Monday, September 21, 2020

How'd The 2020 Prognosticators Do?

AS one can tell, this 2020 prognostication came out in May of the pandumbic.

The moidah hoynets wuz a flop.

June was an equal disappointment, as my pet rocks had garlic butter all ready to go...and no crab people.  Crabby ones, but not the edible kind.

July....another phffffft as Planet of the Apes took a pass on us and went to Uranus instead.

August failed to have Godzilla emerge from the ocean...he took one look at the streets of San Crapcisco and said "oh nuh-UH!"....not until they clean that cesspool up.

September is making a run at accuracy; once they shoot up all the antifa nippleheads with the vaccine, we'll see...they're not far from zombified without it.

October must be referencing another movie I never see'd.  A horse is a horse, of course of course, unless it's a carnivorous pony...meh.



November and a second wave of crab people predicted.  If Trump wins, the crab people will all be over at cnn, dnc, in Portland and Sheboygan.  Turkeys will welcome that.  Or not.

Now for December, I have no idea what a Cthulhu is, was, or whether Joe Bidumb has sniffed it.  That'd probably be enough to send Cthulhu to join the apes on Uranus.



January 2021:  aliens already have invaded planet earth.  You can find them sleazing around at cnn, the dnc and in Portland.  Sheboygan may have taken a pass by now.



February 2021:  now I know someone's smoking crank and making stuff like this up.

March 2021:  Fine, long as my tax return gets here first.



April 2021:  That's when we all find out that 2020 was a five year long April Fool's joke....
 


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Friday, September 18, 2020

Groaners

Groaners.

Also know'd as puns.

You hear it.  You can't believe the person said it.  You wince...trying not to laugh.

'Cuz you don't want to encourage the person.

They wind up spouting more, anyway.

Granted, not all of what follows is a pun....but close enough for my work.

You're welcome.























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Tuesday, September 15, 2020

Reality: It Is and Lefties Don't Like It


 Eleven 'trigger warnings' for lefties everywhere.

Yes, whiny lefties...this is REALITY.

You can't burn, vandalize, intimidate, murder or mayhem reality.  It always responds with karma.

maligNANCY can't legislate reality away.

Joe Bidumb can't remember reality minutes at a time.

cnn won't report on reality because it doesn't fit the template Soros pays them to report.

The dnc can't stand reality.

No amount of talking point lies and made-up dossiers paid for by Hellary can change reality.

Reality is why Mueller's criminals erased their cell phones.

Reality is why Hellary erased so many emails.

Reality is why cnn, the View, and ms13nbc are so bitter and angry all the time as they wallow in the bottom of the outhouse pit of hate and deceit.

Reality is why false narrative-spouting professional sports figures are tanking the popularity of their respective sports.

Reality is why Alyssa Milano, Cher and meat head Rob Reiner are such abject dunces.

Reality is why the left can't hide the cancer it has become anymore.

Reality is much better and easier lived by following the simple 11 steps illustrated.

For those open to the wake up call, you're welcome.  For lefties that aren't, enjoy your triggering and self-fouling.


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Saturday, September 12, 2020

Bidumber By The Day


 Yes, it's possible.  Especially for ol' Joe.

He, his party and his network suck ups (aka, cnn, ms13nbc), simply cannot wise up to reality.

It would blow their entire false narrative.

So there you have it:  Bidumb gets bidumber by the day, with all the help he could ever want from camel-a, cnn and the barker in the House, maligNANCY.

Some 'zamples:
















Bidumber by the day.

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Wednesday, September 9, 2020

2020 Needs An Edit


 The year 2020 is in the most serious need of an edit.

I'm not holding my breath.

But my pet rock, Seymour, threatened to hold his until I gave him a scammer email to edit.  Haven't done that in a while, I admit.

When I agreed and Seymour exhaled, it blew Element off his perch.

Geologic morning breath is not a thing to be lightly dismissed.

At any rate, Seymour draws an email from yet another US ambassador to Nigeria as his target to edit:

THIS MAIL IS ONLY FOR THE OWNER OF THIS E-MAIL ADDRESS 

Attn; Beneficiary, 

Please i want to inform you that your fund was brought to my desk this

morning because the SECRETARY OF UNITED NATION here in Nigeria said

that they will divert your compensation fund to the Government

Treasury account just because you failed to pay for their fee. 

But i told them to wait until i hear from you today so that i will know the

reason why you rejected such amount of money ( $15,000 000 00 ) which is a

compensation from United Nation and will change your life, I want your

urgent response as soon as you receive this email, however if you are

still interested in this funds then I will advice you to fill your

complete information below and get back to me immediately. 

YOUR COMPLETE CONTACT INFORMATION IS NEEDED CONTACT ME DIRECTLY ONLY ON THIS 

EMAIL BELOW BECAUSE THAT IS THE ONE I CHECK ALWAYS. 

YOUR NAME_______________

YOUR HOME ADDRESS_______

YOUR COUNTRY___________

YOUR AGE/SEX_____________

DIRECT PHONE NUMBER____

YOUR OCCUPATION______

CONTACT ME DIRECTLY ONLY ON THIS E-MAIL: - infor3555@gmail.com

Telephone: 234 8145804687 

I will be waiting to hear from you on this E-MAIL: -

infor3555@gmail.com 

Mr John F. Entwistle.

United States Ambassador to Nigeria


As always, scammers write such convincing email scams.  They probably work at cnn.

Seymour, on the other hand, will never get that chance.  He's got a better chance to write for the Babylon Bee:


From: A wayward door knob licker from Nigeria

Sent: Thursday, September 3, 2020 10:04 AM
Subject: THIS MAIL IS ONLY FOR THE OWNER OF A 1947 BUGATTI ROADSTER WITH CUP HOLDERS
 

THIS MAIL IS ONLY FOR THE OWNER OF A 1947 BUGATTI ROADSTER WITH CUP HOLDERS

(though I will make an exception for Yugo owners that have a douche nozzle in the driver seat) 

Please i want to inform you that your name was found etched in an outhouse tree in the nearby woods and was brought to my desk this morning because the TREE FARM SOCIETY OF UNITED NATION here in Nigeria said that you had been expressly forbidden to etch your name in that tree by the Suckretary Genital of the UN.  All because you failed to pay for their fee. 

But i told them to wait until i hear from you today so that i will know the

reason why you rejected maligNANCY’s excuse for running amok and drunk

in a salon in San Crapcisco without a significant improvement in that mug

after leaving the place to Antifa and BLM suckpies.  

Do you realize that if the dnc manages to steal Trump’s erection in 2020,

They’ll be ruining the show nationwide?  It is sure to will change your life

In the worst ways possible (see what’s left of Portland, Minneapolis, Shotcago

And other equally dem-ruined burgs for what to expect).  I want your

urgent response as soon as you receive this email; I need to know just

how much tweaking it’ll need to convince Joe Bidumb that if he debates

a toilet he might have a chance to win if it doesn’t flush during one of his

thought derailments.  Such distractions make him believe he’s sniffing

some pre-teen’s hair. 

YOUR COMPLETE CONTACT INFORMATION IS NEEDED CONTACT ME DIRECTLY ONLY ON THIS

EMAIL BELOW BECAUSE THAT IS THE ONE I CHECK ALWAYS. 

YOUR NAME OR THAT OF SOMEONE YOU LOATHE_______________

YOUR (OR THEIR) HOME ADDRESS_______

YOUR (OR THEIR) COUNTRY___________

YOUR AGE WHEN YOU FIRST DECIDED WHAT SEX RACHEL MADCOW WAS IMITATING_____________

DIRECT PHONE NUMBER____

YOUR OCCUPATION UNLESS YOU HAVE A REAL JOB______

CONTACT ME DIRECTLY ONLY ON THIS E-MAIL: - infor3555@gmail.com

Telephone: 234 8145804687 

I will be waiting to hear from you on this E-MAIL: -

infor3555@gmail.com 

Mr John F. Bentthistle

A wayward door knob licker from Nigeria

Nothing much has changed in ScamLand:  no response from the so-called 'ambassador' to Seymour's editing prowess.  He's probably trying to find out how Seymour knew he licked door knobs.

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Thursday, September 3, 2020

"But My Hair's Still In Curlers!!!"


 Said Willard, when ordered to get a move on by his tyrannical sergeant in Kelly's Heroes.

It didn't work, but it was funny and cracked up his squad mates.

Well...it didn't work so well for ol' maligNANCY Bela Pelosi, the Queen of Darkness (aka, Dem barker in the House).

Who hasn't heard of her salon kerfuffle, which she tried to blame on the salon when she was exposed as the flaming hypocrite and entitlement wench that she is.

A few memes will help solve this for those that may yet be wondering where the curlers are in Willard's hair:











...and the best part of all is how President Trump continues to occupy space rent-free in maligNANCY's rather vacuous cranium:


Yawp....maligNANCY is beyond retirement ready...










...and the creme ala creme...


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