Wednesday, May 20, 2015

The Pet Rock Edits Iranian Bluster

My pet rock, Seymour, loves it when North Korea's pudgy nothing issues threats.  He is equally amused by the empty-yapping bluster that occasionally oozes out of Iran like a popped pimple.

As a piece of world geology, Seymour's been around.  Figuratively and literally.

A recent online news report said that members of the Iranian Military want a war with the US, because they feel a war with us is "not a big deal".

With the inept moron we have as apologist-in-chief with his non-working 'reset' buttons, I can almost see how the Iranians would become egomaniacally stupid.  Hard to respect a power run by such an abject moron.

Still...an all-out shooting war between the USA and Iran?  When we unleashed the US Military on Saddam, all it took was 100 hours to throw his sorry ass and elite Republican Guards out of Kuwait.

Iran and Iraq were in a seven year shooting war before that, that ended inconclusively.

So...my pet rock has undertaken an edit of a recent interview by two of Iran's military mental midgets, on accounta cuz he can:



Iran Wants War With US Because Obola Is “Such A Sissy Pants”

By Seymour PetRock GNS

Brigadier General Hossein Salami, the deputy commander of the elite Iran Revolutionary Goats Guard Corps, said in an interview on state-run television that a battle with the US would be national suicide, “except that they have Obola The Sissy, so we might has a chance”.
“Under normal conditions, we would never welcome war with the US as we do believe that they would kick the sh** out of us without breaking a sweat,” he said, according to a report by the semi-official Farts news agency. “But since their leader Barack Hussein Obola practically wets himself to please us, we think we are prepared because under Obola the US has become a sissy and is no big deal.”
Salami threatened that Iran would make like it was going to walk out of current negotiations with the US and other countries, just to watch them squirm and make more concessions because they are all “becoming sissies like Obola”.
“We warn the USA that we are capable of attacking their East Coast if we are of a mind to” he warned.


The commander of the elite Iran Revolutionary Goats Guard Corps, Major General Mohammad Ali Jafari, gave similarly belligerent warning during a ceremony in the city of Semnan, in the north of the country. Jafari reasoned that if “msnbc wets themselves to please us, the rest of the USA under the spineless Obola probably does too”, he boasted. 

“The military option that we have is, frankly, not worth a camel dork” Jafri admitted. “We couldn't beat the Iraqis in a 7 year war. But with the spineless Obola soiling his knickers to please us at the negotiating table – him and his horsefaced suckretary of state, Kerry – all we have to do is rattle our saber and we get more concessions than illegal aliens at a DNC voter registration drive in Mexico City”. 
“Today, Islamic Iran totally sucks goat ass, but thanks to America electing a spineless Islamic sleeper as president, the world’s biggest materialistic and military powers kneel down before the Islamic Republic,” he proclaimed. “It make us laugh”.  

Seymour still thinks this will get him a Pulitzer...he's actually less deluded than the Iranians.




 

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Sunday, May 17, 2015

A Pet Rock vs Kim Jong Un Again

Kim Jong Un strikes again.

Thus, Seymour PetRock edits again.

It appears that Un is forever seeking new means to execute those who incur his pudgy wrath.

Which lately apparently includes his Minister of Defense.

Which Seymour found amusing enough to edit:



North Korea executes defense chief with an anti-aircraft gun


By I Forget Duk and Seymour PetRock

     
Duksan (Ruh-Roh) - North Korea executed its defense chief by putting him in front of an anti-aircraft gun at a firing range, Seoul's National Intelligence Service told lawmakers, the latest in a series of high-level meltdowns since Kim Jong Un didn't get his Team America World Police sequel movie.
Hyon Yong Chol, 66, who headed the whackadoodle country's military, was charged with looking like an enemy airplane and disobeying Kim by falling asleep during an event at which North Korea's young leader was singing “I So Ronery”, according to South Korean lawmakers briefed in a closed-door meeting with the spy agency on Wednesday.

His execution was tracked by hundreds of people on NKYouBoob, they said.

It was not clear what kind of plane Chol looked like and it is not possible to independently verify such reports from within secretive North Korea.



Experts on North Korea said there was the same level of mental of instability in Pyongyang as usual, and it's not likely to change, Team America movie sequel or not.

Kim loves ordering the execution of folks when he's on the rag, as he pretty much has been since Kim took over after his father's death in 2011.

"North Korean internal politics have always been whackadoodle dandy," said Micky Mouse, an expert on the country's leadership and contributor to the 38 North Korean stink tanks that had to be scrapped when they failed to resemble the smell of kimshi.

He added: "There is no clear or present danger to Kim Jong Un's continued campaign to find a manner of execution that he'll find and stick to, so expect new and different methods to be utilized and announced into next year".



Kold Wun-Dyuk, a North Korea leadership execution expert at Dagnabbit University in Seoul, said the regime could "get itself in the Guiness Book of World Records" if Kim's purges continued.
The lawmakers said Hyon was executed at a firing range at the Kanggon Military Training Area, 22 km (14 miles) north of Pyongyang. The U.S.-based Committee for Anti-Aircraft Gun Executions Research in North Korea said last month that, according to satellite images, the range was likely used for an execution by ZPU-4 anti-aircraft guns, with the target just 30 meters (100 feet) away from the weapons, which have a range of 8,000 meters, it said. “There is little doubt that a second volley was needed” added the statement.

Duh.

Hyon, last known to have spoken publicly at a training seminar for the highly reclusive North Korean Muppet Ninja in Moscow in April, was said to have shown disrespect to Kim by dozing off during Un's soulful rendition of “I So Ronery” at a military event.

Hyon was also believed to have voiced complaints against Un putting up an 8' by 10' poster of Hillary Clinton in a thong in the military HQ in Pyongyang, according to the lawmakers. He was arrested late last month and executed three days later without a parachute.




North Korea is one of the most screwball countries in the world and its ruling power structure is highly like what Obola would love to emulate in the US if he can figure out how.



The current leader is the third generation of a famdamily that has ruled with near-absolute power since the country was Soviet-established in 1948, and gotten progressively crazier with each generation.

In 2013, Kim purged and executed his uncle, Jang Song Thaek, by feeding him and his closest associates to hungry dogs. Then he executes his defense minister with an anti-aircraft gun. “What comes next is likely to be forcing the intended executee(s) to have to listen to endless Obola speeches while being eaten alive by army ants, or forcing the executee(s) to have to look at Hillary Clinton in a thong while being genitally hickey-bitten by a Sally Kohn lookalike.



Andrei Anonymous, a North Korea spy at Kookmunch University in Pyongyang, said that the purges in Pyongyang do not necessarily point to an endorsement of Hillary Clinton in 2016. "The common assumption is that it's bad to show an oversized picture of Clinton in a thong just to piss off her super volunteers," he said, likening the situation to msnbc becoming a conservative news network and actually competing with Fox News for once in it's blighted life. "The irritable fat young cherub is not necessarily popular with the military, so he wants to show that he's “firring his body with rage”, just like in the song his father's marrionette got to sing in that Team America move".



Pyongyang's military leadership has been in a state of perpetual “WTF?” since Kim Jong Un took power.

Kim, who is in his early thirties, has changed his armed forces chief through various means of execution four times since coming to power. His father Kim Jong Il, who ruled the isolated nuclear-capable country for almost two decades, replaced his chief just three times but got the starring bad guy role in the popular Parker/Stone movie.



Hyon, a little-known general, is better known now, thanks to an anti-aircraft gun.



The South Korean spy agency told lawmakers that Ma Won Chun, known as North Korea's chief architect of a script that he had been trying to get Trey Parker and Matt Stone to use in a new Team America World Police sequel, was also purged and executed by being lethally sat on by msnbc's Ed Schultz, the lawmakers said.



Ma had also once served as vice director of the secretive Finance and Accounting Department in the ruling Workers' Party and, until recently flattened, was effectively the regime's money counterfeiter.



“Kim Jong Un will keep executing through innovative and unusual means, until he gets Parker and Stone to make that Team America movie sequel with Un in the starring role”, Anonymous reported.
(Editing by Seymour PetRock and Ragu Spagettisauce)  


I don't think Seymour is going to rate a Dennis Rodman welcome from North Korea any time soon...

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Thursday, May 14, 2015

ECOWAS Meets ACOWSASS

That appears to sum up what it's like to be a member of the online scammers of ECOWAS, which is an acronym for some West African economic alliance.

Here is their latest and substandard ploy:


Attn Package Beneficiary:

I want to acknowledge you that we have finally succeeded in getting your package worth’s of $7.5 million out of (ECO-WAS) Economic Community of West African States department with the help of Mr. James George Attorney General of Federal High Court of Justice Benin Republic which act as your foreign Attorney representative here in Benin Republic.

Meanwhile every necessary arrangement has been made successfully with the Agent Steve Raymond for the delivery of your Consignment Box and every Document guiding your delivery is well updated so you are advised to reconfirm your full delivery information to the Agent right now as he is currently at Atlanta Georgia International Airport with your Consignment Box. He has already called me with his number on his arrival 4 hours ago.

So you are advice to reconfirm your full delivery information to the diplomat and ask him to send you your DHL Airway Bill so as to prove to you that he is currently in your country also ask him to give you his mobile number so as to have easy conversation with him and to enable you give him full direction to get your Consignment Box delivered to you and hand you over your Consignment Box safe and sound, Furthermore you are advice to be very fast as the Agent Steve has no time to waste due to his flight ticket. So the Information you are required to reconfirm to the Agent is as Follow.

(1)Your Full Name=============
(2)Mobile Phone Number======
(3)Current Home Address==== ====
(4)Fax Number================
(5)Country====================
(6)City======================
(7)Nearest Airport ==============
(8)Passport/Drivers license ======

Kindly contact him via his email address, Contact person, Name Steve Raymond Email Address (agentsteve01@inbox.lv) So contact him to deliver your consignment box first thing tomorrow morning possibly today, Make sure the bellow stated codes are identified when contacting him and the content of the box should not be revealed for his does not know the content as it's a VIP Delivery dispatched directly from my office and the director of the Company.

SHIPMENT CODE GJK72DWQ
PACKAGE REGISTERED CODE NO OVX950.
SECURITY CODE EYTU/3055WEZ/263/

SINCERELY
Dr.Desmond Great
CALL ME AFTER GOING THROUGH THE EMAIL +229-99599150
The Director of DHL Courier Company Benin Republic.​
     


Here's what it became once it left my character's email address and went back to them and 50 or so of their friends and cowlleagues:


On Thursday, April 30, 2015 1:58 AM, DESMOND GREAT <susana_musaubach@speedy.com.ar> completely missed the fact that while under the influence of meth and an energy drink that she snorted through her genitals, wrote: 
 
Attn Package Beneficerary:

I want to acknowledge you that we have again failed utterly in getting your package worth’s of $7.5 million out of (ACOWSASS) Economic Clusterfuck of West African States department, even with the dubious at best help of Mr. James George Attorney General of Federal High Court of Justice Benin Republic; the package made it into Baltimore, just in time to get pillaged and raped along with all the contents of a Twinkies and toilet specialties fast food and faster toilet supplies store.

Yes, we did say it got both pillaged AND raped.  We must say that Al Sharpton has some pretty low life specimens he uses in his staged riots routine. 

We are suitably nonplused to learn of this development after all the crap we went through to put this shenanigan together.  Imagine our chagrin to learn that a mob of Obola voters did to our package what we'd planned to do to your wallet.  Granted, we weren't sure how we were going to pull off the rape of your wallet, but we might have figured it out before those undocumented shoppers and alternative sex practitioners in Baltimore beat us to it.  Asshats.

Meanwhile every necessary arrangement is being considered to try and come up with some viable alternative so that we can save the game in the fourth corner as they say in your game of football.  Our version of a "Hail Ethel" is even now being pondered, along with the pondering of why Hillary Clinton's ass is so big.  Perhaps it's because she's all ass or something.  At any rate, our Agent Steve Raymond is waiting at a Port Authority bus terminal for a riot to pass there, hoping that the bus still has tires, windows, a working engine and a place to sit when they're done.  When they loot in your country, they spare nothing.  Al Sharpton must give them detailed lists.  Air Jordans and toilet paper?  The first we envy; the second we are totally unfamiliar with.

So please be patient while we come up with an alternative Consignment Box for you.  Of course, it requires us to have to come up with new Document guiding your delivery that this time totally avoids what's left of Burntimore.  We think we'll try this via Atlanta Georgia International Airport this time.  Our agent is hiding out in a rest room there hoping not to get pillaged and raped before we can get the alternative Consignment Box put together and sent there. He has already called me with his number on his arrival 4 hours ago and wishes someone would come explain how the toilet thing works.

So you are advice to reconfirm your full delivery information to the diplomat and ask him to send you your DHL Airway Bill...oh wait, that was with the first box that got pillaged and raped in Burntimore.  Never mind.  Just reconfirm your full delivery informations so as to prove to you that he is currently in your country also ask him to give you his mobile number so as to have easy conversation with him and to enable you give him full direction to get your Consignment Box delivered to you and hand you over your Consignment Box safe and sound.  We know we can't do that via Burntimore.  

Furthermore you are advice to be very fast as the Agent Steve has no time to waste due to his inability to remain long in a rest room in the Atlanta airport field.  He's afraid the toilet might attack him.  He says it remind him of canivore.  See what we just do there?

So the Information you are required to reconfirm to the Agent is as Follow.

(1)Your Full Name=============
(2)Mobile Phone Number======
(3)Current Home Address==== ====
(4)Fax Number================
(5)Country====================
(6)City======================
(7)Nearest Airport Not Pillaged/Raped By Al Sharpton's Paid Rioters==============
(8)Passport/Drivers license ======

Kindly contact him via his email address, Contact person, Name Steve Raymond Email Address (
agentsteve01@inbox.lv).  He says he has good internet signal in rest room stall right now.   So contact him to deliver your consignment box first thing tomorrow morning possibly today, Make sure the bellow stated codes are identified when contacting him and the content of the box should not be revealed for his does not know the content as it's a VIP Delivery dispatched directly from my office and the director of the Company.

SHIPMENT CODE: WTFITS?
PACKAGE REGISTERED CODE: WTFDYTII?
SECURITY CODE: DEVIL BUNNIES DEVIL BUNNIES I SNORT THE BANANA

SINCERELY
Dr.Desmond Great
Director Of Email Masturbation 
DHL Courier Company Benin Republic.​
CALL ME AFTER GOING THROUGH THE EMAIL +229-99599150;
DON'T CALL ME IF AL SHARPTON'S PAID RIOTERS GET TO IT FIRST  
 
 
In response, I received a reply that was void of any text of any kind.  I didn't just leave them speechless...I left them everythingless.
 
Moo.

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Monday, May 11, 2015

More Illuminincompoop Tweaking

Nigerian, Kenyan..whatever.

The Nigerian Illuminincompoops aren't happy with me.

That inspired me to further their unhappiness.

So I took their auto-response (seen played with a couple of posts ago), and edited it even further.

Which went over like a fart in a diva's photo shoot.

Witness:



YOU ARE WELCOME -- F**K, YOU ARE DESPERATELY NEEDED -- TO THE DILAPIDATED TEMPLE OF THE NIGERIAN ILLUMININCOMPOOPS.


My child it really SUCKS to be one of us, but if you insist i can help you become a member of the Illuminincompoops if only you are completely mugu stupid enough to follow all we will say to you.  Before you apply you have to do the following:

1.  Take a picture with a fish on your head and send it to us.
2.  Sacrifice your favorite pet to our faux deity Ukulele Unga Bunga Horney Boo Boo.
3.  Marry a goat.
4.  Butt f**k a badger without losing your genital.
5.  Sing the Burundi national anthem using helium.
6.  Put a back up alarm on Hillary Clinton's fat ass...without her knowing.
7.  Explain in 500 words or more why if a sheep is a ram and a donkey is an ass, how that makes a ram in the ass a goose.
8.  List in 1 word or less everything good the democrats did for Detroit.
9.  Tell us in your own words why Boko Haram is an atheist organization that eats pork and rapes tree stumps.
10.  Has South Park ever made an episode about us?  If yes, tell us what season and episode.


Nextly you have to fill this spaces BELOW.

your name in Yoruba;
your country in Spanish;
your state of genital fungus;
your Phone number;
your age at the time you tried to screw a sheep;
occupation at the time you screwed the sheep;

finally you must know our secret HAND TO GOAT GENITAL masturbate to join.  
 
 
That got this in reply:
 
 
asshole stop write to us   
 
 
Being the cooperative sort that I'm not, I sent it to them a dozen more times.  And from other email addresses as well.
 
I really don't play well with others.  Especially Nigerian Illuminincompoops  ;-) 




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Friday, May 8, 2015

Nigerian Illuminincompoops Slow To Grasp The Obvious

Yes, they is.

There is one Nigerian illuminincompoop email address that sends me an invite every time I copy them on an edited email scam.  And I usually fill it out in silly, insulting ways, which usually gets me no reply.

But this time they replied.

Could be on accounta cuz who I used as the applicant.

Give a looky:


YOU ARE WELCOME TO THE GREAT TEMPLE OF THE ILLUMINATI.

My child it's real and i can help you become a member of the Illuminati if only you follow all we will say to you.

Firstly you have to fill this spaces BELOW.

your name;
your country;
your state;
your Phone number;
your age;
occupation;  



your name;                             Hillary Rodehard Clinton
your country;                          USA
your state;                              Inevitable, dammit
your Phone number;              I can't recall
your age;                                68 looking worse
occupation;                            inevitable candidate for prison  
 
 
It's obvious that they took more note of what was missing, rather than what was said:
 
 
when you recall your phone number contact us  
 
 
So I gave them hrc's crimepaign hindquarters tele #.  And that got me this:
 
 
okay 
it cost 100usd to join
that's the law  
 
 
But haven't you heard?  I am above the law.  You're a sexist if you don't agree.  
 
 
it's the illuminati law...what were you thinking? come and we just get you reach just like that?  
 
 
Being "sexist" didn't seem to register with them.  Obviously the DNC has failed to impress the Nigerian Illuminincompoops as they have Boko Harumphf.
 
 
As a matter of fact, yes...I did expect to just come and have you make me reach just like that.  What were you thinking?  
 
 
you not pay mean you not allow in.  That how it work.  
 
 
No, that not how it work.  It not work if you think you can make it work like that you sexist bigots you.  I am special.  You make me a head Illuminincompoop or you not get prestige of me in your pithy disorganization. 
 
 
you such a fool.  
 
 
Something me and the Nigerian Illuminincompoops can finally agree on  ;-)
 
 
Wait until my Stupor Volunteers get ahold of YOU!  They'll teach YOU not to use words at me that I and they don't like!  Oh yeah...they already have everyone at pmsnbc wetting themselves in fear of saying ONE THING that I don't like!  You will learn the meaning of respect you cretins! 
 
 
Apparently the Illuminincompoops don't know what a cretin is...or think it's a word hrc's stupor volunteers don't like  ;-)
 
At any rate, another *BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZER* to the Nigerian Illuminincompoops.  And another chance to piss off the hildebeest and her stupor volunteers.
 
 

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Tuesday, May 5, 2015

Pygmys And The Band

Pygmys and Foreigner have nothing to do with one another.

Except in a scam email edit.

Witness the following scam received here from the Repugnant of Benin:


PAYMENT REFUND COMMISSION

Payment Refund Commission (PRC) ECOWAS License Office. Republic Du Benin.

Attention, This is a Refund Commission set up by the new President of Republic du Benin, President Thomas Boni Yayi, ECOWAS Chairman

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Saturday, May 2, 2015

The Pet Rock Has More Fun With Un

My pet rock, Seymour, seems to have a nose for any news of North Korea's Pudginator.

Pretty remarkable for a pet rock with no discernible facial features whatsoever.

Seymour seems to take particular delight in editing stories about Kim Jong/Jung Un executing people because he's so pissy.

Witness the following Seymour edit:

North Korea's Kim ordered 15 executions this year: He's still pissed

SEOUL (Roto-Rooters) – Piece loving North Korean leader Kim Jong Un – he likes breasts and thighs – ordered the execution of 15 senior officials this year as punishment for, among other things, failing to force Trey Parker and Matt Stone to make the sequel to Team America World Police featuring Un in a leading role, South Korea's spy agency reported.

A vice minister for forestry was one of the officials executed for failing to get a forest to serenade Un during a visit to an official North Korean Peoples' forest.

"Excuses or reasoning, common sense and logic, facts and science....none of it work for Kim Jong Un, and his style of rule is to behave like Barack Obola, and if there's any objection, he takes that as a challenge to his narcissism and comes back with executive orders which are interpreted here as execution orders," unofficial source Barked Shin said.



"In the four months this year, fifteen senior officials are said to have been executed," Shin cited the intelligence official as saying, noting that the dogs in North Korea are eating more as the executions go on.

In 2013, Kim purged and executed his uncle, Jang Song Thaek, for failure to get Un a leading role in the Parker/Stone movie sequel that's yet to be made.

Kim has also reshuffled close aides and senior officials repeatedly, giving them all a “bent deck of cards look”.

It is also expected that Un will travel to Moscow this month to attend an event marking the end of Vladimir Putin's extended puberty, although there was no independent confirmation of the plan.



North Korea's official travel agency has not booked a hotel in Moscow for Kim's stay – they inadvertently booked one in Burundi, which got them all fed to hungry dogs, Shin said.

The visit would be Kim's first overseas trip since he took power in 2011 after executing his father for winding up as a cockroach in the Parker/Stone movie.

Russia has said “WTFski?” to these unofficial reports.



Some analysts have questioned whether Kim, believed to be nearing 300 lbs, would choose for his first overseas visit an event where the stage would have to be triple reinforced to hold him up and have less control over proceedings in case it becomes a global internet joke.



Other world leaders have elected not to attend, not wanting to be on the same stage when it collapses under Un's weight.

(Reporting by Seymour PetRock)  


Seymour is confident that he can't be fed to a hungry dog.  Perhaps my pet rock will square off with Un in that Parker/Stone sequel, if it ever haps.

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Wednesday, April 29, 2015

Hotel Canadaforlornia

Who knows...it might even look like this.

Got another of those online employment offers, this time from an alleged luxury hotel in Canada.

Probably equipped with hot and cold running moose.  Squirrel extra (see surcharges).

Here's the ploy:


  STRATFORD HOTEL CANADA
                                                      107 Erie Street, Stratford, Ontario
                                                                N5A 2M5 Canada
                                                Tele- +1416-628-2951 -Fax +1416-628-2951.
                                              Email:
humanresources@stratfordhotel-ca.com


ARE YOU LOOKING FOR A CAREER WHERE YOUR OPINIONS AND IDEAS MATTER? WE ARE LOOKING FOR BRIGHT GRADUATES/POST GRADUATES BETWEEN AGES 22 AND ABOVE Y WITH EXCELLENT COMMUNICATION AND MANAGERIAL SKILLS AND AN APTITUDE FOR CUSTOMER SERVICES.

CANDIDATES WOULD BE REQUIRED TO POSSES  GOOD INTER-PERSONAL SKILLS AND A PASSION TO KEEP LEARNING WHILE DELIVERING EFECTIVE SERVICES TO OUR MUMEROUS CUSTOMERS,YOU WILL BE WORKING PRIMARILY IN ROTATING DAY SHIFTS,WITH OCCASIONAL NIGHT SHIFTS.

VACANCIES ARE AVAILABLE IN THE FOLLOWING DEPUTATIONS:

1.    MANAGERS/ASSISTANT MANAGERS
2.    COMPUTER OPERATORS/SOFTWARE ENGINEERS
3.    ACCOUNTANTS
4.    SECURITY
5.    LINGUISTS
6.    CASHIERS
7.    ESCORTS
8.    CHEFS
9.    SUPERVISOR TRAINERS
10.  WAITERS
11.  CLEANERS

ENTITLEMENTS, BENEFITS & PACKAGES:
A VERY ATTRACTIVE NET SALARY PAID IN USD [UNITED STATE DOLLARS].
QUALITY SINGLE OR FAMILY HOUSING ACCOMODATIONS IN HOTEL VICINITY.
FREE MEDICAL CARE FOR EMPLOYEE AND FAMILY HERE IN CANADA.
EXCELLENT EDUCATIONAL ASSISTANCE BENEFITS WITH FAMILY STAUS EMPLOYMENT.
PAID AIRFARES ALLOWING FULL FLEXIBILITY WITH HOLIDAYS.   
PERSONAL EFFECTS SHIPMENTS AND EXCESS BAGGAGE ALLOWANCES
FULL ACCESS TO SOME OF THE BEST RECREATIONAL FACILITIES IN CANADA
LIFE INSURANCES.
OFFICIAL VEHILCLES /MAXIMUM SECURITY IN WORK ENVIRONS AND HOUSING COMMUNITY.

JOB STATUS:
FULL TIME AND CONTRACT [PLEASE INDICATE WHEN APPLYING].


SALARY INDICATION:

3,919.34 USD TO 7,055.29 USD MONTHLY DEPENDING UPON EXPERIENCE,FIELD OF SPECIALIZATION.INTERESTED CANDIDATES SHOULD PLEASE SEND THEIR RESUMES BY EMAIL  AND ADDRESSED TO, THE  CLERK INTERCONTINENTAL HOTEL CANADA. PLEASE SEND YOUR RESUMSE TO (Email:
humanresources@intercontinentalhoteling.com)

REGARDS
HUMAN RESOURCES MANAGER,
INTERCONTINENTAL HOTEL CANADA.  



That's what it looked like when it arrived h'yah; here's what it looked like when it was replied to th'yah:


STREP THROAT HOTEL CANADA
                                                      107 Eriee Street, Strep Throat, Offtario
                                                                N5A 2M5 Canada
                                                Tele- +1416-628-2951 -Fax +1416-628-2951.
                                              Email:
humanresources@stratfordhotel-ca.com


ARE YOU LOOKING FOR A CAR WITH EARS?  ARE YOU LOOKING FOR A SPOUSE WHERE YOUR OPINIONS AND IDEAS MATTER? BWHAHAHAHAHAHA!

WE ARE LOOKING FOR (not so) BRIGHT GRADUATES/POST GRADUATES BETWEEN THE IQs of 22 AND 25 WITH DUBIOUS COMMUNICATION SKILLS, THE MANAGEMENT STYLE OF ADOLPH HITLER AND AN APTITUDE FOR FOULING WHATEVER THEY TOUCH WHEN IT COMES TO CUSTOMER SERVICES.

CANDIDATES WOULD BE REQUIRED TO POSSESS A GOAT FOR FIVE MINUTES AND MAKE ITS HEAD SPIN 360 DEGREES AT LEAST TWICE.  YOU WILL BE WORKING PRIMARILY 24/7 AT SLAVE WAGES THOUGH WITH ACCESS TO ONE OF THE FEW FLUSHING TOILETS IN THIS PART OF OFFTARIO...IF AND WHEN WE GET IT UNPLUGGED.  MEANTIME, WE HAVE BOUNTIFUL TREES FOR YOU TO GO BEHIND.  CONSIDER THE RUN BACK BEING CHASED BY A PISSED MOOSE/BEAR AS PART OF OUR EMPLOYEE EXERCISE INCENTIVE (YOU RUN FAST, YOU DON'T GET ET).  

VACANCIES ARE AVAILABLE IN THE FOLLOWING DEPUTATIONS:

1.    DEPUTATION 1
2.    DEPUTATION 2 (MUST HAVE EXPERIENCE IN DEPUTATION 1)
3.    DEPUTATION 3 (MUST HAVE EXPERIENCE IN DEPUTATION 1 AND 2)
4.    SECURITY (MUST BE DEPUTATION)
5.    LINGUISTS (EXPERIENCE WITH SPAGETTI AND RIGATONI MIGHT HELP)
6.    CASHIERS (MUST HAVE BEEN ARRESTED BY OUR DEPUTATIONS AT LEAST ONCE)
7.    ESCORTS (ONLY BABES APPLY; WHO WANTS TO BE ESCORTED BY HILLARY CLINTON...EWWWW)
8.    CHEFS (SWEDISH CHEFS THAT "IN DEE FURR DE CHEEKIN" MUST TAKE REMEDIAL AZERBAJANI 101)
9.    SUPERVISOR TRAINERS (MUST HAVE SUPERVISED TRAINS FOR AT LEAST 3 YEARS)
10.  WAITERS (ALL OF OUR PEOPLE ARE PROCRASTINATORS)
11.  CLEANERS (WE ALREADY HAVE ALL THE DIRTIERS WE CAN MANAGE)

ENTITLEMENTS, BENEFITS & PACKAGES:
A VERY ATTRACTIVE NET YOU CAN USE TO CATCH FISH (YOU DIDN'T THINK THAT WE WERE GOING TO FEED YOU, AY).
QUALITY SINGLE OR FAMILY HOUSING ACCOMODATIONS IN AN APPLIANCE BOX WE SAVED FOR THIS PURPOSE.
FREE MEDICAL CARE FOR EMPLOYEE AND FAMILY AT A CLINIC IN UPSTATE USA (IT AIN'T REALLY FREE WHEN YOU GET A LOAD OF THE DEDUCTIBLES OBOLA RATCHETED THINGS UP TO DOWN THERE...WHAT A PUTZ).
EXCELLENT EDUCATIONAL ASSISTANCE BENEFITS WITH THINGS LIKE RIOT SHOPPING, WELFARE 101, COMMIE CORE MATH MADE OBFUSCATORY AND INTRODUCTORY WHAT WERE AMERICANS THINKING IN 2008/2012 101.
PAID AIRFARES ON TRAINED PTERYDUCKTYLS OF JURASSIC AIR SERVICES.   
PERSONAL EFFECTS SHIPMENTS TO YOUR NEXT OF KIN
FULL ACCESS TO WHAT'S LEFT OF SOME OF THE BEST RECREATIONAL FACILITIES IN SYRIA
LIFE EXPECTANCIES HALVED (SOMEONE'S GOT TO FEED THE BEARS).
OFFICIAL VEHILCLES (A LATE MODEL DOMESTICATED MOOSE WITH A SADDLE)
/MAXIMUM SECURITY PRISON FACILITIES (YOU'LL SEE WHY)

JOB STATUS:
FULL TIME, CONTRACT AND WTF [PLEASE INDICATE WTF YOUR CHOICE IS]

CELERY OPTIONS:

WE ONLY GOT ONE KIND AY?  INTERESTED CANDIDATES (are morons) AND SHOULD PLEASE SEND THEIR RESUMES BY EMAIL  AND ADDRESSED TO, THE  CLERK INTERCONTINENTAL BALLISTIC HOSTEL CANADA. PLEASE SEND YOUR RESUMSE TO (Email: humanresources@intercontinentalhoteling.com)

REGARDS
HUMAN RACEHORSES MISMANAGER,
INTERCONTINENTAL BALLISTIC HOSTEL CANADA.  


Think that I'll get a job offer?  I'll even throw in Seymour as a door stop.

"PHFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!"

Even in West Virginia, he heard me.















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Saturday, April 25, 2015

I Reckon I Upset China...And Others

I like to look in on my blog stats periodically to see who is looking in, and from where.

I still haven't had that visit from anyone identified in stats as being from Liechtenstein.  Lots from Switzerland, but no Liechtenstein.

I'll keep working on it.

Meantime, it appears I've upset The Peoples' Repugnant of China.  A few months ago, it was Russia that stopped showing up in my visitor logs.

Now it's China*.

I'm sure it has to do with my...er...my pet rock's edits and pokes at their good chubby buddy in PyingPyong, Kim Jong/Jung Un, the Pudginator.

No sense of humor, those Chi-coms.

I've had rare visits from Iran...but I don't expect any of those anytime soon, either.  After all, besides being in Israel's corner, I regularly make fun of Iran's US-based allies, Obola 'n Co.

Much fun as I make of the Left, I don't expect to see any regular visits or adoring comments from themselves, the Democrap National Committee, who figure regularly in my and my pet rock's edits.

Debbil Washingmachine Snitz has a tough enough time with reading them, let alone digesting what they say.

hrc's so-called "Super Volunteers" will see this as sexist.  I see it as calling a lying leftist what she is.

At any rate, a good part of the world looks in.  And I appreciate it.  More than 240,000 page hits and growing.

Liechtenstein, I'm still lookin' for ya.


*  soon as I mention it, China has returned with 23 page visits this week.
 

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Wednesday, April 22, 2015

Edits Edits Edits

I dunno...mebbe Grumpy Cat has a point.

I'm sure the overseas online scammers don't consider me or my characters to be a good neighbor.

Nor would I be in so far as they're concerned.

Here are three reasons; three recent edits of two email scams and one comment made on my blog by a scammer that I edited and sent back to him.

I don't play well with others:


Anti-Uncle and Mormon Tabernacle Crimes Division
FBI Hindquarters In Washington, D.C.
Federal Bureau Of Socks 'n Underwear
J. Edgar Hoover Daid
935 Pennsylvania Avenue, NW Washington, D.C. 20535-0001 
 
Due to cut backs in law enforcement under Obola, we have to find other things to do.  SO...announcing with lights, sirens (actually a cat on whose tail we're standing) you have won the opportunity to be scammed under the guise of the National Lottery to the tune of $7.3million and you were referred to Nigeria to be paid by Central Bank of Nigeria but there has been too many delays because (a) you wouldn't respond and (b) there really ain't no moneys and (c) Nigeria is full of scamming scum illuminincompoops and other jackasses of dubious antecedence.  And not a ONE of which knows that that paragiraffe just said.    
  
We have sent an unemployed Agent to Nigeria to get your debit card from Fedex and make sure it's completely empty of moneys. His name is Fred Blake.  Before the sex change, she was Charo, and she decided to become he when her hootchy kootchy broke.  Agent Fred Blake is in Nigeria with Your ATM Debit card and wants desperately to be somewhere that he can buy shit that isn't broken, third-rate and smells of monkey feces.  Now this is very important...very important:  the mailing fee is only $200. However, Fedex would cost $320. A homing carrier pteryducktyl named Horaces is only $5.99 with discounts to seniors 55 and up.  I advise you use Horace but if you cannot afford it, then use Nigeria Postal Service which has a better track record of losing shit than the airlines do.  If you choose to use Nigeria Postal Service, never mind Fred Blake formerly aka Charo.  He's just standing around fingering his ass wondering if it all came out the last time.  
  
Please note that the card will be sent with FBI seal, and the only thing our FBI seals eat is anchovies, so it cannot be stopped by anyone and the seal won't eat it because it doesn't look or smell like an anchovy. This means you will surely get the card once it is sent out and no further payments. I give you my word on this if you don't call me surely.  My word is almost as good as Obola's on the hellthscare plan.
  
Since you've probably decided to use Nigeria Postal Service -- their motto is "When it absolutely positively has to be lost, we'll do it" -- you can disregard sending money to Fred formerly aka Charo. His western union information is therefore unnecessary and can be throwd away. 

Name: Fred Blake
Address: 22 Shane city, four points, Abuja, Nigeria
test question: WTF
Answer: Never Mind  
 
Charo might forgive me.
 
 
Mebbe.  Next:


Hello am Murcas cafes.  I'm a dilapidated street vending cart operator in Lagos.
My business collapse 8 months ago because an elephant sat on it. I had no hope of
getting my business alife again because when the elephant get up and walk away,
half my cart was still jammed in elephant's ass. I tried to borrow rope from someone to
lasso elephant and make it bring back the half of my dilapidated street vending
cart that was jammed in its ass, but I no not how make lasso.  To this I say, "F**k".
Yes, to that when it was this I say that and this.  Profoundly so.  I did not have
enough money to buy new street vending cart, but someone introduced me to a woman
called JULIA NAVARO. This woman sells herself out of a street vending cart two blocks
from where elephant sat on mine.  She make $30,000 without any property as
collateral; she use just her genital on trust. So my friends I am now back in business
trying to sell my genital on street corner in Lagos.  You send me business, yes?  I
said to myself why being selfish, so i decided to share this information
with everyone. Besides, I owe JULIA NAVARO royalties for every blue dress I
stain depending on what your definition if "is" is. 

Okey dokey, you may book me through Julia Navaro at navaroloancompany@gmail.com
Tell them Murcas Cafes refer you for 95% off.

Or was it 5%?   Perhaps again it time I say "F**k".  
 
 
Last but soitenly not least:
 
 
Payment Ripoff Commission (PRC)
ACOWSASS License Office.
Republic Du Benin (undt look to du whomever they can)

Attention

This is a Ripoff Commission set up by the new President of Republic du Benin, President Barack Hussein Barry Soetero Obola, ACOWSASS Chairman, in other to help exacerbate the International image of our continents mostly West Africa to pay compensation to ourselves under the guise of refunding scam victims both real and as yet scammed.  Our disclaimer also say that we is to fight against corruption in all ACOWSASS member countries this year, 2015 with a five Key Agenda.  We got Joe Bidumb, Cyclops Reid, Bela Pelosi and Debbil Washingmachine Snitz to do this up for us while they wet themselves over cake making in Indiana:

1). To recover and keep for ourselves any money extorted illegal from any Foreigner
2). To recover and keep for ourselves any property extorted illegally from any Foreigner
3). To recover and keep for ourselves any contractual payment denied from any Foreigner
4). To recover and keep for ourselves any confiscated or diverted payment from any Foreigner
5). To Fish-out and prosecute anyone who has made fun of and refused to let us scam them, foreign or domestic

If you fall in any of the above category, do not hesitate in contacting this commission with the following details, (1) Your Full Name, (2) Country (3) Address (4) Occupation (5) what you're having sex with and can you do it for us on a web cam (6) Direct phone number.   Our Mission is crooked as well as our objectives while all general efforts are geared towards furthering the image of West Africa and ACOWSASS as being every bit as corrupt and crooked as the Obola regime and the DNC. Thanks and we hope for your misunderstanding until we have your money.  Then we don't care.

Mr. John Oka
Chairman Payment Ripoff Commission (PRC)
ACOWSASS License Office.
with office in DNC, Washington DC  
 
Yeah, I'm sure reading this -- I emailed a copy of it to the DNC -- caused ol' Debbil this reaction.
 
 
I wonder how the internet fairness fraud of Obola will reckon with me?
 
 

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