Online Job Scams -- The Love Boat It Ain't
The "cruise line" -- with emphasis unknowingly on "line" -- needs gullible people to think they're getting a really cushy job down under.
And when they pay the processing fees, they find themselves SS Minnowed.
Uh...that wasn't the Captain or Tennille. At any rate, here's the job "offer" as received:
Complements of the season; We want to inform you that we are hiring candidates to fill the available positions in our company Princess Cruise Line [Gympie Road Kedron QLD WA 393 Australia]
TERMS AND CONDITIONS:
1. Accommodation Provided by company
2. Ticket to Australia Provided by company (Including during Vacation)
3. Medical provided by company.
4. Transportation provided by company.
5. Working hours 8a.m----5p.m [Mon--Fri]
6. Vacation 60 days every year
7. Salary USD $25 per hour (USD $5700 Per Month)
8. Contract 6 months, 1 year & 2 years
9. Extra time USD $31 per hour
10. Insurance and Pension According to Australia Labour laws
the management will secure a visa/working permit for any qualified applicant. VISA FEE, ACCOMMODATION & FLIGHT TICKET will be paid by the company
Princess Cruise Line
Needless to say, that ain't what it resembled when it went back to the prospective "employers":
From: firstname.lastname@example.org on behalf of Cruise Bestiality Lines Info
Sent: Sunday, December 25, 2016 3:36 PM
Subject: Tom Cruise Admits Slyentoxity is Scam Job Vacancy
Jester Cruise Line Australia Office
393 Barbie Getting Shrimped Road Kedron
4031 WA 6007 Australia
JOB ID: PCL /WTF /00445-16
Mail your cockamamie app TO (c) Princesscruisejobapplication@yandex.com
Complements of the season; this season our complement is what's a bloody wog like you doing applying in a whacking great cockup like this? We want to inform you and anything that looks like you that we are soliciting candidates to fill the available positions in our fauxcompany Jester Cruise Line [Barbie Getting Shrimped Road Kedron QLD WA 393 Australia]
Itâ€™s Jester Cruise Line policy to discriminate against any employee or applicant for employment because of about any ruddy reason we bloody well make up, wanker.
TERMS AND CONDITIONS:
1. Accommodation We're a f**king cruise line, not a landlord, Douche Canoe
2. Ticket to Australia Provided by the makers of Phfffft Asure and The Kardashian Tampon Mouth Insert (Including during bowel eVacation)
3. Medical provided by a cross eyed, six fingered vet that failed colostomy 101
4. Transportation provided by the 2018 Liechtensteinian Goat Rowing Team
5. Working hours Nothing here has worked since 1947...but we keep working on that
6. Vacation All the time...it just ain't paid
7. Celery by the stalk, and you don't even have to pick it the first year
8. Contract whatever diseases are about at assordid ports of crawl, when Somalian pilates aren't yo ho hoing our f**king boats
9. Extra time if your watch has it, we'll take it from you and give it to others less timely; that's ruddy socialism, wanker
10. Insurance and Pension you'll probably need the former; WTF regarding the latter
Do you have a dream working in Australia? We have more than 220 different ways to make it a ruddy bloomin' nightmare.
The following positions do not exist in our company: (just recall the previous list from the original)
You can, however, be considered for the position of Wanker First Class. Them we can never get enough of. Oh: and to the wench what lost the American election, we revoke our pay to play donation.
In other to be considered for any of the positions, we need the following from you or a North Dakotan douche nozzle that looks like you:
1. What Positions Can You Assume (bend over, etc)
2. Curriculum Ack Phooey (Resume)
3. Certified F**k Story with somewhat literate reference letters (we're partial to "A" "S" "H" "O" "L" "E")
4. Available date (we have a couple 'roos that are lonely)
5. Passport or other brand of scotch
6. Position most frequently assumed (include pictures if anatomically possible)
Thanks & Piss Up A Rope
Jester Cruise Line
Jester Cruise Line Australia
"You want to go to sea with us? You MUST be joking!"
Okay, maybe as a motor mate 2nd.