And The Winner Isn't...

Me.

I know...you came to find out how I fared with the latest scambait. It's still in the works.

And I know you came for a dose of humor, or at least what I poorly pass off as such.

Not today.

Today, you read about how I heartlessly key on a simple gaffe, and (maybe) hurt some feelings.

I think.

The apartment complex I choose to reside in (when I want to impress someone with my substandard of living, I refer to my place as a 'luxury efficiency'), has a pretty proactive management team. Among their proactivities, is a monthly "rent reduction" drawing. Granted, it ain't much, but "ain't much" is appreciated by the winner.

Which in almost 10 years, I have never been. I think it's rigged, but I digress.

Anyway, in keeping with the times, the management folks quit publishing their monthly news/activity letters on 20th Century paper, and started emailing them at the end of '09. Well today, I get an email from the property office, headed up "Free Rent Winner Announcement".

I didn't even know there was a contest of such. Not that it matters; I never win this sh** anyway. Still, curiosity led me to read on.

To nothing. The email was blank after the title.

*TOING* I do hate when I hear that. It always means I'm about to do/write something stupid in cyberland.

Of course, I was just tryin' to be hepful. I didn't want to be left in suspense, along with 16 buildings' worth of tenants, and the management folks themselves. So I...uh...filled out the empty email, and sent it back.

Ruh-roh.

Here's what ah dun wrote in the blank email, under the heading:

...and the unannounced winner is....*drum roll*......

(a) everybody

(b) nobody

(c) somebody

(d) I....ain't got no...bo-dy...

(e) fill in the blank (use someone else's name, please)

(f) someone whose last name ends in "quackenwaffle"

(g) this has been a test of the (Apt Name) April Fools system...this was only a test. Had this been an actual announcement, there would have been a name..

(h) Google ate our winner...bad search engine...very bad...

(i) What, you thought we were Publisher's Clearing House? Bwhahahaha..

(j) Aliens from the planet Flatus Phffftteruptus have taken over our email system. Anyone know what they're saying?

You may return now to your regular email. If this IS akin to your regular email, put down the keyboard/iphone/blackberry, and back slowly away.

Judging from the ominous silence from the management office, I have a feeling I didn't win this time, either.