Wednesday, July 23, 2014

A Scam Rev Not Up On His Movies

Who recognizes this?

It's from the 1980 movie, The Gods Must Be Crazy. 

And it's working beautifully with one online email scam-supporting "Dr. Rev", as so many of them are.  This one -- noted in a previous post -- is Dr. Rev. Joelmicah Farith, and he claims to be representing the aggrieved scamstress Rita Johnson, late of the Ivory Coast, currently scamming from a Senegalese refugee camp.

He says.

When we last left the good Rev, he had written me off as "not being a good christen".  I don't recall my reply, but I reckoned that was that.  And perhaps it woulda been, but you know me..I like to tweak scammers a bit after the first effort's over.

And ol' Dr. Rev Farith apparently took that to mean there was life in the wildebeest carcass yet.

Here's how it's going:

Attention My Son,

May the peace of the Lord be with you my son,
my son the bible said that you should help one another, for the first time you told me that
you want to help miss Rita out of this camp, and agree with you, as a man of God,
my son i want to let you know that miss Rita have not eat any thing because of you,

Please my son, i have been in this work as a rev father for 25yeas ago, so you have to first
help miss Rita, after than you can help other person you like, because if you did not do as
i said God will be angry with you, i am telling all this as a man of God, just help miss Rita now
so that God will help you also in your business, please you should not fail to do what i told you
thanks i have to wait for your good news,
Yours In The Lord,

Joel Micah.  

Actually, I spoke with God on this very subject, and I showed him the picture of the other refugee camp waif.  God agreed with me in full, telling me that His Wisdom bade me to help those who can truly offer something spiritually back.  And dude, can Anna ever offer spirituality in an outfit like this.  Yowza.

Besides, she's staying at a far nicer refugee camp there than rita could afford, AND has more money in her Swiss account than rita does.  Business is business, right?  And when I'm being given the business, it behooves me to make the best deal possible.  I'll give God your regards.  
Jul 1 at 5:32 AM
Attention My Son,

May the peace of the Lord be with you my son,
are you ready to help miss blessing, please if so
pay the money to the lawyer thanks
yours Father,
Help Miss WHO?  Wasn't her name Rita Johnson?
You need to re-set your talking points.  Get back to me when you have this straightened out.  
 ok i understand you her name is miss Rita Johnson
i want to know what you will say for this ok   

I'm so glad you understand me.  That's a good start for you.  You've earned a nap break.  Get back to me afterward.  You're grumpy when you haven't had your nap. 
Attention My Son,
May the peace of the Lord be with you my son, i really want to know if you really want to help miss Rita out of this camp, if so just try to final with the lawyer, with the money i just wait to hear from you
Rev Father
Joel Micah.
Y' we have discussed, I would be really happy to help miss Rita out of her doldrums, but dang it saw the pictures of Anna, just as needy in a refugee camp, with more money and...well...YOWZA.  She's much more the looker than Rita.  Even you, a bona fide Rev, has to admit the truth in that, right?  I've attached a few more pictures of Anna...if you aren't having wet dreams when looking at these, then Rev Joelmicah Farith, you must be gay.  And I don't mean happy.  Not that it isn't okay for you to be a gay Rev...but really, how could you NOT help Anna?  
And of course, I threw him this photo that Anna sent me:
That drew this amusing response from our comic book Rev:
HHHHH you are a big fool, this lady is from RUSSIAN country, my son any lady from this country is a fake lady, but if you dont stop with this lady you will cry at the end of this business, any lady with a naked pictures are all fake people they dont fear God, so you have to help miss Rita because she fear God and also she can not give a naked pictures ok
The capitalization of his name is apparently his way of emphasizing his righteous indignation that my character might fall for Russian scammers, and not his.  It failed:
Of COURSE she's from Russian country, you simple mugu.  Her name is Anna I-V-A-N-O-V-A.  That's IVANOVA.  And she doesn't even play tennis, though with a name like Ivanova, she could.   

Hey...she offered more money than Rita did, and offered me the EXACT SAME DEAL as Rita did.  I'll bet she used the exact same template that Rita did.  As for the pictures...well...*whoooweeee howdy*...I don't even want to THINK about seeing naked pictures of Rita.  Not a desirable vision at all.  I'm hap-hap-happy to not see ANY pictures of Rita.  For all I know, YOU'RE RITA, playing at being a fake rev for the purposes you know full well you're fronting here.  But I digress. know better than to say that Rita fear God.  'Cuz if she did, she wouldn't be doing what she's doing.  And if you were a proper and God-fearing Rev, you wouldn't be doing what you're doing.  But you are doing it, and that's how I know, because I don't have to fear God, 'cuz I know that God is on my side and not yours.  God told me he's on my side and not yours over a cup of coffee and pastry.

If Rita needs help, and you are a bona fide Rev, then you have taken an oath on the good book to help out Rita.  That's the oath YOU took, not me.  So, Rev Joelmicah Farith, it appears that it is YOU who must help Rita....if Rita actually does need heppin'.  And I'll keep letting Anna think I'm going to help her, 'cuz she sends much better pictures than Rita ever could.

Ponder if the Gods Must Be Crazy, and then it's your turn.  
Believe it or not, he actually took another turn:
Oh he do, do he?  Anyway, so I sent him the photo at the top, with this snippet:
Time is fungible and doesn't recognize waste.  Which somewhat alludes in a time-wasting fungible way to the story of the mushroom that entered a bar and ordered a beer...the bartender says 'we don't serve mushrooms here' and the mushroom responds, 'but I'm a real fungi!'.  But and again, I digress.  See this attached photo?  Does it mean anything to you, Rev?  It should.  Ponder it and get back to me.  
I doubted he recognized it...but he thought he did:
Ah, so they might or not be.  Well, Rev, would you believe that if they are people photographed in a Senegalese refugee camp, what are you doing for them, huh?  And why does the one have an empty Coca Cola bottle, hmmm?  What is the significance of that, hmmmm?   


Unless Miss Rita looks like that last photo I send you, no.

Sadly, that concludes the latest in Senegalese refugee camp scam emails.  Until tomorrow's emails are sorted, that is  ;-)


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Saturday, July 19, 2014

When You Have To Be Told Why You Wonder Something, It's Not Always A Green Muppet Looking Thing

Don't worry...the title didn't make sense to me either.

When I received this email, I wasn't sure if this is how I should have rightly reacted to it, on accounta cuz I just didn't remember the emailer or anything about what he driveled. 

I'll spare you the whole email, since the first three paragiraffes should be more 'n enough to make you say W..T..F:


After waiting to hear from you or your partner in Africa for a long time now, I decided to make this direct approach to you as my new resolution in other not to let it be if I have anything in mind against you. I do not know if you have asked yourself why each time the release of this fund is approved, all of a sudden, the payment will be stopped or one problem or the other will come up if you have not asked this question or you do not know, this is an opportunity for me to tell you.

Some time ago, your friends in Africa, I mean the people that introduced you to the project approached me through my dear wife who work with the Federal Ministry of Finance and requested me to assist them conclude a money transfer deal they had with you. They requested me to assist them by removing the original contractor's name and beneficiary, company's name and bank particulars from the Bank Of Africa vetting computer and replacing them with your name and bank details in order to make you appear as the rightful beneficiary of this fund.  I agreed on condition that they will pay me US$100,000.00 as soon as your name appears as the beneficiary. I did as agreed and demanded to be paid, but your friends started telling me stories, they even told me you promised to send money to me.

Do you know that up till now, I have not received a single cent from them and have not set my eyes on any of them? Based on their attitude, I decided to stop the fund release movement because I cannot be denied of my right in my own office considering the risk as it might affect my job.. Secondly, I know the source of the funds that you did not execute any contract in Africa, although I am the only person privileged to know this information and it is a fact. Why I am making this clear to you is that I can see that you are still making efforts in order to conclude this project. Now I am ready to forget the past.

Yes, I did respond to this email in a manure readers of this blog would expect.  But it seemed to me to fairly cry out for an edit job, and Seymour -- my editing pet rock -- was on an edit strike, claiming he deserves a "living minimum wage" like the dummies at McDonalds.

The fact that I don't charge Seymour rent to live here seems to have so totally slipped his mind.

"Did NOT!!!"

Okay, now that you've seen Seymour in a minimum rage...*ducking boos and throwd whatever it is that a pet rock can throw*...I decided to take on the edit myself, in a manure that I was sure the email originator would find appreciation in:

After waiting to hear from you or your partner in Africa for a long
time now, I decided to make this direct approach to you as my new
resolution in other not to let it be if I have anything in mind
against you. I do not know if you have asked yourself why each time
the release of this fund is approved, all of a sudden, the payment
will be stopped or one problem or the other will come up if you have
not asked this question or you do not know, this is an opportunity for
me to tell you.

Some time ago, in a country far far away, there lived a green muppet

named Yoga, who talked like a frawg and performed wonders
of levitation, usually rocks, boxes, snakes, wildebeest, yetis...whatever
came to mind.  And then this Yoga began imagining sex with my dear wife who
work with the Federal Ministry of Finance and requested me to divorce her
so that she could have legitimate sex with the little green wrinkled prune
who could levitate in weird and unusual sexual positions, like those
marionettes in Team America:  World Police. 

Needless to say, I was fartbroken by it all.  And I have the broken farts
to prove it.

That's when this Yoga offered me a deal of money for my dear wife,
who was already practicing oral sex on levitating swamp creatures.
I agreed on condition that they will pay me US$100,000.00 as soon as
Yoga proved his abilities by levitating a rhinoceros over my boss at
the bank.  Yoga did, but dropped the rhino on him when I farted in his


As a result, Yoga refused to pay me.   I did as agreed and demanded to
be paid, but Yoga started telling me stories about hallucinogenic mushrooms
and how State Department spokespersons did them before making public
statements.  He even told me you promised to send money to me.

Do you know that up till now, I have not received a single cent from
Yoga or you, and have not set my eyes on any of them? Granted, I think
I have a mean evil "eye", but Yoga might drop a rhino on me so I won't
tangle with that voodooesque twerp.

Based on attitude of the mushroom hallucinogenic State Department
spokesninnies in your country, I decided to write directly to you
to ask that you ask Yoga to pay me my $100,000 that he promised
to pay me for my wife, and stop levitating my secretary's skirt in
front of me as it might affect my job.. Secondly, I know the source of
Yoga's power now, and one well-placed virus in a CGI computer will
deflate that green wrinkled bastard in a wisp of a hummingbird fart.

It's a high pitched squeak sound, by the way.


Angry as all this makes me, now I am ready to forget the past and
start a whole new script for Star Wars VIII. 

I do not need the US $100.000.00 any longer from you but a good
compensation from your mind. I need your assurance that Yoga 
will be totally kept out of this transaction. I know that Yoga is not
aware of my new approach to you since I have found that his version
of the Force can be diluted by onion and garlic farts.


Stop spending your time editing emails from the Banks in Africa,
because none of the people here in those banks can read a word
you write.  I and I alone can personally read what you write here,
and only I can know what you just did there.

Finally,I need your promise that no official of the Central Bank of
Bank will be aware of my involvement in this regard because of my
position, which at the moment is bent over my desk, humping my
secretary. Now re-assure me that you will be willing to compensate me
and that you will do so within 48 hours.

I am a man of my word. My word this week is "schmiel".  If you are ready
to conclude this business with a true schmiel, contact me on my on my


If after you read all this I hope YOU ARE SERIOUS that we can have a
chat over this issue once and for all. .

Dr. Osman Hassan
Chairman payment verification Panel
+233 247726598.  
While I doubt that I'll hear another woid from the emailer, Seymour is concerned that I'll hear from Lucas and Spielberg about having leaked their idea for Star Wars VIII -- The Force Re-Geritoled. 
It might come to that for Leia, Skywalker and Solo by then...


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Wednesday, July 16, 2014

When Scammers Provide The Means...Use 'Em

As I was dallying with online scammers the other day, my pet rock, Seymour, asked me what was the point of filling a photo database full of scammer photos, without finding something constructive to do widdem?


Readers remember the Russian scammer Anna Ivanova, I'm sure.  This is one of the over 100 photos she sent me during our extended on again/off again/on again email correspondences.

*NOTE:  we're currently on again on two different email accounts*

Well, taking a pet rock's logic to heart will likely land me a future free mental exam.

"Will NOT!!!"

BUT...I did find it useful in dealing with a current scammer -- Rita Johnson -- who claims to be a refugee from the Ivory Coast (it must suck there), and is languishing in a refugee camp in Senegal (where it equally sucks there).

Of course, these particular refugee camps are actually rather exclusive places as I'm learning:  all refugees therein must have millions in a bank in yet another country.

And both Scientology and the ungreat Illuminati thought they had a corner on such crap.

Here was Rita's opening ploy to give my character the business:     

I am really happy in your response to my mail.How is everything Mine is a bit tough over here in Dakar Senegal.You are admired. my name is rita johnson from Ivory Coast in West Africa Aged 23,(never married before )and presently residing in the refugee camp here in Dakar  as a result of the civil war that was fought in my country.

My late father Dr Nicholas johnson was the managing director of Mavococoa and Associates (Ltd) and he was the personal advicer to the former head of state (Late Dr Robert Guei) before the rebels attacked our house one early morning and killed my mother and my father in cold blood. It was only me that is alive now and I managed to make my way to a near by country Senegal where i am leaving now in a refugee camp.

I would like to know more about you.Your likes and dislikes, your hobbies and what you are doing presently.I will tell you more about myself in my next mail.Attached here is my pictures. I will also like to see your pictures.I will tell you more in my next mail.
Hoping to hear from you soonest  

That "more" she told me in the next email was in essence that her late Adi Amin Dada had left her with significant funds ($7.5 Million or so USD), and she needed my help to liberate both her and the funds from this posh Senegalese refugee camp (where Paris Hilton apparently spends part of the winter perhaps).  And that led her to have a Mr. Butterworth of the Clydesdale Bank in the UK contact me, demanding legal documents to procure the transfer of funds...followed by her bannister, Ashman Duke, who said it would cost me $500 to pay for those documents...and finally from Rita's spiritual counsel in the refugee camp, Dr. Reverend JoelMicah Farith.

You learn so much about the world beyond your own little bubble, when you take the time to listen to these ill-intentioned people of dubious antecedence.  Like that every pastor in a refugee camp is both a Dr AND a Rev. 

Most illuminating.

At any rate, my character -- non-titled Ben Dover -- made right along that he was "all in" to hep Miss Rita, and was diligently laboring toward that milestone day that he would wire the $500 USD via Western Union, to yet another name in the game:

COUNTRY:                            IVORY COAST
PASSPORT NUMBER:          A 3747445 A
PHONE NO:                            00225 4359 8872
ADDRESS:                                04 BP 1162 ABIDJAN 04
AMOUNT :                                    $500  

It was at this point that my character almost blew the game, because this same gaggle of ninnies had played my character, Jack N. Ewehoff, shortly before we began anew here, and him they charged $1100 for the same documents.  Ben almost blew it with this email response to the bannister:

I see you're charging me less than you charged someone else -- you charged someone else online $1100, and they posted about it on Blogger -- for the same documents.  I thank you very kindly for discounting my documents more than 50%.  That was incredibly generous of you.  

Apparently the bannister was lost in the thrill of thinking he had my character committed to sending $500, and totally failed to read that paragraph.

Which led me to Seymour's suggestion and the resulting *TOING*.

I had affirmed a date with the bannister -- shared of course with Rita and the rest of her odious colleagues -- on which my character would wire the $500.

And so it was, on the morning of that date, I did email them.  But not what they were expecting to hear:

Dearest Rita and bannister:  I most sincerely regret to inform you that I have decided to not follow up on this deal.  I realize that you were expecting fee payment Thursday and that Rita was expecting at the same time.  But life is a series of at times very difficult choices.  This was one such time.  It was a difficult decision, but was made simpler by the fact I got the same email offer from a woman named Anna Ivanova who is way more beautiful than Rita.  Proof of the last statement is attached.  The one in the bikini is definitely worth being given the business by; Rita on the other hand...well...I'm not THAT good a Christian.  You unnerstand I'm sure.  
So, using one of Anna's forwarded photos, above (of someone other than Anna, as those of you who regularly fence with Russian scammers know), I provided proof to them that Anna was definitely more worth helping out of a Senegalese refugee camp than Rita, who I represented thus:
That drew no response from Rita, the bannister or the Bank (who I'm sure all needed eye scrubs after opening that photo).  But from the Dr. Rev, I did get this:

my son the bible said that you should help one another, for the first time you told me that
you want to help miss Rita out of this camp, and agree with you, as a man of God,
my son i want to let you know that miss Rita have not eat any thing because of you,

Please my son, i have been in this work as a rev father for 25yeas ago, so you have to first
help miss Rita, after than you can help other person you like, because if you did not do as
i said God will be angry with you, i am telling all this as a man of God, just help miss Rita now
so that God will help you also in your business, please you should not fail to do what i told you
thanks i have to wait for your good news,

The good news that you await is here; I saved a ton of money switching to Geico.  But I digress:  I spoke with God about this very issue, and He told me in no uncertain terms that even in the spirit world that you and Rita dabble in, "business is business".  And if I'm going to let someone give me the business, I best do it with someone like Anna.  I mean, even God had an "atta boy" for me with photos of Anna like this:

So you see, God approves of my choice.  It sucks to be Rita.  

That was poorly received:

you are no christen.  god does not like blasphemy.

Actually, God saw that movie and gave it four out of five Ark of the Covenants.  It truly sucks to be Rita.

He is right about one thing; I am no christen.  Ben is spelled differently.

My pet rock approved of this message.

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Sunday, July 13, 2014

North Korea's Military Is Pissed

Think this cat looks pissed?  And not just 'cuz he's swimming.

According to my editing pet rock, Seymour, wait until you hear the rest of the story.  

North Korea just can't catch a break.  And here, the Left touts how great Marxism is.  You wouldn't know it based on North Korea, the pmsnbc of the Orient.

The pet rock -- a lover of online news -- saw that North Korea is suffering from a drought.  So much so, that the Pirrbury Doughboy Kim Jong Un has mobirized the miritary there.

To do what?

Seymour thought rong and hard on that...and came up with this:

North Korea army mobilized as dry conditions require “unusuar measures”   

By Dick N Widyall June 23, 2014 6:03 AM

SEOUL (SENS) - North Korea's rivers, streams and reservoirs are running dry in a prolonged drought, state media said on Monday, while dogs aren't starving as Kim Jong Un sees to thinning out his family tree, along with meteorologists.

So what's Un come up with this time? Well, besides signing on with agw fraud AlGore, Un has a uniquely North Korean solution to the problem of saving their crops from drought: mobilize its million-strong army to refill the rivers of the country.

By peeing in them.

Say WHAT says you? “You better berieve it” responded Un in a scripted interview with state-controlled media in Washington, DC. “It's my pran. I work very rong and hard on this pran, and I know that this pran work because it's my pran” Un said. 
And not only Un's military will be engaging in syncronized urination irrigation; office workers, farmers and women have been mobilized to direct urination irrigation into the dry floors of fields.

In the 1990s, Kim Jong Il was too busy trying to get Trey Parker and Matt Stone to do a puppet movie with him as the central figure, to worry much about food shortages that led to a devastating famine which killed an estimated million people, since none of those people were members of his well-fed military.

Rachal Madcow, of the pmsnbc chapter of Marxism R Good, confirmed the media reports and said that bottled beverages of any kind is in huge demand in Pyongyang right now.

"They're even negotiating with Iran to buy camel pee" Madcow told SENS via carrier pterydactyl.
In some areas, she said, urination irrigation is 70% of even the drinking water.

Higher-than average acidity in the urine has exacerbated damage, affecting wheat, barley and maize, which state media started to report on until Un showed up at the studio with a pack of hungry dogs. Then the reports blamed the West for stealing North Korea's idyllic weather, replacing it with the meteorological equivalent of pillary Clinton.

North Korea has previously blamed racism and sexism for chronic everything sucking in one of the worst leftist udopian places on Earth, after talking to the DNC and The Daily Kos. More rational observers point to the result of Un pursuing the same ideology that ran Deadtroit and other leftist run locations up on the rocks. “The left is renowned for low information, dumbed down bad planning and a highly centralized, inept government”, said an anonymous source as he tried to outrun hungry dogs.  

I'm not thinking that Seymour will be on Kim Jong Un's horiday card rist for this one.


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Thursday, July 10, 2014

Anuddah Foist For Da Blog

Doing a stats check -- I'm still looking for my first page view from Liechtenstein -- I checked my weekly page visits, and wowza...I got a visit from BARBADOS.

Which a landlubber like me had to look up..I reckoned it had a Caribbean ring to it, but I couldn't place it.

The map at the right didn't help me to place it.

So the next map I dun went and fetched was more helpful in placing it:

It almost manages to miss the Caribbean, far out there as it is.  So I dug a little deeper, and these are the images I found of Barbados:

Looks like sumpin the Beach Boys sang about, only better:

Or this:

And for those what want modern accommodations whilst they visit scenes like this, there's this: look at all of that and you think -- for those of you who lurve themselves this kind of venue -- "vacation heaven".

Which brings me to this:  why would ANYONE in such a place be looking at MY blog?

Unless they meant to search for 'Barbados' and instead accidentally typed in 'Barbitch':

That's how I can see someone from Barbados bothering to visit my blog.  Even my pet rock, Seymour, winces at that last photo....

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Monday, July 7, 2014

Amusing Analogy, Scammer-Style

I have to admit...this one made me laugh.

"Alise baby" -- aka Lillian Desmond, Alise Benson, etc, etc...after failing to get Jack N. Ewehoff to fall for her "woe is me, I'm a rich refugee in Senegal" scam...sent the same scam to my other "white meat" email address.

And got to deal with Ben Dover.  As did her bannister, Henry Kalifa.

Before my character pulled the rug from beneath the both of them, here's the ploy as described by hisself, the good bannister:

For your kind attention,
Acknowledment Mr Ben Dover
your request over getting to you and your partner, An Authentication Document  From this firm, Power of Attorney And Affidavits of Oath, Which will enable the Bank to Deal with you on behalf of your partner.Who was here to discuss on how to Issue This letter of Authorization on A Transaction.

I, Bar.Henry Kalifa and associate, Here by indicating that we have fully excepted the consultant of this partners, And have undertaking the services of getting To you
Mr Ben Dover and your Partner Miss Alise Benson, the Letter of actualize, That  willingly this transfer is well think and freely excepted that the transaction of Dr.Gilbert Benson's funds will go to MrK Ben Dover's Account,

 With due Respect to this service, the firm have gone through the needs and Ascertain the cost of this service from the Federal high court which is as follows

           Purposes.The Cost in Dollar.
 A -Authentication of the power of attorney----$400.00 Dollar                           

B -Swearing of the affidavit of oath at the federal high court here before it becomes valid ----$300.00  Dollar.   

 C -Notary stamping at the notary office (before it will go out from Senegal here)---$250.00  Dollar                       

 D -The firm legal Processing fees�----$150.00  Dollar

 Total of All ($1100.00 ) One Thousand One Hundred Dollar only) To get everything Done.

To speedy the process you are to get the fees sent, write or call the firm for the Notification as soon as you send the fees to enable the chambers have he fees collect  here and proceed with the preparation of the documents, Which you are to have in the next two working days, As soon as the firm got the fees for the services,

I Dr Henry  Kalifa is here to agree that with the firm bill Stated  to you, Perio the name and the ref sign of the firm is sealed that the services of
Mr Ben Doverin this firm will not be delay or by any mines fail the appointed date since we are on a working days, You are welcome.

Make sure you send this money through any Western Union or Money Gram transfer nearest to you today or latest tomorrow.
with this information,

Mr Georgy Akimbi
Dakar Senegal.

Mr Georgy Akimbi is the chembers financial controller and my
personal assistant.

Sincerely in service,
Bar. Henry Kalifa & Associates
Principal Partner. Esq.
No 48 Avenue Lamine Gueye (3rd-floor)
Dakar, Senegal.  Tel+77-793-14-86  

This was after a couple weeks of exchanges had built up the hopes and schemes of "Alise baby" and her slimebag partner.  Which prompted me, once again, to put to work that wonderful fiduciary instrument a sibling -- and fan of my pet rock, Seymour -- prepared for moments like this:

Having received eleven of these to use "for the greater good of this business you have so happily given my personage", the bannister was a not a happy fly-infested-internet-café-scammer:

I like listening to lies when i know the truth.
good people brings out the good in people's life.
but wicked people always leaves bad memories in people's life.  
He sounds just like an obozo spokesperson from the State Department.  Or IRS.
But my greatest amusement came from the response from our disappointed scamstress, Alise "baby" Benson, who apparently needs to work a tad on her use of analogies:
friends come and go,like the waves of the oceans,
but the true ones stays like an octupus on your face,
don't fear the enemy that attacks you,
but the fake friends that hugs you.  
Being the sort that I am, I didn't want her to feel too badly about how everything went, so I responded thus after finding the photo at the top, and including it in my character's reply:
Since I've been laughing right along at your amateur efforts here, I was equally amused by your closing analogy, in so far as how true friends compare to face-sucking octopi.  But danged if I didn't then go out and find a photo, just for you.  It apparently is one of your true friends.  Glad I could find you one.  
If I were to waste time running a 'best analogy for 2014' from scammers, right now I'd have to say that Alise baby holds a commanding lead.  Long as she doesn't get an octopus blocking her view of the screen.  Meantime, her bannister went from his drivel above -- after I sent them both the same email response -- to wanting to pose as a real bad ass I shouldn't make light of:

I don't have time for fools and wicked people like you.
if you dear write me again i prove to you whom i am ok.
you are too small for me to handle ok.
never you play with me..  
Nothing beats pissing off an email scammer to the point that they make empty threats.  So let's up the 'empty':
Oh by all means, you goat sodomizing African all means, prove to me who you really are.  Go ahead.  From my vantage point, you are a blowhard nincompoop mugu who is incapable of much of anything.  I saw that posted on the blog that made fun of you.  But if you think you can prove to me that you're one real badass who can come after me, I am more than happy to have you prove it.  Because, Hanky-Self-Yanky, I doubt you're tough enough to fight your way through soggy toilet paper.  You can google to figure out what toilet paper is.  Meantime, why don't you take your empty threats and go sodomize Alise's about the only way you're gonna get to *screw* with anyone, you Nigerian candyass.  
That one got under Hanky-Self-Yanky's skin:
you will see how you are go too far. 
Playing the *Jeopardy Theme* while awaiting your mugu, pin-headed empty threats to show up.  
And like the rest of his ilk, I'll be waiting beyond the next Millennium...just like I'm waiting to see an octopus sucking on someone's face for reals  ;-)

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