You're Not Free To Lie About The Cause

Ya gotta love them democrap-demanded mandates that folks will, of course, roll over for because it's for their own good....according to the population-control democraps who are exempted from the same mandates.

Welcome to reality, Southwest.

They joined the sheeple in insisting on all employees being vaxxed per Bidumb's idiotic mandate (which doesn't apply to DC pols and other favored special interest groups), and now their employees are in an uproar.

And Southwest ain't flying.

You're not free to fly about the country at the moment.  And Southwest, you ain't free to lie about the cause.

Oh I'm sure they'll get into the air again at some point...

Even if the passengers have to fly themselves...
 

Mebbe Shoulda Not Left The Light On

 Inheritance funds.  Some got 'em.  Some ain't.

In Scamland, everyone purportedly has 'em.

Meh.

Here's the latest effort to get me to believe that I have 'em:

Dear Friend,

A customer of ours who died (15) years ago in Tsunami tragedy in Indonesia

leaving behind an estate/capital (US$20M) in a Bank here
where I work,till date nobody has come forward or put application for the claim.During the Bank private search for the late gentle man relatives your name and email contact was among the findings that matches the same surname as the deceased who died intestate with noWill or next of kin. To maintain the level of security required I have intentionally left out the final details.

Banking regulation/legislation demand that I notify the fiscal
authorities after a statutory time period when dormant accounts of
this type are called in by the monetary regulatory bodies if nobody
applies to claim the funds. I urge you to come forward since I can
provide you with the details needed for you to claim the
estate/capital so that I can be gratify by you ,in this way
$12,000,000.00 for you and $8,000,000.00 for me. I will do all the
crucial part in the Bank to have the claim released to you promptly.

Please endeavor to observe utmost discretion in all matters concerning
this issue to affirm your willingness and cooperation please do so by
replying me with your Telephone Number and Your Contact Information.

I do expect your prompt response. Email: drjacksonryan@office-gov.org  or officew919@gmail.com

Thank you,

Mr Jackson Chukwuyem Ryan

Isn't that nice?

I also loved the touch that the originating email suggested that it came from someone at NBC (a Knute Walker).  I managed to email him/her/whatever it calls itself a copy of the upcoming edit.

The edit naturally had suggestions aplenty from my two 'editing gone wild' pet rocks Seymour and Element, with an occasional face palm from my deactivated Amazon Alexa.  The result was about what one would expect:

From: NEXT OF KIN <knute.walker@nbc.com>
Sent: Tuesday, September 21, 2021 10:01 AM
Subject: INHERENTLY CROTCH CRICKET INFESTED

 

Dear Horrified Reader,

A customer of ours who died (one) years ago in Tsunami tragedy in
Liechtenstein attributed to COVID variant Painful Rectal Itch left behind

-- see what I might have just did there? -- in a Bank here along the 

River Phuck'nwagnall

a sum of money so miniscule that even tax

collectors aren't interested in it.

Wowzer.

To date, nobody has come forward or put application for the claim.

During the Bank primate search, I was moved to ask why we are 

searching for a primate, to which I got an unsatisfactory answer

along with an autogiraffed picture of maligNANCY Pelosi, looking

distinctly simian.

I didn't need to see that.

Then a colleague returned from using the tree behind the building 

here and found your email address etched in the bark.

I saw it as no loss to try and see if you were interested in getting involved in

something as useless as this.  In fact, I thought you might be as 

useless as the fake Fed Ex genital wart that was getting mad at me

for continuing to email him long after I humiliated him.

To maintain the level of security required I have intentionally left out 

that I have photos of you leaving a Motel 6 at 3am with an emu.

Banking regulation/legislation in Third World sh*tholes demand that 

anyone photographed leaving a Motel 6 at 3am with an emu be

reported to local authorities. I has did this.  To avoid having your

family and friends being show'd this series of pornographs of you

and your emu, I urge you to come forward and report yourself to

the Audubon Society, since I can provide them with the details 

needed to have you branded a fowl fouler, causing you a likely

dishonorable mention on an episode of South Park.

Please endeavor to observe utmost discretion in all matters concerning
this issue until I talk to Trey and Matt about reprising you in the Chicken

Phucker role that led to Officer Barbrady learning how to read.

Please do so by replying me with the phone number of any virgin goats you happen

to have in your possession.

And be aware that I have pornographs of you doing unspeakable things to

their backsides, too.

I do expect your prompt response. 

Email: drjacksonryan@office-gov.org  or officew919@gmail.com

Thank you,

Mr Jackson Chukyuwanglebananaphuck Ryan

This was apparently much too much for the originating scammer to cope with.  Pretty much like the last gif used herein.

This Scam Is Falling Apart

When you get a scam email from a member of the Sam Walton famdamily, one's first thought should be that it's a parody from South Park.  

Alas...it's not, nor is it as funny.

Not that the scammer intended it to be that way.

At any rate, I just got this email from Alice Walton.  Read it as she writ it:

Dear friend

 Nice to meet you.

 My name is Alice  Walton  from the USA , I am an American heiress to
the fortune of Wal-Mart Stores, Inc
 I have a charity project to discuss with you.
 Please get back to me  for more details
 God bless you.
 Mrs Alice 
My whatsaap number  +13029478864   

Convincing, right?

*BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZER*

So I decide to test the comprehension of this latest imitator of the Walton famdamily:

No you're not.

You're a poodle-lipped scammer from some Third World sh*thole.

Convince me that I'm wrong.

It actually didn't take all that long for this version of Alice Walton to prove herself to be exactly what I suggested:

Thank you so much for your reply to my message.
My name is Mrs Alice Louise Walton ,from California USA, I do not know
you personally  but God knows everyone.

I want to send you money to help me  set up a charity organization on
my behalf  to help homeless children and also to help poor people that
are affected by the corona virus  pandemic  in your city on my behalf

 I made a promise to God that whatever I get on this earth will use it
 to help poor people and homeless children.  I know that my message
will be very surprising  to you but I know with  God all things are
possible.

 The total amount will be $ 800,000.00 for this work.  You will use
$500,000.00 to buy items, like building a house for them, buying
food,shelter, giving them $ 250,000.00 as a cash gift, and use the
balance of  $ 50,000.00 for your transportation and other things.  You
are going to  take pictures with those children when you are with them
and send them to me.

What you have to do now is to provide me with the below information
to start up  the process.
   1, Full name
   2, Address
   3, telephone
     4, Age
As soon as you provide the listed information, I will contact my bank
in my country to know the best way they will release the funds to you
to start this God's work.

Please you have to take this project  very seriously because it is
not a child's play.

I am looking forward to receiving your information so that i will
direct you to my bank to transfer the funds to your account to start
up this project without wasting time.
          God will bless you
          Mrs Alice
my whatsapp number +13029478864

It is certainly not a child's play alright.  It's Walmart.

And we all know what it's like going to Walmart.

At any rate, I try again to test the literacy comprehension of the scamstress on the other end of this h'yar:

God certainly does know everyone.  And He knows what I surmise, that you're as full of sh*t as both He and I know you to be.

This version of Alice Walton isn't terribly literate, but she goes on to completely repeat her previous email to me, along with this newly-added conclusionary inquiry:

I am looking forward to receiving your information soonest so are you 

ready to send me the informations so we may begin this project without 

wasting time.

Oh I am sure that avoiding time wastage soonest is in your goodest interest, Alice from Blunderland.  Speaking of which, has God seen fit to introduce you to any rabbits bearing time pieces, bitching about being late or some such?  This is not a trick question.

I am waiting for your informations to start the project and please stop wasting time now.

Wasting time?  What do you think I do, shoot up time pieces?  I will have you know that I am very cognizant of the most frivolous uses of time, and am well-practiced at such after years of talking to people like you.  Kindly screw the lid on your bottle of Boone's Farm and quit sniffing the toilet seats in your local Walmart.  It ain't healthy, y'know?

I am waiting for your informations to begin.  Please no more this delay.  Time is not on our side.

Oh, but how I must beg to differ with you:  I have a pocket watch, which puts time squarely on my side.  My right side to be specific.  No better way to fix that time conundrum.

Will you please stop this silly and send me the informations to start the project at once?

Stop this silly?  I didn't start this silly.  You and your famdamily started this silly.  Have you taken a good hard look at the kind of people that frequent your stores?  Talk about silly.  What are you doing about that?  God is interested as well.

After that response, Alice from Blunderland concluded that I was not the right choice for her gawdly project.