Monday, January 15, 2018

Secret Scamming Man

The scammer clearly didn't think this one through.  Or perhaps he just didn't think it beyond the first firing synapse.

In any event, it was a *FAIL* from the git go.

I think you'll see why as you review his ploy:



    DEPARTMENT OF THE TREASURY
    Sir,
    ...
    We write to inform you concerning the fax message we received from the
    United Nations Group about your Overdue failed payments transfer which
    several files were submitted to us for proper verification and
    gratification.

    This will also interest you to know that your payment file was included
    which valued $15.5M only, as we have tried every possible means to contact
    with you but it became futile.

    Without much procrastination,we would like you to preview us with your
    verdict about the failed payment on your won side,though we have got some
    clues from the UN as we still reserve that respect to know from you
    concerning the upsurge so that we could make that reconciliation

    accordingly enable you receive your payment.
    Finally,you are herein implore to quickly upon receipt of this mail,get in
    touch with us for proper payment direction and formation accordingly as
    further procrastination would deprive you of the exercise.

    Truly Your's
    Dr James A. Bond
    DEPARTMENT OF THE TREASURY  



    The Dr and middle initial A weren't enough to distract one from the intent of the email; but it was the iconic name that ruined it for the scammer.

    Bond...James Bond.

    And using that as a springbroad -- 007 fans will know what I just did there -- my pet rock, Seymour, made full use of the ill-chosen name of our scammer in the edit:



    DEPARTMENT OF THE PLEURISY

    Sir/Ma'am/Gender Neutral Appropriate,

    ...

    I took pen in hand and forgot that Q turned it into a small nuclear device

    capable of rearranging Newark in a manure that has been in several of my

    movies...so after rehab and a sh*tload of make up, I'm back on a note pad

    that Q has not put any gadgetry into yet. I hope.





    We write to inform you concerning the fax message we received from the

    United Nations Group about the evil empire, SPECTATOR – a small tater in

    some venues – that you have overdue barking tickets because your pet cat

    with self identity issues has been balancing near a civil defense siren at 3am

    and using it as a bullhorn to demonstrate his other dog imitation near the

    park.


    WTF is up with that please?





    You're overdue for proper verification and gratification and I hope you

    don't hold all my previous movie liaisons with starlets or the exhaust

    pipe of that Yugo in Miami (reference my movie, The Fly That Bugged Me)

    against me when we get around to that. But I digress.



    This will also interest you to know that your payment file was included

    in a McDonalds Happy Meal which was delivered to Kim Jong Un two

    weeks ago and sent him off on another one of his rants which ended by

    his ordering the execution of the Happy Meal by him eating it. Unfortunately,

    he ate your payment file and little figurine of Ronald McDonald doing

    something unspeakable to a kumquat at the same time.





    He's still mad about that.

     
    Without much procrastination, we would like you to preview us with your

    verdict about the movie when I save the world from Uranus using a

    Q inspired Salad Shooter upgrade and music by Weird Al Yankedhisvic.

    My boss O – M retired and became a fan dancer at the Copa CaWTF in

    Pahrump, NV – have got some clues from the UN as to what the

    definition of frappachinoflatulatoryexpostfacto is, but we still reserve

    that respect to know from you concerning the upsurge so that we could

    make one without wiping out Broomfield.


    Finally, you are herein implored to quickly upon receipt of this mail,

    not turn it over some yutz with a pet rock for denigrating editing,

    because that bastard does this to us all the time, and it hurts our very

    sensitive feelings. What's more – no relation to Roger – further

    procrastination would deprive you of the exercise that causes toe

    cramps.

    Truly. 


    I have the honor to be this week,

    Dr James A. Bond
    DEPARTMENT OF THE PLEURISY


    ..next week I might be an army genital in Liechtenstein with an offer you can't refuse...

Bond...Dr. A Bond...didn't bother to reply.  I seriously doubt that SPECTATOR will, either.

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1 Comments:

Blogger Sandee said...

He's still trying to figure out what you said.

Have a fabulous day, Mike. My best to Seymour and Element. ☺

15 January, 2018 10:51  

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