Timing The Disease To the Template

That's probably how this edit will go over.

Eh.

The templaters of Scam Land haven't quite gotten around to designing something to fit the latest panic sweeping the round or flat Earth:  coronavirus.

Perhaps I've just given it to them in an edit.

But first, one of their more well-worn templates is presented me thus:


Attention:

I have something very important to discuss with you about inheritance
fund left in my bank with a late customer who worked with shell
development company here in my Country and died along with his family
while on vacation in September 19,2017 Earthquake in Central Mexico
that killed over 370 people leaving the sum of (USD$14 Million United
States Dollars) behind in our Bank.

I write to you because he has the same last name with you which I do
not know if he is a member of your family.I am Michel Koffi Dorkenoo a
banker and the director of operation of the said bank where the fund
was deposited. I will like you to contact me so we can talk more about
this because from the bank record I understand that someone has
contacted you because of the fund in the past and try to cheat on you
that is why I stopped the transfer for some months now but am ready to
work directly with you on trust and understanding I promise to
transfer the fund to you through  ATM-VISA-CARD  or bank to bank
online transfer direct to your account in your country only if you can
work with me as I will advice you on what you need to do to receive
the fund and the share ratio.

I will wait for your urgent response direct or you can add me on
whatsapp number (+228-9688-6703) for more details.

Mr Michael Koffi Dorkenoo
Director Of Operation
GOD BLESS YOU
MOBILE/WHATSAPP: +228 9688-6703  


With a name like Dorkenoo, I don't see how he can't expect something like this.  Not that it matters here, whether it's me, my character or my two "editing gone wild" pet rocks that do the duty: it gets done.  And thanks to the Chinese and DNC, here's how it gets done:


From: Michael Koffi Dorkenookee <akuffoasare8@gmail.com>
Sent: Tuesday, February 25, 2020 2:20 PM
Subject: URGENT MESSAGE ABOUT CORONAVIRUS, LYME DISEASE, AND HOW TO MIX THEM AT HAPPY HOUR  

Attention:

I have something very important to discuss with you about the recent craze of coronavirus that's sweeping the woild after sweeping China where it was created by an out-of-woik orthopod with a penchant for ear, nose and throat genital warts popping up on date nights. 

He is a late customer who worked with Kung Pao Sesame Chicken Development company here in my Country and died along with his hand puppet family while on vacation on September 19, 2019 in an volcanic eruption re-enactment at Mount St. Hellary in up-this NY during her "Who's To Blame" Tour that just seems to keep going.  It has bored audiences from Aardvark to Xylophone at assorted Flat Earth Society meetings and is causing a severe slump in their recruiting dive.

So's the knowledge that if the world was flat, cats would have cleared everything off of it by now.

What we found here in a Third World craphole is that mixing coronavirus with lyme disease at Happy Hour makes for a nice libation to chat up the locals and maybe get a "laid opportunity" after the bar closes.

Just don't tell the Chins; they may demand royalties.

I write to you with sties in my eyes because I haven't washed them in a couple weeks.  What this template found after much focus group discussion is that the creator of this latest stock market negative rally has the same last name with you.  Not that we found that curious; the way the template was writ, it pretty much had to work out that way, since the other available template was evolved around someone with the improbable last name of Ph**kstick, and we didn't feel there were that many people out there with the same last name.  You understand I'm sure, or you have a friend that does.

As for me, I am Michael Koffi Dorkenookee, which is another name not easily found in Nature or phone books.  Since it made less sense to try to give myself the business with a name not so common, it came to me like a foul ball in the head in the bottom of the 7th that it was too late to duck; thus I designed this around your last name instead.  A product of my 'c' grade average I carried in third grade, the last one I completed.

 I will like you to contact me so we can talk more about this or about anything else because truth be told, I'm bored and only have a chimp named Booger to talk to; and all he does is utter primate sounds and pick his ass.  Too intellectual for my third grade education.  I can't even hold up my end in a forest of petrified wildebeest dung.

Now, the template here says that someone has contacted you because of the fund in the past and try to cheat on you; maybe it was your ex-girlfriend or an inflatable sex toy that has a penchant for leaks just when things are getting interesting.  I don't know the answer to that or the one thousand dollar question on Jeopardy, but I do know this:  Michael Bloomberg is one short little bastard.

When you contact me, ask me anything you like, but remember that I was only a 'c' student in third grade, and I am still traumatized by a fallopian experience during 'musical chairs'.  I'll try to figure out how to explain that in my next email.  Since Dr. Ruth isn't on the air anymore, I kinda have to make this kind of stuff up as I go.

I will wait for your urgent response direct or you can add me on whatsapp number (+228-9688-6703) for more details.

Mr Michael Koffi Dorkenookee
Director Of the game Operation (and haven't saved a patient yet)
MOBILE/WHATSAPP: +228 9688-6703

bankbess@gmail.com

 I'm not real surprised that Dorkenoo decided that a follow up was not going to get him anywhere.

Too bad, too:  I had lots more pictures to post.

A Wha.....?

The reason for this picture -- a picture of a Vietnamese woman -- will be explained shortly.

Purdy, ain't she?

Too bad she ain't the one that contacted my character:


 Hello

I'm MRS.DANIELLA KYLE  , from  New Zealand ,presently  undergoing medical treatment in Memorial Sloan Kettering (MSK) Cancer Center, New York City)due to my  illness of Non-Hodgkin lymphoma Cancer and Stroke. which denied ame from having a child. Recently According to my medical report i may not live until  next month.

   

             Though what disturbs me most is my stroke. Having known this condition,I have decided to donate my fund which i inherited from my late husband, the sum of ($3.5M usd),due to my situation and i can't die leaving this huge  amount with the bank  so i decided to contact you for Charity Affair's  donation work because i strongly believe  you will be honest. I want to present you to my bank so that you can claim this money on my behalf and use part of it to help the poor  and less privilege once also visit the motherless babies home.  Then you can use the rest  to invest on your business and for your family.

        Please i want you  to use this money according to my last wish and instruction to help the poor. Reply me as soon as possible to my private email . mrskyle200@gmail.com

 

Your faithfully

MRS.DANIELLA KYLE  

 

 

So according to Mrs. Kyle, she's a New Zealander.  That's important shortly.  Meantime, my character responds with his typical level of empathy:

 

 

I'll tell you what disturbs me the most:  everyone I hear from in New Zealand on this email address is dying of the exact same sh*t.  And it isn't the current fad disease coronavirus.  New Zealand does not sound like a fit place to visit or live.  Good place to go to die though.  

 

 

Yup...that's my character's typical level of empathy.  And he shortly learns that the scammer notices his level of empathy the way she notices a slip in her template:

 

 

Dear Jack Ewehoff

Thank you for your responds, I believe it is the living Lord that
touched your heart, and encouraged you to carry out my last wish, I am
a Vietnamese like you but was born here in United states Of American,
my mother was among those that migrated to United States during the
Vietnam war but she died shortly after my birth, I was brought up from
English community which denied me the privilege to speak my language
Correctly.  

 

 

...I YAM???

 

Both of my pet rocks are in serious need of oxygen right now, they're laughing so hard.  Of course, they're geologic, so they do everything hard and I digress.

 

The last photo my character used as representative of hisself didn't, at least in my limited worldview, portray someone named Jack Ewehoff as Vietnamese:

 

 

At any rate, we see how quickly the geography of her template changed:  she went from a New Zealander in NYC to a Vietnamese born in the USA now in NYC and shortly to go to India to die...or so she claims:

 

 

Now am undergoing medical treatment in Memorial Sloan Kettering (MSK)
Cancer Center, New York City).But I will be transferred to INDIA by
tomorrow morning, I am married to Late Engr. Kyle Frank Michael; we
both worked in the same oil company in Libya for nine years before his
death.  we were both devoted Christian.

Alrighty then.  As for her next assumption, she can't be more wrong about my character's reaction:

 

 

I know you will be surprised why I chose you for this offer, I am
sick, weak and down here in the hospital, I cannot handle this
donation anymore by myself now, It will be useless if I die today
leaving this money in the bank, the poor needs this money,  I want you
to ensure that the poor benefited from this funds, I always gives to
the poor and I know some orphanage homes and charity organization, I
have contributed directly to them, I am also aware that sometimes the
charity homes directors never distribute our donations to the
poor,sometimes they divert it to their private account more especially
when the funds was donated by a sick person like me who cannot stand
to inspect their donation.


 At any rate, what follows next makes much more sense to my character, now that he knows he's Vietnamese like her and all:

 

 

I spoke with my bank manager already, concerning this transfer to
your account. And my bank manager said he will like to communicate
with you before the transfer, The total amount they will transfer is
USD$3.5 Million, Three Million Five Hundred Thousand United States
Dollars) and this funds is presently with the EUROPEN CREDIT UNION
BANK FRANCE).  

And here's the rest of the frills and dressing:

 Recently, my doctor told me that he is not sure of my life, two more
months was his predictions for my living, though what disturbs me most
is my stroke. Having known this condition, I have decided to donate
this fund to orphanages and widows propagating the world of God and to
ensure that the house of God is maintained. The Bible made us to
understand that blessed is the hand that giveth.

I took this decision because I don’t have any child that will inherit
this money and my husband’s relatives  have taking over all the
properties on my late husband’s name, so I don’t want a situation
where this money will be used in an UN-Godly Manner because of my
childlessness, been the reason for taking this bold decision.

I know that I am going to be in the bosom of the Lord. Exodus 14 VS 14
says that The Lord Will Fight My Case and I Shall Hold My Peace. I
don’t need any telephone conversation in this regard because of my
health, and because of the Presence of my husband’s relatives who are
always around me in the hospital, I feels they are waiting for my
death because they suddenly became nice to me since the day my doctor
confirmed that I will not live for two more months, I don’t want them
to know about this money am sending to you.

Before I give your information to my bank manager for this transfer, I
need to know more about you.

Fill this information and send back to me.

1: your full name: ……………………………….

2: City Name:………………….and Address:…………………………….

3: Telephone Number:…………………………

4: whatsapp number:………………………………..

5: Your occupation and Position:…………………………

6: Your age:………………………….

7: Your religion:………………………………

Once I receive this information, I will send it to my FAMILY LAWYER
for the processing of this transfer; he will contact you for the
transfer OR you may submitted your details to him via below email and
I shall inform him about you and Iam counting on you in this regards.

Kian Chambers & Associates
(Certified Human Resources Professional)
Office: 45 Berkeley Square PARIS, FRANCE ,
Michael Kian  (ESQ)
          (B.A , L.L.B , M.A, N.A.A)
Mobile: (+33) 703 199 0
E-mail: kianchambersuk@legislator.com

Yours faithfully
 MRS.DANIELLA KYLE  

 

 

So if my character is reading ANY of this correctly, he's to contact her atturkey in France.  Hokay, fine:

 

I was a bit non-plussed to have my antecedence flushed out by way of my name in the manure that you did, but since you have, I reckon that I must go along with your scheme as one fellow country-hmong to another, so I am forwarding this app to your lawyer as requested:

 

1: your full name: ……………………………….Jack N. Ewehoff

2: City Name:………………….Central City CO        and Address:…………………………….XXX Gregory Street

3: Telephone Number:…………………………303-XXX-XXXX

4: whatsapp number:………………………………..don't have one

5: Your occupation and Position:…………………………Paleontology, prone
6: Your age:………………………….60

7: Your religion:………………………………Caodaism.  

 

 

 While we employ a bit of *Jeopardy Theme* to await a respond from her Frawg atturkey, Missy Kyle shows off more of her reading inacumen: 


Thank you very much for accepted to help me in this project and I want you to work along with the lawyer he will help you secured all Documents that will covered up the Fund on your name and also I have been book for operation so I need your prayer seriously at this point in case I did not make it ,please Iam counting on your trust so do not disappoint me at the end of this project and I will grant my Nurse access to my mail so she can be given you update about me.

Please be inform the lawyer will get back to you as soon as he can and please follow his instruction for the best interest of this project to see my last wishes will come to pass.  

 

 

Long as she ain't reading anything my character writes:

 

 

Since you bring out the Viet Minh in me, you got it.  

 

 

And with that, enter her Frawg atturkey:

Kian Chambers & Associates
(Certified Human Resources Professional)
Office: 45 Berkeley Square PARIS, FRANCE ,W1J 5AP
Michael Kian  (ESQ)
          (B.A , L.L.B , M.A, N.A.A)
Mobile: (+33) 703 199 0
E-mail: kianchambersuk@legislator.com

  

Attn: Jack Ewehoff 

I am in receipt of your mail also your details forwarded to me by Mrs Daniella Kyle and I have also been instructed by my client Mrs Daniella Kyle to assist you in claiming her family fund of $3.500.000.00  (Three Million Five Hundred Thousand Dollars) which is presently deposited with EUROPEN CREDIT UNION BANK PARIS The details of the legalization are listed as follow :

(1) Firstly, I shall proceed to Her Majesty Crown Court Of FRANCE  to prepare an authorization letter which will identify you as the next of kin to Mrs Daniella Kyle with some important documents to back you up.The necessary documents and their prices are listed as below:

(A) Authorization Letter/Change Of Ownership………….$300

 

B) Power Of Attorney……………$150

�(C) Deed Of Agreement……………$200

�(D) Certificate Of Ownership……………$150

�(E)  Fund Deposit Slip……$150

�(F)  Fund Release Order..........$350

�(G)  Anti Terrorist Certificate……….$400

 

Total: $1700.00  

 

(3) These documents will take (3) working days to be perfected as I had to visit various department at the court house for proper approval. I can accept 70% for a part payment of my legal charges and you must pay me the balance immediately the completion of your documentations , I will provide you details to be use and make the payment as requested so that I will be able to proceed in the Court . Attached with this mail is also my cooperate ID and call to bar certificate for proper identification and I look forward To hear from you so I can proceed on the legalization process and upon your respond I shall provide you details to be used and send the requested charges in other for us to proceed  .

Meanwhile, after secured this authorization letter by the FRANCE Court here the Bank here will instructed to carry out the transfer of this Fund and you will be invited by the Bank which we both can meet in FRANCE and I will be there with all the backup documents which can be presented before the Bank which can empower them to grant immediate release order of this Fund in your favour.

I Was inform this morning by Nurse Helen stated that Mrs Daniella Kyle , she will be transfer to INDIA this early morning  for her Brain Operation and I thank God she has choosen you as a trusted someone who can handle this project and Please let me know when you shall be coming down to FRANCE because the Bank will requested your present.

 

Best Regards

Kian Chambers & Associates
(Certified Human Resources Professional)
Office: 45 Berkeley Square
FRANCE W1J 5AP
Michael Kian  (ESQ)                                                   

  

 

And he concluded with this oh so convincing ID card:

 

 

 

 

Besides the other obvious typoids noted in the text, my pet rocks practically wet themselves when they saw that his email address ahead of the '@' ended with 'suk'.

 

They're needing oxygen again. 

 

Time to find out if the Frawg atturkey is as intellectually stunted as Daniella: 

 

 

Well, I'm glad to hear that you're glad at her choice to give this business to.

We Vietnamese New Zealanders have to stick together.

Okay:  so I read that you require $1700 for all those documents you cited as required.

Fine:  you let me know when you have all the documents ready, and I'll let you know shortly thereafter when I have $1700.

Let's get this done in a manure somewhat akin to what Daniella had in mind.  

 

 

*More Jeopardy Theme*

 

 Answer:  yes, they are:

Attn: Jack Ewehoff

 

Thank you very much for your email which is well noted and be inform that this $1700 was the money requested by the Court for the procurement of this listed Documents which can be inducted on your file and submit to the Bank for there approval of transfer .

 

Kindly get the requested charges ready within today and tomorrow because the Court give us 48hours to get back to them with the money in other for them to start processing for the listed Documents to be approved on your name as the new project Investor of Mrs. Danella Kyle as she has choosen you to claim this Fund and before the end of today I shall send you account details which you can use and make the payment so I can proceed as soon as the money is confirm and I will Gurantee you one thing is I will put all my effort and see this project come to the sucessful end in your favour as her last wishes to come true and she really need our prayer at this time so that her operation will go sucessful ok

(A) Authorization Letter/Change Of Ownership………….$300

 

B) Power Of Attorney……………$150

�(C) Deed Of Agreement……………$200

�(D) Certificate Of Ownership……………$150

�(E)  Fund Deposit Slip……$150

�(F)  Fund Release Order..........$350

�(G)  Anti Terrorist Certificate……….$400

 

Total: $1700.00  

 

 

I am going to send you account later in the day which you can use and make the payment to enable us proceed to the Court for the procurement of this Documents on your name before I can proceed to the Bank and presented them all the proof Documents stated that you was the appionted person to claim the Fund for the Investment project as Mrs.Kyle wishes.

 

Best Regards

Kian Chambers & Associates
(Certified Human Resources Professional)
Office: 45 Berkeley Square
FRANCE W1J 5AP
Michael Kian  (ESQ)    

 

 

I'm pleased to see that nothing has changed from your previous email to this one.  Substandard consistency is good.    I'll get to work procuring the money.   

 

The Frawg atturkey doesn't waste time:

Attn: Jack Ewehoff

  

 

Thank you for your email and do get back to me once the transfer is done so that I shall proceed as soon as the payment is confirmed and I will Gurantee to do everything and see this project was completed in your favour ok.

 

 

ACCOUNT DETAILS OF PAYMENT 

 

BANK NAME . FPE CHARENTON 

BANK ADDRESS . 1 PLACE DES MARSEILLAIS 94220 CHARENTON LE PONT 

ACCOUNT NAME .  MR. REX ONAVWIE 

ACCOUNT NUMBER .  07754930001

BIC SWFIT CODE .  FPELFR21XXX

IBAN . FR7616598000010775493000182

 

 

I shall be waiting to hear from you as soon as the payment is done to enable us proceed.

   

 

Best Regards

Kian Chambers & Associates
(Certified Human Resources Professional)
Office: 45 Berkeley Square
FRANCE W1J 5AP
Michael Kian  (ESQ)  

 

  

And now, as my pet rock Seymour loves to say, "time to hurry up and wait..."... but not for long as a new player weighs in...allegedly from India:

Iam Nurse Helen (who is using Daniella's email addy) who has been taken care of Mrs. Daniella Kyle and she  was operated yesterday due to her illness and attached is her picture  which show her present condition now since after her operation she was  in Coma and according to her that she has putting everything in your  hands as trusted someone who will not disappoint her last wishes and  Please try all your best and work along with the lawyer so he will  help you secured this matter successful and see the Fund will be  transfer to your account ok.


From time to time i will be checking on you and also to let you know
her condition ,please try your best and you will not be disappointed
at the end of this project ok.

Best Regards NURSE HELEN

 

 

All together now...."yawn".


My character's reply will no doubt lend encouragement to Nurse Helen and anyone else who has a mind to jump in on Daniella's New Zealander/Vietnamese/et al assorted behalves:


You may assure Ms Daniella that when she de-comas, I have been contacted by her bank and negotiations for the unavoidable outcome are now underway.  Give her an enema for me, would you?


Meantime, back to the Frawg atturkey:

Attn: Jack Ewehoff 

 

  How are you doing today hope all is well, I get information that Mrs. Daniella was in Coma since yesterday and she reall need our prayer at this time so that she can recovered quckly and Please update me the position of things so that we can able to proceed without any delay. 

 

Best Regards

Kian Chambers & Associates
(Certified Human Resources Professional)
Office: 45 Berkeley Square
FRANCE W1J 5AP
Michael Kian  (ESQ)   

 

 

 

Yes, Nurse Helen from the hospital in India where Ms Kyle is, contacted me with an update.

I have requested that upon Ms Kyle's de-comafication, she be let know that you and I are in communications and in negotiations.  I am sure this will please her more than any enema the hospital bills her for.    

 

 

 

 

At least all the characters being employed on the scammer side here -- be it one or a dozen -- are consistent in their comprehension of English.  Which clearly includes Nurse Helen:

 

 

 

Thank you for your email with assurance and yes I will do please try
all you can to see that you work along with the Lawyer to see
everything will go sucessful in your favour as she has putting all
trust in you ok.

I will send your regards to her and please try and be putting her in
your prayer so she can recovered qickly and be alive to see your good
work in this project.

I will update you once there is any news about her ok.

Regards
NURSE HELEN  

 

 

Yes, by all means.  You do that.

I shall do my part from here, since the whole world's a stage, and we all just play our parts.

 

 

Not to be outdone, the Frawg atturkey is back with banking stuff:

 

 

Attn: Jack Ewehoff 

 

Thank you for your email and today I was in the Bank Directors meeting in this regards and I have inform them that someone has been given full trust to handle this project by Mrs. Kyle and I have assured  to get back to them with the convering Documents and the stated that we have only 48 hours to do so if not the Fund will be diverted into the GOVERNMENT ACCOUNT and remain unclaim , so please what are you doing so far over the requested money and how much do you have at hand now so that I can know how to support in this regards because I can not afford to be here see this Fund diverted into the Government account so for that I will supported you with $500 so kindly try and raise the remain $1200 within the next 24hours so we can able to completed this money and I will proceed to the Court to secured all this Documents on your name and proceed to the Bank ,I will Gurantee you the sucessful end of this project in good faith ok.

 

Get back to me once the money is ready so I can send you information that you can use and send the money Via Ria TRANSFER OR by BANK ACCOUNT and we need to put our effort in this project to enable us achieve this in good faith ok.   

 

Best Regards

Kian Chambers & Associates
(Certified Human Resources Professional)
Office: 45 Berkeley Square
FRANCE W1J 5AP
 

 

 

 

 

 

  



So Now I only owe $1200?  Gee.  If I wait another day, how much more of a discount will I accrue?

You go boy.  

 

 

How much better can it get?  Wahl...

Attn: Jack Ewehoff

 

I have received your email which is well noted and please I want you to understand that  did this just to see we help things out and proceed and for the seek of this woman because I dont juke with my work asI have assured heri will put my effort to see evereything go sucessful in your favour as she wishes so do what you can to see this must be done. 

 

Best Regards

Kian Chambers & Associates
(Certified Human Resources Professional)
Office: 45 Berkeley Square
FRANCE W1J 5AP
Michael Kian  (ESQ)    

 

Did you proofread what you just sent me?  If you hired someone to do that, fire them.  Noted for a friend.  


And while the Frawg atturkey/bank chews on that, we're back to Nurse Helen with...*drum roll*: 


Iam very sorry to inform you that Mrs. Daniella Kyle was confirm Dead
this evening by the Doctors since two days she was on coma without
saying a word since after her operation and I full of tears and
sadness fill my heart  and Iam short of words .

Iam very very sad honestly dont know what to say or how to tell you
about her Death this evening and we really try our best in putting her
in prayer all this days and now everything remain on your hands as she
has putting all her trust in you and I believe you will not disappoint
her at the end of this project , so you need to do all it takes to see
you finalise with this matter to enable the Bank grant you access to
the Fund and  I shall be informing the lawyer now to know about her
death also which is so painful.

 Thanks
NURSE HELEN  


Of course, 'Nurse Helen' continues to use Kyle's email addy.  Sure, sure...convenience.  Now Nurse Helen gets her chance to see how well she comprehends as my character's empathy comes to the fore once more:

Well, her template DID said she was dying.

She confirmed it.

Her atturkey and bank affirmed it.

Even you followed the script.

When someone passes on in a template like this, parts of them linger on.

I see that her email lives on.

Which part of India are you in?  Asking for a friend.  


Nurse Helen is quick to prove she's as written-English literate as the rest of her internet cafe chums are:

Thank you for your email tomorrow I will ask the name of the hospital and let you know because we are in Bengaluru City in India can you visted India please get back to me as soon as possible .  

 

 

Hold the bloody bed pan:  the nurse in the hospital in India doesn't know the name of the hospital she's working in?  Hooooookaaaaaay:

 

 

You were Ms Kyle's nurse in the hospital and you don't know the name of the hospital or where it is?  Have you been spending unnecessary time mixing chemicals in the pharmacy?  Are you completely sure that, if you don't know the hospital you're in, you confirmed that Ms Kyle is daid, or did you just go to the wrong hospital and wrong room?  Again, asking for a somewhat incredulous friend.

 

 Me thinks that the scamquake that's shredding their pre-arranged template is now hitting 9 on the wretched scale.  Meantime, a Frawg atturkey awaits $1200 from my character, while Nurse Helen is desperately trying to figure out where she and the alleged corpse are.  The alleged New Zealand-Vietnamese-American corpse.

My pet rocks are now officially in hysterics on the laughter scale.  I suspect that it's scammers like these that have kept me at this as long as I have been.


My character has decided not to wait for the next salvo, but to precipitate one from the Frawg atturkey:


We seem to have hit something of a snag here, Bannister:

it seems that Nurse Helen -- caretaker of Ms Daniella Kyle --

has, after two email updates, informed me that Kyle has

died.  At least this time it wasn't Kenny...those bastards.

Whereupon, Nurse Helen can't tell me in which hospital

she is, and where in India it is.   
 

 

This leads me to conclude that Nurse Helen is, at best,

geographically cornfused or, at worst, trying to claim

that Ms Kyle is dead, when in fact Ms Kyle isn't dead,

she's just been misplaced.

 

 

Can you clear any of this up before I send an ever-reducing

amount of fee to you?  Asking for a friend.

Resuming *Jeopardy Theme*...


While the Frawg atturkey is still chewing on the last couple emails, Nurse Helen finds a degree of ability to comprehend what is writ, which causes her butt hurt...and more  dishonest chicanery:


Dear Mr.Jack.

How can you think that I will lie for you because of what and this
Mrs. Daniella was a very good woman and I have know how so well in
little time I was taken care of her before her Death and it was
confirm by the Doctors here in the Hospital or do you think that
someone can use Death lie against someone ,Iam not such person and I
will never be part of any kind of evil act  .

Meanwhile, the Hospital is ,Apollo Hospitals Sheshadripuram Bangalure,
Karnataka, India and after she was confirm Dead by the Doctors  I went
inside her room to check on her bag to know if there is something
important and I fine attached 8 BARS OF GOLD in her bag and i
immediately moved it out in a save placed untill everything is settle

 I will advise you to focused and proceed with the lawyer to enable him
proceed without delay and if you will make it and be here during her
Burial to give her  last respect if you can not make it then simply
relax your mind and see you proceed and Iwill inform you every outcome
here .

Regards
NURSE HELEN  


Now now...I never outright said that you LIED about Ms Kyle being dead and not being dead; I simply pointed out the obvious cornfusion you caused by not knowing the name of the hospital in which you were employed and had her in under your care that led to her death.  If you were in my shoes when presented with those facts, your feet would be swimming.  I have big shoes.

Now...why would Ms Kyle have eight bars of gold in a bag with her in the hospital where she died in your care?  I thought all the assets she had were in that Frawg bank in Paris.  I guess none of us really knowd Ms Kyle, did we?  Incidentally, I see twelve bars of gold in this picture, not eight.  Did you already kipe some for yourself?

Meantime, you let me worry about her Frawg atturkey and the bank.  They won't die in my care.  

And speaking of the Frawg atturkey:

Attn: Jack Ewehoff

 

Thank you very much for your email which is well noted and yes she phone me yesterday also and told me same thing that Mrs. Kyle is Dead and I become sad and angry because this is a very good woman and due to this I phone her again this morning to be very sure and she still told me same things which I know she can never joke with such thing because this is someone life and she still confirm it again  and I was so sad and she say that her Bural arrangment has been fix on 10th Feb 2020 and all I will do is to make time and see I will travel to INDIA na d give her the last respect as my client and if you dont mind you can also fly down to India aswell .

 

Meanwhile, I will like to make one point clear to you , at this point we dont have to delay in processing over this matter because if the Bank get to fine out that Mrs. Kyle is dead the will placed every process pending and requested your present before the Bank so that the can see you in person and know the kind of person you are and I will advise you to do all you can within today and tomorrow to see you make the payment so that I can proceed to the Court and secured this Documents on your name and presented it before the Bank so that approval can be granted before the Namk will notice what is going on because if we did not finanlise this project before her Burial the France Authority will placed every process pending till further notice and you will be ask to appear before the Bank in person which may be a lot of stress for you .

 

Kindly arrange the remain $1200 and get back to immediately so that I will proceed without delay so we can see approval will be granted in your favour first.     

 

Best Regards

Kian Chambers & Associates
(Certified Human Resources Professional)
Office: 45 Berkeley Square
FRANCE W1J 5AP
Michael Kian  (ESQ)    

I don't recall there being any requirement for me to fly to India to complete this deal.  That was never Ms Kyle's stated requirement.  And why wait on her funeral until 2/10/20?  Isn't she going to be a bit gamey by then?  Asking for a friend.  


While the frawg atturkey chews on that 'un, Nurse Helen weighs in again:


Dear Mr, Jack ,

Thank you very much for your email and Iam disappointed at you that
till now you wanted to believe that Mrs.Kyle is dead and beside Iam
not from India here I was her assigned NURSE from USA and we both fly  down here for her operation due to her kind towards me that is why I  make up my mind and follow her fly along to INDIA here and   due to I  have nothing to do with the hospital she was that is why I was never
interested to know the hospital name in the first place but as you can
read my last mail clear I have sended you the hospital name already as
you ask.

Yes every of her belonging was in the FRANCE BANK and since she was
alive she never one day told me that she hard such GOLD BARS worth of
money in her back till when after her death I get to fine out and
nobody knows about it and where I keep it was very save because I was
told if INDIA GOVERNMENT fine you any Gold at hand without proof of
Documents your life will be at risk and this is why I keep doing my
best to see everything will be ok and note the Burial will be taken
placed on 10th Feb and I have inform the lawyer about it and he
assured to be present that day to give her last respect.

Iam a woman  OF my word and you can see attached of my id card for
your view and please do whatever it takes and see you proceed without
any delay with the lawyer ok and after the burial we can now be
thinking how to moved this Gold out from INDIA here because  i never
wanted anyone to knows about it now and all eyes on me so let
everything calm first and I will advise you to focused and proceed
with the lawyer ok.

Regards
NURSE HELEN 

And like the Frawg atturkey, Nurse Helen belated sends me what is supposed to be her bona fides:

Purdy, ain't she? 

Too bad it ain't really her, as a little resoich quickly provides on MSK Cancer Center, starting with their logo:

And finishing with a check of their employee directory...wherein there IS no Nurse Helen Johnson, Physician (the pet rocks are both needing oxygen again).  A follow up phone call to the clinic verified the directory.

Dang that resoich.

First, the reply to the Frawg atturkey: 
 
I read your email with interest and full understanding of the contents therein.  This is the first time anyone has mentioned a need for me to come to India.

Not even the dearly departed made that request.

Second, have you looked more closely into Nurse Helen?  Have you had her bona fides authenticated?  Reason I'm asking is that Nurse Helen claims that

Ms Kyle had a black bag containing eight bars of gold in her possession when she croaked there in India.  Unfortunately, the authenticating picture Nurse

Helen sent me about the gold bars showed twelve gold bars.

Did you know that Ms Kyle had these gold bars in her possession, and that it appears Nurse Helen may have kiped four of them?  

 

 

Now that I've thrown some shade on Nurse Helen in the direction of the Frawg atturkey, let's throw something else on the nurse/physician:

 

 

Gee, Nurse Helen, you didn't tell me you were that attractive.

Wowser.  How's 'bout you come back stateside and take MY temperature?

 In the meantime, the Frawg atturkey is back with a new player and wrinkle:

Kindly view the attached copy of her Husband Deposited Fund Certificate that I have just seen in her file now and we need to proceed further to see we secured the while Documents on your name and get back to the Bank and also please fill this application form and submit to the Bank and get back to me with a copy.

 

I was advise by the Bank that since someone has been choosen for this project that the need you to submit them your application of Fund release other which the can use and start processing on the transfer which can take placed immediately after we must have submit this Documents listed to them and please fill this application sign and submit to the Bank Via there address on the application and get back to me with a copy and make sure you will inducted your passport copy or Id card as you submitted the application to the Bank and also when are you sending the money so we can able to proceed for the Documents to be secured because we dont have much time any more at this point.

 

DEPARTMENT VERIFICATION DUE FUND 
WEBSITE. www.crediteuropebank.com
ADDRESS . 231 FRANCE Floor 17 carry Stekene 
Email . info.europencreditunion@europe.com  


Don't you just love how they're always moving the goal posts?


Nice document.  Obviously you have a Kinkos in the neighborhood.  Now, since this fund was supposed to be in Ms Kyle's name, how am I supposed to get the bank to transfer funds from her previously daid spouse?  You DO have a plan in mind for this, right?


The Frawg atturkey doesn't disappoint:

Thank you for your email and yes I know about it and the Deposit Certificate of the Gold was on Mrs. Daniella Kyle Name she send the Cerificate to me in France Via DHL and the Gold bar was collected back from the Security Company and she carry it along as matter of agency the will like to save life nobody will know such will be in her bag and Nurse Helen was assign for her from USA HOSIPTAL she was before her transfer so she knows everything and iam sure mrs Daniella handle her all the Gold bag and she must tell her she carry it along because i thought she will left the Gold in the security Company in USA , Wow this sunds good since is the position of NURSE HELEN very good do not worry about that before it can be moved out from INDIA it will be change on your name and  use it and moved it to your country ,when the time come .WE ONLY NEED TO FOCUSED AND SECURED THE DOCUMENTS so we can proceed to the bank.

 

 

If she say that it was 8 Bars she fine in the bag then know that someone has taken 4 Bars out but there is know problem and i wwill ask her keep it save so that we can proceed on it after this Fund must be have been into your account and we dont have to delay any more.

 

 

Make the payment by RIA TRANSFER with this details .

 

RECEIVER NAME . OSMAN  BUNDU

 

COUNTRY . PARIS, FRANCE

 

AMOUNT . $1200 USD

 

 

Kindly get back to us with the payment details so that i can proceed because if Bank fine out that she is dead the while process will be pending and your present will be requested in the Bank before the proceed so stop delay. 

 

 

Meanwhile ,i know it was 12 BARS if NURSE HELEN say it was 8 BARS she fine there is know problem ,we shall proceed when time come.   

 

 

Well fine...if you're good widdit, I'm good widdit.

Besides, Nurse Helen is kinda cute.  She can read my temperature anytime.  

 

 

 

And speaking of Nurse Helen, that gold digger:

 

 

Dear Mr.Jack.
Thank you for your email and the pleasure is my , please do your best
and see you finanlise with the lawyer so he can proceed without any
delay ok.

Thanks
NURSE HELEN  

 

 

Whatever you say, Nurse Helen.  When you get back stateside, you and me need to meet for drinks and dinner...on me, of course.  You're an absolute babe. 

 

 

 

If you've never seen a couple pet rocks faux-gag and roll their eyes...I just did.

 

 

 At any rate, the scammer 'trap' all this has been leading to is set:  my character is to wire $1200 USD to...Osman Bundu?

 Thank you for your email and please when will the payment will be done to enable us proceed please let me know because we dont have time to delay any more.   

 

Make the payment by RIA TRANSFER with this details .

 

RECEIVER NAME . OSMAN  BUNDU

 

COUNTRY . PARIS, FRANCE

 

AMOUNT . $1200 USD  

 

 

Is time no longer on our side, Kian?  Asking for a friend.  

 

And it appears that Nurse Helen has the same watch that the Frawg atturkey does:

 

 

 Thank you very much for your kind email and when the time comes we see
on that ok, all I want is to be sure that you and lawyer must have
finish this process before is late ok.

Regards
NURSE HELEN  

 

 

Late dinner and drinks were what I had in mind with you...all the better to watch you slip out of something comfortable if you get my meaning.  RRRRrrowr.   Sorry...I don't know if you heard the story about God speaking to Adam in the Garden of Eden or not...when God told Adam "I have good news and bad news for you:  the good news is I'm giving you a brain AND a penis.  The bad news is, you only get enough blood to work one at a time..."  Thinking of you out of your nightie has my other head spinning.  


 And while Nurse Helen chews on that, let's get back to the Frawg atturkey:


Thank you for your email regards to your question , he was the accountant and secetray of this Chamber he will be the one to received the money and bring to me here in the office so do not worried about that just go and make the payment Via RIA TRANSFER as I have instructed and get back to me with the payment receipt so that I can proceed and yes we dont have much time anylonger to delay ok.

Make the payment by RIA TRANSFER with this details .

RECEIVER NAME . OSMAN BUNDU

COUNTRY . PARIS, FRANCE

AMOUNT . $1200 USD   

I guess you think that clears that up.  Has he any relation to Donnie and Marie?  Asking for a friend.

My character begins to detect a tad of annoyance in Frawgsville:

once again I have told you is our office accountant and he has been working in this chamber for a over 4 years now so you dont have to be worried about him the money will be save ok just go and use the name make the payment Via RIATRANSFER  and get back to us without any delay to enable us proceed , Just do as I have instructed and I will Gurantee you the sucessful end of this project , just do as I tell ok .

  

 

Make the payment by RIA TRANSFER with this details .

 

RECEIVER NAME . OSMAN  BUNDU

 

COUNTRY . PARIS, FRANCE

 

AMOUNT . $1200 USD  

 

 

It's a simple question, Kian...is he or ain't he?  Do you need to call a life line?


Finally it gets down to, in the words of Kim Jung Il from Team America World Police,  "the ticking crock" as the Frawg atturkey makes clear:

I have made it clear for your understand and be inform the Bank has given us till next week Tuesday to provide the requested Documents or the Fund will be pending and if such happen the bank will never accepted to proceed on the transfer without your present down to FRANCE here and let me make it clear to you if such happen Iam going to take action that will makeyou loose your position in this regards because I wasonly trying to see everything become ok before the Bank will notice of her Death and if the fund out the while process will be stop and remain pending till after the Burial is over and you will be ask to fly down to FRANCE here in person .

 

I will not force you again to make the payment is upto you the choice is yours.    

 

Make the payment by RIA TRANSFER with this details .

 

RECEIVER NAME . OSMAN  BUNDU

 

COUNTRY . PARIS, FRANCE

 

AMOUNT . $1200 USD  

 

 

Fine, Kian...you can't answer a simple question about the antecedence of Osman.  So you say that we're up against the ticking crock?  For whom the bell tolls, Kian?  It tollhouse cookies for some.

Tell you what...I'll see what I can do in the face of time shrinkage.

 

 

 

 I guess the Frawg atturkey isn't going to try to authenticate Osman Bundu as related to Donnie and Marie, but....he sends me one of the worst photo-shopped IDs I've ever seen as Osman's bona fides:

Kindly see the attachged id card of Mr. Osman so do not worry everything is ok his has been working in this chamber for many years now so use his name make the payment and get back to me ok.

  

Make the payment by RIA TRANSFER with this details .

 

RECEIVER NAME . OSMAN  BUNDU

 

COUNTRY . PARIS, FRANCE

 

AMOUNT . $1200 USD  

 

 

 

 

In da woids of Alfred E. Neuman, "what ME worry?":

 

 

I think I'm actually relieved that Osman Bundu isn't related to Donnie and Marie; that said....Kian, you really disappoint me.  For a Frawg atturkey from a country like France, you can't come up with a better quality photo-shopped ID for Osman than THAT?  Even a pet rock could tell it's fake.  Wassamatta for you?  You'll have to do better than that to get me to send $1200 to him.  Hell, I'd rather send it to Nurse Helen...she's a babe.  I'll bet I could buy a night in the rack with her for $1200. 

 

 And things are getting rather frosty with the Frawg atturkey: 
 
Attn: Jack Ewehoff 

 

 Listen very clear I give you from now till Monday to send the money as I have instructed you to do and failure to do so I shall proceed and inform the Bank about the death of Mrs. Daniella Kyle and will be open to them in everything and this project shall be placed pending till the Burial is over and by then if you are willing to proceed further in this regards you can fly down to FRANCE here in person to show your seriousness because I can not be wasting my time with someone who can not follow simply instruction for the best interst of this project and with that I can see how serious you are by coming down to France in person to finanlise this project and if you can not able to come by then that means you have loose your opportunity and I will look for someone who can be trusted and handle this project since Mrs. Kyle has given you all her trust before now but you never vuled it or wanted to work along with me so there is know time to be wasted anymore you have till Monday to make the payment or you forget about it and I will handle it on my own way .

 

  

Make the payment by RIA TRANSFER with this details .

 

RECEIVER NAME . OSMAN  BUNDU

 

COUNTRY . PARIS, FRANCE

 

AMOUNT . $1200 USD

 

 

Meanwhile, do you think your sending me the money or to use and feed my family or what? I instructed what to do and you do not want to follow my instruction .  

 

 

My, aren't things getting frosty with the Frawg atturkey.  Mayhaps Jack can see him and raise his blood pressure:

 

 

 

 

 

Truth be told, Cayenne Pepper, I really don't know what you or Donnie and Marie Osman's wayward spawn Bundu, plan to do with the $1200 once you've received it.  That said, you wanted to be clear so I shall be equally so:  I am unresponsive to threats.  Why the deceased Kyle contacted me for this deal was never made clear.  Why she selected you as her executor is less clear and more dubious by the exchange.  Why she died at the hands of Nurse Helen -- a babe -- is only sort of clear.  Why Kyle had gold bars in her possession that were outside the original scheme she pitched to me is something only Kelly and Oddball can appreciate, though Crapgame is in when it comes to gold bars, even if they are behind German lines.  Take heed my admonishment to step down from Mount Snarky, and act the pseudo-professional atturkey that this template expected you to play.  No $1200 is coming your way unless you knock it off with them negative waves.

 

 

 

 ...and now waiting to see his raise, call or fold...and it looks to be something in betwixt:

Attn: Jack Ewehoff

 

 

Thank you so much for your email and since you are not able to send the requested money to be use and completed the Court requirement that means your not able to proceed further then ,I shall be going to the Bank and inform them to placed all process pending till further notice and if you wish to proceed further in this regards then simply make up your mind to fly down to FRANCE here in person within 3 working days or you pay the requested money , so the choice is yours.

  

Make the payment by RIA TRANSFER with this details .

 

RECEIVER NAME . OSMAN  BUNDU

 

COUNTRY . PARIS, FRANCE

 

AMOUNT . $1200 USD

 

 

Meanwhile, do you think your sending me the money or to use and feed my family or what? I instructed what to do and you do not want to follow my instruction .

  

 

Best Regards

Kian Chambers & Associates
(Certified Human Resources Professional)
Office: 45 Berkeley Square
FRANCE W1J 5AP
Michael Kian  (ESQ)

 

 

I guess he thinks he told my character:  

 

 

My dear Frawg atturkey Cayenne Pepper:  is it pleasant weather in Frenchyville just now?  Have they cleaned the messy bird coupe yet?  Is the pastry resistant because they forgot to cover the croissants?  Is Suzette really creped out?  So many questions, so little time.  From reading your sniveling reply, it looks to me like they're ain't no bridges still up.  Nurse Helen lost a chance at a $1200 date night complete with a romp in the hay, but since she probably doesn't look like her ID photo, I'm probably saving myself an STD that way.  I would be most happy to come to France...when you send me a photo of you standing in front of the Eiffel Tower, holding a sign that says "Jack N. Ewehoff, I am really here.  See???"

 

Now run along like a good little lad and see about procuring that if you want this thing to end well.  

 

 

 

 And that seems to have done it for the 'late' Daniella Kyle, New Zealand/Viet thing, her nurse that killed her, Helen, and the Frawg atturkey and his Osmond family non-member, Osman Bundu.  No mores do any of them wants to play.

After what Team America did to Paris in the movie, I guess I sorta can't blame them.