Tuesday, August 9, 2016

It's All About Her...Or Someone Else

Scammers should stick to one scam at a time.  Really.  Really really.

First, let's start with second, even if it is all about her.  Meet Vivian.  Vivian Frederick.  She's from Kignali...wherever the hell THAT is.  But she's another of those 'refugees' living in a non-existent refugee camp in Senegal.

And needing my character to liberate her millions from the clutches of the Evil Soros Empire...before it gets donated to the equally evil Clinton Crimedation.

Or something like that.

For once, a scammer titles her email almost truthfully (something Hellary ain't figured out yet) as you'll see here, but there's a twist to it that I'll get to after her email:

HI DEAR,THIS IS ALL ABOUT ME‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏ ‏  
 How are you doing today. i hope everything is ok with you. i wish you the best of this year, thanks so much for your response. I know that this mail will not come to you as a surprise since we have not had a previous correspondence, please bear with me. i will really like to have a good relationship with you, and i have a special reason why i decided to contact you.
I decided to contact you because of the urgency of my situation here, and after looking at your profile. I am Miss Vivian Frederick,i am 24 years old girl from Rwanda in central Africa, the only daughter of Late Dr Philip Frederick,My father was the CHAIRMAN MANAGING DIRECTOR OF FREDERICK & SONS INDUSTRIALS COMPANY IN THE CAPITAL CITY OF MY COUNTRY ( KIGALI ), Also the PERSONAL ADVISER to the former HEAD OF STATE, before the rebels attacked our house one early morning and kill my father including my mother.
I am constrained to contact you because of the maltreatment i am receiving from my step mother. She planned to take away all my late father's treasury and properties from me since the unexpected death of my beloved Father and mother.
Meanwhile I wanted to escape to the Europe but she hide away my international passport and other valuable traveling documents. Luckily she did not discover where I kept my late fathers File which contains important documents.
So I decided to ran away to the refugee camp where I am presently seeking asylum under the United Nations High Commission for the Refugees here in Dakar Republic of Senegal, I wish to contact you personally for a long term business relationship and investment assistance in your Country.
My late father of blessed memory deposited the sum of  U$6.5M.(Six Million Five Hundred Thousand US Dollars) in one of the leading bank  with my names as the next of kin. But meanwhile you should not allow any other person to know about this money since my late father did not disclose it with any body rather do they know about the valuable documents .
I have informed the bank about my plans of transferring the money to me here in african to start a new life but i don't know that my late father have an agreement with the bank.that i should be up to 30 years of age before i will have direct access to the money.if not then i should provide my partner to stand for me as my trustee to the bank so the bank will make the transfer into my partners account.
However, I shall forward you with the necessary documents on confirmation of your acceptance to assist me for the transfer of the money to your account, and I will like you to help me invest the money in your country, and i will also like to complete my studies, as i was in my 1st year in the university when the crisis started,It is my intention to compensate you with 25% of the total money for your assistance and the balance shall be our investment capital. This is the reason why I decided to contact you. Please all communications should be through this email address only for save and confidential purposes.
As soon as I receive your positive response showing your interest I will put things into action immediately. In the light of the above, I shall appreciate an urgent message indicating your ability and willingness to handle this transaction sincerely.
You can not call me on phone because i have no phone here in the refugee camp,but there is a church here in the camp(Christ The Light Churches) where i can receive your calls.If you care to call me,The name of the Reverend is Kelvin John. it is the Reverend priest phone Number here in the camp which you have to call me with, Please when you call , tell him that you wanted to speak with Miss vivian Frederick who was in the Refugee Camp in female hostel room 95.then he will send for me to answer your call,

This is the Rev priest phone number +221-77-92-86-744 and i will like you to call by 14:00 GMT any time you wanted to call because that is the break time given by the management of the Refugee Camp for everyone.
Please I am waiting for your urgent and positive response.Please do keep this only to yourself, please i beg you not to disclose it to anyone until i come over to join you immediately the fund is transferred into your account.
Thanks hoping to hear from you soon,
here is my picture
Yours faithfully Vivian Frederick  

As seems to be the case of late, ol' Viv is another one that doesn't read replies to her emails too good; what's even better, ol' Viv -- or whomever she/he really is -- REALLY should have read what I done to her/his original email, 'cuz in the original one she was Captain Anthony Johnson of the US Army in Iraq.  And after I edited it, the above is the reply I got.  Anyway, here is the ORIGINAL email I received from this Captain Johnson:

I am sorry to encroach into your privacy in this manner, I found you Listed in
the Trade Center Chambers of Commerce directory here in Iraq,
I find it pleasurable to offer you my partnership in business. I only pray at this
time that your address is still valid. I want to solicit your attention to receive
money on my behalf.
I am Capt. Anthony Johnson, an officer in the US Army, and also a West Point
Graduate presently serving in the Military with the 82nd Airborne Division Peace
keeping force in Baghdad, Iraq.
I am on the move to Afghanistan from Iraq as the last batch just left, and I
really need your help in assisting me with the safe keeping of two military trunk
boxes which has just arrived the USA from the Iraq.
I hope you can be trusted? Kindly view this news blog below for some info:
if you can be trusted will explain further when i get a response from you.
Waiting for your early reply
Best regards.
Capt Anthony Johnson
BBC NEWS | Middle East | BBC uncovers lost Iraq billions  
And for that, I edited it and sent it back thus:

I am sorry to encroach into your privates with this manure, I found you Listing
35 degrees to port here in Iraq,  In the middle of the dessert.  And I thought to

myself, "Why..oh why?"  Having come from the Land of 1000 Dances, I who have
nothing wish to share it with those that don't have enough nothing to suit me.  My
suite is clubs, what's yours?
I find it pleasurable to find myself amidst 72 virgin camels which I offer you a 
partnership in business. I only pray at this time that you are one more, so I can
have one more virgin than the rest on my behalf.
I am Capt. Anthony Johnson, an officer in the Nigerian National Navy and also a
Hot Point Graduate presently serving hamburglars in Shotcago and wondering
what the damned students loans for a degree in navigating appliances in a
Third World-like liberal ruined city was good for?  Then I got orders to join the
82nd Airborne Division Peace keeping force in Baghdad, Iraq.  As a target.
Why not as a Walmart?
I am on the move to Afghanistan from Iraq because I'm told either is safer than
a weekend in Shotcago, and I really need your help in assisting me with the
safe keeping of my nutzsack which has just arrived in Burundi from the USA
because United lost my luggage again.  
if you can be trusted with the contents of Hellary's email server, I don't want
your help.  I will explain further when i get a respond from you that you hasn't
let a pet rock edit, you asshole.
Waiting for your soonest reply if not soonerer.
I have the horror to have woked up as,
Capt Anthony Johnson
Nigerian National Navy
BBC NEWS:  Another Nigerian Naval Vessel Gets Shot Up In Shotcago  
And from THAT, I got the "all about me" Vivian Frederick reply.  So in one edit, he went from Captain Anthony Johnson to Vivian Frederick...from a US Army soldjur to a Kignali refugee in Senegal.
I'd like to see Bruce/Caitlyn Jenner manage that.   Then again, perhaps we already have.
Anyway, after all that winding up being about her, here's how my character handled that:
Thank you for letting me know that it's all about you.  Which you it's all about is the question now.  When you started, you were Captain Anthony Johnson with a Johnson in the Iraqi desert with the US Army.  Then it's suddenly all about you as Vivian Frederick, johnsonless and from a country I never hoid of, ensconced in a mythical Senegal refugee camp.  You'll pardon me, but where or what is Kigali?  I have never EVER heard of Kigali.  Do they have flexible sex changes there?  
The communications continues askew (gesundheit), as ol' Viv 'reacts' to my character's slightly skeptical response:
 My Darling SweetHeart,
Thanks alot for your response, I will also like to touch & see you face to face,please call me by 14:00 GMT with the reverend phone number is (+221-77-92-86-744). I will be waiting for your call due to it have been the cry of my heart to hear your voice. I want to inform you that

before i contacted you, I saw your profile that you matched mine and you are the type of man i am looking forward to spend the rest of my life with.
Note: I am not going to give your love to another man you will satisfy me, needless of looking for another man. Please i have not told anyone except you about the existence of this money and i will like you to please keep it secret to other people because since it is (MONEY) all eyes will be on it.

I confide you dear that's why i am giving you all this information.My love is for you and only you alone,You can call me with the Reverend number around 14: 00GMT, i will be there waiting your important call.darling in my next mail i will then send you the death certificate and the certificate of deposit of my late father,meanwhile i will like you to contact the bank so that they will let us know the way of transferring the money into your account there in your country.

Notice: I have already informed the bank about my plans to claim this Fund and the  only thing they told me is to look for a foreign partner who will stand on my behalf due to my refugee status and the laws of this country.You will have 25% of the total money helping me and the remaining money will be managed by you in any business of your choice.

Therefore, i will like you to contact the bank immediately with this information,tell them that you are my foreign partner and that you want to know the possibilities of assisting me transfer my 6.5million dollars deposited by my late father of which i am the next of kin to your account in your country.The contact information of the bank are as follows,

Email address: (cts_rbs_scotland@aol.co.uk)
Email address: (cts_royalbank@yahoo.co.uk)
Email address: (RossMcEwan-RBS@mail2uk.com)
Chief Executive And Director of RBS: Ross McEwan
Telephone number ++44-79-74 -599 -238 /+44-70-359-227-29
Office Fax number +44-701-422-8798.
Account Number BLB745008901546/QB/91/A.  
Let nothing interrupt the template, even the opening gaffe...that must be in their fly-infested internet café 'rules for scammers', regardless of how egregious the gaffe.  So fine...since they can read so good there, the bank I'm sure won't mind if I make a subtle inquiry:
Email address: (cts_rbs_scotland@aol.co.uk)
Email address: (cts_royalbank@yahoo.co.uk)
Email address: (RossMcEwan-RBS@mail2uk.com)
Chief Executive And Director of RBS: Ross McEwan
Telephone number ++44-79-74 -599 -238 /+44-70-359-227-29
Office Fax number +44-701-422-8798.
Account Number BLB745008901546/QB/91/A. 
Dear Sir/Ma'am/Any Other Options Therewith:
I know I'm supposed to be writing you with the aforementioned account informations on behalf  of Vivian Frederick of Kignali, now of a refugee camp in Senegal; OR...on behalf of Captain Anthony Johnson with a johnson, of the US Army in Iraq.    She/he can't seem to make up their mind.  Either way, this involves $6.5 Million USD and I am asked to arrange for moving it.  If you're not as confused as I am just now, perhaps you can inform me about how we go about all that without my having to undergo identity and gender changes too.  If that is required, I may not be able to proceed without a sh*t load of therapy.  Pleased to advise me soonest.    

The Royal Bunk of Scotland apparently has more attentive *readers* of email than is Frederick/Capt Johnsonless; they haven't up to now replied.

But Viv has:

Hi My Honey

How are you doing today,i hope you do have a nice and lovely day,mine was so bored here in the camp and i am really tired of being here honey,i have read your mail and i am happy for the effort you have made in my life.Honey i will be expecting your mail soon.However i will like you to try and contact the bank which i gave you their email address so as to know how to get my late father's money transfer into your account.Honey i really wanted to be out from here and spend a nice and lovely day with you honey.

Beside i will be expecting your soon reply of my mail and also happy to hear that you have contacted the bank,have a nice and lovely day,kisses and hugs,bye honey.
Yours In Love  

At some point, she HAS to read what I'm writing, right?  Mebbe:

I still haven't found Kignali on a map.  Are you SURE that's where you're from?  As for your bank, I emailed them and got the most curious of replies...a series of prompts requiring me to (a) press 3 for English (b) press 5 for account inquiries of foreigners in refugee camps (c) press 8 for anyone from Kignali and (d) press 0 for information on why there are no free gifts for new accounts here.   Are you sure you want me to work through THIS bank?  
Or mebbe not:
Hi My Honey
Have you contact the bank yet?  Please hurry to do this so that we can plan a lovely day with you honey.    
I already told you that I contacted the bank and got back a weird reply.  Nonetheless I followed their prompts and wound up on hold with someone that sounds like they were in the movie Short Circuit.  I left them standing there beside themselves at least three times in the conversation.  And they professed no knowledge of any free gifts for opening new accounts.  I think you need another bank.  Heck..I think you need another refugee camp and army.  Liechtenstein doesn't have an army...there you could be an army of one.  Think about that and get back to me with something that actually proves you can read. 
 Whoever is misreading and mishandling this multi-vortex scam must have finally gotten someone who could read it to do so...now Viv, the Captain and Tennille, won't have no mores speaks with me.

What did I do to Tennille?

That got a *face palm* from my pet rock, Seymour...

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Blogger Sandee said...

Whomever you're emailing can't be reading what you've written. Can't be. They are just focused on giving you the business.

Things are quiet right now, but we did let Mary Granite move in with Seymour. Hope you don't mind.

Have a fabulous day. Seymour says hello. Element is still working in Monterey. ☺

09 August, 2016 10:07  

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