Chinese Scammer Gets Corona'd

Probably.

With the 'editing gone wild' pet rocks out of town, my character is getting inundated with scams to be edited.

But this one did catch his attention:  a Chinese mining company wants him to be their US accounts receivable rep.

*BWHAHAHAHAHA*

Really.

Take a gander at their offer to give my character the business:

Let me start by introducing myself, I am Chen Soo a recruitment agent for a reputable Chinese Company, called China Nonferrous Metals Mining Group. Ltd ( CNMC ) and I got your contact information from LinkedIn from our advertising and online marketing department agent Kate Spies.

China Nonferrous Metals Co. Ltd thanks you for considering our offer to be China’s Nonferrous Metals company representative in your region. China Nonferrous Metals Co. Ltd is a China based company, engaged in mining, processing and trading of nonferrous metals, currently lead and zinc in the PRC.  The Group operates the New Jiashengpan Resources mine in Wulatezhongqi, an autonomous region in  Inner Mongolia, the PRC. As valuated by Australian reputable SRK Consulting Engineers and Scientists, the mine has proven reserves of 1.36 million tonnes in total, of which 1.2 million tonnes are zinc and 160,000 tonnes are lead. It ranks top 5 in lead and zinc resources in the PRC. We have been providing services and trades to global Industries, Companies and Individual in Europe, Africa, Canada and USA (Only).

With the high demand of our products in the above region, we look forward to establishing representative offices and sales centers in North America (USA and Canada). Until the centers are established, we need a reliable company/individual (irrespective of the business type) that will stand as an intermediary between our customers in your country and China Nonferrous Metals Co. Hence we wish to contract you/your enterprise/company as our “representative” in your region.

Such persons/companies should be able to:

(1) Maintain effective communications with China Nonferrous Metals Co and its customers/clients in North America (USA,Canada).

(2) You shall be in-charge of all overdue Delinquents Account Collections from our company customer/clients in North America (USA,Canada).

(3) Work together with China Nonferrous Metals Co Management to seamlessly reach our company goals of retrieving all its debt owe by our delinquent customer/client In North America (USA,Canada).

(4) Maintain proper records of transactions.

(5) Always have access to your mail-box and check emails daily/regularly.

Compensation:

You shall earn a monthly Salary of $11,500 USD plus 5% commission on every Delinquents Account you receive on behalf of China Nonferrous Metals Co (CNMC). Also if we are satisfied with your services within the first, two months of Employment, we shall increase your monthly allowance by 5%. Please get back to us if you are interested in working with our company so we can send you the partnership contract and other applicable forms. Also you are to confirm to me that you are ready to work with our company in good faith, without any illegal act.

Sincerely Yours,

Chen Soo

Tel: 009 864 008 90 0418

E-mail: chensoo@cnmcgroup-cn.com

China Nonferrous Metals Group . Ltd

CNMC Building, No.10 Anding Road, Chaoyang District , Beijing , China  

 

 

The scam email did not come with photos; my character thought it appropriate to add them since he's such a sh*t.

 

Current events that reference China made the edit a slam-duck in the eyes of my character...ve shall zee:

 

 

From: Chen Soo - CNMC <chensoo@cnmcgroup-cn.com>
Sent: Monday, March 2, 2020 4:50 PM
To: jackeduponcoronavirus101@hotmail.com
Subject: Rooty Tooty Flesh and Flooty

 

Hory Cow.

Let me start by introducing myself, I am Chen Soo Lak Likker, a recruitment agent for the disreputable Chinese Company that created and introduced coronavirus to da woild; with that flop in our hysterectomy, we've changed our name to Fast Eddie Wong's China Nonferrous Egg Rolls and Won Tons Mining Group. Ltd ( FEWCNER&WTG) and I got your contact information from LinkedIn from our advertising and online marketing department agent Kate Spies, who died of painful rectal itch complications from the virus last week.

Fast Eddie Wong's China Nonferrous Egg Rolls and Won Tons Mining Group. Ltd thanks you for considering our offer to be China’s scapegoat for the spread of coronavirus representative in your region. Fast Eddie Wong's China Nonferrous Egg Rolls and Won Tons Mining Group. Ltd is a Liechtenstein-based company since our disease ain't going over so well with the brewers of Corona Beer, so we are engaged in looking for about anything else that we can do to deflect attention from our sorry excuse of a virus that was originally created to collect and sterilize soil samples from outlying planets, like Uranus, Texas and the DNC.

 

 

That was before our probe met an alien probe; they compared notes, IA saliva and whatever else two computers do in space that passes for intercourse, and now it came back as Nomad with coronavirus compounded by lyme disease, equaling a diminished Happy Hour at a lot of lounges where maligNANCY Bela Pelosi usually got cross-eyed after work.

 

 

What's left of the Group now operates a series of burrito, egg roll, wang chungs and the New Jiashengpan Pet Rock mine in Wulatezhongqi, an autonomous region in  Inner Mongolia, the PRC. As valuated by a constipated mathemachicken that worked it out with a pencil, the mine has proven reserves of 1.36 million tonnes of pet rocks of assorted personalities, glitches and foibles, none of which is currently trained in email editing.  It ranks top 5 in fracking outhouse pits in the Arkansas equivalent in the PRC. We have been providing talking points to cnn, ms13nbc and Joe Bidumb since Hellary face-planted in 2016.

With the high demand for WTF we were thinking with the coronavirus gig, we look forward to establishing you as our representative scapegoat in the USofA (USA and Canada, because we can't tell the difference either, even after South Park made it so easy to do). 

 

As such you'll be expected to:

(1) Maintain effective blame in place of Fast Eddie Wong's China Nonferrous Egg Rolls and Won Tons Mining Group. Ltd.

(2) You shall be in-charge of all CDC, OMG and WTF interviews with the purveyors of fake news, cnn, ms13nbc, abc, cbs, nbc, the nyslimes, washpo-po and DNC.

 

(3) Work together with Fast Eddie Wong's China Nonferrous Egg Rolls and Won Tons Mining Group. Ltd Management to seamlessly keep us out of the news cycle until painful rectal itch syndrome is more newsworthy than our little faux pas is.

 

(4) Create and maintain records that blame all this sh*t on the Russian bots that mess up elections, erections and whatever else it is they mess up.

(5) Always have access to virgin farm animals in case we decide to come visit and need a little carnal entertainment.

 

 

Compensation:

You shall earn a monthly celery on behalf of Fast Eddie Wong's China Nonferrous Egg Rolls and Won Tons Mining Group. Ltd. Also if we are satisfied with your scapegoatdom within the first two months of Employment, we shall increase your monthly celery.  Please get back to us if you are the least bit amused by this whole email edit so we can send your name to cnn and the rest of those morons in the media there who'll buy anything that they think will get rid of your current president.  Also you are to confirm to me that you are ready to work any illegal act like a good democrap is.

 

Sincerely Yours,
Chen Soo Lak Likker

Tel: 009 864 008 90 0418

E-mail: chensoo@cnmcgroup-cn.com

Fast Eddie Wong's China Nonferrous Egg Rolls and Won Tons Mining Group. Ltd

CNMC Building, No.10 Anding Road, Chaoyang District , Beijing , China

 

 

So far, no response from the *Chinese mining company* to this edit.  It is rumored that my character is no longer welcome to take tours of the Corona beer brewery...

 

Timing The Disease To the Template

That's probably how this edit will go over.

Eh.

The templaters of Scam Land haven't quite gotten around to designing something to fit the latest panic sweeping the round or flat Earth:  coronavirus.

Perhaps I've just given it to them in an edit.

But first, one of their more well-worn templates is presented me thus:


Attention:

I have something very important to discuss with you about inheritance
fund left in my bank with a late customer who worked with shell
development company here in my Country and died along with his family
while on vacation in September 19,2017 Earthquake in Central Mexico
that killed over 370 people leaving the sum of (USD$14 Million United
States Dollars) behind in our Bank.

I write to you because he has the same last name with you which I do
not know if he is a member of your family.I am Michel Koffi Dorkenoo a
banker and the director of operation of the said bank where the fund
was deposited. I will like you to contact me so we can talk more about
this because from the bank record I understand that someone has
contacted you because of the fund in the past and try to cheat on you
that is why I stopped the transfer for some months now but am ready to
work directly with you on trust and understanding I promise to
transfer the fund to you through  ATM-VISA-CARD  or bank to bank
online transfer direct to your account in your country only if you can
work with me as I will advice you on what you need to do to receive
the fund and the share ratio.

I will wait for your urgent response direct or you can add me on
whatsapp number (+228-9688-6703) for more details.

Mr Michael Koffi Dorkenoo
Director Of Operation
GOD BLESS YOU
MOBILE/WHATSAPP: +228 9688-6703  


With a name like Dorkenoo, I don't see how he can't expect something like this.  Not that it matters here, whether it's me, my character or my two "editing gone wild" pet rocks that do the duty: it gets done.  And thanks to the Chinese and DNC, here's how it gets done:


From: Michael Koffi Dorkenookee <akuffoasare8@gmail.com>
Sent: Tuesday, February 25, 2020 2:20 PM
Subject: URGENT MESSAGE ABOUT CORONAVIRUS, LYME DISEASE, AND HOW TO MIX THEM AT HAPPY HOUR  

Attention:

I have something very important to discuss with you about the recent craze of coronavirus that's sweeping the woild after sweeping China where it was created by an out-of-woik orthopod with a penchant for ear, nose and throat genital warts popping up on date nights. 

He is a late customer who worked with Kung Pao Sesame Chicken Development company here in my Country and died along with his hand puppet family while on vacation on September 19, 2019 in an volcanic eruption re-enactment at Mount St. Hellary in up-this NY during her "Who's To Blame" Tour that just seems to keep going.  It has bored audiences from Aardvark to Xylophone at assorted Flat Earth Society meetings and is causing a severe slump in their recruiting dive.

So's the knowledge that if the world was flat, cats would have cleared everything off of it by now.

What we found here in a Third World craphole is that mixing coronavirus with lyme disease at Happy Hour makes for a nice libation to chat up the locals and maybe get a "laid opportunity" after the bar closes.

Just don't tell the Chins; they may demand royalties.

I write to you with sties in my eyes because I haven't washed them in a couple weeks.  What this template found after much focus group discussion is that the creator of this latest stock market negative rally has the same last name with you.  Not that we found that curious; the way the template was writ, it pretty much had to work out that way, since the other available template was evolved around someone with the improbable last name of Ph**kstick, and we didn't feel there were that many people out there with the same last name.  You understand I'm sure, or you have a friend that does.

As for me, I am Michael Koffi Dorkenookee, which is another name not easily found in Nature or phone books.  Since it made less sense to try to give myself the business with a name not so common, it came to me like a foul ball in the head in the bottom of the 7th that it was too late to duck; thus I designed this around your last name instead.  A product of my 'c' grade average I carried in third grade, the last one I completed.

 I will like you to contact me so we can talk more about this or about anything else because truth be told, I'm bored and only have a chimp named Booger to talk to; and all he does is utter primate sounds and pick his ass.  Too intellectual for my third grade education.  I can't even hold up my end in a forest of petrified wildebeest dung.

Now, the template here says that someone has contacted you because of the fund in the past and try to cheat on you; maybe it was your ex-girlfriend or an inflatable sex toy that has a penchant for leaks just when things are getting interesting.  I don't know the answer to that or the one thousand dollar question on Jeopardy, but I do know this:  Michael Bloomberg is one short little bastard.

When you contact me, ask me anything you like, but remember that I was only a 'c' student in third grade, and I am still traumatized by a fallopian experience during 'musical chairs'.  I'll try to figure out how to explain that in my next email.  Since Dr. Ruth isn't on the air anymore, I kinda have to make this kind of stuff up as I go.

I will wait for your urgent response direct or you can add me on whatsapp number (+228-9688-6703) for more details.

Mr Michael Koffi Dorkenookee
Director Of the game Operation (and haven't saved a patient yet)
MOBILE/WHATSAPP: +228 9688-6703

bankbess@gmail.com

 I'm not real surprised that Dorkenoo decided that a follow up was not going to get him anywhere.

Too bad, too:  I had lots more pictures to post.