Secret Scamming Man

The scammer clearly didn't think this one through.  Or perhaps he just didn't think it beyond the first firing synapse.

In any event, it was a *FAIL* from the git go.

I think you'll see why as you review his ploy:

DEPARTMENT OF THE TREASURY
Sir,
...
We write to inform you concerning the fax message we received from the
United Nations Group about your Overdue failed payments transfer which
several files were submitted to us for proper verification and
gratification.
This will also interest you to know that your payment file was included
which valued $15.5M only, as we have tried every possible means to contact
with you but it became futile.
Without much procrastination,we would like you to preview us with your
verdict about the failed payment on your won side,though we have got some
clues from the UN as we still reserve that respect to know from you
concerning the upsurge so that we could make that reconciliation
accordingly enable you receive your payment.
Finally,you are herein implore to quickly upon receipt of this mail,get in
touch with us for proper payment direction and formation accordingly as
further procrastination would deprive you of the exercise.
Truly Your's
Dr James A. Bond
DEPARTMENT OF THE TREASURY  


The Dr and middle initial A weren't enough to distract one from the intent of the email; but it was the iconic name that ruined it for the scammer.

Bond...James Bond.

And using that as a springbroad -- 007 fans will know what I just did there -- my pet rock, Seymour, made full use of the ill-chosen name of our scammer in the edit:



DEPARTMENT OF THE PLEURISY

Sir/Ma'am/Gender Neutral Appropriate,

...

I took pen in hand and forgot that Q turned it into a small nuclear device

capable of rearranging Newark in a manure that has been in several of my

movies...so after rehab and a sh*tload of make up, I'm back on a note pad

that Q has not put any gadgetry into yet. I hope.







We write to inform you concerning the fax message we received from the

United Nations Group about the evil empire, SPECTATOR – a small tater in

some venues – that you have overdue barking tickets because your pet cat

with self identity issues has been balancing near a civil defense siren at 3am

and using it as a bullhorn to demonstrate his other dog imitation near the

park.


WTF is up with that please?





You're overdue for proper verification and gratification and I hope you

don't hold all my previous movie liaisons with starlets or the exhaust

pipe of that Yugo in Miami (reference my movie, The Fly That Bugged Me)

against me when we get around to that. But I digress.





This will also interest you to know that your payment file was included

in a McDonalds Happy Meal which was delivered to Kim Jong Un two

weeks ago and sent him off on another one of his rants which ended by

his ordering the execution of the Happy Meal by him eating it. Unfortunately,

he ate your payment file and little figurine of Ronald McDonald doing

something unspeakable to a kumquat at the same time.







He's still mad about that.

 
Without much procrastination, we would like you to preview us with your

verdict about the movie when I save the world from Uranus using a

Q inspired Salad Shooter upgrade and music by Weird Al Yankedhisvic.

My boss O – M retired and became a fan dancer at the Copa CaWTF in

Pahrump, NV – have got some clues from the UN as to what the

definition of frappachinoflatulatoryexpostfacto is, but we still reserve

that respect to know from you concerning the upsurge so that we could

make one without wiping out Broomfield.




Finally, you are herein implored to quickly upon receipt of this mail,

not turn it over some yutz with a pet rock for denigrating editing,

because that bastard does this to us all the time, and it hurts our very

sensitive feelings. What's more – no relation to Roger – further

procrastination would deprive you of the exercise that causes toe

cramps.

Truly. 


I have the honor to be this week,

Dr James A. Bond
DEPARTMENT OF THE PLEURISY

..next week I might be an army genital in Liechtenstein with an offer you can't refuse...

Bond...Dr. A Bond...didn't bother to reply.  I seriously doubt that SPECTATOR will, either.

Missed It By That Much

Or maybe not by that much.

I love it when my email box informs me that I have a diplomat bringing a consignment box packed with cash to my door, but the nincompoop lost my address, so I have to reconfirm it for him.

And he -- as always -- doesn't know what's in the box and I shouldn't tell him before he signs it over to me.

Uh huh.

Here's a bit of the ploy:

Please your urgent Attention is needed, we wish to inform you that our Diplomatic agent conveying your consignment box valued the sum of $5.7 Million United States Dollars misplaced your address, you are required to Reconfirm the following information’s below so that he can deliver your Consignment box to you today and return immediately,

Your Full Name: Your Country: Your Direct Telephone Numbers: Your Nearest airport: Your Current Home Address: Your E-mail Address: Your Current Occupation: Your age: A COPY OF YOUR IDENTIFICATION:

Please do contact the diplomat agent Mr.Deburrs William with the email and with the information’s required. Diplomat Name: DIPLOMAT Deburrs William Contact him with his phone Number +19785484886 ): OR (deburrswilliam@foxmail.com) he is waiting to hear from you today with the information’s to bring your Consignment box to your doorstep.

And Try to indicate these CODES to the Diplomat because it will prove that you are the rightful person that owns The Consignment Box.

A) YOUR BOX REGISTRATION NUMBER: XQD7819-SC

B) THE SECURITY CODE CONSIGNMENT BOX: ez/85t/kab/2017/color: silver

NOTE: That Diplomat agent John Bright did not no the content of The consignment box contains a huge amount of money which is $5.7 Million United States Dollars and on No circumstances should you let him be at peril with the Consignment box.

 

 

Uh...yup.

 

I could hear my pet rock, Seymour, shrieking "EDIT!!!" from across the country (even though he's five feet behind me):

 

 

Attn; Dear Benef**ktory,

Please your urgent Attention is needed:  we have a serial lack of urgent

attentions here and were assured by peoples who need peoples are the

lousiest peoples in North Korea.  Not that this makes much in the ways

and curds of sense, but we are sure that you aren't sure what it is that

we're not sure that you're sure of.

Ettu, Brutus?  What movie is that off or from?  Will you be off or from?

What cultist opening is that an act to?  Do not say Hamlet with a side

of hash blondes.

We had wish to inform you that our Diplomatic agent man, diplomatic

agent man, we gave the prick a number, and took away his name....

A box with smart technology and stupid programmers misplaced your

address, you are required to Reconfirm that you wear a dress, or

straighten us out on what the fuck it is that you do wear, because

this is of little importance at the DNC; they're more concerned with

where and how you pee.

In the Greenwich Mean Time, please fill out the below informations

because we collect this stuff from across the globe, bringing you the

best and worst from the world of email crap:

Your Full Name:

Your Country:

Your Direct Telephone Numbers:

Your Favorite Direct Insults:

Your Nearest airport:

Your Nearest Indoor Outhouse:

Your Current Home Address:

If Not Address, What Are You Wearing:

Your E-mail Address:

Your Current Occupation:

Your age:

Your Birth Genital:

Your Chosen Genital:

If Not Your Birth Genital, What The Fuck Is You:

A COPY OF YOUR IDEMNTIFICATION:

Please do contact the diplomat agent man, diplomat agent man, we gave the

prick a number, and took away his name.  And he's terrible with numbers, so

if you write to him his number a bunch, the abject stool sample might finally

remember it.

Whatever you do, do NOT call him Mr.Deburrs William; we gave the prick a

number and took away his name, so he cannot answer you by that name, or

any name...just a number.  The one we gave him.

Johnny Rivers understands this completely.

Please to note that this is Johnny Rivers in disguise.  We use same disguise company as Chief Inspector Clouseau.

 

Now you should contact Diplomat with his Number +19785484886 ): OR (deburrswilliam@foxmail.com) he has operators standing by to take your call or email and do unspeakable things in their bungholes widdit, because toilet paper is a precious and few commodity hereabouts.

 

You might also hear from his diplomat agent man secret partner, because

that's sometimes how we roll here in ThirdWorlddumb.  If you are contacted

by a person disguised as a box with this diplomat agent man secret number

XQD7819-SC, that's the wrong one.  Say "bad diplomat agent man disguised

box!" and demand instead the diplomat agent man disguised as a box with

this secret number:  ez/85t/kab/2017

NOTE: That Diplomat agent John Bright did not intend to know the contents

of this email and compounded his sandpounding stupidity by using not the

number we gave the prick but his name that we took away when decomposing

this email. 

He bad.  Very very bad.

And on No circumstances should you let him be at peril with the disguised box

because he gets excited easy and wets himself, giving away the whole damned

caper.  We should have hired Maxwell Smart, but he's dead and Agent 99 is

retired.

That said, never Disclose the real content of this email until you meet him at

your door with a creme pie in the face.

If you just sneezed, gesundheit.  If you farted, never mind.  We never do get

those listening devices planted in the right places.

Mr John Not So Bright because they took away my name and gave the

prick my number and I keep forget it so I give away the game repeteredly.  

 

 

My pet rock eagerly anticipated a response to this email, but I suspect that it self destructed after 7 seconds, and went up in Bela Pelosi's wadded panties.

 

The DNC will do that to ya....