Scam Gawds Have Off Days

cnn has their scam gawds, and Scam Land has others.

Here's a scam from one who invokes a deity that's supposed to help make this work:


Dearly Beloved,

I am pleased to inform you that the Great God loves you dearly. He wants the best for you in the present world and beyond. He does not want you to continue in this Suffering way of being a poor. He wants you to forsake this suffering way of life that leads to eternal destruction and causing sins. That is why he granted you a chance for United Nation and International Monetary Funds to awarded this $2.500.000.00 on your name.

My sincere prayer is that you will not miss or lose this GREAT OPPORTUNITY to received your US$2.500.000.00 to escape from the poor and destruction coming your way. The only option is you pay $50 activation fee and stop all these doubt of yours, Please get in touch with Larry Tuthill send him only $50 iTunes card for the bank management to activate your funds to release your payment (MTCN & SENDER NAME) Money Transfer Control Number and Sender Name you will use to pick up your money at the any western union post in your area.

You still has time to comply NOW, delaying may be too late due to the Payment Supervisor and Larry Tuthill was not happy for your doubting and delaying on sending the activation fee to start receiving your payments, BUY US$50 iTunes card, send copy picture of the iTunes card to Larry Tuthill phone number HIM AT +12105011826, Kindly send US$50 iTunes activation fee now and wait to have your payments without delay. Bear it in mind that Larry Tuthill is waiting for you to send $50 iTunes card Copy and Your Details for your funds activation to be done for urgent remit your payment, Contact Larry Tuthill on this e-mail wufiles96@aol.com TEST HIM AT +12105011826 CALLING HIM IS NOT ALLOW TO AVOID DISTURBING HIS WORK AND CUSTOMERS IN THE OFFICE, in after activation of your payments he will send you your MTCN & sender name you will use to pick up your money.

Angela A. Sun and WESTERN UNION BOARD OF DIRECTORS had given assurance to start remitting your payment in after activating your US$2.500.000.00.”So, dearly beloved, hurry up now and send only $50 iTunes Card to Larry Tuthill Contact Larry Tuthill at this Email: wufiles96@aol.com Forward your Receiver name, Copy of your I.D CARD, Name of your Country, State, City and phone number, Text question and Answer, Amount you will be able to pick in each payment, Your each daily $5000 payment will start in after activating your US$2.500.000.00. You have 500 days to received the total US$2.500.000.00 Awarded your name by U.N & I.M.F.

My sincere prayer is that you will not miss this GOLDEN OPPORTUNITY to received your US$2.500.000.00 to escape from POOR and destruction. May you be courageous enough to take this bold step that will prevent you from everlasting regret.

I am here to inform you of the impending danger if you fail to pay $50 NOW to start receiving your US$2.500.000.00! You cannot claim that you were not told or that you did not hear. If you do anything doubting again after this message, you stand to lose your US$2.500.000.00 because you cannot claim ignorance again. Mind you, Listing to this serious Warning' Larry Tuthill is not lying to you and he is not deceiving you" Buy $50 iTunes card and send it to Larry Tuthill phone number HIM AT +12105011826 and wait to have your payment in within an hour, YOUR OWN DESTINY IS UPON YOUR HAND. US$50 iTunes card is the distance between you and receiving your payments to change your life to better living, May God be with you and give you knowledge of understanding to achieve your goal to change your life and to help others people.

Thank you and Bless you.

Betsy D. Holden.  


My character has heard from this Larry Tuthill character before, using the iTunes $50 card ploy.  It didn't work then, and it doesn't do any better now:


From: Betsy D. Holden <crk_1542@yahoo.com>
Sent: Thursday, January 31, 2019 1:32 PM
Subject: Listing 55 degrees to port or starboard is this serious Warning'

 

Dearly Beloved we are gathered here today in the sight of a goat head baphomet shaped like an outhouse because...oops, wrong template.

I is pleasured to infarm you that the Great Dawg Exeter Wanker loves your casserole recipe. In so fondling he wants the best for you in the present world and beyond. He does not want you to continue in this suckass way of being from poor and dubious antecedence, like Duke Asi and James Sama are. He wants you to forsake this suffering way of life that leads to eternal painful rectal itch and causing genital tongue warts. That is why you is been granted a chance for United Nation and International Monetary Funds Universe-Wide Lottery to have a 1-in-10-gazillion-chance to be awarded $25.00 in West African francs on your name.

My prayer is that you will not follow up on this GREAT OPPORTUNITY because for ever' one of y'all that fails to follow up, I get your prize.  The only option is you pay $50 activation fee and stop all these doubt of yours, Please get in touch with Larry Tuthill send him only $50 iTunes card.

You can use this one if you like:

You still has time to comply NOW, delaying may be too late due to the Payment Supervisor and Larry Tuthill was not happy for your doubting and making fun of them for having genital tongue warts.  Find a $50 iTunes send copy picture of the iTunes card to Larry Tuthill phone number HIM AT +12105011826, Kindly send the code image of US$50 iTunes activation fee now and watch Larry piss hisself in joy...until he tries to cash it.

Angela A. Sun did this and was immensely pleased when Larry fouled hisself trying to redeem a used iTunes card.  She still laughing.  Contact Larry Tuthill at this Email: wufiles96@aol.com and send him this image.

My other prayer is that you will not tip Larry off that I told you to do this this way. May you be courageous enough to take this bold step that will prevent you from everlasting regret.

I am here to inform you of the impending danger if you fail to pay $50 NOW:  you'll make Larry mad.  When Larry gets mad, he fouls hisself so much that the EPA has a Super Fund designation assigned just to him.  You cannot claim that you were not told or that you did not hear. If you do anything doubting again after this message, you stand to lose the one and only chance you'll ever have in this life to make Larry foul hisself repeatedly because you cannot claim ignorance again. Mind you, Larry Tuthill is full of sh*i and needs to be pissed off to let it escape.  You may even call him at phone number +12105011826 and ask him why he's so full of sh*t.  YOUR OWN DESTINY IS UPON YOUR HAND. 

Betsy D. Holden...and not sayin' what she's holden...  

 

 

Ms Holden had nothing further to add here; but Mr. Tuthill alleged did:

 

 

you think this funny??!  JERK!!

 

 

Fact of the matter is...yes, I do.  

 

 

I doubt that Tuthill will learn his lesson here.  cnn's moron Acosta hasn't learned his.

 

 

 

Wait 'Til Your Mother Reads This

Let's face it:  we've all got and had Moms.

And we've all be scolded by 'em.

Well, I reckon that this scammer might just need a reminder of that as you read his effort to give me the business, which includes, twice, an awkward reference to his Mom:


Attn:
Please believed me, I swear with my Mothers grave that I will send you your mtcn to pick up your first payment in after activation, My word is my word' I swear to my good Lord, once you send the $50 activate fee I will meet the bank management to get it done and I will send you the mtcn to pick up your money at the western union, I am telling you the truth, please believe me and I will not let my word dawn, I promised you and I will never  fail you, I knew that you will reward me in after received your total funds, pls don't let my efforts to go in vain and again don't let all you spent to go in vain, this $50 activate fee is the last fee you will pay to have your mtcn to pick up your money without delay, once you sent $50 the next is to get you the mtcn you will use to pick up your money at the western union near to you, your destiny is at your hand now, everything is on your hand, your lives, the payments, to have a better lives, to have a wonderful Christmas with your family, to help poor people, to set investment for future of your life and your families, both is at your hand now, $50 is the distance between you and receiving your payments, we have put all arrangement in order and will finalize all your transfer process and will successfully get you your mtcn to pick up your money in after your funds activation. Pls go ahead to send the $50 activation fee for the bank management to get your funds activation done to enable you start receiving your payments to change your life and to give you and your family a better living life.

I am waiting for your reply with the $50 iTunes card, then the next is to have your mtcn to pick up your money to proof my innocent and how much honest I was to you, I am honest man and a Christianity I can't lie, I am very sure that once you send this $50 today you will have your mtcn to pick up your money to praise my good worked toward you, I am sure that today will be the happiest day of your life if possible you send this $50 that holding the bank management to activate your funds to release your mtcn. I knew that you will reward me for my efforts on helping you on your behalf, may our good God give you knowledge to understand the truth am telling you to achieve your goal, please send this $50 last fee to receive payments so that you can help others people that is poor, please believe me and trust me, I will not fail you and I cannot ask you for another fee, this $50 is the last fee, I give you my word, my word is my word. send $50 activate fee to have your mtcn to pick up your money without delay, I swear with my Mother grave.  

Tel 
Email wufiles96@aol.com
Larry Tuthill
@Western Union Representative  

"I swear with my Mother grave".  

How does one DO that, exactly?  Asking for a pet rock.

"No you AREN'T!!!  PHFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!!!"


Be that as it may, the "editing-gone-wild" pet rock Seymour thought that this email was right up his alley for editing, and I was more than happy to turn him loose on it:


From: Larry Tuthill <crk_1542@yahoo.com>
Sent: Saturday, December 1, 2018 8:32 AM
Subject: I will do unspeakable things to your Salad Shooter if my Mother grave don't hear about it first

 

Attn:
Please believed me, I swear with my Mothers grave that I will do unspeakable things to your Salad Shooter, old hard-wire telephone, Lean Mean Grilling Machine, stereo 8-trac player, IBM Selectric typewriter and electric douche dildo suction thingee you got from your perverted uncle last Christmas, if you'll just lend me your ear.  I'd ask to borrow your genital, but most people are rather peculiar about loaning those out.  You may not believe this, but my word is my word, and what my word is this week is "fallopian mortar tube".  I swear to my good Coke bottle goat head baphomet toilet shoe horn, once you send the $50 activate fee I will meet with the NFL and discuss inflating footballs with helium for half-time entertainment and I will send you proof with a recording of Tom Brady sounding like South Park's Eric Cartman.  As the 13th astrological sign Gorkus -- signified by two buzzards colliding in mid-air -- guides me to say, I am telling you the truth, please believe me and I will not rest until my my word this week is in the Oxford Dictionary of Fallopians in Hysterectomy.  I promise you that and I will probably fail you, but know that as a turkey falling from a helicopter over Cincinnati is my witness, I knew that someone who voted for that moron Alexandra Ocasio-Cortez will reward me in some appropriate manure for reasons probably best left in Azerbaijani.  Pls don't let my efforts to go in vain, since SUVs are so much more trendy.  A $50 activate fee is the last fee you will ever need unless you do something that requires fees other than $50...that I can't hep you with.  Your dysentery is in your hand now, so please wash them thoroughly before you handle anything edible, oral and phallic.  Do this so that in some perverse way you'll help poor people stay that way.  None of this leads to a better living life, but it was part of the template so I writ it.

I am waiting for your reaction to the first paragiraffe of this missive, so that I can gauge the odds of you acting on the second paragiraffe here, wherein you are expected to reply with the $50 iTunes card.  Didn't I say the $50 was in the form of an iTunes card?  Well, fouling myself with family fruitcake puree, I didn't say that heretofore, five, six, or whatever time it is there.  Okay, now I've said it.  Why an iTunes card you ask?  Good question...I suppose I could ask for a $50 Toys 'R Us card...or a Barf, Bowels And Edible Toilet Seats Store card.  At this point, if you send me $50 in the form of ANY gift card, I'll probably projectile piss myself, because this f**king email hasn't worked yet and I've been using it for six months.  

Now for the disclaimer combined with a customer satisfaction survey that I was offhandedly required to include here...how would you rate how much honest I was to you?  I am honest man and a Satanic cultist of dubious antereligence.   I can't lie as long as my mouth is shut and all my electronic texting devices are off.  I am very sure that once you send this $50 in the form of an iTunes card today, you will have pissed away $50 on an iTunes card.  And don't forget after this is all over to praise my good worked toward you with disparaging comments about me that my cohorts at the fly-infested internet cafe I work at can read and laugh at.  I am sure that today will be the happiest day of my miserable life if you send this $50; if you don't, I will contact a local spell caster and direct him to turn you into a chair seat that Hellary Clinton will sit on and fart in.  I knew that an admonishment like that would get your attention.  Please believe me and trust me, I will fail you utterly but that doesn't matter as long as you send the $50 in the form of a question.  I give you my word -- which we already went over so don't make me have to explain it again because I don't remember what I made up earlier -- so my word is my word.  And on this I swear with my Mother grave, though the instant I do, she'll grab me by the nutsack and march my unhappy ass back to the hovel and use a Singapore bamboo cane on my genital.   And that's when she's not mad.

Tel 
Email wufiles96@aol.com
Larry Tuthill
@Illuminincompoops International, Nigerian Chapter  

 

 

Both Seymour and I wondered just what "Larry" would have to say to this.  Well, "Larry" did have a brief response:

 

basterd

 

 

I think he was talking to Seymour there.

 

"Was NOT!!!  PHFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!!!!!!!"