Phfft!

Since my pet rock Seymour has become friends with an assortment of writers on Facebook, he is determined to write something to make himself famous.

I came home from work, and Seymour had a set of "new, never before seed or hear-d" lyrics written out on a sheet of paper, awaiting my review. A quick perusal of what he'd jotted down was vaguely familiar to me; the more I looked, the more I recalled, until a *TOING* in my memory banks took me back to the late 1960s, and a country-western television answer to Laugh-In: Hee Haw.

More specificially, a comedy song routine that was a regular on the show.

"Was NOT!"

Here's what Seymour wrote and claims is "never before seed or hear-d lyrics":

*Guitar strumming*

You had si-x kids, and I had e-leven

and we had eight more, just bloomin' like flowers...

I wish you'd come back

and help me my darlin'...

your kids and my kids are beatin' up ours...

Where, oh where, are you to-night?

Why did you leav-e me here all alone?

I searched the world over and thought I'd found true love,

you met a-nother and

PHFFT! you wuz gone...

It was the PHFFT! Song, made famous by Archie Campbell and Gordie Tapp (on the particular song Seymour tried to pirate, Campbell's partner was Conway Twitty).

"Did NOT!"

So I let Seymour see the YouTube skit (which still makes me laugh).

"Oh...".

Oh, indeed.

So I told him that while he could probably get by with using the tune, or something close akin to it, he'd have to completely revise his lyrics. Silly little things like copyright infringement, plagiarism, and that kinda thing.

Seymour's dusty version of "Phfft!" convinced me that another "(lack of) creativity crisis" was over.

Never underestimate a pet rock determined to write parody, even though he doesn't think so.

"Am NOT!"

Two AMs later, as I stumbled to the coffee pot, thereon I was greeted with a piece of paper with the following scrawled on it:

*guitar-sounding stuff*

Your goat had six kids, and mine had a do-zen,

we set-tled on goats, as better than ducks...

I wish you'd come baack,

and help with the milkin'

changing these lyrics, just in a word sucks...

Where, dag-nab-it are ewe, ewe goat?

Why did ewe go on the lamb, one night?

I grazed the world over and thought I'd found pasture,

you rammed with a-nother and

PHFFT ewe ain't right...

"Well? Well??"

It's 3:30am, I have a pesky pet rock at my elbow, gibberish for lyrics, I'm without caffeine, and I'm speechless.

Anyone got Weird Al Yankovic's number? He and Seymour have something in common.

"Do NOT!"