Wednesday, June 21, 2017

Missed It By That Much

Or maybe not by that much.

I love it when my email box informs me that I have a diplomat bringing a consignment box packed with cash to my door, but the nincompoop lost my address, so I have to reconfirm it for him.

And he -- as always -- doesn't know what's in the box and I shouldn't tell him before he signs it over to me.

Uh huh.

Here's a bit of the ploy:


Please your urgent Attention is needed, we wish to inform you that our Diplomatic agent conveying your consignment box valued the sum of $5.7 Million United States Dollars misplaced your address, you are required to Reconfirm the following information’s below so that he can deliver your Consignment box to you today and return immediately,
Your Full Name: Your Country: Your Direct Telephone Numbers: Your Nearest airport: Your Current Home Address: Your E-mail Address: Your Current Occupation: Your age: A COPY OF YOUR IDENTIFICATION:
Please do contact the diplomat agent Mr.Deburrs William with the email and with the information’s required. Diplomat Name: DIPLOMAT Deburrs William Contact him with his phone Number +19785484886 ): OR (deburrswilliam@foxmail.com) he is waiting to hear from you today with the information’s to bring your Consignment box to your doorstep.
And Try to indicate these CODES to the Diplomat because it will prove that you are the rightful person that owns The Consignment Box.
A) YOUR BOX REGISTRATION NUMBER: XQD7819-SC
B) THE SECURITY CODE CONSIGNMENT BOX: ez/85t/kab/2017/color: silver
NOTE: That Diplomat agent John Bright did not no the content of The consignment box contains a huge amount of money which is $5.7 Million United States Dollars and on No circumstances should you let him be at peril with the Consignment box.
 
 
Uh...yup.
 
I could hear my pet rock, Seymour, shrieking "EDIT!!!" from across the country (even though he's five feet behind me):
 
 
Attn; Dear Benef**ktory,
Please your urgent Attention is needed:  we have a serial lack of urgent
attentions here and were assured by peoples who need peoples are the
lousiest peoples in North Korea.  Not that this makes much in the ways
and curds of sense, but we are sure that you aren't sure what it is that
we're not sure that you're sure of.
Ettu, Brutus?  What movie is that off or from?  Will you be off or from?
What cultist opening is that an act to?  Do not say Hamlet with a side
of hash blondes.
We had wish to inform you that our Diplomatic agent man, diplomatic
agent man, we gave the prick a number, and took away his name....

A box with smart technology and stupid programmers misplaced your
address, you are required to Reconfirm that you wear a dress, or
straighten us out on what the fuck it is that you do wear, because
this is of little importance at the DNC; they're more concerned with
where and how you pee.
In the Greenwich Mean Time, please fill out the below informations
because we collect this stuff from across the globe, bringing you the
best and worst from the world of email crap:
Your Full Name:
Your Country:
Your Direct Telephone Numbers:
Your Favorite Direct Insults:
Your Nearest airport:
Your Nearest Indoor Outhouse:
Your Current Home Address:
If Not Address, What Are You Wearing:
Your E-mail Address:
Your Current Occupation:
Your age:
Your Birth Genital:
Your Chosen Genital:
If Not Your Birth Genital, What The Fuck Is You:
A COPY OF YOUR IDEMNTIFICATION:

Please do contact the diplomat agent man, diplomat agent man, we gave the
prick a number, and took away his name.  And he's terrible with numbers, so
if you write to him his number a bunch, the abject stool sample might finally
remember it.
Whatever you do, do NOT call him Mr.Deburrs William; we gave the prick a
number and took away his name, so he cannot answer you by that name, or
any name...just a number.  The one we gave him.

Johnny Rivers understands this completely.

Please to note that this is Johnny Rivers in disguise.  We use same disguise company as Chief Inspector Clouseau.
 
Now you should contact Diplomat with his Number +19785484886 ): OR (deburrswilliam@foxmail.com) he has operators standing by to take your call or email and do unspeakable things in their bungholes widdit, because toilet paper is a precious and few commodity hereabouts.
 
You might also hear from his diplomat agent man secret partner, because
that's sometimes how we roll here in ThirdWorlddumb.  If you are contacted
by a person disguised as a box with this diplomat agent man secret number
XQD7819-SC, that's the wrong one.  Say "bad diplomat agent man disguised
box!" and demand instead the diplomat agent man disguised as a box with
this secret number:  ez/85t/kab/2017
NOTE: That Diplomat agent John Bright did not intend to know the contents
of this email and compounded his sandpounding stupidity by using not the
number we gave the prick but his name that we took away when decomposing
this email. 
He bad.  Very very bad.

And on No circumstances should you let him be at peril with the disguised box
because he gets excited easy and wets himself, giving away the whole damned
caper.  We should have hired Maxwell Smart, but he's dead and Agent 99 is
retired.
That said, never Disclose the real content of this email until you meet him at
your door with a creme pie in the face.
If you just sneezed, gesundheit.  If you farted, never mind.  We never do get
those listening devices planted in the right places.
Mr John Not So Bright because they took away my name and gave the
prick my number and I keep forget it so I give away the game repeteredly.  
 
 
My pet rock eagerly anticipated a response to this email, but I suspect that it self destructed after 7 seconds, and went up in Bela Pelosi's wadded panties.
 
The DNC will do that to ya....

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1 Comments:

Blogger Sandee said...

Well you nailed this edit and you sure nailed the lack of intelligence within the DNC. They are imploding and it's sad to watch.

Have a fabulous day, Mike. My very best to Seymour and Element. ☺

21 June, 2017 09:26  

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