Another Google Translate FAIL

I love getting non-English emails from scammers.

I love it more when I reply in a slaughtered version of their lingo, and they don't bother to notice.

Take for example this missive from Anne Marie Perier (which she also spells with two 'r's), sent to me in French:


Bonjour,
Je vous contact concernant un projet humanitaire que je tiens à réaliser dans votre pays car je vais mettre à votre disposition tout les moyens financiers nécessaires pour sa réalisation. Ce projet consiste à venir en aide aux personnes vulnérables telles que: les enfants de la rue, les orphelins,les démunies sans-abris etc... Si vous estimez que vous pouvez donner à ces pauvres personnes vulnérables un espoir et joie de vivre à travers ce projet, alors faites moi savoir votre avis afin que nous puissions échanger d'avantage. Je suis hospitalisée en Amérique où une maladie me confine. La  providence divine m’oriente vers vous.

Merci de me  joindre à mon adresse e-mail privée pour
plus ample explication:

Anne Marie PERIER
E-mail: annemarieperrier@hotmail.fr  


Using the good ol' Gooble Transloot, it came out like h'yar:

Hello,
  I am contacting you about a humanitarian project that I want to carry out in your country because I will put at your disposal all the financial means necessary for its realization. This project involves helping vulnerable people such as: street children, orphans, homeless people, etc. If you feel that you can give these poor vulnerable people a hope and a joy to live Through this project, then let me know your opinion so that we can exchange more. I am hospitalized in America where a disease confines me. Divine Providence directs me to you.

  Thank you for joining my private e-mail address for
  More explanation:

  Anne Marie PERIER
  E-mail: annemarieperrier@hotmail.fr  

I didn't need the transloot feature to reply; I just used that good ol' 'Merican know how and replied thus:

Bonchance monamee...pastry resistant save ze bone le messy bird coup ala le foch oop monsieur.  


That must have suggested to the scammer that her intended victim was, in fact, an American, because she replied in translated English:


Thank you for bringing considerable attention to my humble self and my alarm, as I announced in my previous email I like to make a donation in someone with noble and sincere and very honest. I think that I am not wrong direction by sending you this message because my intuition lead me to you. I am filled with joy and gladness because you can not understand how many times I have joy in your heart to believe that at least someone thought about me and understood my words. The name of the Lord be praised because he never forgets his children crying up to him.  

"She" then went on to explain the story of her life, which was the dead husband/family in a plane crash (which was "produced in New York") and how she contacted cancer, and her doctor urged her to find someone to leave everything to, the bulk of which was to go to charity.

Yada...yada...yada.

That brought us to Edit Time as I did some creative adjusting of her life story:

STORY OF MY LIFE (coming out as a two part mockumentary on A&E in an extended episode of Pawn Stars):

 

I introduce myself, my name is Anne Marie Perier; I am a French-Ugandan when hatched but decided to reside in Africa mainly Benin due to the incredulous population of flies here.

I was married to my sex therapist Friar ROBERT KIRK ARTHUR LOGGINS MESSINA ABERCROMBIE FINCH of American-Uranus nationality, of glorious memory, with whom I had no children because he was too busy sodomizing daffodils to have any time to poke me.  I Lost my husband and his last crop of sodomized daffodils in the plane crash that it was produced in New York on Broadway for a two show a night run that had a bad showing because they billed it The Miracle Whip On The East River.  It didn't compete well with Clint Eastwood's movie but I digress. 

My late plant fornicator was taking the sodomized daffodils to appear on some poorly rated show on CNN while I was away in Benin because I was a former consultant of my country France to Uganda, which isn't near Benin, but kinda is depending on how you fail geography like I did.  I was shocked by this tragedy happened, because buried in the dirt of the daffodils were all of my documents proving that I was Elvis in my previous life.  But I can do nothing against the goat head baphomet my local witch doctor wields like a bent Oscar because I believe and I have faith that he is a douche canoe.

This tragedy probed me to another side of life (bent over like an elevator, waiting for my shaft) because I not only lost the only man I've ever seen sodomize daffodils, but I lost the only man who ever proved it could be done.  

Since then I continue to live in this perdition in which joy, happiness and love are three migrant rapists from Syria, from whom I contracted a disease after several hospital interventions in Benin without good result I had been evacuated to Paris, Texas, to follow the medical care in the hope of more speedy Mexican take out delivery.  I traveled to Paris, Texas, thinking it was in the UK where my doctor diagnosed me a burrito supreme that is already in its final phase. After a long discussion with my Doctor on my property, he advised me to try the bacon tostada next time; it causes less gas.

After having sex with the doctor on that hospital bed, I always begged him not to see me as a daffodil to be sodomized; fortunately, he don't know how to do that so I am just regularly poked now.

I do not have enough time because I do not know when and what time my soul will be turned off, but the TV signs off at 1am here...Texas is peculiar.

I leave you the number of my doctor in case you need to have information about how he rates me as a lay:   +447035978955

Now I am a sexual free agent, so in short order to take possession of my sexual assets I suggest you contact my private notary MASTER Ibrahima BAH, a goat head baphomet,  for the procedure for the transfer of ownership of my vaginal assets.

Notary Ibrahima BAH

Bar Order of Parasheep

Phone: 00-229-98 81 47 31

E-mail: maitrebahibrahima@mail.com

My mental situation is not stable -- duh -- so you have everything to go as fast as possible. Here are below the information about my sexual assets you will need to provide my Notary. After putting contacted me about.

SEND THIS TEXT TO THE EMAIL ADDRESS: maitrebahibrahima@mail.com

MASTER of BAH IBRAHIMA

Hello,

Just as the recipient of the Anne Marie PERIER goods French national currently hospitalized in Amerique. She holds a degree in crustacean obedience training from the International Crustacean Obedience Training Institute in Vaduz, Liechtenstein.  Her credentials are:

Holder Safe: Anne-Marie PERIER

Number of Vaginal assets:  1

secret security code: NENIBBI20041

Contained:  vaginal cuckoo that emits audible cuckoo farts on the hour

Other information:

ANV / XX2203

Rewind code: 01011

Furthermore, what is the process that can allow me to gain possession of one of the more exotic sex organs ever conceived?

NAME: ................................................ .........................

NAME: ................................................ .......................

SEX: ................................................ .............................

AGE: ................................................ ..............................

FULL ADDRESS: ........................................... .... .........

COUNTRY: ................................................ ............................

CITY :................................................ ............................

PHONE:................................................ .....................

PROFESSION:................................................ ...................

E-MAIL:................................................ ...........................

Thank you for your kind understanding.

God bless you in case you just sneezed...  

 

This got no further repartee from Madam Perier, but it drew one comment from her notary, the infamous BAH:

 

 

what is wrong with you

 

 

What is right with you?  

 

 

Notary Bah had no response to that; probably too busy trying to figure out the sexual mechanics of violating daffodils...