Ig-NORD Again

Someone thinks this rainbow leads to a pot of sumpin good.

That someone would've done well to actually read my character's initial response.

Meet Nordic John, illiterate scammer:

I am Nordic John , I have a good business proposal for you. There are no risks involved and it is easy. Please reply for briefs and procedures.  


This is the reply he drew from my character:


Are you a Norwegian toilet?  


Reading comprehension FAIL:

Dear Sir Frank

Thanks for your mail and I will appreciate your willingness to partner
with me for joint venture built on Trust.

I represent a client who has interest to do business in a relative
investments friendly country in the areas related to real estates or
agricultural development.

Please let me know your readiness for investment partnership with me
so that the funds will be made available to you in cash or through
bank.

1. The said fund amounts is Twenty Five Million Dollars (US).

2. The said fund is in cash and will be transferred to you in same
state or through bank .

3.The fund is intended to be invested through your agency in the
purchase of assets, real estates or agricultural development purposes
within your country.

4. This transaction will result in your being paid a commission of 30%
of the investment capital and 65% for he investor while 5% will be to
cover all expenses.

5.The fund owners desire absolute confidentiality and professionalism in the
handling of this matter.

Regards,

Nordic John..
National Real Estate Co.
London UK  

 

 

Since he couldn't read simple English, I decided to Swedish Chef him a bit:

 

 

In furr deer de fleek und ferd de cheekin midde werk werk werk!  Ya flume de jour?  

 

 

 

That drew this reply:

 

 

It appears that you did not understand my last email.  Allow me to repeat (which he did the aforementioned, in full). 

 

I understood it alright ol' bean, but since I can't seem to reach you in English or pidgeon Swedish ala The Muppet Show, I'll try some slaughtered Norwegian:

 

 

Spanks for e-post og jeg vill tvatwaffle din douche dyse til Pard noir med meg for røyking leddene venture i et uthus i Boulder.Jeg representerer en klient som har smertefulle rektal kløe i hans lomme passasjer og trenger en hit av doobage å lette nys.Vennligst la meg vite din beredskap for sinus stikkpiller med meg slik at det smertefulle rektal kløe i lomme passasjer er en saga passé.1. Det triste faktum er at jeg er blakk forståes prostituert.2. Den andre triste faktum er i Monopol penger i tilsvarende vestafrikanske franc stappet i anus av en geit i Burundi.3. turd triste faktum er ment å være incest mellom et vaffeljern og min kones hamster gård som ligger et eller annet sted i ditt land.4. Denne serien av triste fakta sette til det resultat at Flieger schiesse der bleet forståes fartsen spitzen midde anal lyder til å bli disassociated i en provisjon på 30% av dritt for du og 65% for hundsfott mens 5% vil være å drive hor med en trompetist duck.5.The personer av tvilsom antecedence og yak foreldre ønsker absolutt konfidensialitet og profesjonalitet i å utsette på denne saken på The View, en suckass show som har to dusin personer som bruker meth at se den.Dritt for hjerner her,Nordic John ..National Real Estate CoLondon UK  

 

 

I spared you the translation, though if you really want it, visit Google Translate.  At any rate, something finally went *TOING* on the other end of the email with that one:

 

 

you are not good  

 

 

I am not a nice reindeer whisperer, either (which went looking like Jeg er ikke en fin rein whisperer, heller). 

 

Werk werk werk...