April (Scammer) Fools

Say what you will about Bill the Cat from Bloom County:  he KNOWS what to worry about when any kind of threat arises.

Not so much a run of the pill email scammer.

Like this one that was fool enough to screw with me close to a particular day of the year:

My good friend . 
Nice to meet you.

Let me start by introducing myself properly to you. My name is Mr Mensah Osei, The Branch Manager of a Financial Institution.

Nice To Meet You. I had a client by named Eng. John B. Meckley, He is American Citizen and died in Syria bomb attacks last year on business trip. He was a supplier of High Tech Machineries, plants and equipment for the renovation of our international airport. Prior his demise, he secured a contract of US$24,75 0,000 from our aviation ministry which he received a 60% mobilization fee of USD$15,250,000 and successfully executed the contract. The 40% balance of his payment amounting to USD$10,500,000 due to him was paid into his account few months after his sudden Death.

I informed my bank management and was instructed to present any member of his family or relation with an administration of estate for claims. I never had the courage to discuss this with anyone but frankly speaking, it will be stupid of me to leave his funds to his account si nce i know his is dead. 

Note, as an officer of the bank, I cannot be personally connected to the fund which make me to request for your assistance to stand as Eng. John relative to receive the fund. I agree that we share the funds 40% for you and 60% for me. I have all it takes as his personal account manager to put claim over his funds under a legitimate to appointing you as Eng. John relative. I am aware this might be against your ethical belief or personal indoctrination but I hope you see good reasons to consider partnering with me as his available relative. 

It is officially advised by my bank management to present Eng. John relative for the claim. I will send you modalities for the release of Eng John funds once I get a positive response  from you. Please do treat this information as Top secret between us and if this business proposal offends your moral ethics, do accept my sincere apology. Thanks for your understanding.  

While Seymour my diaper envying pet rock was trying to contact Bill the Cat to recommend a better diaper service ("am and was NOT...PHFFFFFT!"), I applied a quick April Fool edit to his email:


Date: Wed, 9 Mar 2016 11:25:33 -0300
From: eboli@aasp.org.br
Subject: Oh Mine Gott..Sat On My Nutsack Again
To: an assortment of public restroom rejects

My good friend, it is good that we meet in this way.  In person you'd want to kill me.  Especially after you read this.

Let me start by introducing myself improperly to you. My name is Mr Menstral Period, The Branch Manager of a Third World genital exchange program not recommended by Quicken, K-tel or Ronco.  Bill Clinton might help me out if I score him a female intern genital cigar humidor.

Nice To Meet You. I had a clitoris I named Poke Crotchin' Annie, it belonged to Armenian-Antarctic Citizen that sustained injuries in a factory defective dildo attack in Syria last year on business trip.  Prior to that I had been working with Hellary Clinton on how to make her server emails look like chia pet knock offs. 

 Prior to THAT, I sold laminated piranha dorks to tourists in what's left of Deadtroit's airport.  Not one to fear trying anything, before THAT I sold hen's teeth to travelers in Arkansas that thought they were in Mississouppi because I'd sold them counterfeit GPS eunuchs.  Consider me next time you have problems with itchy flaking residue on your butt.  I've done that too.

I informed my management and was instructed to clean out my desk and fumigate my orifice.  I never had the courage to tell them that my orifice is past saving, but frankly speaking, it will be stupid of me to leave the Pine Sol insert shoved up there as it starts a slow bern. 

Note, as a now ex employee of the aforementioned disestablishment, I cannot be personally connected to a taser because it causes my hair to spark and me to pee messages in sand, which make me to request for your first born goat to stand as my current lover when I travel to Syria next month, peddling explosive prayer rugs.  I hear the prophets are through the roof on this business.  I am aware this might be against your ethical belief or personal indoctrination but it isn't against mine. 

It is official:  Debbie Wasserman Schultz IS Medusa.  Since Anthony Weiner sexted her his winkee and even Niagra -- the generic remedy to Viagra -- can't fix it now.  I will send you modalities for how to avoid making that mistake, and a quick ten point system for how to buy and flip badger genitals without getting mauled.  The wonder now will be if I get a positive response  from you. Please do treat this information as very bit as Top secret as everything on Hellary's server.  If you see her selfie pictures of her in a 5 XL thong, do accept my rather insincere apology. Thanks for not sending me pictures of Bella Abzug.

Regards
Mr. Menstral Period

Mr. Osei was not amused:


never write me again  

Like my taking that pledge on April 1 means anything...snort.  

While his email account gently weeps and sags from the volume of stuff I've shoved in it, welcome to April...the month of playing well with others*.


* not