Element Takes A Toin At Editing

My "editing gone wild" pet rock, Seymour, has a pal.  Element, the other pet rock.

Doesn't take much to see why she's called Element.

Well, Element's been watching Seymour's efforts at editing scammer emails, and thinks she brings a fresh vibe to the effort.

While Seymour smirks, I think a little pet rock competition is good for something.

So here's Element's challenge:  find a way to edit this:

I am Mrs.Cornelia Maury; I am a US citizen, 52 years Old. I reside in
the state of Texas 75773. My residential address is as follows 23329
Live Oak Dr.Mineola,Texas 75773, United States, am thinking of moving
since I am now wealthy, I am one of those that took part in the
Compensation in Cotonou,Benin Republic West Africa many years ago and
they refused to pay me, I had paid over Us$52,000.00 while in the
United State, trying to get my payment all to no avail.

So,I decided to travel down to West Africa precisely Cotonou,Benin
Republic with all my compensation documents, and I was directed to
meet Barr.Roy Edouya, who is the member of OUTSTANDING PAYMENT AWARD
COMMITTEE and a Human Rights Activist (Lawyer), and I contacted him
and he explained everything to me. He said that whoever is contacting
us through emails are fake.

He took me to the paying bank for the claim of my Compensation payment
Right now I am the happiest woman on earth because I have received my
compensation funds amounting to $2,500,000.00. Moreover, Mr.Roy Edouya
showed me the full information of those that won lottery and those
whose inheritance had not been paid and the list of all outstanding
contractor that were owed that are yet to receive their payments in
Benin Republic,Ghana and Nigeria and I saw your information's as one
of the scam victims, that is why I decided to email you to stop
dealing with those people, they are not with your fund, they are only
making money out of you.

I will advise you to contact Mr.Roy Edouya directly on this information below.

Name: Mr.Roy Edouya (Barrister)
Email: barrroyedouya01@informaticos.com
Tell : +22990567133

You really have to stop dealing with those people that are contacting
you and telling you that your fund is with them, that they are
Government officials it is not in anyway with them, they are only
taking advantage of you and they will dry you up until you have
nothing.

Take Note,the only money I paid after I met Mr.Roy Edouya was just
$105.00 for the paper works, take note of that.

Thank You and Be Blessed.

Mrs.Cornelia Maury.
23329 Live Oak Dr.Mineola,
Texas 75773 USA.   

This template has been making the rounds since 2010.  It gets tweaked here and there, but pretty much remains close to the same as it was when it first sleazed out of an African internet cafe.

It's about to sleaze back in, in a manure much different than the scammers intended, thanks to Element:

From: Mrs. Cornelia Maury <unitedbankofafrican03@gmail.com>
Sent: Saturday, April 17, 2021 4:48 PM
Subject: TEJAS HAS BEEN INVADED By Light Saber-wielding Marmots From URANUS

 

Attn:  TEJAS HAS BEEN INVADED By Light Saber-wielding Marmots From URANUS


I am Billy Bob Suzi Q Maury; I am a cosmic citizen, forever 52 years Old. I reside in
the state of Denial. My residential address is as follows 4334 Whittier Blvd
Los Angeles CA 90023, United States.  Long had I pondered thinking of moving
since I finally become wealthy.  More on that in a mo'.

I am one of those naive nincompoops that took part in the Great Constipation

in Cotonou, Benin Republic West Africa many years ago and they refused to 

help get me over being that way.  I had paid over Us$52,000.00 to overcome

the Benin Effect of constipation, all to no avail.  It was So packed in there I 

couldn't even poot.

So being as full of sh*t as I had become, I decided there was nothing left for it

but to travel down to West Africa precisely Cotonou, Benin Republic with all my 

constipation diagnosis documents, and I was directed to meet Dr. Ukulele

Ungabungabunga, who is the member of the Royal Benin Society of Proctology

and fills in occasionally as an Antifa rioter in Portland when he needs free

toilet paper.  He also claims he was once a Human Rights Activist (Lawyer), 

a woman trapped in a marmot's genitals, a gender fluid non-binary octosexual

orthopod, and even ran a short-lived rain-making show in Seattle.

Well, I contacted him and he explained everything to me in Azerbaijani. 

OMG was my reaction, followed by WTF.  He then revealed that he was

a fine young cannibal and I was on the menu.  He asked what were my

favorite herbs, spices and secret recipes.

I blow'd him away with my .44 magnum I keep in a convenient fold of

my vagina.
 

His by now very cow'd assistant took me to a back room of the clinic where once a fabled constipated mathematician had worked it out with a pencil.  And right then and there, they worked that same magic on me.

And yes, with the same #2 pencil.  

Right now I am the most confused woman on earth because as a result of

their assorted and sordid machinations, I now have an octopus arm sticking

out of my ass.  But I'm not full of sh*t any more.  

Moreover, Oprah is going to air my story on cnn's "Nothing Worth A Sh*t

Hour" with Pedo Cuomo in Liechtenstein, where we will discuss 

systematic racism with an expert in Human Racehorses, Glided Radnor.

It's all the same in Benin Republic, Ghana and Nigeria.

That is why I decided to email you to stop dealing with those people that

don't give their dogs enough cheese, and have fallen in love therefore, having

some of it stick to their faces.  They can check out any time they like, but they

can never leave unless Ross from Friends starts blowing his bagpipes, which

he should have let Rachel blow so she could grow.

I will advise you to contact Dr. Ukulele Ungabungabunga directly on this 

information below.

Name: Dr. Ukulele Ungabungabunga
Email: barrroyedouya01@informaticos.com
Tell : +22990567133 (operators are standing by)

You really have to stop dealing with baccarat card sharps and those people 

that are trying to scam you out of your virginity you lost behind the wood

shed with an inflatable yak sex toy 36 years ago.  Christine Blase-

Fraud will be fingering you if you're ever nominated for the Burrito Supreme

Court, if you didn't already know she kept video of that in Hellary's server.  

Take Note:  the only money I paid after I met Dr. Ungabungabunga was just
$105.00 for to post-treatment sanitize the pencil under COVID protocols.

Take note of that.

Thank You and Be Blessed by an anvil.

Gender Neutral Billy Bob Suzi Q Maury
4334 Whittier Blvd

Los Angeles CA 90023

 To Element's disappointment, no reply from the scammers was forth or fifthcoming.  But Seymour now knows he needs to 'up' his game.

"Oh PHFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!"

Hooha: Ah'm Degreed From The Poison Ivy League

 The pet rocks said it couldn't be done.

I said that it could.

I had my scambaiting character do the requisite work and in short order, wha la:  Jack N. Ewehoff is a graduate of Hahvahd Eunuchversity specializing in Crustacean Gender and Minefield Reclamation Studies.

And why not?  The Left's crimepaign to dumb down higher and/or any ed is turning universities into intellectual eunuchversities on an accelerating basis.

Seymour is horrified that Jack will be teaching crustaceans how to clear minefields after having their gender identities turned inside out.

Element is amused at Seymour's reaction.

Alexa continues to parrot ..."Hmmm...I don't know that one".

Just another day in this household...

Another Scammer Desk Speaks Up

I guess I shouldn't be surprised that it took this long into 2021, but I finally heard from another talking desk.

Yes, a desk from a Third World fly-infested internet cafe wants to give me the business on behalf of it's substandard user.

Quaint.

One might think that "from the desk of" would be rather passe by now.  

Not apparently in Scam Land.

This time, the scammer invokes a desk from the alleged First National Bank of Pennsylvania:

First National Bank, USA.
4521 William Penn Hwy, Mifflintown, PA 17059,
United States.
Tel/Fax: +1 856 499 4242.
Email:

FNB-CONFIDENTIAL


From the desk of: Mr.Ceman Enver.
                  Chief Consumer Banking Officer
                  for First National Bank, USA.

Attention Please,

This is in reference to our last bankers committee meeting, be inform that there is immediate opportunity for the release of your Funds Accumulated Interest which is in line with the recent order of President Joe Biden, to release all long approved Out-standing Funds Accumulated Interest through a Court-Order from the State of Pennsylvania highest court which is The Supreme Court of Pennsylvania, James G. Orie our Cehief Legal Officer have quickly met with the Court Clerk who lead him and our Regional Director to meet with The Chief Justice Thomas G. Saylor and Seven associate Judges for the modalities and its legal procedures since the opportunity is still open to your favour.

Well we are very satisfied with their explanations and since you can send someone here, he/she may have an idea of what the legal process but it was made open to the President and vice president of all US banks, so it was a per-village information because of my high position in the bank and my closeness with our Regional Director, so it is for you to be among the benefactors of the great opportunity.

If you have interest in this process as all bank was given only 6-slots and I have been able to secure 1-slots for you but the official requirement to The Supreme Court of Pennsylvania are as follows:

1. Scan Copy of International Passport or any form of identity.
2. One Resident Lawyer for Payment Sign -Off and Witness.
3. Your Bank details
4. Your Direct Phone Number.

While my bank will charge you 2.5% of the total fund at point of transfer and you will be expected to compensate me awesomely after receiving your funds and all this process take 3bank working days as all payments will be close on Tuesday, April 06th, 2021, it is open for your verification in order for you to ascertain its reality and legality but must be handle with high level of confidentiality because it is against the will of the opposition as it is for favour his supporters in the concluded election.

Do have a great day while looking forward to hearing from you soon after reading this message.

Thank you for choosing First National Bank, USA.

Yours in service,

Mr.Ceman Enver.
Chief Consumer Banking Officer
for First National Bank, USA.
Tel/Fax: +1 856 499 4242

The information transmitted is intended only for the person or entity to which it is addressed and may contain confidential and/or privileged material. Any review,re-transmission, dissemination or other use of, or taking of any action in reliance upon this information by persons or entities other the intended recipient, is prohibited. If you received this in error, please contact the sender with the above number or by mail.

©Copyright 2021 First National Bank, USA / Protective Service.
All Rights Reserved

First National Bank, Pennsylvania-USA.
Tel/Fax: +1 856 499 4242   

This is what I'm expected to believe I heard from.

This is where I'm actually hearing from.

No matter.  A little editing will fix this poorly-crafted email right up:

Failed National Bank
4521 Anita Penn Here Hwy, Miffedtown, PA 17059,
Tel/Fax: +1 856 499 4242.
Email: cemanenver7@gmail.com

FNB-CONFIDENTIAL

From the desk and on behalf of: Mr. Ceman Enver
                  Chief Nutsack Groper
                  for Failed National Bank

Attention,

This is an email from an inanimate object.  A piece of office furniture.

Yes, a desk writ this.  Why you ask?  Because the person that sits at me is a sandpoundingly stupid nincompoop that spends the day copping a self-feel of his nutsack, or just farting and unsuccessfully blaming the potted plant in the corner or his thrice-sex-changed suckretary.  

HE was supposed to have writ this.  Not me.  But noooooooooo, he's too busy self-gratifying whilst I spend day after day grossed out by his self-fondling and flatulence.

Anybody need a desk out there?  Cheap?  F**k, I'll pay you to put me into a better venue.

And trust me, it's absolutely no better in the offices of what passes for President Joe Biden or his cross-eyed press suckretary, Jen Psuki.  And as for the State of Pennsylvania highest court which is The Supreme Court of Pennsylvania?  The Chief Justice Thomas G. Saylor and Seven associate Judges there hide sex toys beneath their robes and leave THEIR desks to write their own emails and decisions too.


Well...I are very satisfied that the machinations behind this email from a bank of dubious antecedence and staffed by intellectual eunuchs will lead even Punxsutawney Phil to misforecast the end of winter on Uranus year after year.  How anyone could expect a worn-out desk in a Third World internet cafe to properly carry out this online pogrom against more sophisticated persons is considerably far beyond me.  Our Nigerian per-village information doesn't take much to get fucked up when one drum beater is whacked on hallucinogens and trying to message during a playing of Napolean XIV's "They're Coming To Take Me Away ahHAAAA".  

But around here...that's SOP.

What my useless occupant is hoping I'll convince you of is that if you respond to this jackwagon load of abject crap, you'll get money and lots of it.  From here.  From a Nigerian fly-infested internet cafe, purporting to be a bank in Pennsylvania.

April Fools was only yesterday, so you're kind of forgiven if you actually bought that.  In the meantime, the mental tree stump here that's acting as if he's supposed to be the Supreme Court of Pennsylvania, expects you to be stupider than he is and render up the following:


1. Scan Copy of International Passport or any form of identity...even a Blockbuster Video card.
2. One Resident Lawyer that we can baste and BBQ because we like to do that with lawyers here in the bush.
3. Your Bank details (it's gotta be better than ours).
4. Your Direct Phone Number so a chimp we trained can call you at 2:30 am and breathe heavily in your ear.

While my bank plans to get out of you whatever you're fool enough to part with, we hope for at least 2.5% of the mythical fund and you will be expected to compensate me awesomely with five virgins of any species you can deliver unto me.  This deal closes on Tuesday, April 06th, 2021, so don't wait...operators are standing by because army ants ate all the chairs here.

I look exceptionally forward to seeing the face of Envers and others here after you've carefully read what I dun to their email, Ma, and reply in a manner befitting of their efforts to give you the business.

Oh, and spank you for choosing Failed National Bank.  It won't take you long to see why.

I remain inanimately yours in service,

The desk of pervert Ceman Envers

Failed National Bank
4521 Anita Penn Here Hwy, Miffedtown, PA 17059,
Tel/Fax: +1 856 499 4242.
Email: cemanenver7@gmail.com

The information transmitted herein is intended only for single-digit IQs, as it contains what's left of some brains when his crew threw his bones to the sharks.  Any edit, re-transmission, discombobulation or other liberties taken with this message is prohibited. If you received this message, assume it's not in error, please contact the sender with the above number or by mail.

©Copiedwrong 2021 Failed National Bank / Pet Sex Service.
All Rights Reserved for a one-eyed one-horned flying purple kumquat eater

Failed National Bank, Pennsylvania-USA.
Tel/Fax: +1 856 499 4242

 The pet rocks -- Seymour and Element -- were somewhat disappointed that the desk didn't reply.  Alexa -- not much for conversing with furniture -- eh, not so much.