More Yakety Yak

Here we go again.

Another scammer conference, seeking to milk fees out of unsuspecting "do gooders".

Here's how it arrived:

Dear Friend and Colleague, 

On behalf of (NYRO) National Youth Rights Organization, USA It is my pleasure to invite you to the International global combined event on Human Trafficking, Prostitution, Sex Work, Child Protection, taking place from September 15th - 18th 2015 in (Sheraton Atlantic City Convention Center, Atlantic City, New jersey, United States of America) and from September 21st - 25th 2015 at Dakar Conference Center Dakar-Senegal West -Africa, we are inviting people from various countries around the world

The aims of the conference are to bring together researchers and practitioners in an effort to lay the ground work for future collaborative research, advocacy, and program development as well as to educate social service, health care, and criminal justice professionals on human trafficking and the needs and risks of those victimized by the commercial sex industry If you are interested to participate and want to represent your country, you may contact the secretariat of the organizing committee by email: info.nyro@collector.org

If you are a holder of passport that may require visa to enter the United States, you may inform the conference secretariat at the time of registration, as the organizing committee is responsible for all visa arrangements and travel assistance

Please mark these dates in your diary and share the information with your colleagues

Sincerely,
Mss theresa sebasitheresa_sebasi@aol.com
(PhD) Activities Coordinator  


Yup...that's how it looked on arrival.  On departure to the scammer and a host of her friends and colleagues, it looked a bit different:

Dear Fiend and Collie, 

On behalf of (NYRO) National Yak Rape Organization, Russia, it is my perverse pleasure to invite you to the International global combined event on Animal Trafficking, Prostitution, Sex With Yaks, Yak Calf Molestation, taking place from September 15th - 18th 2015 in the basement of the Democrap National Committee Building in Warshingtongue, DC and from September 21st - 25th 2015 at Dakar Citizens Community Outhouse Pit, Dakar-Senegal West -Africa, we are inviting people from various countries around the world who are sexually perverted and like to do yaks.

 

No, dummy, not THAT kind of yak

 

Yes, dummy, THAT kind of yak

The aims of the conference are to bring together researchers, practitioners, fetishers, obsessioners and just plain "that's messed up" kinkys in an effort to lay the ground work for future collaborative advocacy and program development of yak rape, as well as to educate social service, health care, and criminal justice professionals on how to facilitate yak trafficking and the needs and risks to those who need to do yaks and can't get them from the commercial yak sex industry.  If you are interested to participate and want to represent your country the same way as Hildebeest Clinton and Obola have badly represented theirs, you may contact the secretariat of the organizing committee by email: info.nyro@collector.org

If you are a holder of passport that may require visa to enter the United States, and you wish to sexually get the most out of your yak experience, you may inform the conference secretariat at the time of registration, as the organizing committee is responsible for all visa arrangements and yak fondling assistance.

 

Please mark these dates in your diary and share the information with your yak-raping colleagues, peers and well...anyone.

Hide original message

Sincerely,
Mss theresa sebasitheresa_sebasi@aol.com

(pHd) Activities Coordinator

It's Just Lunch With Yaks, UnInc.  

 

 

Waiting to see if we are dealing with scammers that don't read responses, they just treat a reply as a potential sucker.

 

I'm sure they have that covered in the yak rape manual, too.

Yakety Yak

"Really?"

It must be that time of the scam season again:  all my emails are coming up oil related.

First it was the yardbird who wanted my 'product pricing list' for oil-related piping and such; to his regret, he got more than he bargained for.

Now it's this Mihai Andrei, alleged 'Accounts Manager' for Yukos Oil Company -- I assume a big Russian outfit -- trying to dupe me with $28 Million in funds from some nonsense or another.

Department of Justice:  instead of trying to intimidate states into keeping illegal voters on their rolls to help your current potus, why don't you put a little effort into running down these types of criminals, eh?

Silly question, I know.  That's why I've spent 13 years having fun with these buffoons.

Anyway...here is the email that I received that got this started down a road destined for scam:

Subject: ProposalPermit me to seek your attention in so informal a manner. I am Mr.MIHAI ANDREI, one of
the Account Director to MIKHAIL KHODORKOVSKY,Chairman CEO:YUKOS OIL (Russian Largest Oil
Company) Chairman CEO: Menatep SBP Bank.

Basically, I seek your partnership in an urgent financial business of $28 Million US
dollar. Should you be interested, please do contact me immediately via
email:mrmihaandrei@9.cn

Sincerely,
Mr MIHAI ANDREI

Fine...it took me all of about 30 seconds (yes, I'm slipping) to come up with an angle for the email rewrite.  One that takes Mihai Andrei off his chosen road, and puts him on the road less travelled by scammers, but becoming more and more familiar:

From: Mr Mihai Andrei <info@proposal.com>
To:
Sent: Friday, June 29, 2012 5:59 PM
Subject: Proposal

 

Permit me to seek your attention in so informal a manner. I am Mr.MIHAI ANDREI, one of
the Account Director to MIKHAIL KHODORKOVSKY,Chairman CEO of YUKOS YAK SPERM (Russian Largest Producer Of Yak Artificial Insemination Company).  I am also applied to be upcoming contestant on American Idol and America's Got Talent.  I am most hopeful, yes?

Basically, I seek your partnership in an urgent financial business plan I have to establish a franchise of chain stores that specialize in collecting yak sperm in America, and artificially inseminating goats with the yak sperm, to attempt to create a breed of super goak. 

Yes, this is what I really seek to do.  Ever since I see Yakov Schmirnov and Borat on pay-per-view, I think to myself, "Mihai Sonofbitchev Andrei, you too could do of this in great land of America!".  Here in Russia, all I get to do is masturbate yak to get sperm.  It get all over me, and it have properties not unlike super glue.  And it smell like...well...like yak sperm.  You know what it like to smell like yak sperm all the time?  To put in American terms, it suck.

All girls at house of prostitution and dental hygiene clinic here point and laugh at me, and run away holding their noses.  It most hurtful to what your libtard Americans call self esteem.

Anyway, I think this new breed of goak would be big hit in Middle East, where radicals there do really stupid things to get 72 virgins.  As Americans say, they ain't seed nuthin' yet, when they get into a herd of 72 virgin goaks!  I think the word is "Yowza!".  Or maybe it is "Hubba hubba"?  Or as a funny talking American, Larry The Cable Guy says, "Ah'll tell yew wha'..", and then he never do tell us what. 

I hope learn more about this, but I think I digress.

I can tell that you, American, are smiling at my proposal, yes?  I told my partner, Yuri Wankerpovitch Sharapenisova, that I find eager American entremanures who want get in on ground floor to this deal.  He think I affected by fumes of yak sperm.

We show him, huh?

C'mon-ski.  I know you want to.  You know you want to.  Write me back for more informations, and together we can make the world sit up and take notice when we begin our advertising blitz of "The Goaks Are Coming, The Goaks Are Coming".  Maybe we can defossilize Carl Reiner and Eva Marie Saint to do our promos?

I let you, the American, handle that much of the tawdry business.  And while you are at it, I want date with Jennifer Aniston.  Let me know if you get it, so I can wash all this yak sperm smell off me.

Please do contact me immediately via email: mrmihaandrei@9.cn

Sincerely,
Mr MIHAI ANDREI

Account Director
YUKOS YAK SPERM (Russian Largest Producer Of Yak Artificial Insemination Company)

I think I left everybody speechless with this one.  Even whatever schlep at DoJ gets stuck reading that 'report profiling' email address.  If they're going to come knocking here, they need to do it soon:  the donuts I bought them are starting to harden...

Seymour On Leonid, Yeti, Dishes

Seymour, for a pet rock, is easy to read.

"Am not!"

For a rock, he's also got good ears, for something without 'em.

Seymour, for example, listens to the radio when I do at home. Not only does he hear the news, he grasps it, to some level of juvenile comprehension. For example, Seymour just heard that the Leonid Meteor Shower is happening on the evening of November 16.

And he wants me to stop it.

"Seymour, it's a celestial event, quite beyond my ability to affect. It's going to happen. No power on Earth can stop it".

"AlGore can!"

"Wha...say WHAT???"

"AlGore can stop global warming! So I figure he can stop the slaughter of all those helpless meteors!"

"Seymour...AlGore is scamming you. He can't stop global warming, except by shutting his mouth".

"He...he is???"

"Yes, Seymour...he is. Why?"

"Uh..don't check your credit card bill too closely next month...".

*rrrrr*...Life with a pet rock.

During the recent two days of snow locally, I made reference to yetis and yak, snarling traffic on my commute to work into the mountains. Seymour saw it this way:

"What yeti? Where?! I wanna see!"

"Seymour, they're out there. But they're scary. You know, like that creature you saw on the first The Outer Limits (TOS) episode that had you hiding under the love seat for a week".

"Ooooooooooooooh..*shudders*...but if they were out there, then why won't you let me fix the DVD remote to better defend us?"

"Seymour, remember when you did that with my old VCR remote, and didn't tell me?"

"Uh, no...remind me.."

"Uh...I accidentally vaporized the refrigerator...and the apartment next door.."

"That's not my fault!"

"Seymour, relax...yeti avoid people. They won't bother us up here".

"But the yaks will!"

"The yaks won't bother us, either".

"Uh-huh they will!"

"How, Seymour?"

"Everytime you get sick, YOU yak!"

"TMI and not the same thing, Seymour..."

Life with a pet rock.

And, of course, there was the time I forgot to power down the computer before I went to work. When I got home...

"Seymour, what are you doing?"

"Surfing the 'Web!"

"How is a pet rock surfing the 'web? And look what you did to the key board!!!"

"Uh..yeah..buy a stronger keyboard next time, you cheapskate!"

*Ugh*..."So, what did you learn on the 'web?"

"I learned that your dishes reveal your personality?"

*OMG*..."Okay, Seymour...what do my dishes tell you?"

"That you're chipped and haven't been done in a month..." *rimshot*

There's something really wrong with a pet rock, having access to a *rimshot*. Besides...it's been longer than a month, and I digress.

"Hahahaha"

"Not funny, Seymour".

My offer to pay the shipping for anyone who wants a pet rock, still stands.

"Does not!"