I dunno...mebbe Grumpy Cat has a point.
I'm sure the overseas online scammers don't consider me or my characters to be a good neighbor.
Nor would I be in so far as they're concerned.
Here are three reasons; three recent edits of two email scams and one comment made on my blog by a scammer that I edited and sent back to him.
I don't play well with others:
Anti-Uncle and Mormon Tabernacle Crimes Division
FBI Hindquarters In Washington, D.C.
Federal Bureau Of Socks 'n Underwear
J. Edgar Hoover Daid
935 Pennsylvania Avenue, NW Washington, D.C. 20535-0001
Due to cut backs in law enforcement under Obola, we have to find other things to do. SO...announcing with lights, sirens (actually a cat on whose tail we're standing) you have won the opportunity to be scammed under the guise of the National Lottery to the tune of $7.3million and you were referred to Nigeria to be paid by Central Bank of Nigeria but there has been too many delays because (a) you wouldn't respond and (b) there really ain't no moneys and (c) Nigeria is full of scamming scum illuminincompoops and other jackasses of dubious antecedence. And not a ONE of which knows that that paragiraffe just said.
We have sent an unemployed Agent to Nigeria to get your debit card from Fedex and make sure it's completely empty of moneys. His name is Fred Blake. Before the sex change, she was Charo, and she decided to become he when her hootchy kootchy broke. Agent Fred Blake is in Nigeria with Your ATM Debit card and wants desperately to be somewhere that he can buy shit that isn't broken, third-rate and smells of monkey feces. Now this is very important...very important: the mailing fee is only $200. However, Fedex would cost $320. A homing carrier pteryducktyl named Horaces is only $5.99 with discounts to seniors 55 and up. I advise you use Horace but if you cannot afford it, then use Nigeria Postal Service which has a better track record of losing shit than the airlines do. If you choose to use Nigeria Postal Service, never mind Fred Blake formerly aka Charo. He's just standing around fingering his ass wondering if it all came out the last time.
Please note that the card will be sent with FBI seal, and the only thing our FBI seals eat is anchovies, so it cannot be stopped by anyone and the seal won't eat it because it doesn't look or smell like an anchovy. This means you will surely get the card once it is sent out and no further payments. I give you my word on this if you don't call me surely. My word is almost as good as Obola's on the hellthscare plan.
Since you've probably decided to use Nigeria Postal Service -- their motto is "When it absolutely positively has to be lost, we'll do it" -- you can disregard sending money to Fred formerly aka Charo. His western union information is therefore unnecessary and can be throwd away.
Name: Fred Blake
Address: 22 Shane city, four points, Abuja, Nigeria
test question: WTF
Answer: Never Mind
Charo might forgive me.
Hello am Murcas cafes. I'm a dilapidated street vending cart operator in Lagos.
My business collapse 8 months ago because an elephant sat on it. I had no hope of
getting my business alife again because when the elephant get up and walk away,
half my cart was still jammed in elephant's ass. I tried to borrow rope from someone to
lasso elephant and make it bring back the half of my dilapidated street vending
cart that was jammed in its ass, but I no not how make lasso. To this I say, "F**k".
Yes, to that when it was this I say that and this. Profoundly so. I did not have
enough money to buy new street vending cart, but someone introduced me to a woman
called JULIA NAVARO. This woman sells herself out of a street vending cart two blocks
from where elephant sat on mine. She make $30,000 without any property as
collateral; she use just her genital on trust. So my friends I am now back in business
trying to sell my genital on street corner in Lagos. You send me business, yes? I
said to myself why being selfish, so i decided to share this information
with everyone. Besides, I owe JULIA NAVARO royalties for every blue dress I
stain depending on what your definition if "is" is.
Tell them Murcas Cafes refer you for 95% off.
Or was it 5%? Perhaps again it time I say "F**k".
Last but soitenly not least:
Payment Ripoff Commission (PRC)
ACOWSASS License Office.
Republic Du Benin (undt look to du whomever they can)
This is a Ripoff Commission set up by the new President of Republic du Benin, President Barack Hussein Barry Soetero Obola, ACOWSASS Chairman, in other to help exacerbate the International image of our continents mostly West Africa to pay compensation to ourselves under the guise of refunding scam victims both real and as yet scammed. Our disclaimer also say that we is to fight against corruption in all ACOWSASS member countries this year, 2015 with a five Key Agenda. We got Joe Bidumb, Cyclops Reid, Bela Pelosi and Debbil Washingmachine Snitz to do this up for us while they wet themselves over cake making in Indiana:
1). To recover and keep for ourselves any money extorted illegal from any Foreigner
2). To recover and keep for ourselves any property extorted illegally from any Foreigner
3). To recover and keep for ourselves any contractual payment denied from any Foreigner
4). To recover and keep for ourselves any confiscated or diverted payment from any Foreigner
5). To Fish-out and prosecute anyone who has made fun of and refused to let us scam them, foreign or domestic
If you fall in any of the above category, do not hesitate in contacting this commission with the following details, (1) Your Full Name, (2) Country (3) Address (4) Occupation (5) what you're having sex with and can you do it for us on a web cam (6) Direct phone number. Our Mission is crooked as well as our objectives while all general efforts are geared towards furthering the image of West Africa and ACOWSASS as being every bit as corrupt and crooked as the Obola regime and the DNC. Thanks and we hope for your misunderstanding until we have your money. Then we don't care.
Mr. John Oka
Chairman Payment Ripoff Commission (PRC)
ACOWSASS License Office.
Republic Du Benin
with office in DNC, Washington DC
Yeah, I'm sure reading this -- I emailed a copy of it to the DNC -- caused ol' Debbil this reaction.
I wonder how the internet fairness fraud of Obola will reckon with me?