Drone On

My pet rock is getting a bit wiggy about drones.

"Am NOT!!!"

Seymour saw a story about a Kentucky man that defended the airspace over his property from a neighbor's drone -- possibly spying on his sun bathing teen daughter, or looking at property a door or two over, depending on who you believe -- by blowing it out of the sky.  Which got him arrested:

 
More and more so-called enthusiasts are sending drones into the sky. This means that more and more normal humans are becoming enthusiastic about shooting them out of the sky.

Especially, as in the case of William H. Merideth, the drone is hovering over your house.

Merideth, 47, lives in Hillview, Kentucky. As WDRB-TV reports, a neighbor heard gunshots and called the police. Merideth allegedly told the police that a drone was hovering over his house, where his teen daughter (he has two) was sunbathing. So he pulled out his gun and gave it a merry death.

The drone's owner, police say, said he was flying it to take pictures of a neighboring house.

However, Merideth told WRDB: "Well, I came out and it was down by the neighbor's house, about 10 feet off the ground, looking under their canopy that they've got under their back yard. I went and got my shotgun and I said, 'I'm not going to do anything unless it's directly over my property.'"  

Well, it did and he did.  *BANG*  Dead drone.

My pet rock is perfectly content with that.

"Damn RIGHT!"

Except that now, Seymour sees a drone about anywhere he looks.

For example, a dragon fly had landed on the railing on the patio, and Seymour shrieks "DRONE!"

*BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZER*

"PHFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!!!"

Then Seymour imagined that he saw a Mothra-looking drone outside the window that had a curious resemblance to something more odious and vile:

Odious and vile, yes; drone, *BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZER*

"PHFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!!!"

So Seymour thinks I'm not taking drones seriously enough.  Probably not.  Even after Seymour shows me a chart that is purportedly a USAF drone identification chart:

The bottom line is that my pet rock demands that I do "something" about defending the homestead against drones.

*Sigh*

Which brings to mind a product by my parody company Bonco, UnInc, makers of such things as the Abdominationizer, Phffft Asure, and.....the insect repelling BugaBOOM.

"That's the ticket!!!"

Seymour never reads the fine print on this stuff.

"Do too...PHFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!"

So Seymour thinks that I should set up a BugaBOOM on my patio for the next time that a drone like this picks a moment to happen by:

...Seymour picked the wrong drone...

..eh..closer to a real droll drone...anyway, when one of these happens by, the fully automated insect (now drone) repelling BugaBOOM by Bonco goes to work:

..leaving nun-thing to chance ("oh BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"), or much else standing nearby:

Which would probably result in a new leftist rant about gun control and demands that I surrender the insect (and now drone) repelling BugaBOOM by Bonco.

Good luck widdat, kiddies.

I guess my pet rock is right:  I'm not taking drones very seriously.

"PHFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!!!"

Messy Bird Coup

Just so's you know, I don't speak French.

I slaughter it good, like in the title.  But I don't speak it.

So when a scammer contacts me widdan email writ in frawg, I drop by Gooble Translate.

Here's how it looked aforehand:

Je suis Mme Claria Williams du Koweït. Je suis mariée à M. Paul Williams .Qui travaillé avec le Koweït ambassade en Côte-d'Ivoire pendant neuf ans avant de mourir dans l'année 2012.We ont été mariés pendant onze années sans enfant? Il est mort après une brève maladie qui a duré seulement quatre jours. Avant sa mort nous étions tous les deux chrétien né de nouveau.

Depuis sa mort j'ai décidé de ne pas se remarier ou obtenir un enfant en dehors de ma maison matrimoniale qui la Bible est contre. Quand mon défunt mari était vivant il a déposé la somme de 3,6 millions de dollars dans une entreprise de sécurité ici à Abidjan Côte-d'Ivoire Actuellement, cet argent est toujours en compagnie de sécurité ici à Abidjan Côte-d'Ivoire.

Récemment, mon docteur m'a dit que je ne serais pas durer pour les huit prochains mois en raison d'un problème de cancer. Celui qui me dérange le plus, c'est mon coup maladie. Après avoir su mon état j'ai décidé de donner ces fonds à une église qui utilisera cet argent de la manière que je vais instruire ci-dessus.

Je veux une église qui emploiera ces fonds pour des orphelinats, des veuves, propager la parole de Dieu et de s'efforcer que la maison de Dieu soit maintenue. La Bible nous a fait comprendre que «Béni soit la main qui donne" .I a pris cette décision parce que je n'ai pas aucun enfant qui héritera de cet argent et les parents de mon mari ne sont pas chrétiens, et je ne veux pas les efforts de mon mari à être utilisée par les non-croyants.

  Je ne veux pas une situation où cet argent sera utilisé d'une manière impie. C'est pourquoi je prends cette décision. Je n'ai pas peur de la mort par conséquent je sais où je vais. Je sais que je vais être dans le sein du Seigneur. Exode 14 VS 14 dit que "le seigneur défendra ma cause et je me tairai,

Je n'ai pas besoin de toute communication téléphonique à cet égard en raison de mon état de santé d'où la présence des parents de mon mari autour de moi toujours. Je ne veux pas qu'ils sachent ce développement. Avec Dieu, tout est possible. Dès que je recevrai votre réponse je vous donnerai le contact de la société de sécurité ici à Abidjan Côte-d'Ivoire.

Je vous publierai également une lettre d'autorité qui vous prouvera le bénéficiaire actuel de ces fonds. Je veux que vous et l'église priez toujours pour moi parce que le seigneur est mon berger. Mon bonheur est que j'ai vécu une vie digne d'un chrétien. Celui qui veut servir le seigneur doit le servir dans l'esprit et la vérité.

S'il vous plaît être toujours dans la prière tout au long de votre vie. Tout retard dans votre réponse me donnera à manger dans le sourcing autre église dans le même but.

S'il vous plaît m'assurer que vous agirez en conséquence comme je l'ai dit ici en.

En espérant recevoir votre réponse.

Restez béni dans le Seigneur.

Bien à vous dans le Christ,

Mme Claria Williams  


And after being put through the GobbleTalk thing, it looked like one of those "my husband died and left me money, now I'm dying and want to leave it to you for windows and organs" heavily-used scammer templates.  They must work, somewhere, because I've been getting them for 15 years.

So I put the email through my own personal translator, aka The Universal Edit Translator by Bonco*, and it came out lookin' sumpin' like this h'yar:


Notice:  Please don't read this sh*t too closely, okay?

I'm Mrs. Williams Claria Kuwait. The whole country, I guess.  I was married to a camel with diseased genitals named Achmed Who worked with Kuwait Embassy Ivory Coast as a shuttle for nine years before he died in the year 2012.  We were married for eleven years without a child?  Of course...how do I have sex with a f**king camel and give birth?

This is a stupid email already.

Since his death I decided not to remarry because I find that I have have sex with whole herd of goats and get just as much out of it as I got with Achmed.  Granted, which the koran is against, but who cares what a religion that celebrates a child molester thinks?  Certainly not me.  Nor when I lived here in Abidjan Ivory Coast.  Of course I'm not sure which "here" I am in just now, because this template I'm using to write to you sucks platypus genitals. 

Recently, my doctor told me that I would not last long enough to survive an intergalactic trip to Alpha Centuri.  I only went to him for painful rectal itch, so I'm not sure why I'd care that I couldn't last long enough to journey there.  It sucks bad enough here.

I want a church that will provide for me a suitable place to have an exorcism ritual to banish crotch crickets from my belly button.  Do you happen to know of one?   I do not want a church that behaves in an ungodly manner, which rules out islam. That is why I am taking this decision. I'm not afraid of msnbc because they suck worse than this email does. 

I did not need any telephone communication in this regard because the only phone here is a hand crank kind, and the handle was recently used to masturbate a donkey.  Yuk.  Just don't tell the local telephone repair person; I do not want them to know about this development. With God all things are possible, but knowing what happened to that hand crank requires me now to have a mind scrub.  Life here in Abidjan Ivory Coast is seriously f**ked up, as you can see.

I will also issue you a letter of absolvence that will prove you had nothing to do with using the hand crank to masturbate the donkey, spank the monkey, or anything else that makes Hillary have those faces she makes.  I want you and the Church of the Perpetual Horkage to always pray for me because I'm about to have a porcupine enema.  You might have a good thought for the porcupine, too...I have a big and unwashed ass.

Please be always into people who use meth throughout your life.  They won't have teeth, but they might understand you.

Please assure me that you will act accordingly as I stated here.

Looking forward to your reply.

Ms. Williams Claria  

 

 

And what thanks did I get for helping Ms whomever-she-is with her email plea?

 

None.  Le silenceo.

 

Another of the scammers I sent it to asked me "why you keep bother me?".  My answer there was "cuz your email still work, Snake Lips".

 

Ask a silly question...

*  Bonco, UnInc, a made up company that makes up products only I would lowlight on this blog...