Monday, May 2, 2016

Seymour Dishes On Kim Jong Un's "Pleasure Squad"

Not sure where my pet rock, Seymour, comes up with this stuff, but it's obvious he's still fishing for a Pulitzer.

And only getting closer to a "Pull My Fanger".

"Am NOT!!  PHFFFFFFFFT!!!"

A recent article indicated that North Korean pudgmeister Kim Jong Un is reportedly resurrecting "pleasure squads" of girls as young as 13, to "please" him.

Poor girls.

That was an article that Seymour simply could not pass up on editing:

Kim Jong-Un Has A 'Pleasure Squad' Of Inflated-With-HeliumTeenage Girls Who Follow Him Around

By Seymour PetRock – WTFNS

Kim Jong-un has reportedly ordered a new ‘pleasure squad’ of inflatable teenage girls to serve his every whim. Filled with helium, they are to accompany His Pudginess everywhere.
 
The North Korean leader originally took the air out of the practice – which has been employed in the country for decades – following the sudden and rather embarrassing deflation of several of them during the state funeral of his father and predecessor, Kim Jong-il, in 2011.

However, after he executed the original handlers and caretakers of the deflated teenage girl “preasure squad” in the wake of the funeral, he has now decided to resurrect the group and has set about creating a new ‘troupe’, who reportedly must look like Lisa from Team America World Police: tall, beautiful, able to handle kinky puppet sex, and are hand inflated by high-ranking authorities who think they're doing something else while looking at pictures of Taylor Swift.

It is believed some of the inflatable girls are examined by a doctor to check whether or not they are still able to hold air without squeaky leaks, and can be certified as “virgins”...like that matters with inflatables.

Toshimura Togoachoo, a professor of psychological studies of inflatable sex toys at Tokyo’s Hory Cow University and an authority on the affairs of North Korean officials and their inflatable “preasure squads”, told The Bentley Telegraph & Massage Parlour that at first Kim Jong-un stopped the practice because he didn’t like the sound of the girls inadvertently deflating at awkward moments.

After he came to power, Mr Kim began to make a study of Bill Clinton and his practice of interns as genital humidors, and became fascinated with certain aspects of the practice”. 
 
According to a North Korean newspaper that just lost the entire staff to execution by a Hellary-lookalike yak in a thong sitting on them, the inflatable women are apparently made to sign a pledge of secrecy in return for good quality helium.

It is thought they are inflated to 60 psi and then expected to follow His Pudginess everywhere. 
The group – known as Gippeumjo, or ‘inflatable preasure squads’ – was first introduced by Kim Il-sung, the founder of North Korea, on account that he was ugly and his mother dressed him funny. A drunken night of sake and goat sex created the current progression of the Kim dysentery that rules North Korea with an iron fist. And an air pump.

There is no word on how any of this might factor into South Park's Trey Parker and Matt Stone making a sequel to Team America World Police, a dream of Kim Jong Un's, as he craves a leading role in the remake. He even hopes for a cameo for his Lisa lookalike inflatable preasure squad, if they don't squeak and deflate during auditions.


Seymour really hopes that Kim Jong Un is reading these edits.  I reckon if a North Korean missile test winds up near here....he is.

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1 Comments:

Blogger Sandee said...

You know if Seymour keeps this kind of stuff up he needs to stay in Colorado and not visit California. I don't want to be wiped off the face of the earth by having Seymour here. Oh wait, nothing is working for his pudginess.

Have a fabulous day Mike. My best to Seymour. ☺

02 May, 2016 08:26  

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