Scammer Gets ACKed

Unless the scammer had a clue about the misadventures of Bloom County, he was in no way prepared for this edit.

Not that he was expecting one in the first place.

A number of scammers have posted about their ATM cards that can allegedly hack any ATM in the world, on a post of mine that made fun of one such scammer.

They post their pitch in the 'Comments' section, and I regularly go in and remove them. 

Occasionally I'll edit and respond to their bogus hacked claims.

This time, I let a personal hero of mine -- Bill the Cat -- do the responding, sort of.

Much to my pet rock's disgust.

"Yeah...PHFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!"

At least it wasn't a hairball that Seymour barfed up.

Here was the hacking scam as presented by the scammer:


Aahil Baadi has left a new comment on your post "A Scammer Ain't A Scammer If He Say So":

NEED A HACKED ATM CARD WITH PIN?
We sell physical loaded ATM cards . It is a crooned card that can be used to withdraw Cash at any ATM Machine. This Cards comes in Visa/MasterCard. Therefore it works at any ATM Machine that accept Visa/MasterCard Worldwide.
CAN I USE THIS READY MADE ATM CARD TO BUY STUFF IN STORES? OR ONLINE SHOPPING? PAY BILLS?
Yes, with this physical ATM card, you can use it to pay stuff at stores through POS. With this ATM card information, you can use it online to pay bills or do online shopping. When you order for this card, Full information about the card will be given to you. We also reload your card when funds exhausted.
DO I NEED TO ORDER NEW CARD EVERY TIME I SPENT THE FUNDS FINISH?
No, if you have already ordered our card, there is no need to keep ordering new cards, Just contact us for a reload. We shall easily reload the ATM card already in your possession
HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE TO RECEIVE ATM CARD IN MY COUNTRY?
If you are in the Africa, you will receive your card in 2-3 DAYS with guaranteed. If you are outside Africa Your card will arrive to you between 3 – 5 business days guaranteed.
HOW SAFE IS THIS CARD?
It is 100% safe to use this card. Because it will be shipped to you as a gift card.
DO YOU ALSO RELOAD ANY OTHER CARD NOT FROM THIS CROONED CARDS?
Yes, we can reload any Active and valid cards, any type of card just contact us for a reload (prepaid cards, credit/debit cards).
HOW DO I ORDER FOR THE ATM CARD?
EMAIL: (dukeblankhacker@outlook.com)...
HOW DO WE MAKE THIS CARD?
We use a machine MSR to crone this cards . You can also buy this machine from us also. You can order for the ATM card either the designed card or the blank card but still same information on them.
EMAIL: (dukeblankhacker@outlook.com).... Thanks   


A jackwagon load of douche canoes, to be sure.  But it didn't go back to the scammer or about 100 of his friends and colleagues looking like that:

On Friday, January 6, 2017 8:11 AM, AhhHell Baadeye <dukeblankhacker@outlook.com> wrote:

NEED A HACKED UP HAIRBALL FROM BILL THE CAT?

 

 We sell physical loaded hacked up hairballs from Bill the Cat.  It is a crooned and hacked up hairball that can be used to gross out your friends and neighbors.  We are not licensed by the government of the Bloom County EPA to sell these hacked up hairballs from Bill the Cat.  This deal comes in a variety of colors, textures and smells.  Therefore it will destroy pretty much anything it makes physical contact with Worldwide.

 

 CAN I USE THIS READY MADE HACKED UP HAIRBALL FROM BILL THE CAT TO BUY STUFF IN STORES? OR ONLINE SHOPPING? PAY BILLS?

Yes, so long as the retailer is an abject moron.

DO I NEED TO ORDER NEW HACKED UP BILL THE CAT HAIRBALLS CARD EVERY TIME I USE ONE?

 

 No, if you have THE one and only HACKED UP HAIRBALL BY BILL THE CAT there is no need to keep ordering new hacked up hairballs.  Unless yours suddenly implodes or sucks the breathable air out of a coliseum or something.

HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE TO RECEIVE A HACKED UP HAIRBALL FROM BILL THE CAT?

 

 If you are in the Africa, you will receive your hacked up hairball in 5-6 DAYS with guaranteed negative results. If you are outside Africa Your card will arrive to you between 1 – 5 business days with even more negative guaranteed results.

HOW SAFE IS THIS CARD?

 

 It is 100% unsafe, unstable, and prone to go radioactive stomach acid nuclear.

DO YOU ALSO REUSE ANY GONE UGLY BAD HACKED HAIRBALLS FROM BILL THE CAT?

 

 Yes, but we recommend that once one has gone bad -- kinda like feeding a mugwai after midnight and it morphs from Gizmo to Stripe -- you seal it in a lead lined, concrete sealed tank and bury it 600 feet underground.  That might keep your entire block from becoming the world's most toxic sink hole...maybe.

HOW DO I ORDER THE HACKED UP HAIRBALL FROM BILL THE CAT?
EMAIL: (dukeblankhacker@outlook.com)...

HOW DO WE GET BILL THE CAT TO HACK UP THESE LETHAL HAIRBALLS?
We use a Heimlich or vigorous back slap.  Sometimes, he loogies one when he farts.  There's no end to how he spits these things up/out.

EMAIL: (dukeblankhacker@outlook.com).... Thanks and don't rat us out to Berkeley Breathed or the EPA/OSHA.

 

The scammer, perhaps upon reflection, decided that my response did NOT constitute a potential 'sale' of one of his hacked ATM cards.

 

Perhaps he didn't reply because he feared the worst.

 

 

Even the pet rock snickered at that one...

April (Scammer) Fools

Say what you will about Bill the Cat from Bloom County:  he KNOWS what to worry about when any kind of threat arises.

Not so much a run of the pill email scammer.

Like this one that was fool enough to screw with me close to a particular day of the year:

My good friend . 
Nice to meet you.

Let me start by introducing myself properly to you. My name is Mr Mensah Osei, The Branch Manager of a Financial Institution.

Nice To Meet You. I had a client by named Eng. John B. Meckley, He is American Citizen and died in Syria bomb attacks last year on business trip. He was a supplier of High Tech Machineries, plants and equipment for the renovation of our international airport. Prior his demise, he secured a contract of US$24,75 0,000 from our aviation ministry which he received a 60% mobilization fee of USD$15,250,000 and successfully executed the contract. The 40% balance of his payment amounting to USD$10,500,000 due to him was paid into his account few months after his sudden Death.

I informed my bank management and was instructed to present any member of his family or relation with an administration of estate for claims. I never had the courage to discuss this with anyone but frankly speaking, it will be stupid of me to leave his funds to his account si nce i know his is dead. 

Note, as an officer of the bank, I cannot be personally connected to the fund which make me to request for your assistance to stand as Eng. John relative to receive the fund. I agree that we share the funds 40% for you and 60% for me. I have all it takes as his personal account manager to put claim over his funds under a legitimate to appointing you as Eng. John relative. I am aware this might be against your ethical belief or personal indoctrination but I hope you see good reasons to consider partnering with me as his available relative. 

It is officially advised by my bank management to present Eng. John relative for the claim. I will send you modalities for the release of Eng John funds once I get a positive response  from you. Please do treat this information as Top secret between us and if this business proposal offends your moral ethics, do accept my sincere apology. Thanks for your understanding.  

While Seymour my diaper envying pet rock was trying to contact Bill the Cat to recommend a better diaper service ("am and was NOT...PHFFFFFT!"), I applied a quick April Fool edit to his email:


Date: Wed, 9 Mar 2016 11:25:33 -0300
From: eboli@aasp.org.br
Subject: Oh Mine Gott..Sat On My Nutsack Again
To: an assortment of public restroom rejects

My good friend, it is good that we meet in this way.  In person you'd want to kill me.  Especially after you read this.

Let me start by introducing myself improperly to you. My name is Mr Menstral Period, The Branch Manager of a Third World genital exchange program not recommended by Quicken, K-tel or Ronco.  Bill Clinton might help me out if I score him a female intern genital cigar humidor.

Nice To Meet You. I had a clitoris I named Poke Crotchin' Annie, it belonged to Armenian-Antarctic Citizen that sustained injuries in a factory defective dildo attack in Syria last year on business trip.  Prior to that I had been working with Hellary Clinton on how to make her server emails look like chia pet knock offs. 

 Prior to THAT, I sold laminated piranha dorks to tourists in what's left of Deadtroit's airport.  Not one to fear trying anything, before THAT I sold hen's teeth to travelers in Arkansas that thought they were in Mississouppi because I'd sold them counterfeit GPS eunuchs.  Consider me next time you have problems with itchy flaking residue on your butt.  I've done that too.

I informed my management and was instructed to clean out my desk and fumigate my orifice.  I never had the courage to tell them that my orifice is past saving, but frankly speaking, it will be stupid of me to leave the Pine Sol insert shoved up there as it starts a slow bern. 

Note, as a now ex employee of the aforementioned disestablishment, I cannot be personally connected to a taser because it causes my hair to spark and me to pee messages in sand, which make me to request for your first born goat to stand as my current lover when I travel to Syria next month, peddling explosive prayer rugs.  I hear the prophets are through the roof on this business.  I am aware this might be against your ethical belief or personal indoctrination but it isn't against mine. 

It is official:  Debbie Wasserman Schultz IS Medusa.  Since Anthony Weiner sexted her his winkee and even Niagra -- the generic remedy to Viagra -- can't fix it now.  I will send you modalities for how to avoid making that mistake, and a quick ten point system for how to buy and flip badger genitals without getting mauled.  The wonder now will be if I get a positive response  from you. Please do treat this information as very bit as Top secret as everything on Hellary's server.  If you see her selfie pictures of her in a 5 XL thong, do accept my rather insincere apology. Thanks for not sending me pictures of Bella Abzug.

Regards
Mr. Menstral Period

Mr. Osei was not amused:


never write me again  

Like my taking that pledge on April 1 means anything...snort.  

While his email account gently weeps and sags from the volume of stuff I've shoved in it, welcome to April...the month of playing well with others*.


* not