Seymour Writes Agin

Yawp...Seymour "writes" agin, and this time, his lyrics were...uh...from opportunistically bad, to downright "risque".

Apparently, my pet rock so enjoyed the simplicity of the Phfft Song from the old Hee Haw series, he's trying to draft additional lyrics to it that would make Archie Campbell...blush.

They apparently made Pat Robertson *wince*.

I came home from an unexpected day of work this past week, and sure enough, sitting next to my computer -- Seymour knows where I tend to gravitate to (mornings, coffee pot; afternoons, computer) -- was a barely-legible scrawl of new lyrics for the Phfft Song, with an eagerly-expectant rock sitting on the coffee table, wearing a "well...WELL?" look.

After a quick perusal, my 'Simon Scowell' was in full bloom:

Seymour, you're not posting this on my blog.

"What's wrong with it?"

It's too explicit for a sort of family-friendly blog.

"Is NOT!"

See, Seymour tried to combine the tune and flow of the Phfft Song with some of the more bawdy poetry from the There Was a Girl From Nantucket series.

"Did no...er...uh, okay, so I did".

I watered it down a tad, while Seymour *rolled* his eyes, ala FoN* style.

So, for your...uh..."entertainment", here's Seymour "Writes" Agin (sung to the tune of the Phfft Song, if you have no shame or nothin' better to do):

*opening gee-tar rift thang*

There wunce was a rockkkk, I think from Nan-tucket

who did somethin' bad, these ly-rics sug-gest...

but Skunk wouldn't let me say just what it was..

I could-n't use words like ****, **** or breast...

What kind of fun, can a rock have,

writing these ly-rics, gnarly and cheap?

I searched my words over and thought I'd found con-tent,

Skunk proofed them over and PHFFFFT, they wuz bleeped...

Seymour's got a better chance to get a shot on Dr. Demento, than American Idol.

"Do NOT!"

Think not? Here's more of Seymour's lyrical skills in action: another blogger I regularly peruse -- The Dental Maven -- had a column about celebrity Jessica Simpson, going public on some TV rag about her total lack of dental (and possibly other) hygiene. Seymour, ever quick to seize on someone else's musical talent, was quick to start drafting out the following, to 30-plus year old Ricky Springfield hit:

I wish that I had Jessie's smell..

I wanna have me Jessie's smell..

where can I find an odor like that..

like Jessie's smell...

Seymour...that...was bloody awful.

"Was NOT!"

And you know that old kids' favorites aren't immune from the parody pen of Seymour...("is NOT!"), he heard one by the Irish Rovers, The Unicorn. I managed to derail this one after he got this far widdit (I believe he was having problems interpreting the Irish brogue):

You'll see green escalators, and long streaked grease.

Some tubular candles and some tramp-o-lines.

Some mats and flats and el-e-gants, but sure as you're bored,

you're never gonna see no

pter-a-ducktyls....

*Sigh*...Excuse Editor (on Facebook), help needed h'yar.

"Is NOT!"

*one of my readers, Monica, knows that *eye roll* well, from her daughter, aka FoN (Force of Nature)