Air Cleveland Looted and Pooted

 Scammers that use the airport/diplomatic pouch ploy really REALLY should watch the movie Airplane, first.

Buuuut...they don't.

Witness this scammer trying to use Cleveland Hopkins Airport as their vehicle to give me the business:

I am Eileen Taylor, director of operations Cleveland Hopkins International Airport, Ohio. USA, a consignment registered in your name and address have been abandoned in our facility, please contact the delivery department via the details below as soon as possible so you can get your consignment:

Contact Person: Rami Homeidan

Phone number: +1 440 379 0919

Email Address: Cleveland.Hopkins@diplomats.com

In a previous career which seems a lifetime ago, I once flew into Cleveland.  Once.

I remembered enough to make use of it in reply:

I got nothing coming from or flying into Cleveland.  If I did, it'd be looted soon as the plane parked.

The scammer clearly doesn't get it:

Your consignment is in the airport facility.  You have only to contact Rami Homeidan soonest to complete your delivery.   

Second verse, same as the first:

I got nothing coming from or flying into Cleveland.  If I did, it'd be looted soon as the plane parked.

Your consignment is at Cleveland Hopkins International Airport, Ohio. USA,  that is why we are contacting youmsend in your details as requested

Again, I have nothing scheduled to Cleveland airport.  If I did, it would have been looted the moment the plane landed.  Perhaps even the plane would have been looted.  It might just be an air frame with things dangling from the wings where the engines used to be.  Looters are pretty quick and thorough in Cleveland.  Almost as fast as those in Portland.   

What are you talking about if you follow our instruction your consignment is there no more delay please.

Looters in Cleveland are faster than piranha.  I once had a pet chicken fly through Cleveland's airport...looters stole all his feathers!   

are you follow our instructions or not?   

In the time it's taken you to repeat your instructions the entire airport has been looted, stripped and cannibalized.  Even the very bad Taco Bell franchise therein hasn't a taco shell left for a malevolent employee to lick and post their doing it on instagram.  You should have picked a better airport.  The one Dean Martin landed at after he knocked up the flight attendant and she almost got blow'd up by Van Heflin.  I think the runways are still in place at that one, unless Bad Lies Matter has looted that too.  Better hurry...airports are running out here.   

Eileen Taylor and her accomplices apparently gave up after that reply.

Or were looted themselves, awaiting it...

Another Scam FBI Try

Sending me scam emails purporting to be from the FBI is kinda like the scammer choosing to shoot hisself in the foot.

At least as far as effective results go.

Still, it amuses me each and every time they try.

They don't get any better at it...but still they try.

See if you can pick up on the obvious *FAIL*s to be found in this email:

Federal Bureau of Investigation
Anti-Terrorist and Monitory Crime Division

Attention!

Series of meetings has been held the past 2 months with the secretary general of the United Nations Organization. This ended 3 days ago. It is obvious that you have not received your fund which is to the tune of $ 7,500,000.00 due Past corrupt Governmental Officials who almost held the fund to themselves for their selfish reason and some individuals who has taken advantage of your fund all in an attempt to swindle your fund which has led to so many losses from your end and elimination delay in the receipt.

The National Central Bureau of Interpol enhanced by the United Nations and Federal Bureau of Investigation has passed a ruling to the president of United States  President Joe Biden to boost the exercise of clearing all foreign debts owed to you and other individuals and organizations Who have been found not to have receive their Contract Sum, Lottery / Gambling, Inheritance and the likes.

Now an arrangement has been made which indicate that you will be paid by ATM card or Bank Draft.

Because we have signed a contract with FedEx which should expire by July 30th 2021, you will only need to pay $ 350 instead of $ 750 saving you $ 400 if you pay before July 30th 2021.

Note: Everything has been taken care of by the United States Government, The United Nation and the FBI, including taxes, custom paper and clearance duty so all you need to pay is $ 350.

To have the release of your fund valued at $ 7,500,000.00 you are advised to contact our correspondent delivery officer Mr. Joseph Moore with the information below.

Mr. Joseph Moore
Tel: +1 (805)-420-3011

Your full Name:
Your Address:
Home / Cell Phone:

Yours sincerely,

Mrs. Sarah C. Robert   

I know'd you'd see the problems immediately.

Perhaps they were able to see the problems in the edit I sent back to them and fifty-plus of their friends and colleagues:

From: Mrs. Sarah C. Robert
Sent: Friday, July 9, 2021 11:01 AM
Subject: Good News === The FBI Found Your Genitals

 

Federal Bureau of Investigation
Missing Genitals Retrieval Division

Attention!

We bet you didn't know we had a division specializing in this, did you?  Well, since Bedraggled Obola ruined the FBI during his leftist regime from 2009-2017, we had to come up with a few new gigs, and this was one of 'em.

Nifty, huh?

Wayne Bobbitt coulda used us back in the day, eh?

Granted, that ain't all we do...sometimes we do things that are actually useful, like investigate the survivability of Spam when subjected to a nuclear fart, and the criminal inclinations of persons born during the one-day-every-four-years anomaly know'd as the 13th Astrological Sign phenom, aka being born under the sign of Gorkus.  It only comes around on February 29th in a leap year, and the sign is represented by two buzzards colliding in mid-air.  Needless to say, folks born in that narrow winder every four years...have a tendency to be pretty star-crossed and philosophically f**ked up.

That's why we investigate 'em.

More recently there was a series of meetings has been held the past 2 months with the suckretary genital of the Eunuched Nations Organization. This ended 3 days ago....the meetings, not the organization, though anything that starts with Eunuched in the title probably shouldn't last more than the length of a hummingbird fart. 

At any rate, it became oblivious to us that you have not received any notification of any of the aforementioned sh*t due to past corrupt Democrap officials who wouldn't know honesty if it bit them in their oversized asses.  They'd swindle their own mothers if they knew who and what gender they were.

The National Central Bureau of Interpol was throw'd in h'yar along with the Eunuched Nations and what's left of our FBI, and with the DNC -- aided by fake news reporting by cnn, the leader in fake news --  has passed a ruling that the current oblivious-to-reality president of United States Joe Bidumb is required to remove his head from his ass before his next appearance in front of cameras, so perhaps we'll be able to understand if he says what we coached him to say about anything whatsoever.

It's a stretch to expect that, but meh...it's every bit as believable as an email from the Nigerian Illuminincompoops.

Of course, with all the money we've spent trying to buy votes and such, you will only need to pay $ 350 instead of $ 750 saving you $ 400 if you pay before July 30th 2021.

Note:  After July 30th if you ain't paid, we also get all of your virgin daughters for Bidumb to sniff and feel up.  So mebbe you're incentivized to pay $ 350 beFORE July 30.

Contact the abject schmuck below and he'll try his worst to f**k you over:

Mr. Joseph Moore
Tel: +1 (805)-420-3011

Your full Name:
Your Address:
Home / Cell Phone:
He's every bit as credible as Peter Strzok.

Good luck Twatwaffle,

Mrs. Sarah C. Robert

Like so many of the fbi-esque scams, this one didn't get a response from the originating scammer.  Or any of the notables therein.  Not even from anyone born on February 29th.

My pet rock, Seymour, was betting that someone with that birthday would chime in...

Bit By The Coin

Cryptocurrency.  A hot topic over the past few years.

And rife with scammers from the anals of Scamland.

I'm 'blessed' to hear from one now and again.

Like this one:

                                        BITCOIN INVESTMENT PLATFORM

                            2643 Virginia Ave NW Washington, DC 20037
United States

Are you interested in earning extra income from the comfort of your
home for this within 50 minutes? I am here to help you get profit
within minutes ask me how!

My regard
Mrs. Olivia Owen
Bitcoin Agent   

I'm always amused that the originating email is different from the response one, along with the name of the sender.  In this case, Ms Evelyn Coker at addy mssevelyncoker200@gmail.com sent me the ploy; but Mrs. Olivia Owen is the 'agent' using a different email addy for reply.

*Yawn*

It was a simple edit, so I let my 'editing gone wild' pet rocks Seymour and Element take a day off:

From: BENTCOIN INCESTMENT PLATFORM <mssevelyncoker200@gmail.com>
Sent: Friday, July 9, 2021 4:30 PM
Subject: JUST ANUDDAH BENTCOIN INCESTMENT PLATFORM FALLEN OUT OF TREE HOUSE

 

                                          BENTCOIN INCESTMENT PLATFORM

                            2643 No Virgins Left Here Ave NW Washington, DC 20037 United States

Are you interested in getting screwed, blued and tattoo'd online by a Third World Sh*t Hole Dweller?

Did you know that within 50 minutes or less I can do that to you?  I am here to rape and pillage your

wallet within minutes ask me how!  Forget the fact that I used one email address and name at the 

start of this email only to conclude with a different both at the conclusion!  No inquiries for 'friends'

please.  Your results will vary from those advertised elsewhere.  The constipated mathematician didn't work this one out with a pencil; you won't, either.  If you see what we just did there, you'll be the first.

My regard
Mrs. Olivia Owen
Bentcoin Agent Provocateur

 The originating scammer was smart enough to recognize a 'nowhere to go' with this one and didn't reply.  But another didn't and did:

how does this work?

It works pretty much like a frog in a blender.  Only with less mess to clean up afterward.   

what?    

Yes, exactly.  So glad you unnerstand.  I hate emailing with abject idiots.

With that reply, the curiosity led that cat to go off and sulk or something...

A Benin Rev Don' Like Troof

A 'reverend' from the Republic of Benin sent me an email, and after perusing it with two pet rocks looking over my shoulder, Seymour won the *Pick ME* edit competition.

And Seymour promptly joined me in the category of 'not being picked by Bidumb as an ambassador anytime soon'.

Here's the rather staid effort to give me the business:

FedEx BENIN REPUBLIC HEAD OFFICE
NATIONAL HOUSE OF ASSEMBLY COMPLEX
UPPER CHAMBERS WUSE DISTRICT, COTONOU BENIN.

Dear Beneficiary,

This mail is to inform you of your registered package.CONTENT: Bank
Draft of $5.5Million USD registered by an Official of the United
Nation. The Fund is a donation to you from the U.N through e-mails
balloting in affiliation with commonwealth poverty eradication
program.

For your information the VAT and COD have been paid and the only money
you will have to pay is the security keeping fee US$150 must be paid
before shipment. Contact FedEx Delivery Department (Mr.Johnson Webb)
phone number+229 61 88 43 47 with email
address:(mrjohnsonwebb@aol.com)and forward below detail for shipment.

Your Full Name:
Your Physical Address:
Your Phone Number:
Your Occupation:
Your Date of Birth/Age:

Thank you,
Rev.Kevin Osei.   

Needless to say, Seymour would have 'nun' of it, and his edit reflects an ever going distain for email scammers, especially reverential ones:

From: Rev. Kevin Osei. <iyanlawrence@gmail.com>
Sent: Monday, July 5, 2021 7:47 AM
Subject: FedUp BENIN REPUGNANT HEAD-UP-ASS OFFICE

 

FedUp BENIN REPUGNANT HEAD-UP-ASS OFFICE
NATIONAL HOUSE OF DISASSEMBLY SIMPLEX
UPPER CHAMBERS WUSS DISTRICT, COTONOU BENIN.

This mail is to inform you that nothing you receive from

the Repugnant of Benin is worth a hummingbird sh*t.

Abso-f**king-lutely NOTHING.

Zero.  Zip.  Nada.  F**k stick.  Douche nozzle.  Twat waffle.

WORTH-F**KING-LESS.

Pretty much like anything from the US-based Democrap

Party...abso-f**king-worth-nothing.

For your information the VAT and COD as they relate to

the Repugnant of Benin aren't worth a flying fish f**k either.

Gotta problem widdat?  You can write to Mr. Johnson Webb
phone number+229 61 88 43 47 with email
address: (mrjohnsonwebb@aol.com) and you'll find that he

ain't worth a f**k stick sh*t either, as he is also from the 

Repugnant of Benin.

You can fill in the information below if you want, but it won't

be worth any more of a sh*t than anything emailed from the 

US DNC OR the Repugnant of Benin is.

Your Full Name:
Your Physical Address:
Your Phone Number:
Your Occupation:
Your Date of Birth/Age:

Thanks be to all the stupid f**ks that think otherwise,
Rev.Kevin Osei.

Seymour kinda hoped that there'd be some reply to this, as he sent it back to the originating scammer and about 50 of his peers and colleagues.

Seymour wasn't disappointed.

From the originating scammer came this:

THIS NOT WHAT I SEND.  WHAT WRONG WITH YOU???

Whatever's wrong with me, now a lot of folks you'll notice that were CC'd on this will think that you sent this and will think something is wrong with YOU, Plunger Lips.  Back atcha.

And from another scammer that's protested being on this select receiving edits list before:

STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  CAN'T MAKE ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  NYAHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

Seymour is really relishing his "four year old brat" role with scammers...

It Ain't Diplomacy 101

Example:  it ain't diplomacy 101 when I post anything about Trump that deviates from the leftist narrative of Trump = bad.

I heard that the faux potus, Joe Bidumb, is appointing diplomats.  Leftist diplomats.  With him using his single-digit IQ -- dropping daily -- he might accidentally pick me.

That's really why the real president, Donald Trump, is laughing here.

Well, a lot of scammers have to learn just as the Left has to learn about my diplomatic touch.  And complete lack thereof.

Just ask this clown:

Hello,Jack Ewehoff

I received your mail.Can you be be able to handle this business for me
As i told your before the fund has move through the Land border to one
of the private vault. please a begging you In the Name of God as i
told you am one of the top Politician here in my country.I don't want
you to betrayed me when the fund get to your hand Please i want you to
invest my own share for me there in your country and take your
shares.I want you to call me.I want you to send me your full name and
also with your telephone number and your home address so that will can
proceed I want you to call me

Regards

Honorable Mike Odia

(Whatsapp.) +2348120967905   

In response, I apply all the finesse I never had and won't bother to develop:

Call you?  Call you what?  A moron?

Okay...you're a moron.  If that's all you needed, 

happy to have helped you out.   

It's obvious in short order that my lack of diplomacy has been duly read and well noted:

jerk you!

You already tried that....*FAIL FAIL FAIL*   

But wait...there's more.  Like from this idiot:

I hope my email meets you well in the Name of Jueus Christ.I am Personal Assistant to Prophet TB Joshua I AM SEEKING FOR YOUR COOPERATION TO PRESENT YOU TO THE BANK AS THE NEXT OF KIN TO Prophet TB Joshua,SO THAT THE SUM OF US$8,5 MILLION Can  BE PAID TO YOU AS THE BENEFICIARY.

THIS FUND WILL BE PAID TO YOU AS THE BENEFICIARY. WE ARE TO SHARE THIS MONEY BETWEEN OURSELVES (MYSELF  AND YOU) IF YOU ARE INTERESTED IN THIS OFFER YOU SHOULD CONTACT ME .I WILL FURNISH YOU WITH  MORE INFORMATION ON HOW WE ARE GOING TO PROCEED FURTHER IMMEDIATELY.

THIS IS GOD OPPORTUNITY FOR BOTH OF US,WAITING FOR YOUR  URGENT REPLY.

SINCERELY YOURS,

P.A OLA DAJE.   

Another diplomatically *FAIL* response goes back:

Prophet TB Joshua is a transgendered non-binary primate reject of dubious antecedence.  What's worse, your ass is as big as Hellary's.  No deal.

what is this you say?   

Didn't get it the first time?  Okay, I'm hap-hap-happy to repeat it:  Prophet TB Joshua is a transgendered non-binary primate reject of dubious antecedence.  What's worse, your ass is as big as Hellary's.  No deal.   

He appeared to get the 'what I said' that time...no response.

And finally, there's this sterling tidbit from an obvious has-IQ-of-dem-voter:

YOUR REF/PAYMENTS CODE: US/UNZE/06654 FOR $10.500.M USD ONLY.

We at the United Nations, we wish to notify you as a beneficiary of
10,500,000.00USD in compensation of scam victims. This is to bring to
your notice that we are delegated from the UNITED NATIONS in United
Bank For Africa(U.B.A) to pay 10 victims of scam $10,500,000.00USD
(TEN MILLION FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND UNITED STATES DOLLARS) each. Your
E-mail ID were listed and approved for this payment as one of the
scammed victims to be paid this amount. Do contact UNITED BANK FOR
AFRICA UBA, Branch for verification and release of your
10,500,000.00USD  we have deposited with the UBA BANK.   

Right.....

You at the Eunuched Nations are as full of sh*t as a constipated elephant herd.  But don't worry, there's probably someone silly enough to think your compost is useable.

We are serious offer here...what is wrong with you?   

Absolutely nothing's wrong here...what's wrong with you, besides you weren't aborted?

 Perhaps someone got around to fixing the error...no more nuffin' from there.

While my pet rocks, Seymour and Element, think I'd make the perfect diplomat to represent the kind of America Bidumb is attempting to manufacture from leftist failed images...me thinks that I won't have to worry about getting that call.  Unless they want an ambassador to Uranus....which they already have a qualified candidate for: