Tuesday, October 10, 2017

What's Under YOUR Secretary?

Why THIS picture you ask?

Well, when one gets an email from an undersecretary, it leads one to wonder what might be UNDER that secretary, right?

Well, it does if you're me.

At any rate, here is a less than convincing email from an undersecretary...of International Affairs:


DEPARTMENT OF INT'L AFFAIRS
(Office of the Under Secretary)
1500 Pennsylvania Avenue NW
Washington D.C. 20220.
Attention: Beneficiary,
I am Mr.Steven Terner Mnuchin, the formal partner of Goldman Sachs and hedge fund manager. I'm the newly appointed United States Secretary of the Treasury  Department and was sworn in as the 77th Secretary of the United States Department of the Treasury of the administration of President Donald Trump, and Vice President Mike Pence.
Following series of complains from Citizens of the United States as well as Citizens of Other Countries In Europe over the Discrepancies and fraudulent ways in which fund transfers are handled by Africans which has made it impossible for a lot of People to claim their Winning prize or Inheritance funds from most African Countries due to frauds and illegal activities, A decision was reached recently by the United States Treasury Department under the authority of the White House to compel African Financial bodies (Banks) to urgently release all funds of Asian, American and European citizens and other geographic continents  that are trapped in most Banks and Courier Companies in Africa. It was discovered that some bureaucratic bottlenecks was put by these Banks and Couriers to make it impossible for beneficiaries to claim their funds so that they will fraudulently divert those funds to their private accounts.
Consequent upon the aforementioned, I was personally mandated to handle this matter to ensure that all funds of our Citizens and others countries which are fraudulently being trapped in African Banks are urgently retrieved and paid to the actual Beneficiaries under a legal manner. Our team of experts were delegated to Benin Republic, Nigeria, Ivory Coast and Ghana for this task and we discovered your File NO: BR227/9005666/00 as unclaimed fund.It was discovered that officials of the Bank has only put up illegal requirements in order to make it difficult for you to claim your fund.
The United States Department of Treasury has retrieved all Files of illegal transactions and all has been arrested for this act . however, we will be working under a legitimate arrangement to ensure that you follow the normal process to receive your fund.You are requested to Re-confirm the following information to Dr bryan mills.
1. YOUR NAME: 
2. AGE :
3. PHONE NUMBER AND FAX:
4. ADDRESS:
5. AMOUNT TO BE CLAIMED: $5.500,000.00usd
6. DRIVER LICENSE:
7. SEX :
Be informed that the above information will only enable us to make due confirmation.  We shall ensure that normal process is followed to ensure that your fund gets to you without delay or any unwarranted fees .
Contact Dr bryan mills who is in charges of paying you your trapped fund and he is right now in Benin Republic as the Legal Practitioner to United States Department of Treasury e-Mail below:
Contact Person: Dr bryan mills  Email:( bryanmills@onet.pl )
His phone number +229-99686380
Yours in Service
Mr.Steven T Mnuchin
(Under Secretary)  
 
 
Actually, Mnuchin IS Secretary of the Treasury, not an under secretary.  But meh.
 
Now we come to that part of the show wherein you get to see what the edit that went back to the scammer looked like.  It isn't pretty:
 

DEPARTMENT OF INT'L AFFAIRS
(Office of Who's Under The Secretary)
1500 Pennsylvania Avenue NW
Washington D.C. 20220.
YOUR CANTALOUPE GOT PEED ON
I am rather at a loss to explain the validity of this email to anyone, let alone a formal partner of Goldman Sachs and hedge fund manager.
I'm the newly disappointed that I am not directing Nick at Nite episodes of Laverne & Shirley in syndication in Liechtenstein.  I'm sure that it's a thing there.
This email was originally supposed to say some cornvoluptuous crap about the United States Secretary of the Treasury Department being sworn at 77 times in 180 languages -- I used crummy core math, 'nuff said -- and the current Secretary of the United States Department of the Treasury, if you ask, will not approve of this message.  Massage, yes, but not this.
Following series of complains from Citizens of the United States as well as Citizens of Other Countries In Europe over the Discrepancies and fraudulent ways in which cnn totally screws the news --  which has made it impossible for a lot of nippleheads at cnn to run for president in 2020 -- frauds and illegal activities are SOP there. 
It ain't any better at pmsnbc.
A decision was reached recently by the United States Treasury Department under the authority of the White House to compel constipated mathematicians to quit working it out with a pencil, only to turn around and sell the damned things when kids go back to school.  Yuck.
African Financial bodies (Banks) are being restricted to rivers, because the ones involved in money laundering schemes need rivers for the porpoise.  They won't see what I just did there, but you might.
It is a little knowd fact that cockatoos, threes and fours are trapped in most Banks and Courier Companies in Africa. It never pays to fly in at closing time.  It was discovered that some bureaucratic bottle necks, pencil necks and rubber necks was put by these Banks and Couriers to make it impossible for record DJs to grab Taylor Swift by the cheeksters in a photo-op.  Ask one what tried. 
 
Consequent upon the aforementioned, I was personally mandated to handle the cheeksters of someone other than Taylor Swift; as luck would have it, I drew Mona Lisa.  And in that drawing, you don't see her cheeksters. 
 
Ha...the laughs on me.  And the courts.  And lawyers.  And kumquat addicted water buffalo.
This matter -- to ensure that all of our Citizens and others countries which are fraudulently being trapped in African Banks with cockatoos, threes and fours -- are provided protective covers from the droppings.  Our team of experts were delegated to Benin Republic, Nigeria, Ivory Coast and Ghana for this task and we expect that they've been eaten by the locals at a gala fete.  Fine young cannibals are not a band there, but a way of life.
The United States Department of Treasury has retrieved all Files of illegal transactions at the DNC and all should has been arrested for this act.  However, rumor has it that cnn photoshopped a picture of the president leaving a Motel 6 with an inflatable Hillary at 3am two months ago, and they have threatened to go 24/7 coverage on the fake news story if Ivanka doesn't do a bikini shoot for Sports Illustrated.  We rather think this a good idea, in that the inflatable Hillary only leaks and squeaks, anyway, and has no idea why she's not up 50 points.
 
63 million Americans could tell her and should before she deflates.
With all that said, we want your informations for a fake poll on Donald Trump's approval rating:
1. YOUR NAME: 
2. AGE :
3. PHONE NUMBER AND FAX:
4. ADDRESS:
5. OR A PANTS SUIT:
6. DRIVER LICENSE:
7. SEX :
8. WE DON'T MEAN SEX WITH YOUR DRIVER LICENSE:
9. UNLESS IT'S GOOD?
Be informed that the above information will only enable us to make appointments for your competency hearing.  We shall ensure that normal process is abandoned in favor of debauchery with sock puppets without delay or any unwarranted fees.
Contact Dr bryan mills who is in charges of explaining to his handlers what happened to this email:
Contact Person: Dr bryan mills
His phone number +229-99686380
I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing thongs of sumo wrestlers,
Bill Clinton
(Under Secretary Doing Things)
 
I'm shocked that the secretary didn't get back to me on this.
 
He might be trying to figure out who's under him.
 
 


 

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