Skunkfeathers: Element Takes A Toin At Editing

My "editing gone wild" pet rock, Seymour, has a pal. Element, the other pet rock.

Doesn't take much to see why she's called Element.

Well, Element's been watching Seymour's efforts at editing scammer emails, and thinks she brings a fresh vibe to the effort.

While Seymour smirks, I think a little pet rock competition is good for something.

So here's Element's challenge: find a way to edit this:

I am Mrs.Cornelia Maury; I am a US citizen, 52 years Old. I reside in
the state of Texas 75773. My residential address is as follows 23329
Live Oak Dr.Mineola,Texas 75773, United States, am thinking of moving
since I am now wealthy, I am one of those that took part in the
Compensation in Cotonou,Benin Republic West Africa many years ago and
they refused to pay me, I had paid over Us$52,000.00 while in the
United State, trying to get my payment all to no avail.

So,I decided to travel down to West Africa precisely Cotonou,Benin
Republic with all my compensation documents, and I was directed to
meet Barr.Roy Edouya, who is the member of OUTSTANDING PAYMENT AWARD
COMMITTEE and a Human Rights Activist (Lawyer), and I contacted him
and he explained everything to me. He said that whoever is contacting
us through emails are fake.

He took me to the paying bank for the claim of my Compensation payment
Right now I am the happiest woman on earth because I have received my
compensation funds amounting to $2,500,000.00. Moreover, Mr.Roy Edouya
showed me the full information of those that won lottery and those
whose inheritance had not been paid and the list of all outstanding
contractor that were owed that are yet to receive their payments in
Benin Republic,Ghana and Nigeria and I saw your information's as one
of the scam victims, that is why I decided to email you to stop
dealing with those people, they are not with your fund, they are only
making money out of you.

I will advise you to contact Mr.Roy Edouya directly on this information below.

Name: Mr.Roy Edouya (Barrister)
Email: barrroyedouya01@informaticos.com
Tell : +22990567133

You really have to stop dealing with those people that are contacting
you and telling you that your fund is with them, that they are
Government officials it is not in anyway with them, they are only
taking advantage of you and they will dry you up until you have
nothing.

Take Note,the only money I paid after I met Mr.Roy Edouya was just
$105.00 for the paper works, take note of that.

Thank You and Be Blessed.

Mrs.Cornelia Maury.
23329 Live Oak Dr.Mineola,
Texas 75773 USA.

This template has been making the rounds since 2010. It gets tweaked here and there, but pretty much remains close to the same as it was when it first sleazed out of an African internet cafe.

It's about to sleaze back in, in a manure much different than the scammers intended, thanks to Element:

From: Mrs. Cornelia Maury <unitedbankofafrican03@gmail.com>
Sent: Saturday, April 17, 2021 4:48 PM
Subject: TEJAS HAS BEEN INVADED By Light Saber-wielding Marmots From URANUS

Attn:  TEJAS HAS BEEN INVADED By Light Saber-wielding Marmots From URANUS

I am Billy Bob Suzi Q Maury; I am a cosmic citizen, forever 52 years Old. I reside in
the state of Denial. My residential address is as follows 4334 Whittier Blvd
Los Angeles CA 90023, United States. Long had I pondered thinking of moving
since I finally become wealthy. More on that in a mo'.

I am one of those naive nincompoops that took part in the Great Constipation
in Cotonou, Benin Republic West Africa many years ago and they refused to
help get me over being that way. I had paid over Us$52,000.00 to overcome
the Benin Effect of constipation, all to no avail. It was So packed in there I
couldn't even poot.

So being as full of sh*t as I had become, I decided there was nothing left for it
but to travel down to West Africa precisely Cotonou, Benin Republic with all my
constipation diagnosis documents, and I was directed to meet Dr. Ukulele
Ungabungabunga, who is the member of the Royal Benin Society of Proctology
and fills in occasionally as an Antifa rioter in Portland when he needs free
toilet paper. He also claims he was once a Human Rights Activist (Lawyer),
a woman trapped in a marmot's genitals, a gender fluid non-binary octosexual
orthopod, and even ran a short-lived rain-making show in Seattle.

Well, I contacted him and he explained everything to me in Azerbaijani.
OMG was my reaction, followed by WTF. He then revealed that he was
a fine young cannibal and I was on the menu. He asked what were my
favorite herbs, spices and secret recipes.

I blow'd him away with my .44 magnum I keep in a convenient fold of
my vagina.

His by now very cow'd assistant took me to a back room of the clinic where once a fabled constipated mathematician had worked it out with a pencil. And right then and there, they worked that same magic on me.

And yes, with the same #2 pencil.

Right now I am the most confused woman on earth because as a result of
their assorted and sordid machinations, I now have an octopus arm sticking
out of my ass. But I'm not full of sh*t any more.

Moreover, Oprah is going to air my story on cnn's "Nothing Worth A Sh*t
Hour" with Pedo Cuomo in Liechtenstein, where we will discuss
systematic racism with an expert in Human Racehorses, Glided Radnor.

It's all the same in Benin Republic, Ghana and Nigeria.

That is why I decided to email you to stop dealing with those people that
don't give their dogs enough cheese, and have fallen in love therefore, having
some of it stick to their faces. They can check out any time they like, but they
can never leave unless Ross from Friends starts blowing his bagpipes, which
he should have let Rachel blow so she could grow.

I will advise you to contact Dr. Ukulele Ungabungabunga directly on this
information below.

Name: Dr. Ukulele Ungabungabunga
Email: barrroyedouya01@informaticos.com
Tell : +22990567133 (operators are standing by)

You really have to stop dealing with baccarat card sharps and those people
that are trying to scam you out of your virginity you lost behind the wood
shed with an inflatable yak sex toy 36 years ago. Christine Blase-
Fraud will be fingering you if you're ever nominated for the Burrito Supreme
Court, if you didn't already know she kept video of that in Hellary's server.

Take Note: the only money I paid after I met Dr. Ungabungabunga was just
$105.00 for to post-treatment sanitize the pencil under COVID protocols.

Take note of that.

Thank You and Be Blessed by an anvil.

Gender Neutral Billy Bob Suzi Q Maury
4334 Whittier Blvd
Los Angeles CA 90023