Timing The Disease To the Template

That's probably how this edit will go over.

Eh.

The templaters of Scam Land haven't quite gotten around to designing something to fit the latest panic sweeping the round or flat Earth:  coronavirus.

Perhaps I've just given it to them in an edit.

But first, one of their more well-worn templates is presented me thus:


Attention:

I have something very important to discuss with you about inheritance
fund left in my bank with a late customer who worked with shell
development company here in my Country and died along with his family
while on vacation in September 19,2017 Earthquake in Central Mexico
that killed over 370 people leaving the sum of (USD$14 Million United
States Dollars) behind in our Bank.

I write to you because he has the same last name with you which I do
not know if he is a member of your family.I am Michel Koffi Dorkenoo a
banker and the director of operation of the said bank where the fund
was deposited. I will like you to contact me so we can talk more about
this because from the bank record I understand that someone has
contacted you because of the fund in the past and try to cheat on you
that is why I stopped the transfer for some months now but am ready to
work directly with you on trust and understanding I promise to
transfer the fund to you through  ATM-VISA-CARD  or bank to bank
online transfer direct to your account in your country only if you can
work with me as I will advice you on what you need to do to receive
the fund and the share ratio.

I will wait for your urgent response direct or you can add me on
whatsapp number (+228-9688-6703) for more details.

Mr Michael Koffi Dorkenoo
Director Of Operation
GOD BLESS YOU
MOBILE/WHATSAPP: +228 9688-6703  


With a name like Dorkenoo, I don't see how he can't expect something like this.  Not that it matters here, whether it's me, my character or my two "editing gone wild" pet rocks that do the duty: it gets done.  And thanks to the Chinese and DNC, here's how it gets done:


From: Michael Koffi Dorkenookee <akuffoasare8@gmail.com>
Sent: Tuesday, February 25, 2020 2:20 PM
Subject: URGENT MESSAGE ABOUT CORONAVIRUS, LYME DISEASE, AND HOW TO MIX THEM AT HAPPY HOUR  

Attention:

I have something very important to discuss with you about the recent craze of coronavirus that's sweeping the woild after sweeping China where it was created by an out-of-woik orthopod with a penchant for ear, nose and throat genital warts popping up on date nights. 

He is a late customer who worked with Kung Pao Sesame Chicken Development company here in my Country and died along with his hand puppet family while on vacation on September 19, 2019 in an volcanic eruption re-enactment at Mount St. Hellary in up-this NY during her "Who's To Blame" Tour that just seems to keep going.  It has bored audiences from Aardvark to Xylophone at assorted Flat Earth Society meetings and is causing a severe slump in their recruiting dive.

So's the knowledge that if the world was flat, cats would have cleared everything off of it by now.

What we found here in a Third World craphole is that mixing coronavirus with lyme disease at Happy Hour makes for a nice libation to chat up the locals and maybe get a "laid opportunity" after the bar closes.

Just don't tell the Chins; they may demand royalties.

I write to you with sties in my eyes because I haven't washed them in a couple weeks.  What this template found after much focus group discussion is that the creator of this latest stock market negative rally has the same last name with you.  Not that we found that curious; the way the template was writ, it pretty much had to work out that way, since the other available template was evolved around someone with the improbable last name of Ph**kstick, and we didn't feel there were that many people out there with the same last name.  You understand I'm sure, or you have a friend that does.

As for me, I am Michael Koffi Dorkenookee, which is another name not easily found in Nature or phone books.  Since it made less sense to try to give myself the business with a name not so common, it came to me like a foul ball in the head in the bottom of the 7th that it was too late to duck; thus I designed this around your last name instead.  A product of my 'c' grade average I carried in third grade, the last one I completed.

 I will like you to contact me so we can talk more about this or about anything else because truth be told, I'm bored and only have a chimp named Booger to talk to; and all he does is utter primate sounds and pick his ass.  Too intellectual for my third grade education.  I can't even hold up my end in a forest of petrified wildebeest dung.

Now, the template here says that someone has contacted you because of the fund in the past and try to cheat on you; maybe it was your ex-girlfriend or an inflatable sex toy that has a penchant for leaks just when things are getting interesting.  I don't know the answer to that or the one thousand dollar question on Jeopardy, but I do know this:  Michael Bloomberg is one short little bastard.

When you contact me, ask me anything you like, but remember that I was only a 'c' student in third grade, and I am still traumatized by a fallopian experience during 'musical chairs'.  I'll try to figure out how to explain that in my next email.  Since Dr. Ruth isn't on the air anymore, I kinda have to make this kind of stuff up as I go.

I will wait for your urgent response direct or you can add me on whatsapp number (+228-9688-6703) for more details.

Mr Michael Koffi Dorkenookee
Director Of the game Operation (and haven't saved a patient yet)
MOBILE/WHATSAPP: +228 9688-6703

bankbess@gmail.com

 I'm not real surprised that Dorkenoo decided that a follow up was not going to get him anywhere.

Too bad, too:  I had lots more pictures to post.