Chinese Scammer Gets Corona'd

Probably.

With the 'editing gone wild' pet rocks out of town, my character is getting inundated with scams to be edited.

But this one did catch his attention:  a Chinese mining company wants him to be their US accounts receivable rep.

*BWHAHAHAHAHA*

Really.

Take a gander at their offer to give my character the business:

Let me start by introducing myself, I am Chen Soo a recruitment agent for a reputable Chinese Company, called China Nonferrous Metals Mining Group. Ltd ( CNMC ) and I got your contact information from LinkedIn from our advertising and online marketing department agent Kate Spies.

China Nonferrous Metals Co. Ltd thanks you for considering our offer to be China’s Nonferrous Metals company representative in your region. China Nonferrous Metals Co. Ltd is a China based company, engaged in mining, processing and trading of nonferrous metals, currently lead and zinc in the PRC.  The Group operates the New Jiashengpan Resources mine in Wulatezhongqi, an autonomous region in  Inner Mongolia, the PRC. As valuated by Australian reputable SRK Consulting Engineers and Scientists, the mine has proven reserves of 1.36 million tonnes in total, of which 1.2 million tonnes are zinc and 160,000 tonnes are lead. It ranks top 5 in lead and zinc resources in the PRC. We have been providing services and trades to global Industries, Companies and Individual in Europe, Africa, Canada and USA (Only).

With the high demand of our products in the above region, we look forward to establishing representative offices and sales centers in North America (USA and Canada). Until the centers are established, we need a reliable company/individual (irrespective of the business type) that will stand as an intermediary between our customers in your country and China Nonferrous Metals Co. Hence we wish to contract you/your enterprise/company as our “representative” in your region.

Such persons/companies should be able to:

(1) Maintain effective communications with China Nonferrous Metals Co and its customers/clients in North America (USA,Canada).

(2) You shall be in-charge of all overdue Delinquents Account Collections from our company customer/clients in North America (USA,Canada).

(3) Work together with China Nonferrous Metals Co Management to seamlessly reach our company goals of retrieving all its debt owe by our delinquent customer/client In North America (USA,Canada).

(4) Maintain proper records of transactions.

(5) Always have access to your mail-box and check emails daily/regularly.

Compensation:

You shall earn a monthly Salary of $11,500 USD plus 5% commission on every Delinquents Account you receive on behalf of China Nonferrous Metals Co (CNMC). Also if we are satisfied with your services within the first, two months of Employment, we shall increase your monthly allowance by 5%. Please get back to us if you are interested in working with our company so we can send you the partnership contract and other applicable forms. Also you are to confirm to me that you are ready to work with our company in good faith, without any illegal act.

Sincerely Yours,

Chen Soo

Tel: 009 864 008 90 0418

E-mail: chensoo@cnmcgroup-cn.com

China Nonferrous Metals Group . Ltd

CNMC Building, No.10 Anding Road, Chaoyang District , Beijing , China  

 

 

The scam email did not come with photos; my character thought it appropriate to add them since he's such a sh*t.

 

Current events that reference China made the edit a slam-duck in the eyes of my character...ve shall zee:

 

 

From: Chen Soo - CNMC <chensoo@cnmcgroup-cn.com>
Sent: Monday, March 2, 2020 4:50 PM
To: jackeduponcoronavirus101@hotmail.com
Subject: Rooty Tooty Flesh and Flooty

 

Hory Cow.

Let me start by introducing myself, I am Chen Soo Lak Likker, a recruitment agent for the disreputable Chinese Company that created and introduced coronavirus to da woild; with that flop in our hysterectomy, we've changed our name to Fast Eddie Wong's China Nonferrous Egg Rolls and Won Tons Mining Group. Ltd ( FEWCNER&WTG) and I got your contact information from LinkedIn from our advertising and online marketing department agent Kate Spies, who died of painful rectal itch complications from the virus last week.

Fast Eddie Wong's China Nonferrous Egg Rolls and Won Tons Mining Group. Ltd thanks you for considering our offer to be China’s scapegoat for the spread of coronavirus representative in your region. Fast Eddie Wong's China Nonferrous Egg Rolls and Won Tons Mining Group. Ltd is a Liechtenstein-based company since our disease ain't going over so well with the brewers of Corona Beer, so we are engaged in looking for about anything else that we can do to deflect attention from our sorry excuse of a virus that was originally created to collect and sterilize soil samples from outlying planets, like Uranus, Texas and the DNC.

 

 

That was before our probe met an alien probe; they compared notes, IA saliva and whatever else two computers do in space that passes for intercourse, and now it came back as Nomad with coronavirus compounded by lyme disease, equaling a diminished Happy Hour at a lot of lounges where maligNANCY Bela Pelosi usually got cross-eyed after work.

 

 

What's left of the Group now operates a series of burrito, egg roll, wang chungs and the New Jiashengpan Pet Rock mine in Wulatezhongqi, an autonomous region in  Inner Mongolia, the PRC. As valuated by a constipated mathemachicken that worked it out with a pencil, the mine has proven reserves of 1.36 million tonnes of pet rocks of assorted personalities, glitches and foibles, none of which is currently trained in email editing.  It ranks top 5 in fracking outhouse pits in the Arkansas equivalent in the PRC. We have been providing talking points to cnn, ms13nbc and Joe Bidumb since Hellary face-planted in 2016.

With the high demand for WTF we were thinking with the coronavirus gig, we look forward to establishing you as our representative scapegoat in the USofA (USA and Canada, because we can't tell the difference either, even after South Park made it so easy to do). 

 

As such you'll be expected to:

(1) Maintain effective blame in place of Fast Eddie Wong's China Nonferrous Egg Rolls and Won Tons Mining Group. Ltd.

(2) You shall be in-charge of all CDC, OMG and WTF interviews with the purveyors of fake news, cnn, ms13nbc, abc, cbs, nbc, the nyslimes, washpo-po and DNC.

 

(3) Work together with Fast Eddie Wong's China Nonferrous Egg Rolls and Won Tons Mining Group. Ltd Management to seamlessly keep us out of the news cycle until painful rectal itch syndrome is more newsworthy than our little faux pas is.

 

(4) Create and maintain records that blame all this sh*t on the Russian bots that mess up elections, erections and whatever else it is they mess up.

(5) Always have access to virgin farm animals in case we decide to come visit and need a little carnal entertainment.

 

 

Compensation:

You shall earn a monthly celery on behalf of Fast Eddie Wong's China Nonferrous Egg Rolls and Won Tons Mining Group. Ltd. Also if we are satisfied with your scapegoatdom within the first two months of Employment, we shall increase your monthly celery.  Please get back to us if you are the least bit amused by this whole email edit so we can send your name to cnn and the rest of those morons in the media there who'll buy anything that they think will get rid of your current president.  Also you are to confirm to me that you are ready to work any illegal act like a good democrap is.

 

Sincerely Yours,
Chen Soo Lak Likker

Tel: 009 864 008 90 0418

E-mail: chensoo@cnmcgroup-cn.com

Fast Eddie Wong's China Nonferrous Egg Rolls and Won Tons Mining Group. Ltd

CNMC Building, No.10 Anding Road, Chaoyang District , Beijing , China

 

 

So far, no response from the *Chinese mining company* to this edit.  It is rumored that my character is no longer welcome to take tours of the Corona beer brewery...