Skunkfeathers: Cripes

Had to laugh...I have met an online scammer who thinks he's Bill Murray in Stripes.

Not only is he not near as funny, he ain't remotely what he claims to be. Warren Oates would have eaten him for a snack.

And if he thought my first reply was insulting, he was probably off to seek his 'safe space' after my second response.

R. Lee Ermey might almost have been proud. Might almost.

Here's this panty waste's initial salvo...100 right and lots long:

I am Sgt Adams John , I have a Secured Monetary deal for you and it's legitimate, 25,000,000,00 USD please for more information contact my private email: sgtadamsjohn444@gmail.com Sgt Adams John

I get scam offers like this from 'members' of the US Armed Forces all the time. None of which come from actual members of the US Armed Forces. The way most of them are written, it looks more like from a semi-literate Occutard trying to scam under the guise from one of their drum circles or their parent's garage.

At any rate, here's the initial reply I sent that seems to have gotten the lad's panties in a bunch:

I cannot find you in the US Army current duty roster listing at DOD.gov. I find this suspect. Besides, why does a sergeant have a private's email? Explain that.

Not that there IS such a listing that a civilian schlock like me could access (unless it was stored on Hellary's server), but that was my reply. And that got this uber touchy, fauxindignance reply:

First of all,I must let you know regarding this as scam,would be rather insulting to me, I tell you that being a part of this transaction is at your free will and acceptance, you have the choice to accept or refuse.

I will not tolerate any direct or indirect insults from you for any reason whatsoever, I have my dignity to live up to, perhaps you need to earn the respect and trust which I have for you, otherwise what will be the point of doing business with you if at this early stage you are finding it difficult to trust me, or at least give me benefit of the doubt. You need to forward me the needed details.

If you wish to execute this project with me that you should be able to take my word for it,

Sgt John

After that, even my pet rock, Seymour, wanted to reply to this yutz. So after a calming cup of coffee and a moment to marshal my own dignity (and tell it to sit this round out), I replied thus:

So, you took my reply as insulting to you? Really?

That's nice. It at least proves -- unlike so many of your goat poking egg sucking peers and colleagues operating out of your fly infested internet café -- that you are somewhat literate. As for your tolerance or lack thereof to whatever I reply to you, here's the deal, Punky Brewster: you contacted me. Not the other way around. You want to invite me into this, you'll f**king take what I send you about this. Getting your panties in a wad and saying "you won't tolerate anything" rings 100% hollow, K Ration Lips. I don't see that you've got the dignity of a door knob, otherwise I wouldn't have heard from you. So knock off the faked "indignance" sh*t and get to the deal you've cooked up or you can take your nonsense and dignity and shove both up your candy ass sideways.

That should be clear enough even for you, Sarge. You can take my word on that. Your move.