Saturday, September 16, 2017

Picked A Dilly

The starling looks angry, ya think?  You'll see why shortly.

First, get a load of this load from a Scammer of Lloyds of London:


THE LLOYDS FLORISH FINANCE
16 GLEN  ASHCOURT ROAD MIDDLESEX
LONDON ENGLAND.
OUR REF: UK/FFS/RFD/XX2017
 FUND REMITTANCE DEPT.

ATTN: BENEFICIARY.

VALUE AMOUNT: Fifteen Million Pounds Sterling.(15,000,000.00Pound Sterling).
The Office of the Lloyds Florish Finance hereby write to confirm to you that we have received Information to release your approved fund 15,000,000.00 Pound Sterling to your designated bank account.
We have verified The Funds Authenticity, and we have been able to confirm that the FUND is 100% LEGAL. And the money must
 be Successfully Confirm In Your Bank Account. And your legally sum of GBP15,000,000.00 (Fifteen Million  Pounds Sterling).

We also authenticate the fact that your entitled amount of 15,000,000.00Pound Sterling is Safe for Immediately remittance to your own designated bank account,All necessary official modalities is being finalized in your favor and the Remittance Director of this the Lloyds Florish  Finance, shall communicate with you with Great Success within the Next few hours once you comply fastly with this instruction given in this letter.

THE INFORMATION HAS BEEN PROGRAMMED IN OUR WIRE SYSTEM SCHEDULE "TTC"
FOR FINAL REMITTANCE OF YOUR FUND.

TO NOTARIZE YOUR FILE AND CERTIFY YOUR FUND FOR REMITTANCE, YOU ARE REQUIRED TO SEND YOUR BANK ACCOUNT DETAILS, YOUR FULL NAME AND TELEPHONE NUMBERS TO THIS OFFICE OF THE ROYAL FINANCE IMMEDIATELY.
AT THE RECEIPT OF YOUR BANK ACCOUNT DETAILS, WE WILL
 NOTARIZE YOUR FILE,CERTIFY YOUR FUND FOR IMMEDIATE REMITTANCE AND CREDIT YOUR NOMINATED ACCOUNT WITHIN 24 HOURS.

THANK YOU.

BEST REGARDS,

Jimmy Edward Mr
REMITTANCE OFFICER.
Email: jimmyedward60@hotmail.com  



How believable that, hmmm? 

Not much, and the edit will explain why the starling at the top looks mad:


THE LLOYDS OF PRICKADILLY
16 GLEN  ASHCOURT ROAD MEDIOCRESEX
LONDON ENGLAND.
OUR REF: UK/WTF/RFD/OMG2017
LEFTOVER HAGGIS & KIDNEY PIE DEPT.
 
ATTN:
 
We have what we believe  to be your Fifteen Pound Starling.  Bloody thing walked here from Prickadilly Circus, since a fifteen pound starling can't generate the lift to fly, wot.  

The Office of the Lloyds Of Prickadilly hereby write to confirm to you that we have your fifteen pound starling and we wish it returned to you soonest because the bloody bird is making a whacking great mess of our offices here.  Bloomin' thing must have diarrhea or something like it, wot.  Whacking great piles of dung every bloody where.  What do you mean, allowing a cock up like that overweight bird to walk about like that?  Crikey, the scruffet pecked the living Winston out of my Churchill faster than a wog nicks a crumpet.

We have verified that the bloody thing is yours, and that it is 100% ILLEGAL.  The House of Commons passed a law approved by Her Royal Magistrate Herself, announcing that anyone in possession of a fifteen pound starling would face the Queen's Justice.  Or Prince Phillip's farts.
We also authenticate the fact that the Princess of Cornball is planning to pluck and roast your fifteen pound starling if you don't bloody collect it up from us soonest.  All necessary official modalities is being finalized in order to get your angry bird back to you before the Prince Of Cornball's ears get any more extended, what with the ruddy bird yankin' on 'em all the time.

The Remittance Director of this the Lloyds Of Prickadilly shall communicate with you with Great Success within the Next few hours once you comply fastly with this instruction given in this letter.
 
TO NOTARIZE YOUR FILE AND CERTIFY YOUR FAT STARLING FOR REMITTANCE, YOU ARE REQUIRED TO SEND YOUR BANK ACCOUNT DETAILS, YOUR FULL NAME, TELEPHONE NUMBERS, A LIST OF HOW MANY VIRGINS YOU KNOW AND A PHOTO OF WHAT YOU'RE WEARING WHEN YOU FEEL KINKY TO THIS OFFICE OF THE ROYALS INSTANTER, WHAT MEANS IMMEDIATELY.

AT THE RECEIPT OF WHAT WE BLOODY ASKED YOU FOR, WE WILL  NOTARIZE YOUR FILE, PLUCK YOUR BIRD, CERTIFY YOU AS A BLOODY YANK, AND DOWN A PINT OR TWELVE WITHIN 24 HOURS.
 


NOW BUGGER OFF, WANKER.

Jimmy Edward Mr
REMITTANCE OFFICER.
Email: jimmyedward60@hotmail.com
 
The scammer -- apparently the named person above -- did not find what he was looking for in my edit.  In fact, he was pretty to the point about his displeasure with it:
 
 



F**K  
 
 
I have no doubt that you are, and often.  That said, I'm happy to have improved your email for you as evidenced by your self gratified reply. I'm sure the others I shared it with enjoyed it too.  Write back any time you need another edit assist.  
 
 
So far, he hasn't felt the need for further edit assistance...

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1 Comments:

Blogger Sandee said...

You twisted this out all over the place. I like it.

Have a fabulous day, Mike. My best to Seymour and Element. ☺

16 September, 2017 13:06  

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