Friday, September 22, 2017

Where Scam Charity Begins And Ends

This is certainly where fraudulent charity begins, no question.

Back in April of this year, my character got a very bland email from a Zhe Wang that read as follows:

"He Pick You For Charity"

Please respond for more informations.  


So my character responded thus at the time: 




That response apparently put a bit of kibosh on a quick furtherance of the scammer's plan.  But only for a few months, as this was received in early August:


GOOD MORNING DEAR BELOVED

HOW ARE YOU DOING ND YOUR AMAZING FAMILY'S, ITS BEEN A WHILE I LAST HEARD FROM YOU. I HAVE NOT BEEN AROUND BECAUSE I MADE A TRIP IN RESPECT OF MY CHARITABLE BUILDING THAT IS GOING ON IN HUNG KONG  AND I CAME BACK JUST 3DAYS AGO AND I PLACE A CALL TO MY PAYOUT BANK AND THEY TOLD ME THAT YOU HAVE NOT BEEN IN CONTACT WITH THEM REGARDING YOUR DONATION FUNDS I DONATED TO YOU . I WAS SURPRISE BECAUSE I HAVE ALWAYS TOLD YOU TO KEEP IN TOUCH AT ALL TIME  BUT YOU DID NON OF THAT. 

PLEASE NOTE THAT I HAVE DECIDED AND I HAVE INSTRUCTED THE BANK TO SEND YOU A CERTIFIED BANK CHQUE  THAT YOU CAN BE ABLE TO CASH ANY WHERE IN YOUR COUNTRY. THIS DONATION AND PROJECT HAVE TAKE TOO LONG THEN I EXPECTED THAT IS WHY I WANT THIS TI BE SPEED ENOUGH THIS TIME AND THIS WILL AT LIST BE OK FOR YOU AND EASY AS WELL. 

BELOW IS THE COURIER COMPANY THAT IS RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR DELIVERY TO YOU DOOR STEP AND NOTE THAT THE SENDING FEE IS ON YOU JUST AS I WAS TOLD BY THE BANK PLEASE I WILL ADVICE YOU TO CONTACT THEM ASAP BECAUSE IT HAS BE SENT YESTERDAY WITH THE SAID ADDRESS THAT YOU SENT TO ME BEFORE. THANK YOU AND WHEN YOU RECEIVE PLEASE DO KEEP ME POSTED THANK YOU.    
( Tara Courier Services Ltd.)
                     PHONE
CANADA /USA: 
+1 778-401-2768
EUROPE: +447087627094
AFRICA: +27810728890
                   CONTACT EMAILScontact.taracourierservice.ltd@gmail.com

              { WORK DAYS AND TIME}
Monday -Tuesday   8am-6pm
Wednesday-Thursday 8am-6pm
Friday - Saturday       10am-4pm 
KIND REGARD 
MS. ZHE WANG   


The scammer must have been desperate if they had to go back to April to attempt to elicit a follow up response from my character.

Far be it from my character, however, to disappoint:

What's so amazing about my famdamily?
- my parents fart the Name Game in c sharp
- after a trip to Bali, my oldest sister now shrinks heads -- toilets -- in case Tinkerbell needs a dunny
- after a trip to a sod farm, my youngest sister thinks sodomy is lawn building
- after a trip to the DNC, my older brother is convinced that Medusa lives, was elected to Congress by Floridians, and explains what happened to Anthony Weiner
- after a visit to cnn, my youngest brother thinks Donald Trump won the election because of cyber hacking from Uranus
We don't yet have our own "Keeping Up With The Kardashians" unreality show on the Bilderburgs Backchannel on cabal, but we're working on it.   
 
I reckon this will get a reply in the first quarter of 2018, if the scammer is still desperate...

Labels: , ,

Tuesday, September 19, 2017

Hollyweird's Butt Hurt

My pet rock, Seymour, reminded me that the Emmys were on the other night.

Eh...a bad high school football game is considerably more relevant and entertaining.

What are the emmys?  A bunch of self absorbed, triggered, whiny libs patting themselves on their asses while still obsessing about how Hellary was robbed and Trump won.  Other than the increasingly irrelevant political drivel on espn, ANY football game is far more entertaining than that crap.

Even the Jets.

Last time I checked, I think Hellary had some blame to shove Hollywad's direction for her loss, along with jammed Salad Shooters and a painful rectal itch outbreak on Uranus that kept their population being bussed in by the DNC to swamp the polls in Wisconsin, Michigan and Pennsylvania.


Anyway, from what I hear -- because I won't waste good time wastage on fauxaward shows for the Hollywad left -- interspersed with their pompous vacuousness on meth, the entire show was dedicated to trashing the POTUS.

And one of their leading douche nozzles, Chelsea Mishandler, even tweeted so:

@Chelseashow
Congrats to all the winners, but let's not forget the true meaning of the ... to remind Donald Trump that he has never won one.


 

Labels: , , ,

Saturday, September 16, 2017

Picked A Dilly

The starling looks angry, ya think?  You'll see why shortly.

First, get a load of this load from a Scammer of Lloyds of London:


THE LLOYDS FLORISH FINANCE
16 GLEN  ASHCOURT ROAD MIDDLESEX
LONDON ENGLAND.
OUR REF: UK/FFS/RFD/XX2017
 FUND REMITTANCE DEPT.

ATTN: BENEFICIARY.

VALUE AMOUNT: Fifteen Million Pounds Sterling.(15,000,000.00Pound Sterling).
The Office of the Lloyds Florish Finance hereby write to confirm to you that we have received Information to release your approved fund 15,000,000.00 Pound Sterling to your designated bank account.
We have verified The Funds Authenticity, and we have been able to confirm that the FUND is 100% LEGAL. And the money must
 be Successfully Confirm In Your Bank Account. And your legally sum of GBP15,000,000.00 (Fifteen Million  Pounds Sterling).

We also authenticate the fact that your entitled amount of 15,000,000.00Pound Sterling is Safe for Immediately remittance to your own designated bank account,All necessary official modalities is being finalized in your favor and the Remittance Director of this the Lloyds Florish  Finance, shall communicate with you with Great Success within the Next few hours once you comply fastly with this instruction given in this letter.

THE INFORMATION HAS BEEN PROGRAMMED IN OUR WIRE SYSTEM SCHEDULE "TTC"
FOR FINAL REMITTANCE OF YOUR FUND.

TO NOTARIZE YOUR FILE AND CERTIFY YOUR FUND FOR REMITTANCE, YOU ARE REQUIRED TO SEND YOUR BANK ACCOUNT DETAILS, YOUR FULL NAME AND TELEPHONE NUMBERS TO THIS OFFICE OF THE ROYAL FINANCE IMMEDIATELY.
AT THE RECEIPT OF YOUR BANK ACCOUNT DETAILS, WE WILL
 NOTARIZE YOUR FILE,CERTIFY YOUR FUND FOR IMMEDIATE REMITTANCE AND CREDIT YOUR NOMINATED ACCOUNT WITHIN 24 HOURS.

THANK YOU.

BEST REGARDS,

Jimmy Edward Mr
REMITTANCE OFFICER.
Email: jimmyedward60@hotmail.com  



How believable that, hmmm? 

Not much, and the edit will explain why the starling at the top looks mad:


THE LLOYDS OF PRICKADILLY
16 GLEN  ASHCOURT ROAD MEDIOCRESEX
LONDON ENGLAND.
OUR REF: UK/WTF/RFD/OMG2017
LEFTOVER HAGGIS & KIDNEY PIE DEPT.
 
ATTN:
 
We have what we believe  to be your Fifteen Pound Starling.  Bloody thing walked here from Prickadilly Circus, since a fifteen pound starling can't generate the lift to fly, wot.  

The Office of the Lloyds Of Prickadilly hereby write to confirm to you that we have your fifteen pound starling and we wish it returned to you soonest because the bloody bird is making a whacking great mess of our offices here.  Bloomin' thing must have diarrhea or something like it, wot.  Whacking great piles of dung every bloody where.  What do you mean, allowing a cock up like that overweight bird to walk about like that?  Crikey, the scruffet pecked the living Winston out of my Churchill faster than a wog nicks a crumpet.

We have verified that the bloody thing is yours, and that it is 100% ILLEGAL.  The House of Commons passed a law approved by Her Royal Magistrate Herself, announcing that anyone in possession of a fifteen pound starling would face the Queen's Justice.  Or Prince Phillip's farts.
We also authenticate the fact that the Princess of Cornball is planning to pluck and roast your fifteen pound starling if you don't bloody collect it up from us soonest.  All necessary official modalities is being finalized in order to get your angry bird back to you before the Prince Of Cornball's ears get any more extended, what with the ruddy bird yankin' on 'em all the time.

The Remittance Director of this the Lloyds Of Prickadilly shall communicate with you with Great Success within the Next few hours once you comply fastly with this instruction given in this letter.
 
TO NOTARIZE YOUR FILE AND CERTIFY YOUR FAT STARLING FOR REMITTANCE, YOU ARE REQUIRED TO SEND YOUR BANK ACCOUNT DETAILS, YOUR FULL NAME, TELEPHONE NUMBERS, A LIST OF HOW MANY VIRGINS YOU KNOW AND A PHOTO OF WHAT YOU'RE WEARING WHEN YOU FEEL KINKY TO THIS OFFICE OF THE ROYALS INSTANTER, WHAT MEANS IMMEDIATELY.

AT THE RECEIPT OF WHAT WE BLOODY ASKED YOU FOR, WE WILL  NOTARIZE YOUR FILE, PLUCK YOUR BIRD, CERTIFY YOU AS A BLOODY YANK, AND DOWN A PINT OR TWELVE WITHIN 24 HOURS.
 


NOW BUGGER OFF, WANKER.

Jimmy Edward Mr
REMITTANCE OFFICER.
Email: jimmyedward60@hotmail.com
 
The scammer -- apparently the named person above -- did not find what he was looking for in my edit.  In fact, he was pretty to the point about his displeasure with it:
 
 



F**K  
 
 
I have no doubt that you are, and often.  That said, I'm happy to have improved your email for you as evidenced by your self gratified reply. I'm sure the others I shared it with enjoyed it too.  Write back any time you need another edit assist.  
 
 
So far, he hasn't felt the need for further edit assistance...

Labels: , , , ,

Wednesday, September 13, 2017

Deluded, Thy Name Is Hellary

For the last 30 years or so, every time the Democrats have lost a major election, their self analysis post mortem has always been the same, as dutifully reported without much if any challenge by their lamestream servile suckups in the media:

"We didn't get our message out".

Ummm...yeah, you did.  That's why more often than not you lost.

Ten months after the election, Ol' Hellary is mired in the same mindset.

Only worse.

Hellary's about to start a book tour.  For a book about why she says she lost the election.

More than 63 million Americans know the answer to that, and it won't be found in her book.



To date -- from the morning of November 9, 2016 -- Hellary has had an ever growing list of reasons of why she lost the election to....*gasp*...Donald Trump.  The list includes but isn't likely to be limited to:

Sexism.. patriarchy ... Twitter ... Wikileaks ... Obola ... Bernie ... the FBI ... James Comey ... the New York Times ... polling ... Vladimir Putin ... the Russians ... women costumed like vaginas ... Deplorables .. suburban women not dressed like vaginas ... the DNC ... the RNC ... Fox News ...voter suppression (not letting the dead and cartoon characters have a vote) ... conservative documentaries ... Joe Biden's hair plugs ... ignorant Americans ... painful rectal itch ... Halley's Comet ... cosmic flatulence ... *yawn*


Most recently added to her list of what's at fault for her loss...the Electoral College.


The dawning of a new day comes later for some.  Never for others.

Ettu, Hellary.


True or not:  allegedly Hellary's book tour goes to Canada, and well-heeled Canucks can meet with ol' Hell if they pony up $2400 for the "privilege" and get a Hellary-signed book the likes of this. 

If true, there's an awful lot of brain freeze goin' on up north.

Then again, there remains a great deal of that kind of delusional brain freeze in the lamestream mediocres right here.

You can bet that all of these pictured clowns will drop on their knees to buy Hellary's book.  And kiss her ring.


The delusional stupid is strong with them.

Of course, two things stand above all others in this equation:  Hellary's delusions..and Hellary's arrogance.


Even cartoon characters are at fault in Hellary's blinded eyes.


In the end -- an end Hellary will probably never face because she's too shallow and self-absorbed to grasp -- it comes down to this:  Hellary, you lost because...of you.


The end.  Meeep meep!

 

Labels: ,

Sunday, September 10, 2017

Dismissing The Dupers

This rather cracks me up.

One of my scam baiting characters got a solicitation email from.....the DSCC (aka, the Democrapic Senatorial Crimepaign Committee).  And allegedly authored by herself, the tribal priestess of Massachusetts, Lizzy Warren.


Here's what Lyin' Lizzy had to say:


Join us.
Jack --

Hillary Clinton said that "it takes a village," and she was right. "None of us can raise a family, build a business, heal a community, or lift a country totally alone."

I've seen what a village, a community, and a movement can do, one action at a time. And I've seen how women can help women -- especially when we run for office.

I sure remember what it was like running for the Senate as a first-time candidate in 2011. I had to learn everything it took to raise money, build a grassroots organizing operation, and stand up to a Republican incumbent with $10 million in the bank -- and I had to do it fast.

And here's what I know: I absolutely, positively couldn't have done it on my own.

So when the Democratic Senatorial Campaign Committee told me they wanted a strong launch of the Women's Senate Network for the 2018 cycle, to help women run and make sure more voices like mine and Hillary's are in the Senate, I immediately told them:

I'm all in. 



And Lyin' Lizzy's been all in ever since...lyin' right along.

I considered an edit of the email...but a quick and simple response with pictures seemed better for the low information yahoos at the DCSS.  Thus:


I wouldn't join an arganization that has people that look like this:
or this:

or this:

or even this:
 


But you are entirely welcome to be all in with this pack of morons.  

What comes as no surprise, my character didn't get a reply.

Investigated, probably LOL.
 

Labels: , , ,

Thursday, September 7, 2017

Another Nigerian Illuminincompoop Swing and MISS

Funny...I'd rate most of the scammers there to be substantially below 69 on the IQ scale.

Eh.

Here's the latest effort of a self professed Nigerian Illuminati scammer to try my blog on for size:


Join the brotherhood of illuminati. call dr jaja
07050480047 nigeria, usa, or anywhere in the world today be rich, fame, and posses power.email us on illuminatijaja@gmail.com or call us on +2347050480047
for immediate initiation new members registration is now open online now !!!!!

benefits given to new members who join illuminati.

a cash reward of usd $300,000 usd
a new sleek dream car valued at usd $120,000 usd
a dream house bought in the country of your own choice
one month holiday (fully paid) to your dream tourist destination.
one year golf membership package
a v.i.p treatment in all airports in the world
a total lifestyle change
access to bohemian grove
monthly payment of $1,000,000 usd into your bank account every month as a member
one month booked appointment with top 5 world leaders and top 5 celebrities in the world.
if you are interested call dr jaja now  +2347050480047
are or send your e-mail to illuminatijaja@gmail.com for immediately initiation.new members registration is now open online  



The latest membership drive must be petering out...LOL.  At any rate, I gave my pet rock Seymour the edit off and did this one in my sleep:


Join the small cliché of blithering idiots that comprise the butt fingering crowd at a fly infested internet café in Nigeria, called the Illuminincompoops. call dr jaja
07050480047 nigeria, usa, or anywhere in the world today and be seen as stupid, idiotic, low life and akin to painful rectal itch.   email us on illuminatijaja@gmail.com

or call us on +2347050480047 for the one operator who was standing by until army ants devoured him...now just leave a voice mail.

benefits given to new members who join the Nigerian illuminincompoops:

a bill for $300 usd
a new picture of Hellary in her best stretch pants



an outhouse bought in the country of our choice
one month holiday to Syria to see if you can compete on Survivor.
one day golf membership package in an Afghanistani mine field.
a v.i.p treatment in all airport on Uranus.
a total lifestyle change (like you didn't figure that out from the first entries).
access to the Qattara Depression.
monthly payments you make to us of whatever the f**k we can squeeze from you every month as a member.
one booked appointment with the meth heads of the DNC.


 if you are interested call dr jaja now  +2347050480047 and schedule a psych exam with your own doctor.   Or email the fat assed Dr JaJa  illuminatijaja@gmail.com for immediately being marked as a moron. 

It took a couple days, but Dr. Jaja did actually not think before responding:


blaspmey  you are mark bye our oracle and bad thins come to you!  


It looks to me from h'yar that bad things have already come to you, starting with your spell check.  However, it's been kinda boring here lately so lay it on me.  Have your goat head baphomet toilet oracle take a try at me.  Go ahead, Dildo Breath...I await it!  Tell it to bring its own snacks.


A couple days...weeks...even months later, and I'm still waiting for Dr. Jaja's oracle to get off its "blaspmey" and do sumpin....meh.

Another "swing and a MISS" from Nigerian Illuminincompoop Land.



 

Labels: ,

Monday, September 4, 2017

Scamming The Environment

You just KNOWD I had to go there sooner or later.

A scam made me do it.  Sorta.

Get a load of this scam from the Saudi Environmental Society:


SAUDI ENVIRONMENTAL SOCIETY (SENS)
JEDDAH'. 
FROM THE SAUDI ENVIRONMENTAL SOCIETY (SENS)

ATTENTION:

You have been selected as one of the recipient for this year during the celebration of world environmental day which entitle you to a cash donation of $1,000,000.00 ( One Million United State Dollars ) from the donation board of Saudi environmental society. (SENS).

The Saudi environmental society in conjunction with other environmental organizations world wide is working on creating sustainable developmental programs. In addition to working on developing the voluntary action by creating a broad base of volunteers and to contribute in strengthening the role of the private sector to serve the environmental issues in the areas of environmental protection and conservation of natural resources and wildlife.

Since environmental issues are worldwide problems, and knowing that environmental problems in one region also affects other regions of the world, The Saudi environmental society, ably headed by His Royal Highness Prince Turki Abdul-Aziz, approve the sum of $1,000,000.00 (One Million United State Dollars) to be given to few selected persons in all regions of the world who are willing to work towards the protection of the environment in which they are domiciled. Therefore it is only persons who are concern about the environment that should claim this grant.

The sums are release to selected persons in all regions of the world. Persons so selected, must be willing to use the grant for the purpose for which the grant was given which is principally to improve the ecosystem in his/her place of domicile by to bring together like minded persons in ones region to create climatic and environmental awareness among the populace about issues which are threatening the environment. The utilization of the funds should be judiciously deployed.

Since you have been selected amongst others, you should contact the Saudi Environmental society international donation center in London with your data and all necessary information for the transfer of the grant to you via the email address stated herein. Note that this is a grant and therefore it should be use only for the purpose for which it was meant for. Briefly in one sentence, what are the environmental challenges facing your community?

Board of directors
His Royal Highness Prince Turki bin Nasser bin Abdul Aziz Al Saud, President of Saudi Environment Society.
Dr. Abdul Aziz Al Hamid Abu Znadh, vice President. (Saudi)
Dr. Faisal Hamzah Abu Rdeif, Secretary.
Dr. Osama Abdullah Kokandi, Treasurer.
Dr Saleh Mohammed, Board Member, Europe
Professor. Tariq Abdul Hadi Taher, Board Member. America
Dr. Saied Fathi Khaweli, Board Member, Africa
Engineer Adel Salem Badeeb, Board Member, Asia
Mr. Phillip Rasmusen, Board member, Observer status, UN

CONTACT INTERNATIONAL FUNDS DISBURSEMENT CENTER ENGLAND:
Office Address
2rd Floor
Ibex House
42-47 Minories
London EC3N 1DY ( UK )
Contact Person : A  Hassan
Email: saudi.environment11667@gmail.com  



First, my character replied to them thus:


What an unexpected honor!  I don't know where to begin...but...in all fairness and honesty, I am unable to accept this award.  Truly.  After all, in your own words, "The Saudi environmental society in conjunction with other environmental organizations world wide is working on creating sustainable developmental programs. In addition to working on developing the voluntary action by creating a broad base of volunteers and to contribute in strengthening the role of the private sector to serve the environmental issues in the areas of environmental protection and conservation of natural resources and wildlife".
That disqualifies me:  I fart.   
 
 
When that failed to attract a reply -- apparently they actually read what they receive back -- my character took to the edit mode:
 
 
Subject: A POX ON YOUR ENVIRONMENT
 

 

SAUDI ENVIRONMENTAL SOCIETY (SENS)
JEDDAH'. 
FROM THE SAUDI ENVIRONMENTAL SOCIETY (SENS)
 

ATTENTION:

You have been discovered to be a direct cause to the environment that we Saudis are forced to endure, you insensitive infidel douche canoe.
  

 The Saudi environmental society in conjunction with other environmental organizations world wide is working on creating sustainable developmental programs. In addition to working on developing the voluntary action by creating a broad base of volunteers and to contribute in strengthening the role of the private sector to serve the environmental issues in the areas of environmental protection and conservation of natural resources and wildlife.  We do this despite AlGore and his man-bear-pig sh*t.
  

 Since environmental issues are worldwide problems, and knowing that environmental problems in one region also affects other regions of the world, The Saudi environmental society, ably headed by His Royal Highness Prince Turki Abdul-Aziz PHFFFT, have declared that you and your flatulence are the reason that our domicile in Saudi Arabia is burnt over sand.

Oh sure, we could go jump in the Gulf of Oman, the Persian Gulf, et al...and get eaten by things that don't give a damn that we smell like camels and bad cous cous.  Not gonna happen, douche canoes.
  

 The sums are being assessed to selected persons in all regions of the world. Persons so selected, have been monitoring flatulating, and must be willing to pay to improve the ecosystem in his/her place of domicile by to bring together like minded persons in ones region to prevent a climatic and environmental fartnami among the populace which is threatening the environment.
 

Since you have been selected amongst others, you should contact the Saudi Environmental society international donation center in London with your data and all necessary information for the transfer of the fees and penalties that we wish to impose upon you for your degrading of the atmosphere that, even from where you are, causes us to have the suckass climate that we have.  We live in the world's biggest cat box, thanks to flatulators like you.  Briefly in one sentence, what is your excuse for farting and degrading our part of the world thereby?
  

 Board of directums
His Royal Highness Prince Turki bin Nasser bin Abdul Aziz Al PHFFFFT, President of Saudi Environment Society.
Dr. Pastor Gas, Unknown






 Dr. Abdul Aziz Al Hamid Abu PHFFFFFT, vice President. (Saudi)
Dr. Faisal Hamzah Abu PHFFFFT, Secretary.
Dr. Osama Abdullah Kokandi PHFFFFFT, Treasurer.
Dr Saleh Mohammed PHFFFFFT, Board Member, Europe
Professor. Tariq Abdul Hadi Taher PHFFFFFFT, Board Member. America
Dr. Saied Fathi Khaweli PHFFFFFFT, Board Member, Africa
Engineer Adel Salem Badeeb PHFFFFFFT, Board Member, Asia
Mr. Phillip Rasmusen Ass Abuser PHFFFFFFT, Board member, Observer status, UN
Mr. Seymour PetRock, Flatulent Geologic  ("am NOT!!!!!  PHFFFF...er...crap..")

 CONTACT INTERNATIONAL FLATULATORS PUNISHMENT CENTER ENGLAND:
Office Address
2rd Floor
Ibex House
42-47 Minories
London EC3N 1DY ( UK )
Contact Person : Achmed The Dead From Flatulence Terrorist
Email: saudi.environment11667@gmail.com  
 
 
This didn't draw a response either, but  -- pun intended -- I'm sure that's 'cuz they got the point...


Labels: ,

Friday, September 1, 2017

Guam Can't Win

No news cycle -- especially at the fake sources of The Weekly World News, The Onion, CNN and PMSNBC -- is complete without a weigh in from Kim Jong Un, ultimate sandbag of North Korea.

Not wanting to be upstaged by a hurricane or drivel about the Kardashians, Kim let fly another missile and another bellicose claim of threatening some portion of US territory.

And he took his lead from US Congressdoof Hank Johnson, (dolt) Georgia.

At least, that's how my editing gone wild pet rock, Seymour, sees it:

North Korean twatwaffle Kim Jong Un calls recent missile launch a 'prerude to capsizing Guam'

By Seymour PetRock – WTFNS
               


North Korean twatwaffle Kim Jong Un has said that his country's most recent missile launch is "a meaningress prerude to capsizing Guam," North Korea's state-run news agency, KGAG, reported without proofreading first.


On Tuesday morning local time, North Korea launched an intermediate-range missile that flew over Japan before landing in the Pacific Ocean 733 miles east of Cape Erimo, the southernmost point on Hokkaido Island, according to the Japanese government. On Wednesday morning local time, North Korea launched a second missile that landed in the sea ten miles off Wonsan, with the failure of a proofreading journalist strapped to it.


The South Korean military said the missile, known in North Korea as a SukMaiDong-12, flew 1,667 feet horizontally and about 310 feet laterally after being launched.


The launch was noted by Japanese Prime Minister Shinzo Abe, saying Japan was collecting buoyancy bags to send to Guam “in case they think they need them".


Kim was present to have lunch during the drill, KGAG reported, and photos were released that purport to show the leader watching the test while eating cheeseburgers with a grain shovel.


"He learned in detail about how vulnerable Guam is to capsizing thanks to global warming and Hank Johnson, that rocket scientist Congressdoof from Georgia," according to KGAG.



According to KGAG, the missile was launched "as a part of a sphincter muscle spasm" over ongoing joint U.S.-South Korean military drills.


KCNA reported that Kim expressed "great satisfaction with the cheeseburgers but wants a bigger shovel next time."


On Friday, North Korea fired three proofreaders from KGAG and strapped them to short-range missiles that landed in the Sea of Japan, with all three fouling themselves repeatedly in flight. U.S. officials said the EPA was blaming that and President Trump on the hurricane, not necessarily in that odor.


North Korea's biggest achievements so far were the country's successful parade of pms-ing female military recruits who protested President Trump with Antifa and the new york slimes.


The two launches in July triggered a few weak boweled pantywastes at Berkeley and cnn as President Donald Trump and the North Korean leader engaged in volatile rhetoric.


On Aug. 8, Trump threatened North Korea with "fire and fury like the world has never seen," responding to North Korea with the kind of rhetoric the North Koreans thought they owned.
Kim said “oh nuh-UHHHH” and waving a YouBoob video of Reprehensible Hank Johnson (Doof) Georgia, said that he would consider sending missiles into the waters off the coast of Guam to “capsize it”.


But, after reviewing those plans, Kim ultimately decided he would “watch a little more the foolish and stupid conduct of the DNC and msnbc," seeming at the time to walk back an imminent threat to the island and requiring cnn to dust off something about the Kardashians.


Following this week's launch, Trump warned that "all options are on the table".


"The world has received North Korea's latest message loud and clear: they are bad, very very baaaad," said Trump in a statement Tuesday.


"Threatening and destabilizing actions only increase the North Korean regime's reputation as douche canoes in the region and among all nations of the world," he added.


KGAG reported that Kim responded with a petulant “oh nuh-UHHHH!”, but affirmed that it was very authoritatively delivered.  


Seymour keeps hoping for that Pulitzer nomination, and I keep telling him that as long as he throws in anything Kardashian, it ain't gonna happen.

"Oh PHFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!!!"


Labels: , , ,

Tuesday, August 29, 2017

Disorder In Da Email

Curly probably didn't do that in 1936.  But this is 2017.

The US government has apparently joined farces with the African Union to stamp out internet scams.

So says this scam email:

United States Investigations Services (USIS)
7799 Leesburg Pike
Suite 1100 North
Falls Church, VA 22043
Compliment of The Day,
                                  READ CAREFULLY
I am Mitch Lawrence the Vice President, Security and Counterintelligence (CI) for United States Investigations Services (USIS) in alliance with Economic Community of West African states (ECOWAS) with the head Office in Nigeria. We the United States government and the United Nation, we have been working towards the eradication of Internet Scam around the globe, western part of Africa to be precise.

However, it has been revealed that there's no fund in your name anywhere in the world, if you have been receiving e-mails from Banks, Compensation Office, Lottery, Inheritance funds e.t.c., you're therefore advise to ignore such e-mails they are impostor/fraudster trying to rip you off your hard earn money and if you're in communication with any person or office claiming that your funds is with them, we also advise you to stop/seize further communication and transaction with such person/office immediately, they are all liars and thieves. Also you're order to forward such emails to this office to help aid the arrest of this fraudsters and impostors.

We have been able to track down so many of this scam artist in various part of west Africa countries which includes (NIGERIA, REPUBLIC OF BENIN, TOGO, GHANA CAMERON AND SENEGAL), they are all in the custody of the United States Secret Agent (USSA) Nigeria, also huge amount of money was recovered from the scam artists. In reference to this, several indoor meeting was held between the United Nation, United States government and the African Union in Abuja the federal capital of Nigeria, agreement was reached that scam victims will be compensated with the money recovered from scam artist that are in custody of the Nigeria Economic and Financial Crimes Commission (EFCC) and the United States Secret Agent (USSA) in Nigeria.

Note this e-mail is been directed to you because during our investigations, your email address was found in one of the scam Artists file and computer hard disk in  our custody. In reference to this regards, you will be compensated with the sum of US$17, .500,000.00 (Seventeen Million five Hundred Thousand Dollars). Meanwhile, the Africa Union has requested for evidence to prove you are a victim of West Africa scam. In plight to this regards the USIS have appointed a United State base Attorney (Barrister Coman Lee) here in the State to advocate on your behalf and provide the requested evidence to process the payment approval for your fund to be release  to you.

IMPORTANT NOTICE: The only fee you're to pay to the Attorney is the processing fee $350 for procurment of legal evidence to prove to the West Africa Union that you are a victim of scam. Also kindly request him to direct you on how to submit the processing fee $350

Kindly verify your details to Barrister Coman Lee to enable him process and secure evidence to aid the release of your payment to you, also make sure your details and residential address are provided correctly to avoid any atom of mistake and delay during processing.

(1) Your Full Name: ...................
(2) Full Residential Address:.......... (P.O.BOX NOT ALLOWED)
(3) Direct Phone Number: ..............
(4) Valid ID Card: ....................

CONTACT PERSON: Barrister Coman Lee
E-MAIL ADDRESS: barristerlee009@gmail.com
TEL: +1 (971) 512-3139

As soon as he received your details, the processing to aid the release of your Compensation Refund will be facilitated immediately and your US$17, .500,000.00 (Seventeen Million five Hundred Thousand Dollars) will be made payable to you in due time within the next 72 hours.
Treat as urgent!

Regards.
Mitch Lawrence
Vice President, Security and Counterintelligence
United States Investigations Services (USIS)
---
This email has been checked for viruses by Avast antivirus software.
https://www.avast.com/antivirus

Y'know...they almost had me convinced.  Not:


From: Mr. Siwick Jee <oscar@ifenix.com.br>
Sent: Tuesday, May 2, 2017 11:45 PM
To: Recipients
Subject: United States Investigates Vaginal Itch Services (USIVIS)
 


United States Investigates Vaginal Itch Services (USIVIS)
7799 Leesburg Pike Where It Leaves The Cut
Suite 1100 North
Falls Church, Goes Boom, VA 22043
Compliment of The Day:  Yo Goat's A Ho

                                  READ CAREFULLY BEFORE TRYING THIS WITH SALLY JO BEHIND THE WOOD PILE

I am Mitch Lawrence the former Vice President, Suckurity and Counterintellect (CI) for United States Investigates Vaginal Itch Services (USIVIS) in alliance with Accumulated Community of West Scamming African Sucky states (ACOWSASS) with our heads up our orifices here in Nigeria. We and them there, we have been working towards the eradication of any impediments to Internet Scam around the globe, and we're eyeing parts of Uranus too, to be precise.

However, it has been revealed that there's no scam in your name anywhere in the world.  WTF is up widdat?  We KNOW that you have been receiving e-mails from Banks, Compensation Office, Lottery, Inheritance funds e.t.c., and it's oblivious to us that you're ignore such e-mails because you think that they are impostor/fraudster trying to rip you off your hard earn money.  *BUZZZZZZER*...not true not true noooooot true!!!  If you are not in communication with any person or office claiming that your funds is with them, we advise you to increase further communication and transaction with such person/office immediately.  You are to stop all manures of helping anyone to arrest of this fraudsters and impostors.

And while you're at it, help us get a better grammar checker.
We have been able to track down so many vaginal itch scam artist in various part of west Africa countries which includes (NIGERIA, REPUBLIC OF BENIN, TOGO, GHANA CAMERON AND SENEGAL), that they are being counterproductive in this the scam they are tasked to operate and you are not helping by not falling into line with their dicktates or twottates -- if that is a word -- so as to requiring us to stake them all out on army ant migration routes for being non productive little shits.  And our army ants are getting too fat as a result.
So fat, in fact, that our army ants were unable to eat the United States Secret Agent man (USSAm) here in Nigeria; they did manage to give him a number and take away his name, but not much else.
Bad fat army ants.  Very bad fat army ants.  Very very bad.

Note this e-mail is been downgraded from c sharp to e flat.  Please take note.  Very discordant of it.  Fat ants can't carry a tune.

Treat as urgent because no one else seems to.

Regards.
Mitch Lawrence
Former Vice President, Suckurity and Counterintellect (CI)

United States Investigates Vaginal Itch Services (USIVIS)
---
This email has been checked for viruses by ARRRRRRRRRvast antivirus software and found to be full of piratical crotch crickets.  Rub your genitals with sand paper for five minutes vigorously.


My pet rock, Seymour, is a bit disappointed not to get a response on this from the Pillsbury Doughboy...they're friends.
 
"Are NOT!!!  PHFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!!!"

Labels: , , , ,