 and make us laugh once and for all.

Thanks.
Best Regard.
Justice Legbo Idris Kutigi  
 
This drew no response from any of the scammers cc'ed here...except from the one and probably not only Rebecca Schieble:
 
 
f**k you baby  
 
 
Even my pet rock, Seymour, heard the *TOING* on that one:
 
 
Since you're a nongender, you can't f**k anything but yourself in the ass.  Baby.  
 
 
Ol' Becca wasn't ready to let it go...and in a most unusual manure:
 
 
love you darling   
 
 
Even Seymour didn't expect that response.  That said, it was time to play:
 
 
LMAO...I'll help you out, baby.  
 
 
Sitting in the queue, I had an email scam from the Central Bank of Nigeria...a second *TOING* produced this, which was sent primarily to 'Becca, the originating scammer, and 50+ of their friends and colleagues:
 
 
FROM THE DESK OF MR. GODWIN EMEFIELE.
EXECUTIVE GOVERNOR, CENTRAL GENITAL BANK OF NIGERIA (CGBN)
OUR REF: CBN/OHG/OXD1/2018
EMAIL:mr.godwinemefiele17@outlook.com
YOUR REF: SCHIEBLE-R/NONG
TELEX: CGBN.
FILE: CGBN/OMG/WTF/018
          CGBN GENITAL LOAN TO MS/MR REBECCA SCHIEBLE rebeccasc123@gmail.com
Attn: Confused Nongender
Sir/Madam Schieble,
My name is Mr Godwin Emefiele the new Executive Governor Of The Central Genital Bank of Nigeria (CGBN). I received your name from a concerned acquaintance of yours and have looked into your problem. 
We at CGBN have a solution.
You are fortunately in luck, as our central repository of CGBN has a plentitude of in-stock genitals of either sex.  Unfortunately, none of them are human; that said, your acquaintance indicated that you were desperate enough that anything would do.  And we have anything but human in an abundance.  Monkey...yak...goat...piranha...sloth...ostrich...a fair animal kingdom/queendom collection.  All you have to do is tell us what gender you prefer.
All modalities will be worked out from here, and with just a simple service fee, you need not be nongendered any more.
We in Central Genital Bank do not understand why you allowed this situation in the first place?  Was it accident or intentional?  If the latter, we need an affidavit from your atturkey that states you are of dubious mind but willing remainder, and are sure about what gender you'd like to be.  
Once we have this affidavit on file that provide a clear Proof that you know what you want to be and are ready to undergo the necessary procedure, we will review your file and by next week Monday morning we can have a tentative schedule arranged for you. I will not want to make any mistake in setting you up for the wrong genital and surgical procedure; once done, it can't be undone.
Kindly clarify us on this issue before we start to make this thing happen on your behalf. In receipt of this confidential email that's been shared with fifty plus unrelated sacks of sh*t, you are required to email this Bank immediately your choice of genital.
OFFICIALLY SIGNED by:
MR.GODWIN EMEFIELE
Private Email:mr.godwinemefiele17@outlook.com  
 
 
That put the suddenly-changed relationship between my character and ol' Becca back on an even keel:
 
 
F**K YOU ASSHOLE!!!!!!!  
 
 
No need to thank me, Beckster...I live but to serve.  Let me know how your operation turns out.  Send photos.  
 
Somehow, I suspect that there'll be no photos from ol' Becca...
 

 

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