Monday, May 21, 2018

DNC & MS-13..An Unrequited Love

My pet rock, Seymour, loves to read.

Not sure what else a pet rock is going to do all day, anyway.


Okay, fart too.

At any rate, Seymour didn't miss how our current POTUS made reference to the blood-thirsty and wholly malignant, reprehensible gang known as MS-13, as "animals".

And the equally reprehensible Left -- eager to align with anything anti-POTUS -- suddenly determined that MS-13 members "have a divine spark" and don't deserve to be denigrated by POTUS.

Seymour simply couldn't resist:

POTUS Calls “Divinely Sparked” MS-13 “Animals”, Sending The Left Into Self-Fouling Mode

By Seymour PetRock/WTFNS

May 2018

WASHINGTON — President Trump lashed out at a criminal illegal gang during a White House meeting on Wednesday, warning in front of news cameras that dangerous people were clamoring to breach the country’s borders and branding such people “animals.”

Meet the “animals”:

Mr. Trump’s taken-out-of-context-as-usual comments came during a round-table discussion with state and local leaders on the self-imploding Kaliforlornia’s so-called sanctuary laws, which strictly limit communication between local law enforcement and federal immigration officers, and which the Trump administration is suing to invalidate. It was hardly the first time the president has spoken in blunt terms about criminal gangs infiltrating the country, but it underscored his anger about unchecked support for criminal and terrorist infiltration and his frustration that he has been thwarted by the DNC and their impropaganda allies at cnn and ms13nbc, in doing more to fulfill a campaign promise.

As he has in numerous private meetings with his advisers at the White House, Mr. Trump used the session to vent about the nation’s immigration laws, calling them “the dumbest laws on immigration that Bela Pelosi could of passed to find out what was in them.” He exhorted his administration to “do much better” in keeping out undesirable people, including members of transnational gangs like MS-13.

“We have people coming into the country, or trying to come in — we’re stopping a lot of them,” Mr. Trump said in the Cabinet Room during an hour-long meeting that reporters were allowed to document. “You wouldn’t believe how bad these people are. These aren’t people, these are animals, and we’re taking them out of the country at a level and at a rate that’s never happened before.”

The president’s language and his focus on illegal criminal gangs and prospective future DNC voters drew a hysterical and over-the-top rebuke from all over the Left.

“Trump is lying on immigration, lying about crime and lying about the laws of Kaliforlornia,” lied the current failure of a governor of what's left of Kaliforlornia. “We, the citizens of the fastest-failing liberal state in the US are not impressed”.

Reaction from the rest of the Left was predictable, sandpoundingly stupid and laugh-worthy.

“We are all MS-13” cried Michael Moore.

“Members of MS-13 have a divine spark and are human too” whined DNC apologist Nancy Pelosi, who called on President Donald Bush Jefferson to apologize and redistrict, leaving her staff in “WTF” mode.

“You talk about MS-13 when it's your denial of global warming that's going to cause Guam to tip over” sniveled Georgia dumbocrat Hank Johnson.

“MS-13 aren't animals like Hamas aren't animals” opined Dumbocrat Senator Chuck U Schumer. “They're just like me. In fact, I'd have them over for dinner if they could clear my armed security and walled, gated community security rules”.

“I know exactly how MS-13 feels, because POTUS doesn't like me, either” said Jim Acosta of CNN, with tears running down his face.

From aboard her broomstick on her ongoing “What Happened That's Obvious To Everyone But Me” tour, still crying about 2016, Hellary Clinton ventured that “if I had a legitimate daughter, I'd trust her to date an MS-13 member over anyone in the POTUS family...after a generous contribution to my Clinton Global Crimepaign coffers, of course”. Clinton appeared ready to continue, but fell while dismounting from her broom.

“Our efforts to destroy this constitutional representative republic are in danger of being undone by this POTUS”, complained serial meathead Rob Reiner.

Former POTUS and soon-to-be-indicted Barry Soetero Obola issued this statement “He (POTUS) is bweaking my wegacy”, causing MS13NBC's Tingles Matthews to projectile wet himself.

“I am ashamed of this POTUS” growled Alyssa Milano, who then tried to turn the POTUS into a hamster, only to have forgotten the proper spell casting sequence without the power of thwee, turning herself into a marmot.

“Matt Dayyyymon” was texted by what was left of the marionette by that name from the movie Team America World Police...we're just not sure what it meant.

Despite all the angst from the Left, special counsel to Fusion GPS and the failed Hellary crimepaign, Robert “The Mule”ller , notified the legal team of POTUS that he would soon subpoena a ham sandwich that he believed colluded with Gray Poupon to adversely affect the 1968 election, leaving everyone but Maxine Waters saying “WTF???” Waters responded “Impeach the SANDWICH!!!”, which she was able to do because for once, the cue card wasn't upside down.

One anonymous pundit was heard to opine “what's going on with the Left right now HAS TO BE part of a Blazing Saddles campfire scene...just HAS TO BE”.

Funny as he is, even Mel Brooks couldn't have dreamt this up.  

I dunno...Seymour might be edging ever closer to that Pulitzer he so desperately covets.




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Monday, May 14, 2018

Wulfgar Undt Schtuff

I'll probably never know just how much any given scammer knows about 'Merican movies.

And how often they play right into my use of them in scam baiting and editing.

Take this one..a German from Thailand in the latest installment of scam the fake character:

Miss. Susan Wolfgang.

Good Day,

My name is Susan Wolfgang. I am the only daughter/ child of late Mr.
Wolfgang from Germany who worked with embassy here in BANGKOK THAILAND
for so many years before he died in the year 2016 after a brief
illness. When my father was alive he deposited the sum of $3.8Million
(Three Million Eight hundred thousand U.S.A DOLLARS) with BANGKOK

Presently, this money is still with the BANGKOK bank. But because of
my under age am unable to claim the fund from the bank.So I want an
organization or an individual in Germany that can help me receive my
father money from BANGKOK bank here THAILAND.

Right now am living under the care of THAILAND government because of
the service my father raided to them when he was alive. I don't want
them to know about this development until my fathers fund is move to
you. As soon as I receive your reply I shall inform the bank here in
THAILAND. that you are the beneficiary of the said fund you will need
to contact them for the releasing of the fund to you . I will also
instruct my fathers lawyer to issue you an authority letter that will
prove you are the present beneficiary of this fund.

Please assure me that you will act accordingly as I stated herein. If
you are interested I will like you to contact my Fathers Lawyer via
his email address as he is the one to guide for the claim of he fund ( ) Hoping to receive your reply.

Miss. Susan Wolfgang.  

So believable.  *snort* 

Thus, time to make it a bit less so:


Crap Day,

My name is Wulfgar. I am the only daughter/ child of late Mr.
Wulfgar from Germany who worked with terrorists in the movie
And, as luck and scripting had it, in that role he got offed by Sylvester Stallone's reluctant
character Deke Da Silva.
Funny how the whole time, he was talking and looking a whole lot like Rocky Balboa:
But in this case without Adrian, and instead with a skinny bionic
woman who was a third less cyber than the previous bionic

But I digress.

I am currently hooking in BANGKOK THAILAND for so many years.
Before Wulfgar  got hosed in the year 1981, he deposited the sum
of $3.8Million (Three Million Eight hundred thousand U.S.A DOLLARS)

Presently, this money is still with the BANGKOK bank. But because of
my under age -- I find the Fountain of Youth in servicing komodo
dragons here -- am unable to claim the fund from the bank.  The fact
that I might get arrested also may have sumpin to do widdis.

So I want an organization or an individual in Germany that can help me
receive my father money from BANGKOK bank here THAILAND.

If you're not kraut, mebbe you can fake the accent if I teach you a few
words?  Like hundsfott, ach tongue, mein gott, flieger schiesse and
awpeterstain.  And make sure to insert undt between them words
frequently, and no one in Germany will know the difference, because
they're being overrun with islamofascists who don't sprechen se
Deutsche worth a donkey shine. 
Right now am living under the care of THAILAND government because of
the files Wulfgar had on them when he was alive. I don't want
them to know about the fact that those files only contain what's
left of his brain when his crew threw his bones to the sharks.
The space shuttle ends where the subway begins, praise the
lawd there's a train leaving soon...from dusk until dawn they
has searched all day long, but there's too many clues in this
As soon as I receive your reply -- coded in Azerbaijani script and
written in cursive since no 'Merican millennials can read that -- I shall
inform the bank here in THAILAND that you are a maker of sock
puppet democrap congressional candyasses that want to reclaim
the House in 2018 so Bela Pelosi can make even more rambling
and unintelligible statements that will have cnn wetting themselves
in ecstasy over. 

Please assure me that you will act according to the dictates of a
vegan douche canoe as I stated herein. If you are interested I will
suggest you seek therapy, but not until you contact my Fathers Lawyer via
his email address as he is the one to guide for the claim of he fund ( ) Hoping to receive your reply.

Wulfgar Jr

Whoever was assigned handler of this particular scam -- Chelsea, perhaps -- they musta be sorta orta able to read, and realized what I dun to their scam, Ma.

Ms Wolfgang tried again elsewhere.  Perhaps the Kraut whore from Bangkok can score with someone in Pahrump...

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Saturday, May 12, 2018

Truth in Scammertising

You'll never get the truth from scammers.  That's why the DNC bought cnn and pmsnbc.  To keep the truth suppressed.

That aside, the scammers that like to use Nigeria as their base of operation are hard at it again, with another talking desk sending out this crap:

FROM THE DESK OF Group Managing Director (NNPC)
NNPC Towers, Central Business District,
Herbert Macaulay Way,
P.M.B. 190, Garki, Abuja.


Although this mail might come to you as a surprise, since it is from
someone you do not know or seen before, but base upon recommendation I
gathered about your person, I had to contact you for your assistance
to transfer fund into your account.

I am Group Managing Director of the Nigerian national petroleum
corporation (NNPC).
My office is also saddled with the responsibility of screening,
categorization and prioritization of projects embarked upon by NNPC
as well as feasibility studies for selected projects and supervising
the projects consultants involved. A breakdown of the fiscal expenditure
by this office as at the end of the fourth fiscal quarter of 2016
indicates that the NNPC paid out a whooping sum of US$936M
(Nine Hundred and Thirty Six Million, United States Dollars) to
successful contract beneficiaries.
The NNPC is now compiling beneficiaries to be paid at the last fiscal
quarter of 2017.

The crux of this letter is that the finance/contract department of the
NNPC deliberately over-inflated the contract value of the various
contracts awarded. In the course of disbursement, this My office has
been able to track down the sum of US$100M (One Hundred Million, U.S.
Dollars) as the over-invoiced sum.
This money is now lying and floating in the NNPC domiciliary account with the
Central Bank of Nigeria (CBN). My colleagues and I want to quickly
transfer this fund to a safe nominate foreign account for possible
i nvestment abroad; this is the reason why I contacted you.

We are not allowed as a matter of government policy to operate any
Foreign account because of our status as civil/public servants. Hence
the need to solicit for your full Banking details to enable us
Transfer this money into your account on Swift Code
We have also evolved a sharing formula as follows: -
(1) 30% for the foreign account owner (2) 60% for l and my colleagues
(3) 10% will be set aside to defray all incidental expenses both
locally and internationally during the course of this transaction.

Furthermore, we shall be coming over to your country when the money is
finally in your account and we shall be relying on your advice as
regards to investment of our share. Be informed that, this business is
genuine and 100% safe considering the high-powered government
officials involved.

Yada, yada, yada.

I have a thing about emails from talking desks.  So the scammer learns in this edit:

FROM THE DESK OF A Nincompoop Who Has To Have His Desk Handle Email (NNPC)
NNPC Towers, Central Business District,
Herbert Macaulay Scams The Way,
P.M.B. 190, Garki, Abuja.


This mail might come to you as a surprise, since it is from a piece of furniture
that's waaaay smarter than the butt-picking fart smeller that sits here.  But
here in Nigeria, with a population full of nincompoops, that's how we roll
here.  We're just like the American DNC. 

I am the desk that Group Manages a slovenly collection of abject nincompoops
that pretty much make up the Nigerian Nincompoop Pathetics Collection (NNPC).

I am also saddled with the responsibility of screening,
categorization and prioritization of projects embarked upon by NNPC
as well as feasibility studies for selected projects and supervising
the projects consultants involved.  I'm stuck with it because I, as an
inanimate piece of furniture, have five times the intellect of the moron
that sits here.
A breakdown of the fiscal expenditure
by this office as at the end of the fourth fiscal quarter of 2017
indicates that things here broke down because the NNPC is full
of abject, useless nincompoops.  Even the most basic of
accounting softwares available concluded that.  Shit, the
adding machine that sits on me knew that before any of the
butt pickers around here crawled out of their fly-infested wallows
to show up and expect someone to feed them.
The crux of this letter is that the furniture and equipment in this
dive of an office are all that keep this outfit operating.  The
nipple-headed twat waffles here can't write, add, speak or do
anything worthwhile.  So they sit around the one working
internet access computer, sending out poorly thought-out and
badly written scams.
And then make me send them.
Tell you how bad it is here:  there's a pile of monkey shit in
the chair the clown that usually sits here would occupy.  But
the monkey roughed him up, took a dump here, and left with
the mouse and the stapler.
So I'm left to contact you with this poorly crafted scam the
nincompoop was supposed to group-send this morning.
 This is the reason why I contacted you.

We -- as inanimate office furniture -- are not allowed as a matter
of government policy to operate any scams abroad without at
least one of the nincompoops here to "oversee" the operation.
But they're all out back, competing in a "how many flies occupy
the outdoor outhouse" contest.
Entertainment is a bit thin here at NNPC.

This scam was supposed to entice you with millions of dollars.
This office hasn't got five Nigerian shillings to its name.
But I'd hate to waste the bone-in-nose "sharing formula" that
one of the nincompoops thinks he created (it came with the
original scam template they kiped from a hacker web site): -

(1) 30% for the foreign account owner (2) 60% for l and my colleagues
(3) 10% will be set aside to defray all incidental expenses both
locally and internationally during the course of this transaction.

Are you up for 30% of five shillings?
It will only cost you a few hundred USD or Euros; pay that, and
this desk will know that you're as big a nincompoop as the idiots
that spend their day picking their asses and eating the findings.
Of course, this desk is required to add this: Be informed that, this business is
genuine and 100% safe considering the high-powered government
officials involved.
Bullshit; it's office furniture that's carrying this, since none of these
nincompoops are smart enough to know how to do an email.

Also, this desk shall require of you the following information  urgently
1. Name,
2. Telephone
3. Name and full address of the Company  If any.

This is to let these douche canoes think that I'm doing their job for

Please reply immediately through my email address;  I want to see if you're dumber than a desk
and equally as stupid as the nincompoops here at NNPC.

The desk of a group of abject morons that make up [NNPC]
(the one that sits here when monkeys aren't beating him up is named Maikanti Baru this week; it changes, scam to scam).

Of no surprise, no reply from this scammer.  Or his desk.  Truth in scammertising is not welcome in Nigeria.  Or the DNC.

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Friday, May 11, 2018

Feline Friday Revisits How To Fool An Egyptian Cat God

Wednesday, May 9, 2018

One WOULD BE LEFT WORDLESS This Wednesday...

Monday, May 7, 2018

Psyches Are Losing It

It isn't just snowflake millennials that are having issues in the era of No Hellary.

So-called "leading psychiatrists" aren't doing so well, either.

A number of them met to declare to the world that the current POTUS is 'dangerous'.

Of course they think that...cnn and the dnc told them to.

Naturally, that amused my "editing gone wild" pet rock, Seymour.  And it caused him to get off his meds ("did NOT!!!") and pen an edit to what the psychobabblers had to drivel:

Top Psychiatrists Gather to Warn The Rest of the World that they 'Represent a Danger to Public Health'

By Seymour PetRock – WTFNS     

It wouldn't matter what President Donald Trump has called himself; a group of esteamed and sauteed mental health midgets apparently won't agree with him unless it's crazier than a sh*thouse wombat.

A group of psychiatrists and psychologists gathered Tuesday for a panel discussion titled “The Increasingly Dangerous Case of People Like Us Meeting,” and argued that, as a group, their “mental instability,” pattern of psychobabble rhetoric and multiple lies are “dangerous” — and have already caused unprecedented anxiety and stress across cnn, pmsnbc, at the dnc and on leftist college campuses.

One of the dipsticks, from Yale, CA, says she has even had primate meetings with concerned primates to talk about how bad it is when the people who hand out Prozac and Ritalin are allowed to meet in a group with their on-parade mental instability.

“It is our consensus view that we are, collectively a danger to the nation and the world,” Dr. Bandy Legs, an assistant lab rat herder at the Yale CA School of Malpractice, said during the discussion at the National Press Clods in Washington, D.C.

Legs and other panelists stressed that they are partisan Hellary voters, and feel a duty to tell the public that the 1812 Overture should never be played because it is code for Melania Trump to start remembering that she's Russian. 
For now, they refrain from providing any official diagnosis because they want to come up with new acronyms to explain themselves. Last October, Legs also published a book titled The Dangerous Case of Democrap Psychology: 27 Psychiatrists and Mental Health Midgets Assess a kumquat.

We “have repeatedly shown evidence of how dangerous we are” because of our ability to psychobabble and have fake news outlets like cnn eat the stuff up like candy,” Dr. 'Sit Right Back' Gilligan, professor of clinical psychiatry of shipwrecked TV actors that have their shows canceled, said Tuesday.

Psychiatrists encouragement of safe rooms, cupcakes and puppy videos, to calm 'triggered' college students, and charging $1,000 an hour for interviews with cnn and pmsnbc are some examples, he says.

“Our responsibility here as psychiatrists,” Gilligan says, “is to warn the public when we have reason to believe, based on our research with the most abject nincompoops in the dnc, that we are full of sh*t and we represent a clear and present danger to public health.”

The quacks point out that their increasing isolation since Hellary lost the election and can't settle on any one set of reasons for it, leaves the psychiatrists frighteningly alone with access to Prozac, Valium, frontal lobotomys and an overabundance of looped audio of Bela Pelosi and Maxipad Waters making some of the stupidest statements in human history, says psychologist Fed Upper, pHd., a professor of pubic health among orthopods at the University of Sweet Carolina at Twat Waffle Hill.

That unfettered ability to wage about things while sounding like Elmer Fudd is made all the more frightening when combined with millennials eating Tide Pods and snorting condoms that can indicate a disconnection from our reality, says Moochelle Pansey, a sock puppet psychologist from Shotcago.

“We have lost focus on preventing us from dropping our pants and firing a rocket into our female colleagues,” says Pansey, who says she swings five ways. “There is no limit to potential danger when we gather here like this and the servile nincompoops at cnn think our fecals don't stink. You are not nearly as afraid of us as you would have needed to be if Hellary had won.”

Patients of Betty Boop Twang, a drama therapist in Manhattan, suffer from anxiety, insomnia and other disorders related to her telling them that they suffer whatever I tell them they suffer from,” she says. Many patients either foul themselves repeatedly after talking to me, or when they get the bill, she says.

“Nationwide, mental health clinics and psychotherapists have seen a surge in patients because cnn and pmsnbc are so terribly deranged,” she says, “and the term ‘post obola stress disorder’ has been coined. Hellary's constant barrage of delusional excuses for why she lost exacerbates this stress.”

Legs says that she’s spoken to over a dozen abject buffoons at cnn and has no problem making them pee their pants over just about anything.

“They are worried because we TOLD THEM WE'RE A WORRY and that we don't accept checks, only cash, for payment,” she says. “Their concern is huge.”

Granted, I know that Seymour never intended to trigger anyone -- even the psychoceramics -- with this edit.

Then again, I never agreed not to:


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Saturday, May 5, 2018

Seymour Gets The REAL Scoop

And Puffy Mueller's ready to implode.

'Cuz an "editing gone wild" pet rock got the REAL SCOOP on the questions that he wants to ask POTUS.

Not the made-up crap from the thoroughly discredited new York slimes.

Yes, my pet rock, Seymour, got the goods on the Muell.

And he's thinking a Pulitzer is right around the corner when he breaks this:

By Seymour PetRock -- WTFNS

Dateline ("I lost my number...can I have yours?")

Recently, the panty pissers at cnn and pmsnbc thought they FINALLY had something to celebrate in their ongoing fake news pogrom against President Donald Trump.

The until-now secret list of questions that Special Counsel Robert Mueller wants to ask directly of The Donald.

Turns out that an April Fools joke, one month late, was still awaiting the twat waffled nincompoops of the new York slimes and their equally integrity-void friends at cnn/pmsnbc.

Instead of a "leaked" list of authentic questions, they got a Liechtensteinian bot with a Chinese/Slavic accent.

Instead, in a true exclusive by WTFNS, the REAL questions that ol' Mule Face is dying to ask The Donald has been obtained, and is now being released for the FIRST AND ONLY TIME...depending on how many folks read, download and spread this more widely than Stormy Daniel's lap.

Here, for the FIRST  TIME EVAH, is what The Muell wants to ask:

What is your knowledge of the fact that Melania Trump, your wife, is Russian?
What is your reaction to press accounts about the fact that Melania Trump, your wife, is Russian? 
What did you think and what did you know regarding Fearless Leader's meetings on Jan 26-27 with Boris and Natasha regarding Moose and Squirrel?

What was the purpose of the meeting with the Roadrunner on Feb. 14 after the Homeland Security briefing indicated that the Coyote was after him?

What did you say to Fox News about cnn? 
Why did you make Jim Acosta cry?

Have you ever used Wishbone's Russian dressing?

After using Wishbone's Russian dressing, when did you realize that it was Russian dressing?
When did you become aware of Hellary's opinion of James Comey prior to the election?
Did you tell your campaign manager to “throw a bucket of water on” Hellary?

Besides Melania, do you personally know any other Russian bots?

Have you ever allowed any of those Russian bots to pee on you at Trump Tower?
What was the purpose of the Jan. 27 dinner meeting you had with Kanye West? 
Is Kanye West a Russian bot?
When did you realize that Kim Kardashian wasn't Russian?
When did you first learn that there are many Russians in Russia?
Did you think this odd? If not, why not?
Did you think that Stormy Daniels was Russian? When did you first realize that she was a money-grubbing porn star with doctored ta-tas?
Did you say to Stormy Daniels “who's your daddy?” in Russian?
Why did you laugh when Alec Baldwin got hosed in Team America World Police?
What was the purpose of making America great again?
What was the purpose of your calls to Dominos Pizza on March 30 and April 11?
Did you pay them in US dollars or Russian rubles?
What was the purpose of the September and October press statements, including tweets, regarding my looking like a Russian John Kerry? Also, Sarah Sanders statements regarding same?
What consideration and discussion did you have regarding the NFL draft?
What did you think and what did you know about the change in who'd be the next Colonel Sanders and that it might be disclosed?
What involvement did you have in what Melania wore during the French President's visit?
Why did you say that Angela Merkel looks like Yoda? 

What did you know, and when did you know it, that Moscow is Russian?
During a 2013 trip to Russia, why did you give Vladimir Putin's wife an inflatable yak?
When did you learn that Russians convinced Hank Johnson that Guam was going to tip over?
What discussions did you have during the meeting with Putin? Did you learn then or later that he was Russian?
What discussions did you have during the campaign regarding Russian efforts to hack Hulu to obtain YouTube videos of The Gong Show?
Why did you win the election, forcing us to have to buy Hellary's book that never explains how she really lost?

During the campaign, what knowledge or information did you have regarding Russian contributions to the Clinton Crimepaign and her efforts to get them American uranium in return for them arranging babushkas for Bill? 
What knowledge did you have of communication with or regarding Barney the Purple Dinosaur, Sponge Bob Squarepants, persons associated with either, and whether or not they were Russian? 
What knowledge did you have during the Transition of an attempt by the Russians to obtain the Wayback Machine from Sherman and Mr. Peabody?
What knowledge do you have of a 2017 meeting in Seychelles regarding Caitlyn Jenner being Russian? 
What knowledge do you have of a KFC eight piece bucket proposal provided to Michael Cohen by Church's Chicken in 2017?
Why do you laugh every time Maxine Waters fouls herself demanding that you be impeached?

Why does your continued existence make ugly people like Rosie O'Donnell and Kathie Griffin even uglier?

The DNC is demanding to know how WTFNS managed to get this list that even the DNC were denied.  To quote myself..."Since you couldn't rig an election either, wouldn't YOU like to know?  PHFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!!!!"

Yes, Seymour is convinced that this post is his ticket to a Pulitzer.  I think he'd best accept that all he can hope for is one of his own Seymour Awards...and hate mail from triggered millennials.


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Friday, May 4, 2018

Feline Friday Gets Adopted...Sorta

Wednesday, May 2, 2018

Wine 'n Wordless Wednesday

Tuesday, May 1, 2018

If You Really Don't Want To Know

Yoda saw this one coming...

Whoever helps the scammers set up their email templates probably needs a better understanding of the English language.

Especially when writing to someone like me.

Case in point:  a scammer starts their ploy with this email header:

What Has Kept You Waiting?  

They then go on with this nonsense:
Attention Please,      

We are surprised as you have not responded to our previous notification
concerning your: $650,000, United Nations has decided to compensate you as part
of the empowerment program to reinstate those who have lost money to scammers
in the past. To commence facilitating your transfer, kindly re-confirm the

1. Your Names.................................
2. Your Address...............................
3. Your Phone ................................
4. Your Age...................................
6. Copy of your ID............................
7. Your Country...............................

Waiting for your confirmation, remember further delay will result in
cancellation of your file as unclaimed and your fund will be diverted to
government treasury.

Please contact our email address so that we can be able to discuss with you, { }.

Bes regards,t

Mrs. Maria Lilley.  

"What has kept you waiting?"....even my pet rock, Seymour, heard the *TOING* that created.

Asked...and answered:

What has kept me waiting?  Lessee:

  1. Busy signal
  2. Internet down
  3. Bird strike
  4. A constipated mathematician who worked it out with a pencil
  5. My pencil
  6. Had to get a new pencil
  7. The store was out of pencils
  8. F**k
  9. #8 was a colorful metaphor, not pleasurable interlude
  10. Traffic
  11. Weather
  12. Religion
  13. Politics
  14. Time
  15. Space
  16. The continuum therewith
  17. No sugar tonight in my coffee
  18. No sugar tonight my tea
  19. No sugar to stand beside me
  20. No sugar to run with me
  21. Repeat 8

I could go you need me to?  
The deafening silence that followed my character's response suggests that no...they don't need me or my character to go on.
One day, they'll figure out not to ask stuff like that of me.  Or my characters.


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Saturday, April 28, 2018

Decisions, Decisions..

Post 1400.  Wowser.  Who'd a thunk it?

Referring to the picture, no, this has nothing to do with triggering a lefty by typing "TRUMP".

It may well be worse.

Some time last year, I got an email from a person claiming to be with the US Military.  'She' wasn't, and that was shortly dealt with.

Her email remained in my address book, and as is my practice, I copied her on numerous other scammer email edits.

Like this one:

From: ACOWSASS High Court<>
Sent: Wednesday, March 7, 2018 2:28 PM
Subject: Re: ACOWSASS High Court, Reply Urgently


This is an official message coming to you by the Chief Justice Legbo
Idris Kutigi, i am writing to inform you because after the meeting
held yesterday by the board of directors, I meant to understand that
you have not yet paid your outstanding parking tickets you incurred
in this of this country.

WTF is the matter with you?

However, I want to inform you that Mr. Ben, MR.JOHN EZE,PROF CHARLES
Mr. Ernest Chukwudi Ebi,Deputy Governor- Policy/Board Member, Terence
Us ambassador , FedEX deliverAgents,Sebastian Adigwe , Barrister John
Douglas Esq, Robert Mark Sanusi Lamido Sanusi CBN Former Governor,Mr
Nweke Peter and Dr .Jerry Leo ,Tunde Lemo including Henry Obiora,Mr.
Patrick Uba, Edward Smith, Barrister Fabian Maurice, Barrister  Mr.
George F. Moore, Professor Wole Soyinka, Dr. Phillip Homus James,
Christopher,Mr.David Lewis, Mr.Ferid Belhaj, Mr. Crownfit John,Mr.
Ramond Lewis,Mr Mathew Gbolagade, MRS.NGOZI OKONJI IWEALA, Mrs
Bamidele CBN Treasury Dept Chairman,Mrs.Natasha Felicia, Mrs Monica
Bless,Mr. Shodolamu E. Oluwagbenga,Mrs. Patricia Jacob Demilade,Mrs
Faith Okeke, Mr.Robert Gerritsen, Mr.Patrick Uba and Dr.Idras Musa,
haven't paid their parking tickets either.
Those we caught hereabouts are now staked out on army ant migration

You can avoid this fate by simply sending us the $90 you owe and you will
have your record amended, name cleared, and probably get about 4,000
more of these emails in the next week.
That or the army ant stake out.

Finally, don't ever delay on making the payment because i don't want
to issue a warrant that we all know will never be executed.  We in
this Third World sh*thole recognize that.  We just hope you don't.
So send us $90 and make us laugh once and for all.

Best Regard.
Justice Legbo Idris Kutigi  
This drew no response from any of the scammers cc'ed here...except from the one and probably not only Rebecca Schieble:
f**k you baby  
Even my pet rock, Seymour, heard the *TOING* on that one:
Since you're a nongender, you can't f**k anything but yourself in the ass.  Baby.  
Ol' Becca wasn't ready to let it go...and in a most unusual manure:
love you darling   
Even Seymour didn't expect that response.  That said, it was time to play:
LMAO...I'll help you out, baby.  
Sitting in the queue, I had an email scam from the Central Bank of Nigeria...a second *TOING* produced this, which was sent primarily to 'Becca, the originating scammer, and 50+ of their friends and colleagues:
Attn: Confused Nongender
Sir/Madam Schieble,
My name is Mr Godwin Emefiele the new Executive Governor Of The Central Genital Bank of Nigeria (CGBN). I received your name from a concerned acquaintance of yours and have looked into your problem. 
We at CGBN have a solution.
You are fortunately in luck, as our central repository of CGBN has a plentitude of in-stock genitals of either sex.  Unfortunately, none of them are human; that said, your acquaintance indicated that you were desperate enough that anything would do.  And we have anything but human in an abundance.  Monkey...yak...goat...piranha...sloth...ostrich...a fair animal kingdom/queendom collection.  All you have to do is tell us what gender you prefer.
All modalities will be worked out from here, and with just a simple service fee, you need not be nongendered any more.
We in Central Genital Bank do not understand why you allowed this situation in the first place?  Was it accident or intentional?  If the latter, we need an affidavit from your atturkey that states you are of dubious mind but willing remainder, and are sure about what gender you'd like to be.  
Once we have this affidavit on file that provide a clear Proof that you know what you want to be and are ready to undergo the necessary procedure, we will review your file and by next week Monday morning we can have a tentative schedule arranged for you. I will not want to make any mistake in setting you up for the wrong genital and surgical procedure; once done, it can't be undone.
Kindly clarify us on this issue before we start to make this thing happen on your behalf. In receipt of this confidential email that's been shared with fifty plus unrelated sacks of sh*t, you are required to email this Bank immediately your choice of genital.
That put the suddenly-changed relationship between my character and ol' Becca back on an even keel:
F**K YOU ASSHOLE!!!!!!!  
No need to thank me, Beckster...I live but to serve.  Let me know how your operation turns out.  Send photos.  
Somehow, I suspect that there'll be no photos from ol' Becca...


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Friday, April 27, 2018

Feline Friday And Feline Fraud

Wednesday, April 25, 2018

The Faces Tell It All on Wordless Wednesday

Monday, April 23, 2018

Seymour Edits A Royal...?

Something finally in the news that doesn't involve cnn shoving Stormy, Hogg and Waters in our faces.

The Queen of England, Elizabeth II, is stepping down.

My 28th cousin, twice removed, has had enough of official royalty.

What comes as no surprise to most, she is advocating for Prince Charles, Prince of Wales, to take her place.

My pet rock, Seymour, heard that and once again, one of those tell-tale *TOING*s resounded about the abode.

Donning his editing hat, it only gets worse from there:

Surprise and Not When Queen Elizabeth Names Her Successor

By Seymour PetRock/WTFNS

This just in: The longest-standing British monarch is preparing to take up senior mud wrestling.

Queen Elizabeth II, who turned 92 years old, issued a formal request for the Commonwealth Heads of Government, along with their attached backsides, to appoint her son, Prince Charles, as her successor and pronounce him the next Queen of England during an official meeting at Buckingham Palace.

Sources inside the Royal Family reported that Charles was not surprised by the announcement. He was rather nonplussed, however, by the title he was to assume.

QE II said, “It is my sincere wish that the Commonwealth will consider this matter in the manner in which I have offered it, and will decide that one day the Prince of Wales should carry on the important work started by my father in 1949 as Queen Elizabeth III.”

The monarch went on to say that she hopes the rather flustered heir will carry on as she herself has, adding, “By continuing to allow for societal norms and trends to change in an ever-changing world, I believe we will secure a a few more headlines for at least a few days, so as to knock David Hogg, Tide Pod eaters, and that artificially inflated tart Storm Daniels, off the front pages. This is, after all, a hope to all, possibly excepting the wankers at cnn.”

Prince Charles is the first in a suddenly shrinking list of heirs to the throne; the required change of title caught a number of heirs off palace guard, though did elicit a smirk from Kate Middleton, musing aloud “so will the Prince of Wales be Caitlyn Jennering to become Queen?”

The Duchess of Wales, Camilla, has not been forthcoming with any statement, having been quite unable to remove her jaw from the floor.

The balance of the Royals appear to be reacting very much as they did in the presence of a Prince Philip fart:

         Up to now, Queen Elizabeth hadn’t publicly backed her son as the next Commonwealth Queen…until now.

May the nyts be kind to you, Queen Elizabeth III.

At least you won't have to worry about which bathroom to use.  

I suspect that Seymour will not be getting any invites to the coronation.


That was worthy of Prince Philip.

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