A "Quadilogy"?

Give my pet rock, Seymour, his own Facebook page, and...*oy vey*.

I know some very gifted, prolific writers, both in blogs and via Facebook. With one notable exception, they're getting to know Seymour now, too. And giving him delusions of createur.

Well, after his gawdawful script for Night of the Tomatoes ("was NOT!"), Seymour got some encouragement to keep working up movie script ideas from a few of his new fans.

What I can't get his new 'fans' to understand is, Seymour doesn't create "new" ideas; he shamelessly "steals" ideas from established creators, and comes up with what are, in effect, parodies.

"Do NOT!"

A blog entry a few months back was a case in point: Seymour tried to convince me that he'd written a blockbuster song, sure to be a hit. After perusing it, I recognized the 'tune' in the lyrics, and saw that he'd done a parody on the Frankie Valli/Four Seasons hit, Big Girls Don't Cry.

Seymour just rewrote the lyrics, and tried to claim creation of a new hit song, Big Squirrels Don't Fly.

Seymour insists that he had his idea well ahead of Frankie Valli.

Now my rock -- after seeing the complete series of Indiana Jones movies -- thinks he's created a new, future iconic 'hit' character and script overviews for what he insists is a "quadilogy".

I'm done arguing; I'll let you, the readers, judge for yourself.

His first movie script is titled, Colorado Seymour & Reindeer Of The Lost Sleigh. In it, his lead 'character' -- Professor Seymour Quartz Granite, Jr -- is a pHd (I tried to tell him it's Ph.D, to no avail) and instructor at Red Rocks Community College near Golden, CO. By day, that is...but when a new geologic adventure offers up...he becomes Colorado Seymour, an adventuring geologist and acquirer of mythical antiquities...*ah hem*.

In one early draft of a scene, Colorado Seymour has penetrated a deep Andes region of somewhere in South America (sound familiar?), in search of the fabled Golden Honker of Proboscis, an ancient god of the local Wootwootanooky culture. Having managed to overcome heraculean obstacles to obtain the fabled golden snout ("is NOT!"), Colorado Seymour is pursued from the caverns by frenzied Wootwootanookies, throwing spears, arrows, blow darts, pies, Piper Cubs and other assorted stuff at him. At a nearby river, his partner -- Calamity Jane -- awaits at the float plane. When Colorado Seymour leaps for a vine to swing out to the plane, he misjudges, and goes through the engine manifold, blowing hot oil and fuel...all over the pursuing Wootwootanookies, turning them to Wootwootacasserole. And thus, they make their escape, while Calamity Jane *bonks* Colorado Seymour for having punched yet another hole in her plane.

"It's good stuff!"

Seymour, it's ridiculous, Airplaneesque parody.

"Is NOT!"

At any rate...his other three movie scripts to follow are titled Colorado Seymour & The Temple of Too Damn Many Pteryducktyls (about a lost civilization of oversized turkeyesque flying beasts that eat kids and rocks the size of Seymour); Colorado Seymour & The Last Croissant (about working with his estranged father, Professor Seymour Quartz Granite, Sr, in a quest for the Holy Cow, a religious artifact from the Indus Valley circa 5,000 BC); and last, perhaps even least ("is NOT!"), Colorado Seymour & The Kingdumb of the Pyrite Numbskull (a possible script idea includes the discovery of the ancient ancestral home of aliens purported to be related to present-day House Speaker Nancy 'Bela' Pelosi).

Seymour insists they'll all be picked up and brought to cinema by Spielberg and Lucas. I assure Seymour that once completed, and if sent to the duet of Spielberg/Lucas, they won't pick 'em up; one of their very lowly assistants will, and *plop* 'em right in the circular file.

"A circular file...that's where they're saved for later review?"

No, Seymour...that's where they're sent for paper recycling.

"Better NOT!"

Welcome to the world of writing, Seymour.

So what do YOU think: a Colorado Seymour quadilogy, or should Seymour go back to watching episodes of The Outer Limits?